* * *
Isang tao lang naman ang hindi ako hinusgahan dahil isa akong Howard. Si Alex.. even my mom expect me to handle it fine. Hindi nila alam na nahihirapan ako.
Alexander.. He's someone that captured my attention from the first time I saw him. Even though we talked after 3 years of being strangers and spend the other 2 years bickering. Siguro nga.. Duwag talaga ako. Kahit hindi halata sa panlabas.. The facade that I'm using.
"Alex! Gumising ka ano ba?!! Alex!!"
He just fainted. Wh-what the hell is going on?!
Tinapik ko yung pisngi nya and cradled his smaller form in my arms. Nanginginig yung katawan nya. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.. I was panicking.
"Alex!! Fuck it, talk to me!!!" I shook him and he muttered something.
"M-med.." Dun pa lang naintindihan ko na. I quickly grab his bag na malapit lang samin at tinapon lahat ng laman and medicine bottle fell. I open it and grab two capsules.
"Okay lang ba dalawa? Alex!!" He did a short nod and I grab a water bottle I always keep on my bedside table.
"Here, c'mon! Inumin mo to!"
"H-hurts.." I froze as I saw tears fell from his forest eyes. Nasasaktan sya..
"Fucking shit!!" I cursed and drank the water. I tilted his head at pinisil ko yung pisngi nya para bumuka yung bibig nya. Sinubo ko sa kanya yung gamot at pinainom sya ng tubig. Using my mouth. I don't know what came to me.. I just did it. I just kissed him. Kahit anong tingin doon. Hinalikan ko sya. A man.. I felt his lips move as he drank the medicine and I pulled away. Shocked.
"Al-Alex.." What was that...? This..? This feeling..
Unti-unting humupa ang panginginig nya and he barely open his eyes to meet mine. I wiped his chin from the spilled water and he just eyed me.
"Can you stand?"
"Can't you wear something?" His voice came out horse and silent.
"Tigil-tigilan mo ko ah!! Hindi mo ba alam kung gaano ako natakot sa nangyayare sayo?!" I snapped and he surprisingly.. cling to me. Humawak lang sya sa mga balikat ko and hid his face on my neck.
"Sorry.." Then he appologized. I easily lift him up. Ang gaan nya. Parang wala nga akong buhat. For a moment I just stood there. Holding him in my arms.. felt weird.. but comfortable. Gusto ko syang mahagkan ng ganto. Malamig yung malambot nyang balat. Payat sya't maliit. His hair was naturally brown in color and his eyes are in deep amber. Everything about him.. Lahat-lahat. Sa unang pagkita ko pa lang sa kanya..
I fell deeply in-love with him..
A man..
And the incidental kiss awhile ago proven all my hidden feelings to be true..
Mahal ko si Alex.. Matagal na.
*---*---*
"I'll call an ambulance." I said as I put my pants on and dialed on my phone pero may pumigil sakin.
"No. I'm fine.."
"Fine my ass! Tigilan mo ko Alex o kakaladkarin kita sa ospital!" I'm furious. Galit ako sa sarili ko.. Kasi hinayaan kong mangyare to..
"It's my fault anyway." I said and he grip onto my arm.
"Ano bang sinasabi mo?" He looked at me confused. Ramdam ko padin ang panginginig ng kamay nya.
"Pinagod kita. I told you countless of times na hindi mo kailangan gawin to para ke mom! The hell are you thinking?!"
He just stared at me. Pilit nyang binubuka yung mga mata nya.
"It's not that"
"Then what?! What else can make you this ill then?!" I paused and eyed him with wide eyed.
"May.. Tell me. May sakit ka ba?" I asked.. Humina bigla yung boses ko... Sa takot? Oo. Takot ako.. Please deny it.. Please.
"Wala.. It's just my body acting up. Wala pa kasi akong tulog."
"I knew it--"
"That's not because of work. I have personal issues. I'm fine.. Really." He sat up and I push him back.
"Humiga ka nga muna! Tatawagan ko na lang yung family doctor namin. Ipapacheck kita!"
"I said I'm fine!"
"Hindi mo ba makitang nag-aalala ako?! Shut up and do as I say! That's an order!"
He eyed me and then his hand that's gripping my sleeve tighten.
"Why would you worry?" As if I could tell you the reason..
"Just don't move and I'll call the doctor."
Nung dumating yung Doctor he examined Alex and I stayed there. I'm just worried. Alam kong maraming tinatago si Alex. He's always been close-mouthed. The rest of his backgound information, napagtanong-tanong lang ni mom dun sa orphanage na pinanggalingan nya. The rest? Remains untold.
"Madalas ba mangyare sayo to?" The doctor asked and Alex just nod.
"The fatigue is caused by stress. Plus kid. Kumakain ka ba?" I frown at that. Ibig sabihin hindi sya regular kumain?! He shook his head at napamura na lang ako ng mahina. Pasaway..
"May gamot ka na rin pala. Guess you knew this. It's low blood from not eating, stress, overwork and lack of sleep. Bibigyan na lang kita ng bitamina tsaka sleeping pills para mahabol mo yung tulog mo. Eat more okay?"
"Ako nang bahala dun doc. Salamat."
"It's no problem, Miguel. Anytime. Sige aalis na ko. Ito yung reseta."
"Salamat po ulit"
I sighed deeply when the doctor left. I don't know kung magagalit ako sa katigasan ng ulo nya o matutuwa na hindi malala ang sakit nya o ewan.
"Wag kang babangon. I said do as I told you, Damn it!" I push onto his shoulder ng nagtangka syang umupo.
"But really I'm-"
"Shut up. Stay. Kukuha lang ako ng makakain mo at bibili ng gamot."
"What? No, I can't stay. I need those papers signed now and-"
"Ako ng bahala." He watched me as I pick up the papers na tinapon ko kanina. I filed it neatly and placed it on my study table. I grab a shirt, my wallet at yung car keys ko.
"Can you handle just 10minutes?"
"Lilipad ka ba? How can you go out at bumalik sa loob ng sampung minuto?"
"Kaya ko. I asked you a question first!" He flinched when I lean at him. Hindi nga ata sya marunong magbigay ng malisya. Alam nya kasing pareho kaming lalaki. Both man.. Nothing can ever happen with my insanity.
"Y-yeah." I narrowed my eyes at his forest ones and he kept surprising me with his actions. He grip onto my coton shirt at umiling. Umiling ka.. Pero umoo ka sa sagot mo? I sighed.
"Babalik ako agad." I did the weirdest thing.. and kissed his head.. Shit! Bat ko nagawa yun? Hindi ko na la ng nakita yung reaksyon nya kasi umalis na ko. Bahala na. Tumakbo na lng ako papuntang elevator at sa sasakyan ko. I drove towards a restaurant. One that my family own and the staff greeted me.
"G'evening Sir Miguel." That's the manager. Binigay ko sa kanya yung reseta ni Alex.
"Bilin mo to. Dapat nandito ka na in five minutes or your fired." I said.
"H-ho? Sir.."
"Now!!"
"Opo sir!" And he frantically run na parang may humahabol sa kanya. Pinagtitinginan kami but I don't care. I headed towards the kitchen and all the chefs greeted me.
"G'evening Sir." Lumapit naman kagad yung head chef sakin.
"Give me something nutritious in two servings. Kelangan ko yan in 3minutes."
"P-po sir?" I glared at him and he flinched.
"O-opo right away sir!" At nagutos na nang luto. Kelangan ba ulit-ulitin na bilisan?! Kelangan ako ni Alex..
Tumakbo na ko. Lumagpas ako ng dalawang minuto sa pagpark. Bwiset!!
"Alex!" I called. Hinihingal pa ko nyan. At syempre. Hindi sya sumunod sa utos ko. He was out in my veranda. Nakatulala. He just stood there. Ni hindi nya ata ako napansin. I sighed and place the plastic bag filled with food and medication sa kama. Madali akong lumapit sa kanya and drag him in.
"Si-sir?" Sir.. Tss. Sinara ko yung pinto sa vernada at inupo sya sa kama ko.
"Don't call me sir." Sabi ko na lang habang nilalabas yung pagkain nya. Hinatak ko yung swivel chair ko at umupo sa harap nya.
"Eat." I handed him the food. Tinitigan nya lang yung mga gulay at brown rice. May fruit salad pa at isda.
"Kinakain yan hindi tinitignan." I eyed him at bumaba yung mata ko sa mapapayat nyan kamay. Yung mga daliri nya.. Maganda pero payat.. I scrunch my face at kinuha yung pagkain. Hinati ko yung mga ulam at pinagkasya sa kutsara.
"Here." He eyed me. Sinusubuan ko kasi sya.
"Kumain ka sabi! Ang payat-payat mo oh!" I yelled at nagulat ulit ako ng isubo nya bigla yun. He chewed slowly and his face contorting na parang mapait yung kinakain nya at hindi masarap.
"May panlasa ka ba?" I asked and he shook his head. Kumuha ako ng juice na nakuha ko sa resto. Binuksan ko at binigay sa kanya.
"Inumin mo to para magkalasa." He took it at sa wakas di ko na kelangan sumigaw para sumunod sya.
"Ako na." He said ng subuan ko ulit sya.
"Hindi tayo matatapos pag ikaw! Ako na, oh." He eyed me.. Kinain nya ulit yung inaalok ko at hinablot nya yung shirt ko.
"Bakit?" He just chewed and grip onto my shirt.
"Ganyan ka maglambing no?" I chuckled at his frown pero nawala yun and his stoned face came back. Pero hindi sya bumitaw sakin.
"Nasusuka ko." He said. I stood and sat next to him na kinagulat nya.
"Pag nasuka ka sa damit ko na lng wag sa kama. Mahirap linisin. Kainin mo na to. Hindi ako aalis. Ubusin mo muna yan." I gave him back his food and he look up at me. Mas matangkad kasi ako. Kahit nakaupo kami.
"Why are you doing this for me? I thought you hated me." Hated.. Kabaligtaran Alex.
"Uulitin ko pa ba? I'm worried. So eat and get well." I said and sat closer. Sa lapit namin kulang na lang sumandal sya sa balikat ko.
"Pero.. Bakit?"
"Bakit ba mag-aalala ang isang tao sa kapwa nya? Don't be an idiot, asking stupid question like that! Just eat!" And he did. Slowly he ate.
"Susubuan ba kita ulit para maubos mo yan?" He look at me for a second and shook his head pero kahit sinabi ko yun. Di nya talaga naubos. Napapangiwe na nga sya kakaasubo. Halatang hindi sya sanay na maraming kinakain.
"Here." I gave him his medicine. He stared at it and I swear his cheek flush a bit and it hit me. Yung kanina? I.. Well.. I kissed him.. Pero di ko sinasadya un!
"Uhm.. Sorry pala kanina.. Ano.."
"No. Its okay." He said and drink the vitamin.
"Yung sleeping pill."
"I don't need it." He said.
"I feel better now. Salamat Sir Miguel.."
"Miguel na lang. Uuwi ka na ba?" He nodded.
"Dito ka na matulog. Parang di ka nga makakalakad ng tuwid dyan eh."
"No. I better leave. I've bothered you enough." Matigas ulo.. Tsk.
"I think it's my notion to say if you are a bother. Sige nga subukan mong umalis." I dared him. He look at me and he stood slowly. Let's see kung kaya talaga nya.
And ofcourse tama ako.. When he walk away akala ko kaya na nya talaga pero after his about fifth step his knees folded. Buti na lang at sumunod ako sa kanya kaya nasalo ko sya.
"Stubborn little twerp."