The guys all went home. I didn't ask Tom if he wanted to stay. I mean this whole thing has me feeling awkward at times, when it's just us. I feel so close to him, and connection to him, but at the same time, a little embarrassed that I've revealed so much about myself to him, like I only had Rob, and I kind of cringe with all the information I'm just voluntarily giving Tom.
Not to mention I can't hardly not stare at him, and just a small touch of my hand makes me hot and blush, and I don't want him to think I'm falling for him. I need a little distance from him. I'm practically salivating at the idea of us not only being fake engaged, but also us having to be a couple on that case. Will he be kissing me? Making out? Hugging me? he leaves me feeling so euphoric but also weak with just a small kiss or touch. I hope I don't make a fool of myself and not be able to even concentrate on this case.
Tom's viewpoint:
I would really love to stay the night. I mean in the guest room. But I mean just being able to talk to her more and see her in the morning. But I don't want to make her feel weird, I mean I slept here last night. I don't want her to tell me it's ok to stay if she doesn't really want me to. She's being so sweet to help me, and to lie to all the people she loves, and I know that's huge. I have no right to ask her to do that. I hate lying just as much as she does. The thought of hurting my mom with this lie. I'm glad she suggested we tell her the truth. I know that I can trust my mom to keep my secret. Well I guess Sydney is not going to ask me to stay the night. Damn I was hoping.
I really need to just tell her I"ll see her in the morning. I get up. I said, "Sydney, I'll see you in the morning" She said, "ok Tom, have a great night." I said, "you too. Thank you again for doing this for me. I can't thank you enough Sydney. I know how hard it is for you to lie." She said, "you're welcome. I would not do it for many people, but I think you deserve this job."
What the hell. As I open the door to leave, there is this guy standing there. Looks like a damn pro football player with his huge shoulders, I mean is this guy on steroids, illegal drugs, his chest, shoulders, neck legs are all big. And what the hell is he lost?
I said, "can I help you, are you lost?" I cringe at what Sydney says next. Oh my God.
Sydney's view:
Well I guess Tom doesn't want to stay. I mean I was kind of wanting him to leave, but then hoping also that he wanted to stay. it's just as well if he leaves, but I do feel safer in the house when he stays. I don't want to be clingy. And I don't want him to know that I am afraid to live alone. I mean I don't want Jay to know or my dad. If they knew my dad would insist I move home. When I got my first police job, I got this house. Rob moved in with me. When I kicked him out, now I just feel unsafe at night. I have all the doors locked, but still, with all the stories on the news about girls being raped.
What is going on with Tom? I mean is he jealous. As Tom opened the door to leave, Ben is at the door. Tom immediately gets in front of me, and he tenses up, and then is asking if that guy is lost"
I step aside of Tom. i said, "hey Ben" Tom gives me a look. Like I'm not sure what he is even thinking. He looks at me, and then he looks back at Ben. And gives Ben a look, a not so friendly look.
Tom puts his arm around me.
Ben said, "hey Sydney." Tom said, 'Ben um don't you think it's a little late for you to be making a visit, and also I mean what were you just going to stand at her door, and not ring the bell."
Ben is a little surprised, I can tell. Tom said, "Do you always show up this late?"
I give Tom a look. I said, "Ben come on in. This is Tom. Tom this is Ben."
Ben offers his hand. Tom looks at it. I nudge his arm, and he shakes it.
Tom said, "nice to meet you, I'm Sydney's boyfriend and fiance. We just got engaged." Tom puts his arm around my waist, pulls me to him, let's his arm go down my back to my butt, and keeps his hand there." Tom kisses my cheek.
Ben stares. What he must be thinking? oh God, I just realized I told Ben I didn't have anyone else to ask to take me to the wedding, then Tom says we are engaged. This may be a problem.
Ben said, 'Fiancé, I um I didn't realize that you were even dating Sydney."
Tom said, "we kept it a secret, didn't we baby." He kisses my cheek again. These kisses are unreal what it does to me.
I said, "Yes." Ben said, "I just came by to see how the wedding went" Tom said, "the wedding was pretty interesting. We ended up engaged so that made it great."
Ben looks at me and gives me the weirdest look. How do I fix this?
I said, "Babe did you say you were going" Tom said, "going to my car to get that case file. Yeah, that can wait." He shoots me a look. I laugh.
Tom said, "Ben I'm glad to finally meet you. Sydney has talked about you. I wanted to thank you for doing stuff for her car, but I'm going to take over working on her car. I'm as close to a mechanic as someone could be, and she feels more comfortable with a trained mechanic."
I said, "Ben if you want to sit down, it's fine. Tom can you help me with that in the kitchen, what I was telling you isn't working." Tom said, "Sure." He takes my hand we go into the kitchen.
I said, "Hanson what the hell is wrong with you?" He said, "me" I said, "yes you are being rude to Ben," Tom said, "Excuse me I'm being rude. You think I'm the rude one. When he shows up on your porch around midnight. Just standing there." I hit his arm. Laughing. I said, "Tom it's not midnight. Second, he was going to ring the bell, but you opened the door. And yes pretty much insinuating that he may not have the skills to do an oil change, and that I don't want him doing it is rude."
Tom said, 'Sydney do I have to remind you that we are engaged. I don't appreciate some steroid guy showing up late at night. It looks bad, I don't want people thinking you are cheating on me."
I said, "Excuse me Hanson. First, I know that we are fake engaged. Second I don't appreciate you insinuating that I would cheat, or that I am anything but friends with Ben, and third he is not on drugs."
Tom said, "oh right you are so naive." I said, "Hanson" He said, 'so he just got huge arms, legs, chest, neck, head." I said, "From working out, and he was a college football player." Tom rolls his eyes,
I can't blame Tom, of course he's not jealous he's worried about the deal. And let's face it, if a girl showed up at Tom's door, I'd not only be worried about the deal, I'd be jealous, and probably blast him,
I said, "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. You don't have to worry about Ben he is just a friend I told you that. But we do have to worry about Ben in the sense there might be a problem."
Tom said, "What is the problem. Except I don't like a guy showing up at your door at this hour, Sydney forget the deal. I care about you. If something happened to you like Judy, I could not handle it. I'm sorry if I upset you." I said, "no you didn't. I'm sorry. But the problem is I told Ben that I didn't have anyone to ask to take me to the wedding, that I didn't want my date to the wedding to think that I wanted to date that I wasn't ready to date anyone after Rob. And you told him we were secret dating and engaged." Tom said, "Shit so what do we do? I hate to bring him in on this fake engagement. We are already getting too many people who know." I said, "yeah we can't add any more people to the list"
I said, "let me think about it, hopefully he won't ask me tonight about it, maybe I can think of something to say about why I said that."
I said, "Tom just so I know, are there going to be hot girls showing up at your door. I mean neighbors, lying saying they need to borrow stuff." Tom smiled. He laughed. He said, "oh yeah I do get that all the time." I said, "yeah why am I not surprised. Those damn sluts. If I am there and I see them, I'm kicking their ass."
Tom is laughing. Right at the moment I don't even care if he thinks I'm jealous.
He said, "I'm teasing you. The only one who usually does come knock on my door, is my neighbor Gladys Trevino. But don't go beating her up, because she is 80 so you might hurt her."
He laughed. I laughed too. I said, "you're teasing me" He said, "no she feels sorry for me because I live alone, and she hasn't ever seen any girls over except Judy, so she thinks I'm too thin and she brings me food." I laughed. Tom said, "She is nice." I said, "she sounds nice." Tom said, "she tried setting me up with her granddaughters. But I told her no thanks."
I take his hand and we go back out.
I said, "Ben how is your mom?" He said, "She is doing ok. Her surgery actually got postponed. I came home to do a few things before I head back in a couple days." I said, "well I will keep praying for her." He said, "Thank you. I really feel bad that I had to cancel on you, I could have taken you" He stopped and looked at Tom. Then me.
I said, "Tom knows I asked you to take me to the wedding. Um you are probably wondering about Tom and I and how we are engaged." He said, "actually yes, I mean I could have sworn you said that you didn't want a man" I said, "yeah about that. I um it's kind of a long story." Ben said, "I got time" Tom looked at me.
I said, "Tom is my partner at work, and while I did not want to date anyone after Rob, because he cheated on me with my cousin, and the betrayal was so much worse, Tom and I were doing this case where we had to be a couple, because it was dangerous, and so we were kissing and making out in front of the suspects, because we were at this wild party, and I tried denying how I felt about Tom, I mean it's so soon after Rob, but Tom told me that we should not deny our feelings, that he would not hurt me, nor cheat on me, and if he even would dare cheat on me, I could kick him in the dick and break it and his balls." Tom made a face. So did Ben. He said, "ouch" I said "that reassured me because I can kick pretty damn hard, and Tom knows that. For that matter so does Rob."
Tom laughed. I said, "But then we had another problem, at work, we were afraid, well I was afraid that our boss would not let us date, and have a no dating rule, so I told Tom no, but then our boss said it was ok, and so we came out as a couple at the wedding, and Tom got so inspired by dancing with me, and my beautiful dress, and " Tom said, "I blurted out I wanted to marry her and that I loved her. I mean I was not planning on blurting it out. Since I didn't have her ring yet, but I did." I said, "Right. So when I told you I didn't want to date, I was still trying to deny what I felt for Tom"
Ben said, "I get it, but have you considered that maybe this is just a rebound. I mean you just got out of a 4 year relationship and you were hurt." Tom's face, if looks could kill Ben would be dead.
I said, "No it's not a rebound. I love Tommy. I mean it surprises me so much, to fall so fast, but it's like we did a stakeout, and we just talked all night long, and we have so much in common, the same stories from our past, and there is just this amazing chemistry and deep connection, I feel like we have known each other forever." Tom said, "I feel the same way." He had his arm around me.
Ben said, "well I'm happy for you Sydney.
Tom thinks to himself, well you don't look like you are happy. That is not a face one makes when happy.
Ben said, "Have you set a date yet? I really hope that you are not rushing into this"
Tom said, "no I need to get her a ring that is worthy of her, and then she and I want to take our time with this, I just wanted to make a commitment to her, let her know that I'm in love with her, and I want forever with her, and I'll leave it up to her as to how soon we get married. I mean I'm so in love with her, I'd marry her tomorrow." Ben said, "yeah I get that. She's pretty special"
Tom said, "yes she is. One of a kind. I'm a really lucky man." Ben nodded. He said, "I'll be going." We said "Bye." I walked him to the door.
Tom said, "well you just broke his heart." I said, "Tom no I didn't" Tom said, "please Sydney. yes you did, you could see his face, the eyes went from happy and smiling to sad and depressed."
I laughed. Tom said, "Sydney how do you not get every guy wants to sleep with you. I mean you are totally oblivious to it." I said, "Tom no one wants to sleep with me" He said, "Sydney that is insane." I said, "you don't." Tom said, 'Don't tell me what I want to do." He looks at me. I stare at him. He said, "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you, or make you mad because I'm hoping you will let me crash on your bed."
I stare at him. He said, "I mean the spare bed." I said, "you can stay here anytime. If you want to." Tom said, "you sure about that, because you sure seemed eager to get rid of me"
'Tom's view:
Damn wrong thing to say. Am i stupid or what? I am bound to get her pissed at me and in a fight and then she is going to kick me out.
But she is totally clueless to guy's intentions towards her. The fact she thinks I don't want to take her to bed, when it's practically all I can think about, and she's the one girl who is making me want her more than I have ever wanted sex.
And that Ben clearly is wanting to be more than friends. And it hurt me that she didn't want me to stay. But even worse making me crazy thinking she wanted to be alone with Ben. But she has no reason to want me to stay I have my own place.
She is staring at me.
Sydney's view:
I am not eager to get rid of him. He is the one who was so eager to leave. I don't get him at all. The way he is acting.
I said, "I'm not the eager one, you are the one who was all giddy to leave, like you couldn't get away from me fast enough." Damn why do I go off on him like this, he's going to realize I am falling for him. I hurry to my room and slam the door.
Tom's view:'
Well good going Hanson. You can tell all I have had with girls is random hookups. I have no idea how to have a relationship with a girl. It's been too long. I was a kid in high school last time.
I knew I'd make her mad. But why does she think I was giddy or wanting to get away from her. That is not true. I don't know I guess I may make her angrier at me, but I don't think I can just stand here like a fool, not knowing if she wants me to lock up and leave or not.
I go to her room and knock on her door. I hear her crying. Damn I hate the way her tears affect me. It hurts.
I said, "Sydney" She said, "just a minute."
The door opens. I said, "I'm sorry." She said, "no you didn't do anything. I'm sorry. It's ok. I understand why you don't want to stay here, it just I get scared when I'm here alone. And my dad and brother can't find out about it or they would make me move home to my dad's. I bought the house when I thought Rob was going to move in. But then he cheated and I kicked him out. Now I hear noises. And girls being raped has always scared me."
Sydney's view:
Why am I rambling and divulging more secrets. This man has way too much power over me.
Tom said, "First Sydney I don't know why you thought I wanted to leave. I didn't. I wanted to stay but I didn't want to be rude and invite myself to stay. I mean I did that last night, and I was waiting for you to ask me, but then when you didn't, and it's fine I mean if you didn't want me to stay.
Second, if you are scared of being alone, Sydney I will stay here with you, or you can come with me to my place, sometimes, to get away. I want you safe and protected. I see you have good security system, and also the ring doorbell, but I can fix more security around your house. Like an electric shock fence, more security cameras, sound system, that sounds a loud alarm triggered by motion sensor, Plus I can stay here with you, and do all that stuff for you."
I said, "Thank you so much Tommy. I mean I have a state of the art security that daddy got me, and I know I'm safe. And I'm cautious, and make sure. But it's just with Rob always showing up and he had a key and I did change the locks, when he moved out, but I still have worried he would show up in the night, or his creepy friends who know we broke up."
Tom said, "yeah I would rather be cautious Sydney. So that I know you're safe. I mean Rob I'm sure has creeps for friends." I said, "Some of them are nice, but some of them are jerks. Like one of them just has always creeped me out. He would stare at me and try and talk to me and get me alone, like if Rob left to go to another room." Tom said, "Did he corner you, or try and assault you" I said, "no, but he would say things like he wished we could do a 3some or that he wished Rob would share." Tom said, "That son of a bitch Rob didn't do anything, didn't kick his ass."I shook my head.
Tom said, "Syd did you tell Rob" I said. "I didn't need to." Tom said, "What, are you saying he said it to Rob." I said, "yep in front of him and Rob would just laugh."
Tom said, "I'm going to kill him. I need to know where Rob lives. Sydney" I said,"No" Tom said, "Sydney dammit. I will find out whether you tell me or not. Just like I will find out about your old unit. So you could save me time, and just tell me."
I said, "Tom do you want this job or not, because I am lying to all my family, and look like a liar to Ben, so if you are going to blow your job offer by going and fighting people and threatening them." He said, "Sydney I'm not going to let some guys get away with hurting you. Job or no job."
I said, "Tom please just calm down. I didn't mean to tell you all that, and anyway I thought you wanted to leave, since you didn't ask to stay. I didn't want you to." Tom said, "ok, then I"m staying in the guest room. If that's ok." I said, "yes"
He said, "Can you come with me to my house, to get some clothes, and my bag." I said, "Sure but I'm ok to stay if" He said, "I'd rather you come."
We left to go to his house. He packed a bag, with his stuff, then he took me for ice cream, and we went back home.
I said, "Tom what will we um need to do for this case. I mean couple wise; I hope that it's not like a sex party. I um" He said, "Don't worry. If it is, I'll make sure that you don't have to see anything, I'll get us somewhere private. I'm ok with whatever you want to do. I mean making out. But if you don't want to, I don't want you uncomfortable with me." I said, "it's ok" He said, "let's just play it by ear."
Judy called, while Tom was taking a shower. She asked if my fiancé was still there. I laughed and told her yes and his conversation with Ben. She told me he was jealous.
We got our case files, and we met the couple who had called the police to report their suspicions. They said that they would invite us to their party that would be on Friday night.