At last, the Khan Maykr is dead and the anomalies have been sent back to their respective universes. This should've been a huge win for the slayer.........right? Unfortunately, the universe has hit the slayer with a slice of hatred for him. Despite everything he had done, the universe thanked him by imploding itself. Everyone and everything was gone. There is nothing left but himself. All he can do is live with the fact that he failed to save the universe he lives in. And all he cared about was the extinction of every demon in the universe. All that rage, all his might, and yet fate manages to twist and screw him at every turn. Almost as if the universe WANTS him to suffer. But is it anything new? He chose the path of perpetual torment. He knew what he was in for, but he was disappointed in how it all ended.
Slayer: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!! AFTER ALL THAT CRAP, I END UP WITH JACK SHIT?! YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE! I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M FUCKING DONE! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU I'M DONE! I'm fucking done with your bullshit right now! I'm done. This is bullshit................
No one was there to speak with the slayer. No one that he had met.
No Ryuko.
No Satsuki.
No Elite four.
No Samuel Hayden.
No VEGA.
No Nui.
No Velvet.
No Alex, Rebecca, Dozer or Winter.
Not even Mako.
No one.
Slayer: .......I don't understand why this world hates me for simply killing demons.
Everyone he knew had vanished. The entire universe vanished. Even the demons he likes to kill had vanished.
Slayer: This is what I get for all the shit I've been through.
He felt numb, empty and most importantly: alone. This was a feeling he had never felt in such magnitude. Not even his rage can cope with this unnatural emotion.
Slayer: *Sighs* I wish I can go back. I wish all of this didn't happen. I wish I didn't teleport to this universe. If it wasn't for the universe riding hell's dick, all of this universe invasion crap wouldn't have happened.
He pulled out a photo of his beloved Daisy, still intact after all that had happened.
Slayer: I should've been with Daisy at this point, at least I would've seen her again. Instead, I'm stuck in this purgatory that's somehow worse than hell itself. There's nothing left for me to do. What am I gonna do now? Stare at the empty void while living with the fact that I couldn't stop this? Fuck the universe for all the shit I put myself through just to get slapped in the face for trying to fix their problems! If only I could undo this cascade event and rip it out of history itself.
???: I can help you with that.
Slayer: WHO SAID THAT?
He looked around to see a ghost right behind him.
Slayer: I must be hallucinating.
Ghost: You would be hallucinating but you're not.
Slayer: Even when the whole fucking universe implodes itself, I still get unwanted visitors from other universes. But I'll take it over being stranded in a dead universe anytime.
Ghost: Congratulations by the way for........doing the reverse big bang of the universe.
Slayer: Hey its not my fault, some giant red fuck started this whole-
Ghost: I know, but listen closely. I know a way to fix your current situation.
Slayer: Like what? Build everything all over again?
Ghost: Well no but actually something else. Like dimension hopping.
Slayer: HELL NO. I'M THROUGH WITH THAT! I'VE ALREADY DESTROYED A UNIVERSE! I AIN'T REPEATING HISTORY!
Ghost: But you see my angry friend, you can technically dimension hop. All you gotta do is find a rift and then tether at it.
Slayer: Yeah right, where am I going to find a rift let alone attempt to dimension hop into one?
Ghost: Here, let me help you out.
The ghost summoned a present out of thin air.
The ghost flew to somewhere else while he followed said ghost.
Slayer: (It's a hallucination right? I'm going insane right now.)
Ghost: I'm glad you got rid of that biblically accurate angel. She's caused so much trouble in this universe.
Slayer: So why exactly are you helping me? I don't even know you.
Ghost: The name's Spooky, and I'm doing this because you did me a favor.
Slayer: ???
Spooky: You did me a huge favor. You did what should've happened eons ago. Plus I took pity in your suffering so I'm granting you a second chance. But that's the last chance you'll ever have so make the most out of it.
Slayer: A second chance?
Spooky: Yep, although that's not saying much because the best I can do is give you a free ticket to an alternate universe where none of this ever happened.
Slayer: I don't care, as long as it's better than nothing.
Spooky: You really want to leave this dead place don't you?
Slayer: Yes, it was already getting boring.
Spooky: Looks like we share a common theme: being bored.
Slayer: Yeah.
Spooky: You seem kinda fun. We should hang out sometime in another life.
Slayer: I'd love to, but maybe next time.
Spooky: Suit yourself. Alright there's the rift.
A small crack in space and time appears.
Slayer: It's just a crack in the wall.
Spooky: Not just any crack, a crack in time and space. You see a slingshot? Grab it.
Slayer: You mean the convenient gift box that spawned in? How does it work?
He picks it up and attached it to his arm.
Spooky: It's like a grappling hook but only for portals and rifts. Just tether to the crack, and see what happens! Good luck Doom Slayer!
Slayer: Thanks.........I guess.........
Spooky: Oh and one more thing: I'd watch out when you're use that thing. Even I don't know where you're gonna end up. One second you're in a cyberpunk city, the next second you're in Dubai after a sandstorm.
Slayer: I've had experience with that kind of shit trust me.
Spooky: Just try not to cause the entire omniverse to cease its existence ok?
Slayer: Yeah yeah I know. Goodbye!
He tethers to the rift and disappeared.
Spooky: Wait, did I left the Japanese language option on?
The marine was traveling through space and time while having a little fun in the process.
Slayer: New universe here I come! Hopefully I can put this second chance to good use!
During his journey, he was suddenly stopped by something.
Slayer: Oh come on! I got stuck already?!
His body was stuck in the air, unable to move his entire body except for his head. He was stuck in pure pitch black darkness where he took the time to think about how to get himself unstuck. But while he was thinking in his mind, he heard something that sounded like a loud bellowing roar..............It took a bit of time for the marine to process what the situation is taking form into. His confusion turned into shock as he saw red eyes glowing in the darkness. He never thought that this would've occurred right at this moment.
Slayer: Oh......dear........god........it's you........
Red: IT SEEMS MY SUPPOSED "DEATH" WAS GREATLY EXAGGERATED..........
Slayer: But how the hell are you alive? I shot a hole straight at your head!
Red: I WAS MERELY GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO FIGHT ME. I WOULD'VE ERASED YOUR EXISTENCE HAD IT NOT BEEN THE UNIVERSE LIMITING MY POWER........BUT NOW THAT YOUR UNIVERSE IS GONE, I CAN FINALLY PUT AN END TO YOUR TYRANNY AGAINST HELL ITSELF. NOW I'M NO LONGER HELD BACK BY THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE.
Slayer: You can't be serious. I shot your head off and survived whatever the hell you threw at me yet you're here about to torment me again just to for shits and giggles?!
Red: YES. AND I INTEND TO RETURN THE FAVOR. NOT EVEN YOUR ANGER WILL SAVE YOU THIS TIME!
The hellbeast ran and went for the kill.
Slayer: NOT THIS TIME ASSHOLE!!!
Out of spite, the slayer freed himself from his paralysis and punched the demon in the mouth.
Red: *Roars*
Slayer: I've already lost enough things in life, I'm not gonna lose my soul against you.....not without a fight.
Red: THEN KILL ME COWARD!
He pulled out the BFG to shoot the hellbeast. But when he fired, the green ball of energy was replaced by a bunch of red and green energy balls that had no affect on the beast.
Slayer: WHAT THE-?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BFG?!
Red: I'VE PLAYED BY THE RULES LONG ENOUGH, NOW I'M BENDING THEM TO MY WILL!
Slayer: Fuck.......
The marine decided to run at the demon for a punch but the demon teleported from behind and tail whipped the slayer.
Slayer: YOU SHITTIN ME?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??!
Red: YOU'RE PLAYING BY MY RULES NOW. AND THE RULES SAY THAT YOU MUST DIE!!!
Slayer: Well fuck you! I can at least outrun you now!
He used the modified slingshot to escape the demon.
Red: N O .
The demon began to chase the marine by glitching time and space into his own portal.
Slayer: Just when I thought things were about to go back normal....... *Sighs* Damn you spooky! I better get this demon away from me as far as possible.
He began jumping from different universes. Every universe was different from each time he jumped through the rifts. For example, one universe had him going through a dystopian future controlled by a force known as the "combine".
Slayer: Definitely not my earth that's for sure.
Metrocop: Pick up the can.
Slayer: Fuck off.
He picks up the can and threw it at a force strong enough to kill the metrocop.
Red: COME BACK SLAYER!
He jumped to another rift where he ended up in a different planet that's currently in a war between both sides of robots.
Slayer: This is definitely not your average judgment day.
Red: STOP RUNNING COWARD!
He jumped to the rift away from the warzone.
???: Uhh.....Megatron? You see what I see?
Megatron: SILENCE STARSCREAM! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD OF YOUR STUPID STORIES!
Starscream: Must've been in my head.
The slayer then ends up in Japan but not the same one that had Honnouji Academy.
Slayer: Nope. Not my Japan.
He heard a trash bin moving.
Slayer: ?????
The trash bin revealed a crazed man wearing an eyepatch holding a knife.
???: KIRYU CHAN!
Slayer: What?
An awkward silence was present......
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???: You're not Kiryu chan.
Slayer: No shit.
Red: DOOM SLAYER!
An old TV lit up revealing the hellbeast inside attempting to escape.
Slayer: STOP FOLLOWING ME YOU BASTARD!
The two disappeared in front of the stranger's eyes.
???: ............I must've really gone mad. Oh well......*Sees Kiryu* KIRYU CHAN!!
Now the slayer ended up in a futuristic city.
Slayer: Good god there's neon lights everywhere! It doesn't look so bad though right?
He then encounters several cops who were right behind him.
Slayer: Uhhh......hi.
NCPD: OH GOD A CYBERPSYCHO!
NCPD 2: FLAG MAXTAC!
Slayer: Seriously?
Red: SLAYER!!!!!!!!
Slayer: Son of a bitch.
The slayer escaped while the hellbeast roared in rage.
Red: YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME! I'LL CHASE YOU TILL THE ENDS OF THE MULTIVERSE!!!!!!
In another universe, the marine found himself in Dubai covered in a sandstorm.
Slayer: Wait.........I've remembered being stationed here before..........used to roll with my military friends........
He noticed a stop sign right in front of him.
Slayer: I don't know what happened here but something tells me not to go anywhere near this deserted city.
He decided to leave the area alone.
???: Yo Walker, I thought I saw a survivor.
Walker: You're seeing things Adams.
???: Ooooh, must be a ghost then. This must be a ghost city.
Adams: Shut up Lugo.
Lugo: Whatever.
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The universe hopping madness kept on going until the slayer finally reached his destination and landed back at Hono city. Good as new.
Slayer: Ahhh........it's good to be back......I guess.
He shrugged off the damage he did and look at his surroundings.
Slayer: Woah.......deja vu......
He saw the same marching band that he encountered before.
Slayer: I kinda missed it a bit. A nice change of pace from the neck-breaking pace that was the demon fighting and anime bullshit.
Until a random taliban rushed at the band and blew themselves up.
Slayer: ................I stand corrected.
A one star suddenly approached him.
One star: *Japanese speaking* (Halt! Who are you?)
Slayer: Uhhh......what?
One star: *Japanese speaking* (You're a no star aren't you?)
Slayer: ...................
One star: *Japanese speaking* (Answer my question no star!)
Slayer: ...................
One star: *Japanese speaking* (Foreigner! Speak now or I will punish you in the name of Lady Satsuki!)
Slayer: Don't lecture with that stupid looking haircut you got.
One star: *Angry Japanese* (BLASPHEMY! YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!)
Slayer: Look I don't care, just point me to Satsuki or Samuel Hayden or fucking anybody! Just fuck off!
Unsurprisingly, the one star punched him in the chest but gets punched by his own fist.
Slayer: That was completely pointless.
He decides to head to Honnouji Academy in the hopes of finding the people he lost.
Slayer: If I can't save my previous universe, then at least I can save another from suffering the same fate. I just hope it's not too late........
???: *Screams in Japanese* (FRIEND!!!!)
Slayer: (WAIT A MINUTE! THAT VOICE! THAT COULD ONLY MEAN.......)
As soon as he turned around, a familiar girl was jumping straight at him in full speed.
Slayer: Aw come on........
Surprise surprise, Mako collided at the slayer's chest while he remains still.
Slayer: ..............................I have nothing to say.
Mako: *Japanese nonsense*
Slayer: Seriously?! She speaks Japanese too?!
Mako began bugging the slayer while speaking a different language.
Mako: *Japanese nonsense*
Slayer: ....................
'This is not what I asked for.'
Mako: *Japanese nonsense*
Slayer: (Somehow this is worse than the English speaking Mako I used to know.)
Mako: *Continues speaking Japanese*
Slayer: ????????????
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (Are you listening to me? You seem confused.)
Slayer: Haven't you figured out.....I DON'T SPEAK YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE?
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (What do you mean you don't speak my language?)
Slayer: I DON'T SPEAK FUCKING SUSHI!
Mako jumped at the slayer's outburst.
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (Why you gotta be so rude newcomer??)
The marine looked away and punched at the wall.
Slayer: Just great, just fucking perfect. I'm now stuck with the stupidest idiot I've ever met and the only language she speaks is fucking sushi!!!
Mako: Nani sore?
Slayer:
He stormed away from Mako, leaving her completely confused. Mako couldn't believe it. She never saw someone rage this much in her life.
Mako: .............
???: *Speaks Japanese* (MAKO!)
Mako: ?
Mako saw her friend Ryuko wearing Senketsu.
Ryuko: *Speaks Japanese* (Did you hear a scream? Somebody wasn't too happy.)
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (I saw some guy having an existential crisis. He doesn't look like us at all.)
Ryuko: *Speaks Japanese* (Sucks for him. Poor bastard having a bad day.)
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (I don't know why but somehow..........that guy seems.......familiar. But I can't put my finger on it.)
Senketsu: *Speaks Japanese* (What does he look like?)
Ryuko: *Speaks Japanese* (Do you know what he looks like?)
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (He looks like an astronaut but colored green. Or just some cosplayer.)
Ryuko: *Speaks Japanese* (Not my problem, I'm gonna fight that eyebrow bitch now.)
Mako: *Speaks Japanese* (Wait for me!)
They left.
Inside Honnouji Academy:
The slayer sat alone, not caring if anyone looked at him.
Slayer: Where'd my life go wrong? All my life I've been killing demons. And it looks like I got rid of them all. But now that they're gone, so are my friends. Friends that I made by accident. I brushed them off as numbskulls along for the ride to help me achieve my goals. I was dead focused on my objective to the point that I never cared to slow down and learn more about these clowns. Now I've lost them. While they're annoying and at times completely useless, they were the only people I cared to talk to. Especially Ryuko.......Satsuki.......Nui........the elite dumbasses..........Winter........that Intern guy..............well maybe not that talking soap dispenser...or the two buddy cops or some guy in a bomb suit with a skull or even that one guy wearing a mask that got kidnapped by the Khan Maykr.........but the one I miss the most........was Velvet. She was the only one I cared the most. She was the closest one that resembled Daisy. Innocent, compassionate, selfless and not even she survived the insanity I went through.............why must this world hate me so much?
One star: *Speaks Japanese* (NO STAR! THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA!)
Slayer: (I swear if that dumb fuck is speaking to me....!)
He turns around to see the one star talking shit about some bunny girl. The moment he saw it, his misery instantly went back into rage. How dare that blind one star would ever even think of talking shit about bunnies?! Let alone straight in his face?! Even in the worst day of his life, he won't let such transgressions like this slide.
???: <_> I'm sorry! I just took a wrong turn that's all!
The one star decided to pull her bunny ears harshly. The marine snapped and went to kill the idiot dumb enough to harm her.
One star: *Speaks Japanese* (HALT! THIS AREA IS OFF LIMITS FOR NO ST-0_0)
Slayer:
The slayer had lost his patience. He didn't care if the one star died from the punch. He can't stand bunnies being harmed/killed for petty reasons. No one gets a free pass to harm bunnies. Not the demons, not the maykrs, NO ONE.......gets a free pass.
Slayer: DON'T. HURT. THE BUNNY.
He looked at the broken one star who was barely alive from the punch.
???: E-Excuse me mister?
And as he looked at the stranger, his rage was instantly replaced with joy.
Slayer: :D VELVET!!!
He immediately pulled Velvet into a big hug.
Velvet: You're.......squishing me.......
Slayer: I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! But how?????
Velvet: Wh-Who are you? I don't even remember you.
His heart broke as soon as she said that. The only person he ever bothered to care for had forgotten his name.
Slayer: Bun bun? Don't you recognize me? The big green demon killing machine with a love for guns and bunnies? No??
Velvet: I'm sorry but I think you got me mixed up with someone else.
Slayer's mind:
He didn't want to believe it. He kept talking to himself that it was a bad dream. But no matter what, everyone had already forgotten about him. What were supposedly a bunch of misfits he took for granted that became the only people he considered "friends" no longer remember his name. They didn't even remember the events that had happened. He was in disbelief. Nothing was worth it. He truly was cursed by the universe and will never find happiness in spite of everything he tried to do. All it did was made the burden he carried worse.
Slayer: .......................
He was tempted to just leave this place and take one last look at his past friends before he dropped a photo.
Velvet: Huh? Is that a.........
She picks up the photo. Looking at the photo showed the slayer, Ryuko and Satsuki back at the super gore nest.
Velvet: Who are these people?
Suddenly, Velvet's mind was flooded with memories of her and the slayer with their misadventures.
Velvet: S-Slayer???
Slayer: It's me bun bun. Your guardian angel straight from hell. But I don't understand. Why are you able to speak english??
Spooky: Because I accidentally forgot to change the language filter to english.
Slayer: ...............YOU WHAT?!!!!!
Spooky: Whoops. Sorry. I should've known the language was set to Japanese instead of English.
Slayer: ALL THIS TIME YOU HAD THE LANGUAGE SET TO JAPANESE?!! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME?!!!
Spooky: I don't know how I left it that way. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Slayer: Maybe next time give me a translator!
Spooky: Well, that should clear things up then. Good luck!
Spooky vanished.
Velvet: Who's that?
Slayer: Doesn't matter, what matters is that you're safe now bun bun. I'm happy to see you again.
???: There he is!
Slayer: M-Mako???
Mako: Hello stranger!
Slayer: ............you're joking right?
Mako: What do you mean?
Slayer: You don't recognize me?
Mako: Uh no.
Slayer: Fine, let me refresh that empty brain of yours.
He did what Mako loves to do best: the old fashioned Hallelujah. He didn't care if it was embarrassing to do, he just wanted to get this over with.
Mako: Uhhhh...........how do you know my special technique-*Ding!* WAIT A MINUTE YES! I KNEW YOU LOOK FAMILIAR!
Slayer: (Finally she actually used her damn brain for once.)
Mako then began doing here usual gibberish.
Velvet: Is she always this mentally unstable?
Slayer: Oh this? This is nothing. Get used to seeing that a lot.
Ryuko: Who the hell is that guy?!
Slayer: Ryuko?!?
Velvet: You know her too?
Ryuko: I don't remember seeing some astronaut with a gun.........
Slayer: Oh come on! You don't recognize the guy you had a cru-*covers mouth* (NO NO NO NO NO DON'T! WHY DID I SAID THAT?!)
Senketsu: I want to taste his blood.
Ryuko: YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY BLOOD DON'T TASTE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!
Senketsu: No but what I'm saying is-
Slayer: Why the fuck would you want to taste my blood?
Senketsu: Wait he can hear me?!
Slayer: No shit.
Ryuko: How can you hear Senketsu speaking? Are you a psychic or something?
Senketsu: Maybe he could be your ex-boy-
Slayer: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!
The slayer straight up ripped Senketsu off of Ryuko and started to strangle him.
Ryuko: H-HEY! MY UNIFORM!
Senketsu: HELP! STRANGER DANGER!
Slayer: I'M GONNA MURDER YOU YA PIECE OF SHIT! WHY DID YOU OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH FOR?!
Senketsu: <_> I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!
Mako: Awww. *Singing* Ryuko's got a boyfriend! Ryuko's got a boy-
Ryuko: MAKO SHUT YOUR-*Ding!* 0_0 WAIT WHAT???
Slayer: Oh god please no.
Ryuko grabbed Senketsu back and transformed straight into her kamui.
Velvet: This isn't gonna end well.
Ryuko: Where have you been tough guy?! Have you been looking at other girls?!
Slayer: You got it all wrong lady! I never was your boyfriend! I'm more of a friend!
Ryuko: A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS!
'Curse you author for doing this to me!'
???: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!
Slayer: (OH WHAT A FUCKING COICENDENCE IT'S EYEBROWS!)
Satsuki: WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?! AND WHO'S THAT PIG IN A SPACE SUIT?!
Slayer: Lady do I look like a pig to you?
Ryuko: FUCK OFF SATSUKI NO ONE ASKED!
Slayer: Somebody get me away from these two crazy strippers......
Satsuki: STRIPPER?! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!
Velvet: Should I leave now?
Mako: Satsuki! He's not a pig! That's your future boy-MMPH!!!
Slayer: NO! TALKING!
Satsuki: YOU REALLY THINK I'D WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR THAT PIG?!
Senketsu: Yes you do! He calls you by the name eyebr-
Slayer: GODDAMNIT YOU PEOPLE CAN'T SHUT UP CAN YOU?
Satsuki: HAH! THAT'S RIDICULO-*DING!* WAIT SLAYER???
Slayer: (God end my suffering please.)
Satsuki: Hands off Ryuko! He shall be mine!
Ryuko: Bite me!
Slayer: Kill me......
The elite four suddenly made their entrance.
Sanageyama: NO STAR!
Gamagori: YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH LADY SATSUKI'S PLANS!
Inumuta: SATSUKI HAS NO TIME FOR NO STARS LIKE YOU.
Nonon: AND NOW YOU SHALL-
Slayer:
Without even giving them a chance, he decides to knock some sense into them. (Quite literally.)
And just like that, the elite four were instantly defeated. But the punch he did was enough to unintentionally leave a giant crater. The explosion could be felt across the entire planet.
Ryuko: Jesus Christ was that necessary?
Mako: He only knocked them out with one punch!
Satsuki: ................are they dead?
Slayer: No they're not, I made sure to hold back otherwise this entire island would've been in the ocean right now. Besides, they're dense enough to survive a single punch from me.
The elite four were lying in a crater.
Gamagori: Owww.......
Sanageyama: My legs..........I can't feel them.
Inumuta: We lost in a single punch? How??
Nonon: ........why you gotta cut off our monologue?
Slayer: I don't wanna listen to stupid monologue nonsense from a bunch of morons. Besides, you jokers couldn't even scratch me.
Gamagori: YOU DARE MOCK US?!
Sanageyama: WE ARE MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!
Nonon: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND A CHANCE MONKEY?
Inumuta: WE SPECIALIZE IN-
Slayer: I kicked your asses already. Did you elite dumbasses forgot about that or what?
Elite four: WHAT?!?
Slayer: Oh come on! Seriously?! NO MATTER WHAT I DO IN LIFE I'M SURROUNDED BY THE STUPIDEST BASTARDS I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE! I'M PAIRED UP WITH A GEEKY TECH SUPPORT GUY THAT CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT WIFI OR HIS COMPUTER, A GREEN KAMEN RIDER WANNABE THAT USES A COMICALLY LARGE STICK THAT DOES FUCK ALL AGAINST EVEN A ZOMBIE, A SHORT MARCHING BAND GREMLIN THAT HAS TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF EVERYONE BY BEING THE MOST INSUFFERABLE LITTLE TWAT IN EXISTENCE WHILE HAVING THE MOST ANNOYING VOICE POSSIBLE, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST THE DRILL SARGEANT THAT GROWS AND SHRINKS IN SIZES WHENEVER HE FUCKING FEELS LIKE WHILE BARKING ORDERS AT EVERY PERSON HE COMES INTO CONTACT FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER! AND THE WORST PART IS: ALL FOUR OF THEM WILL BOOTLICK SOME LADY WITH BIG ASS EYEBROWS AND HIGH HEELS EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT THEM! YOU FOUR ARE THE MOST MIND NUMMINGLY BRAIN DEAD DING DONGS I'VE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
Nonon: HEY! THAT'S NOT-
*DING! (x4)*
Gamagori: DOOM SLAYER????
Sanageyama: YOU'RE ALIVE???
Inumuta: HOW'D YOU GET HERE???
Nonon: And why is Ryuko giving you the bedroom eyes?
Slayer: ...........I'm not answering that question.
Nonon: Wait you can roast all four of us but not the retarded monkey?
Mako: Who me?
Slayer: Don't even get me started on her. My brain rots just listening to her nonsense.
Iori: Lady Satsuki, is everything ok?
Satsuki: Everything is fine, I was just talking to a friend.
Nonon: The green hulk specifically.
Iori: Green? Hulk?
Inumuta: See for yourself.
Iori suddenly had a migraine after taking a quick glimpse of the slayer.
*Ding*
Iori: Ahhh!
Satsuki: You alright?
Iori: ..........just a migraine.
Slayer: I'd have a migraine too if I had to deal with a bunch of animals in this zoo.
He then heard chatter coming from nearby.
???: That's the last time I'm going through the same damn house 100 times in a row! Those people somehow always cause me trouble! Especially those weird girls dressed in suits and a guy wearing glasses serving pancakes! It always has to be these people out of all the places we've been through!
???: Aw come on, it's not really that bad. The worst they've done is collateral damage and disruption of the community. And possibly tax evasion.
???: YOU SAID WE WOULD BE BUSTING DOWN WALLS!!!
Slayer: Alex, Rebecca and Dozer. The only three "normal" humans that don't have anime bullshit written all over them. I don't know how I'm gonna make them remember me. Unless.............
Mako: Excuse me officer! I have an emergency.
Alex: *Groans* What is it now? Make it quick, I'm losing my patience.
Mako: You see officer, the emergency is that you are diagnosed with amnesia!
Alex: ........what?
Dozer: I don't get it.
Rebecca: What does amnesia have anything to do with an emergency?
Mako: You three are friends with the demon killing man after he saved you from life fibers and demons.
Rebecca: What?
Alex: What do you mean?
Dozer: I still don't get it.
Ryuko: Aw come on! This dude saved your asses and you still don't recognize him?!
Alex: I......I don't remember being saved by someone. Although I did remember seeing some clowns robbing a bank here-
Slayer: WHO CARES, DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?!
Dozer: Nope. Sorry.
Alex: I'm outta he-
Slayer: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
The slayer then pulled out a skeleton wearing a sailor uniform that looks eerily similar to a life fiber while holding a trumpet.
Slayer: (How the fuck did I carry a skeleton with me?)
Mako: :) I have no idea. Hehehehe.
Dozer: What the hell is that supposed to be?
*DING! (X3)*
Dozer: Wh-where are we??? Why are we in Japan?
Alex: Why do I remember having my clothes getting removed by some floating sailor suits while having to listen to a skeleton blast it's trumpet nonstop?
Rebecca: And why do I remember getting crushed into a pancake by some tall cyborg?
Velvet: I don't remember that part.
Rebecca: That was a rhetorical question.
Ryuko: Rhetorical my ass.
Satsuki: I'm surprised you three ended up here even though you weren't originally there in the first place.
Rebecca: I don't know why we're here. Something about a guy getting clapped by-
Slayer: OK THAT'S ENOUGH. (I'd rather forget that awkward moment with Ryuko and Satsuki......)
Velvet: Did we get everyone?
Slayer: Let me see.....we have a tomboy, eyebrow queen, bun bun, tech support, kamen rider, pink haired gremlin, bodybuilder, cops, a man with a skull on his mask, some guy who's not important but is eyebrow's acquaintance, parasite clothing..........
Senketsu and Junketsu: PARASITES?!?!
Slayer: ......and a retarded coconut head. I'm missing four/five more.
A small child with an umbrella appeared giggling.
Ryuko: Who's that?
???: ME!
Nui was standing on top of a building.
Nui: *Giggling*
???: Young lady get down here this instant!
Winter also appeared.
Slayer: Ah yes, snow white and a literal child up for adoption.
Nui: ADOPTION?!
Winter: SNOW WHITE?!
*DING! (x2)*
Winter: *Gasps* You! You're alive!
Slayer: Well no shit.
Nui: How'd you find us?
Ryuko: Your giggling was hard to miss.
Dozer: And obnoxious.
Velvet: Is that everyone?
Slayer: Just Vega, soap dispenser and that angel girl that needs a life. And then I can finally move on from my horrible life left behind me.
Alex: Hang on, what exactly happened?
Slayer: .............I rather not talk about it.
Nonon: Aw come on! It can't be that bad!
Mako: Yeah! Tell us!
Slayer: ..................no.
Ryuko: Why not?
Slayer: Because I said so.
Winter: That's not an excuse. Tell us.
Dozer: Just spill the beans.
Satsuki: Please speak to us, if it concerns you so much then at least-
Slayer: NO!!!!
Everyone flinched at the slayer raising his voice.
Slayer: I've already went through hell and back to find you all here. I don't wanna relive that bad memory again. Please trust me on this. Nobody needs to know about it. Just let us all be happy and pretend nothing bad ever happened. I know you all want answers but those answers will get you all killed. Call me crazy but if I tell you exactly what happens then everything will begin to loop endlessly. And I am not doing that again. Now shut up and never speak of this again. OK?
They all hesitantly nod their heads.
Slayer: Good.
Rebecca: *Whispers* I think he's finally gone cuckoo bananas.
Velvet: So.....what now?
Slayer: I don't know. Maybe find the last three people that I mentioned before.
Mako: Or maybe we can go somewhere fun!
Winter: Such as?
Mako: Uhhhh......maybe a restaurant or something? I'm hungry.
Satsuki: I suppose we can find somewhere to eat.
Velvet: Oh good, I'm getting hungry.
Dozer: All this talking makes my brain hurt.
Alex: I hope there's pancakes. Not the flat ones though.
Nui: What are we waiting for? Let's go!
They all decided to head to a restaurant. The marine had stopped to process what he was doing.
Slayer: (They don't know that I'm trying to protect them from outside forces that will break their universe. I can't let history repeat itself. I bet she's alive and waiting to ruin this day for me. Better snuff out the rainbow whore who started this whole mess. And then find that fucker who destroyed my universe. I just hope that no one is gonna stop me from completing my objective. They're all I have left in this cruel game called life. If they know what happens next, the cycle will repeat and continue on. I will not let that happen again. Not this time........)
Velvet: S-Slayer are you coming?
Nonon: Yeah man. We're hungry.
Slayer: Alright I'm coming.
He joined his squad to the restaurant. As he leaves the area, a familiar stranger appeared spying on him.
???: What have you done Doom Slayer?
Timeskip brought to you by:
Within his new home, the slayer was at peace in a way. Even without Vega or Samuel Hayden, being with his friends was more than enough to keep him company. And with some help, he'll eventually reunite with the ai and doctor again. But for now, he deserves a break from all the chaos he went through.
Mako: That filled a whole in my stomach.
Nonon: You gluttonous monkey!
Inumuta: You ate all our food!
Winter: Now now, no need to be so rude.
Rebecca: Speak for yourself, she ate my fucking pancakes!
Alex: Your crime is eating an officer's food without our consent.
Mako: I can't help it! My stomach tells me to do it.
Ryuko: Well maybe next time let everyone else have their cake and eat it okay?
Gamagori: Not all the food has to be eaten by you Makanshoku.
Slayer: Eh, I wasn't really that hungry anyways.
Nui: You people stop getting angry over food.
Nonon: We can't. Mako just eats every food she touches.
Velvet: She didn't ate my food.
Sanageyama: Of course not. Doomguy gave her a quick glare to leave your food alone.
Iori: What about Dozer?
Rebecca: You okay man?
Dozer:
He stared at the coconut head with a face that is filled with mixed emotions. His face conveys said emotions that are hidden but told him exactly how he felt. No words can express his current emotional state.
Ryuko: I think his face says it all.
Slayer: Tough luck man.
Mako: I can't control my hunger ok?
Nonon: Then get it under control next time. Everyone has to eat too you know.
Velvet: Hey who's the lady dressed in white?
Slayer: Hm?
Upon looking outside, he saw the person he'd last expect to encounter.
Slayer: ............Michael.
Nui: Huh?
Ryuko: Michael?
Nonon: You mean Michael Jackson?
Slayer: No. That's not the Michael you know. Let me handle this.
He steps outside to deal with the archangel herself.
Michael: What have you done?
Slayer: I have a better question: what the hell are you doing here in my new life?!
Michael: You're making a mistake. Listen to me please.
Slayer: I made a promise, now I'm gonna keep my word.
He pulls out his shotgun.
Michael: No! Listen! You don't know what you're doing!
Slayer: I think I've heard enough of your bullshit. Either fuck off or die, you're not taking them away again.
Michael: That's not what I'm here for! I'm asking to listen!
Slayer: Don't care, you mean nothing to me.
Velvet: Wait!
They both stopped.
Velvet: What's going on? Why are you two bickering?
Slayer: Step away bun bun, this bastard is not gonna do any harm no more.
Michael: No listen to me please! I beg of you!
He starts putting his finger on the trigger........
Velvet: Hold it!
Slayer: ?
Michael: ?
Velvet: Slayer......can't you at least listen to her?
Slayer: L-Listen??
Velvet: If she's wanting to harm us, she wouldn't be fighting the second she saw you.
Slayer: I don't think that-
Velvet: Listen slayer. I know you've had some bad memories with her, but please give her a chance. You gave Satsuki a second chance when you first met her, why not do the same with her?
Michael: Please slayer........hear me out on this. Azazel could be in danger for all I know.
Slayer: NO. I don't wanna hear you complain about your problems. You were involved with the Khan Maykr for god knows how long. And you still haven't redeemed yourself at all. SO FUCK OFF.
Michael: .......I'm sorry for intruding your life. I understand that you hate me. Kill me if you wish, but just know that the Dark Lord is after you and everyone you've cared about will die at his hands.
Slayer: .....what did you just say?
Michael: Do you even know why the Khan Maykr became the way she did? Because the Dark Lord did it. He planned all of it.
Slayer: WHAT?!?
Velvet: WHAT??!
Ryuko: Hey what's going on-WHAT?!!
Michael: Yes. He was the one responsible for everything that had happened. He is the mastermind behind it all. All those events that led you here was nothing more than a smokescreen to hide his tracks. The Dark Lord did this so that he could rule all of the universes without any opposition. Why do you think the Khan Maykr allowed the demons to invade earth in the first place?
Slayer: You're joking? This is a trick right?
Michael: For God's sake slayer! Listen! I'm telling you the truth! He persuaded the Khan Maykr to kill off humanity and split the night sentinel armies in half while you were in your prime. And it doesn't stop there. When Samuel Hayden teleported you away from Mars, the Dark Lord saw an opportunity to destroy you. Getting transported to Osaka was merely an inconvenience for him. And when he saw you interacting with those people, he felt that they would jeopardize his scheme to destroy you. So he made sure to spread his influence to keep tabs on you by letting the demons cause chaos. He saw what you did throughout your journey. Killing the life fibers, aliens, titans and even the hellbeast. And when you killed the Khan Maykr, that was his opportunity to destroy what remained of your world. But since you decided to go to another universe, you've just sealed our fate. Now we're doomed all because you-
Slayer: I sealed our fate? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I TRIED TO SAVE WHAT WAS LEFT OF MY UNIVERSE AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING MY FATE IS SEALED?!!
Michael: I didn't mean it like that. All I know is that he wanted this to happen one way or another. He's coming for you. You got to get out before-
???: Doomguy!
Velvet: Is that........Azazel???
Ryuko: How the hell did she get here?
Velvet: And why she's dancing like that?
Slayer: Well that takes care of your Azazel problem......now both of you fuck off. Before I get mad.
Azazel: Pardon me Doomguy but I have information that you might wanna hear. It's about your ai partners.
Slayer: Hm?
Ryuko: You mean genderbent siri and a talking soap dispenser?
Azazel: I guess you can say that. They're alive.
Slayer: Really? Or are you just tricking me for a fake sense of hope?
Satsuki: Is everything........ok?
Nonon: What the hay hay is happening here?
Dozer: Who invited these two jokers?
Nui: You! Why are you here?!
Michael: I know you have questions but let me answer them.
Slayer: I think I've already heard enough-
???: Saint Michael!
Winter: More angels?
Dozer: How many angels fell out of heaven?
Slayer: Where'd you bastards keep coming from?! How many fuckers are gonna keep showing up in my life?!
Michael: Don't worry about them. They're on our side.
Angel 1: *Slaps Angel 2* Wake up sleepy head!
Angel 2: I was just taking a short nap. Geez........
Alex: Why are you four here?
Azazel: I'm afraid the slayer's free joyride to the multiverse has left an open window for any anomaly to cross your universe.
Rebecca: You're joking right?
Michael: This is not a joke. This is serious. Whatever the slayer did could put all of you at risk.
Azazel: Which means anything can happen.
Satsuki: Anything?
Angel 1: Yes. Anything can and will happen. If you think that something's gonna happen then it definitely will happen.
Michael: Amanda is right. Who knows what will happen if said rift in space and time happens to remain open. A possible demon invasion or-
Slayer: Shut up. Don't jinx it! If you say it then it definitely will happen! So shut your mouth or I'll do it for you!
Velvet: Is there anything we can do to fix it?
Angel 2: There is a way, but we need your robot friend to help us.
Slayer: Seriously?
Angel 2: Hey, we both know no one wants a random rift to spawn whatever comes out of it. Either that or you can kiss your new world goodbye. So what'll it be?
Slayer: ................fuck it. Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore.
Angel 1: We just need to contact Samuel Hayden and this will be over soon. Then you can live your life however you want.
Ryuko: You better not be plotting some shady shit.
Azazel: Tell me more about your people Doomguy. I must understand them better.
Slayer: While we wait for soap dispenser to arrive, let me just say-
???: YOU TRULY THOUGHT YOU COULD JUST WALK AWAY?! AFTER ALL YOU HAVE DONE?!
Chains began to appear and surrond the slayer.
Slayer:
Hidden in the shadows, the high prosecutor appears........
Ryuko: Hey Satsuki, that a friend of yours or what?
Satsuki: I don't work with demons Matoi.
Mako: How did she even get here?
Nonon: I swear the slayer has become a magnet for random strangers to fight him for no reason other than boredom.
Azazel: Sh-Should we do something?
Velvet: I can't watch!
Judgment: IGNITE THE SIN MACHINE! SUFFERING MUST BE MA-
Slayer: Just shut up already.
Judgment: SILENCE MORTAL! YOU WILL REGRET INTERRUPTI-
Slayer: No seriously, shut up. I am not in the mood for yet another pointless fight.
Nonon: You heard the man, he has no time to deal with your bullshit right now!
Ryuko: Get lost you whore!
Judgment: YOU DARE CALL ME A-
Slayer:
Judgment was shaking in shock from the sudden outburst.
Ryuko: And he's all out of fucks.
Judgment: WH-WHAT??? BU-BU-BU-BU-BUT I JUST GOT HERE. I DIDN'T EVEN STA-
*Loads shotgun*
Slayer: DID I FUCKING STUTTER?!?!
She got the message and left into the portal to whatever hell she came from.
Nonon: Holy shit you didn't even have to fight her.
Ryuko: He killed her with words.
Mako: You think she'll be fine?
Satsuki: I don't think she'll mentally recover from that.
Michael: That was I have been warning you.
Slayer: Okay so one random bitch appears to fight me big deal.
Amanda: Now that you're done having a mental breakdown over a demon........can you try to contact Samuel Hayden?
Inumuta: It's a stretch but it's worth a shot.
They attempt to contact Samuel Hayden.
Nonon: So after we deal with this problem, we get to live our lives normally right?
Azazel: Well based on how it works........
Michael: No.
Everyone: WHAT?!?
Michael: I'm sorry but that doesn't work like that.
Ryuko: Why fucking not?
Amanda: Because this wasn't a canon event.
Slayer: .........say that again?
Angel 2: This wasn't how the canon event is supposed to happen. In this universe, Ryuko would've had to face her sister and mother along with the entire-
Slayer: Blah blah blah blah! That's all I hear from you angelic pricks!
Michael: This is a serious conversation we're having.
Slayer: You lost me at the words 'canon event'.
Dozer: What's so special about such a dumb little event?
Azazel: Actually, there is an alter-
Michael: You can't. Canon events don't work like that. You change even one small thing, it alters all of the canon.
Nonon: You mean if we so much as move a chair?
Azazel: Not exactly but-
Angel 2: Yes. Any change, no matter how small, can alter with serious repercussions.
Slayer: Bullshit. Just pure bullshit.
Angel 1: Excuse us?!
Slayer: You're saying that any small action can change a canon event and thus make a new universe. So I can destroy the canon by simply breathe the damn air. That makes no fucking sense!
Inumuta: I don't need data to see how stupid it really is.
Ryuko: And what if it does happen? Why can't we just simply move to another universe?
Azazel: You can technically do that, it's just-
Michael: Not possible. You'll only do more damage than you realize.
Nonon: "Oh no I accidentally destroyed a universe for simply existing, thus breaking the canon event or something." Are you making this shit up just to stop us from meeting other people from different worlds?
Michael: This isn't made up. If the slayer hadn't meddled with-
Slayer: OH HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THIS CRAP!
Inumuta: What's gotten you angels so pissy about a man accidentally teleporting himself to a different universe?
Gamagori: Why do you people treat this as a crime against God?
Satsuki: More importantly, what are you angels so afraid of that whatever the slayer does should be secured, contained and protected so that he cannot do anything at all?
Velvet: Yeah. All he did was kill demons.
Alex: And saves humanity in the process.
Rebecca: While also inadvertently destroying heaven in the process but they were asking for it.
Ryuko: And what did you high and mighty angels do when the Kuck Maykr decided to kill us all? Nothing! You just stood there and watched it all happen. Hell, you even encouraged her to do it! What makes you think you're above all of us?
Michael: ......that was different.
Dozer: Different? Bitch you tried to kill us back there!
Angel 1: She didn't have a ch-
Slayer: YOU HAD A CHOICE YOU DUMBASSES!
Mako: And you chose horribly.
Ryuko: Even the fucking soap dispenser made better choices than you brain dead morons.
Angel 2: Alright we admit things were a little unorthodox-
Nonon: UN-FUCKING-ORTHODOX?!
Nui: You could've killed us all because of your pride and ego!
Inumuta: No amount of data would answer just how stupid your plan was. This whole end goal was doomed from the start all the way to the finish line.
Winter: And all that for what? For the sake of the canon event?!
Mako: You people are just straight up psychos!
Azazel: Are you all done arguing?
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Slayer: Okay so even if I did fuck up the multiverse, how is it any different than the demons doing it?
Michael: Hell only corrupts what it touches, you on the other leave nothing but chaos and a wide door open for anomalies to run free.
Velvet: But that's exactly what the demons did how is it his fault the whole cascade event happened?
Michael: That's not what I'm talk-
Slayer: Cut the shit. I know you're here for me to fix this shit. But I'm done with that crap. I want out now. I have something new in my life and that is to enjoy the quiet life with my newfound misfits. So take your canon event crap out of your mouth and shove it up your-!
*BOOM*
Ryuko: The fuck???
From the explosion, the slayer saw a familiar face.............
Slayer: You got to be fucking kidding me...........
(Author's note: I'm changing the Dark Lord a bit where Red is the TRUE Dark Lord instead of him being a cheap knock off the Doom Slayer and a Marauder. This person is a different character entirely so just keep that in mind.)
The mysterious stranger saw the slayer and his friends still in one piece.
???: I expected you all to die and yet you're all here............
Mako: Say what?
Nonon: The hell are you saying?
Ryuko: Bitch, your odds are way too low.
Satsuki: You won't stop us all.
???: That is why I've brought in backup.
Slayer: Backup?
With a snap of his fingers, the stranger summoned his own personal army to the fight.
Alex: I don't like the sound of that........
Rebecca: Is it demons again?
Winter: No..........something much more than that..........
Loud footsteps can be heard from far away.
Velvet: *Gulps*
Michael: I told you to listen! No one ever listens to me.
Dozer: How about you fuck off?
Azazel: Do not worry, I estimate that our chances of survival............
The stranger's personal army had arrived from the smoke.
Azazel: ................are pretty low.
(They go in this order from top to bottom:
Laser backs
Executioners
Tremors
Cycloids
Landstalkers
Stingers
Death troopers
That's all for now at least.)
Gamagori: Where the hell did he get all this firepower from?!
Satsuki: Oh God.........
Slayer: Well that's quite an army you got.
Nui: How are we gonna beat them?
Ryuko: The real question is: how good did you get your money's worth?
???: Normally I'd prefer killing you all in one fell swoop, but your durability and tenacity proves that you simply refuse to die. I'll leave my army to finish the job. If you survive by either a miracle or dumb luck, come and find me. We'll finish this later. Good luck.
The stranger teleported away while his army of killers prepare to finish them off.
Winter: I guess things don't really change here huh?
Inumuta: Well you can't always predict what life throws at you.
Velvet: We'll walk out of this right?
Michael: I don't think-
Dozer: Of course we're walking out here alive!
Satsuki: We have the slayer at our side.
Mako: And the power of friendship!
Nonon: Whatever, they'll stand no chance against us!
Slayer: So.......you guys ready to give them hell?
Ryuko: Hell yeah!
Satsuki: We're with you.
Mako: *Sleeping*
Elite four: Yes Slayer!
Winter: I'm ready.
Nui: Me too.
Michael: U-Us?? Against them???
Velvet: Well obviously yes.
Alex: Can't be different from all the other shit we went through.
Rebecca: And this is no different.
Angel 1: Oh no.
Angel 2: Oh no.
Azazel: Oh no.
Dozer: OH HELL YEAH! LEMME AT EM!
Slayer: *Smirks* Say no more.
Azazel: This will end horribly.........
They all squared off against their armed killers into an all out war.
To be continued..................
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At ???:
The stranger was hidden in an abandoned spaceship in ruins.
???: *Calls in their leader* It seems your plan hasn't worked out quite the way you expect it.
Red: I AM WELL AWARE OF THE SITUATION. KILL THEM ALL. MAKE SURE NOT ONE OF THEM SURVIVES THIS TIME. ESPECIALLY THE DOOM SLAYER. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, FINISH THE GATEWAY BETWEEN MY WORLD AND THEIRS. I DON'T TAKE FAILURE LIGHTLY. I TRUST THAT YOU SERVE YOUR PURPOSE KONARD.
Konrad: I will.
The call ends.
Konard: You took my men back at Honnouji Academy, now I will take your worthless life in return Doom Slayer. You, the demons and the life fibers ruined me. Now I've got the chance to get back at you. You're dead to me, just like the crazy spokesperson of the U.A.C.
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(Hey guys, author here. I just wanna say thank you for your patience. Life's been treating me rough right now but I haven't given up just yet. This might be the longest chapter I've ever released yet. I could be wrong though. It's been 3 years since I've wrote this story and I am glad that it's caught the attention to a lot of people. I appreciate the support you people have given me for 3 years straight. Consider this my christmas gift to you all. Happy holidays friends. It won't be any better than the other bad years we've had but there's always a chance to see a greater future even if it's slim. See you all in 2024!)