-Every magic comes with a price-
....Black magic is an ancient art that dates back to the dawn of mankind's ability to control and influence the source of magic that resides within every witch and wizard.
It is usually used to hurt other, those who the sorcerer deems unworthy, inhuman, and in need of pain, either through psychic visualization and realization of dark spells or enchantments and curses casted by the hands of the sorcerer.
It can be found to be used without incantation, which was a form of magic used by people in group settings in order to magnify and multiply the magic and it's reach as well as the impact it has on the subject involved.
Curses and hexes have become more common in their usage, seeing they require little to no effort from the caster and still yield the desired effect. However, when one uses true black magic the pain brought back to the caster of the spell that is used inflicts damage that is twice worse upon themselves. The sacrifice needed in order to succeed in performing black magic is great, and costly. The havoc it wrecks on the physical as well as psychological well-being of the caster causes even more severe damage on the intended target...
What the hell?
Putting down the book I sighed, pressing the bridge of my nose between my fingers in an attempt to process all the information. I had been reading the book for about a week now, and found in increasingly more difficult to stay focused. It was as if the book drained away all my strength and concentration, darkness clouding my mind like a haze of shadows that slithered nearer with every word I read. Every scarlet word, the intricate calligraphy already proving most difficult to decipher, it was as if the book resisted my every effort to comprehend or understand its contents.
But it also brought with it some much needed information. Despite my two hundred years of thoroughly enjoying literature, I hadn't often indulged in trying to decipher the darker aspects of magic. Alchemy on itself was already complicated enough, worthy of a lifetime of study and analysis. And since my passion lay there, and not with the Dark Arts-or Black Magic, if the books contents were accurate- I hadn't really given the more dangerous and dark side of magic any real attention.
The book was giving me some much needed insight on the matter. It was amazing how enchanting the darker aspects of magic could prove to be once their mysteries were unraveled and their secrecy exposed. In the end it all boiled down to power, plain and simple, just like alchemy did. Control and power, wasn't that what life was all about? For some it was. And the fact that Severus seemed to be most adept and practiced in said dark mysteries, was all the more impressive because of it. If he truly as accomplished and skillful in the darker ways of magic, I owed him far more respect than I had initially given him credit for. I could see why his proficiency and expertise in potions was closely related to the need to understand even the most basic aspects of magic, which on itself meant more control when it came to the more complicated and dark side of the Dark Arts.
As it turns out Minerva had been worrying about my well-being, and one rainy afternoon after I'd talked George and Fred out of helping Draco Malfoy and his friends of the Inquisitorial Squad to some well-deserved time in the Forbidden Forest with the help of a Vanishing Closet and a portekey (how they might manage to get their hands on one of those was still beyond me, but I was afraid to ask), she asked me to come to her office.
I ran into Harry on the way there, and he was looking just about as dreadful as I felt. There were bags underneath his eyes and his skin had an unhealthy pallor to it. Briefly wondering if maybe he wasn't getting enough sleep, I saluted him, but barely got more than a polite nod in response. I doubt he was even aware I greeted him.
Arriving at the wooden door that gave way to Minerva's office, it swung open after the first knock, revealing a stern-looking Transfiguration Professor. Over the course of the last two years I'd come to respect the strict professor a great deal, and could see the protectiveness in which she looked after her students, her role of Deputy Headmistress tinged with motherly concern concealed behind the facade of propriety and strictness.
Her hair was carefully done up in the usual bun, not a hair out of place, her glasses precariously balanced on the tip of her nose as she looked at me, eyebrow quirked. And, despite be being like a hundred years older, I still shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of that gaze. Taking a step aside McGonagall let me into her office, where the hearth was merrily roaring, the fire crackling and sizzling, a pot of tea placed on a small table in front of the fireplace, two chairs placed on either side of it.
"Please, Aurora, take a seat" Minerva said, her voice cool as her eyes followed my jittery movements as I made myself comfortable in the chair.
Despite my attempts to do so, a good nights sleep had continued to elude me, and thoughts of Severus still haunted my dreams. How could I move on when I was still in love with him? I hadn't quite figured that conundrum out.
"Thank you, Prof-Minerva" I said, remembering her telling me to call her by her first name.
"I heard about your success in brokering an alliance with the Sirens. I suppose congratulations are in order" Minerva stated, taking a seat as well and waving a hand lazily through the air, causing the teapot to levitate from the table and fill her cup with steaming, aromatic tea.
"I eh....yes. I'm happy to have succeeded in the assignment" I muttered, watching a tray of biscuits hover through the air from somewhere behind me and land gently on the table.
"Tea?" Minerva asked, motioning to the hovering teapot.
I nodded, and as an afterthought swirled my index finger through the air in a circular motion, causing two biscuits to levitate from the tray to the small plate which held my cup of tea.
Minerva watched these proceedings with interest.
"You are quite accomplished at wandless magic, Aurora" she told me with a pointed look.
"As are you, Minerva" I chuckled, looking up at the stern witch, who had a small smile hinting at the corners of her lips.
She sipped her cup of tea and looked at me over the rim of her glasses. I drank a bit of my own tea, silence settling over us as the fire roared in the hearth. Knowing that the witch would get to the point when she was ready.
After a few minutes of quiet Minerva seemed o realize I wasn't about to break the silence.
"Pleasantries be damned!" she muttered under her breath, narrowing her eyes at me "Aurora, what did you do to Severus?"
I nearly chocked on my next sip of tea, nostrils flaring as I coughed in a very unflattering manner.
"What? Why would you immediately assume it's me who did something?!" I spluttered in indignation.
"Because you were the one to pursue him in the first place" Minerva pointed out.
"Me? Pursue Severus Snape romantically?" I snorted.
"Okay. Let's do a small recollection of past events, shall we?" Minerva said pointedly "One, you stayed with Severus during the remainder of the vacation when you first came to Hogwarts. Two, you two are constantly bickering and arguing-and we all know there's a thin line between love and hate. Third, he saved your life when you were poisoned, and seemed to actually have softened a bit towards you, which is more than I can say from anyone else"
She was ticking off these points, looking at me as she spoke "And don't even get me started on this year. At the Headquarters of the Order I found you leaving his room, all flustered and disheveled. He accompanied you to two of your assignments, and I found you guys snogging in his classroom.....should I continue?"
Damnit.
The lady had a point.
"Well it isn't like I meant to fall in love with him on purpose" I whined, before realizing I'd said that out loud.
Minerva's eyes widened fractionally, the only outward sign that she was surprised by my admittance. She pursed her lips, opening her mouth before closing it again. Then she spoke.
"Love?" she finally asked, her voice low "You love him?"
No point in denying the truth, now was there?
"Yes" I said simply, hating the tremor in my voice. It spoke of a weakness I wasn't supposed to be feeling.
I had known it myself for some time now, but speaking it out loud was a lot harder than I had initially expected.
"I cannot pretend to understand your reasons for loving a man as broken and resented as Severus" Minerva said calmly, clasping her hands together after putting down her cup of tea "But I know that if you care for him that deeply, you must have your reasons"
Unable to suppress my irritation at her words I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Resented? Broken?" I said snidely "You were the one that told me you respected him...'tacit affection' was the precise term I believe. What changed?"
"You falling in love with him" Minerva said simply.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I breathed angrily, wringing my hands in my lap, knuckles a ghostly white.
"Severus is a spy, Aurora. He is a DeathEater. He cheats, and lies, and deceives everyone around him. I'm not going to pretend he's a saint when he clearly made his fair share of bad choices in the past. But Albus trusts him, and I learned to trust him over the years. I care for his well-being, but in the end I can't deny that he is a person forced by his circumstances into something so dark and dangerous that it has forcefully claimed a part of him..." she was looking at me with a calm and level stare.
"Are you saying he can't be saved?" I whispered, voice dangerously low.
"I'm saying it will most likely hurt and destroy those who try" Minerva replied candidly.
"The things he does he does for love" I snapped "He's seeking to be forgiven, paying penance for his sins, looking for salvation..."
"Which he clearly struggles with every single day. Aurora, he has chosen the darkness, and it has claimed him" Minerva reprimanded me.
"Well I love him. All of him. Even the parts that belong to the darkness" I said stubbornly.
"For your sake I hope you're right. Severus is a brave man, and despite my misgivings about his intentions I know the price he's paying is costly. He puts his life on the line every single day, by some sense of being honor-bound to fulfill his duty and the promise he made Albus. I might not know his reasons, but I trust him to do whats right, in the end" Minerva said with a sad smile in my direction.
"And I hope to be able to rescue him from himself, for I feel he doesn't really expect to survive the approaching war" I mused, fighting back the painful sting of sadness that had lodged itself in my heart.
The look Minerva gave me was enough to confirm my worst suspicions. She also felt the same. She knew that Severus was struggling with problems beyond the mere fact of playing a double agent in this dark times. And she had accepted that fact.
"Let's just hope we're wrong, and in the end he'll be around to prove me wrong in my assumptions" Minerva said quietly, reaching to grasp my hand, thumb brushing over the back of my hand in comfort.
I swallowed.
"Why did you bring this up?" I muttered dejectedly, casting my eyes down "Why talk to me about this?"
"Because everybody needs someone to lean on" Minerva pointed out "And I have the feeling that both you and Severus are maddeningly stubborn and closed-off when it comes to your feelings-to the point where you are so guarded you stop trusting everyone, even those who mean well and could help you"
I chuckled, but it was a mirthless sound. She was right. I couldn't parade my feelings because it revealed a weakness, and I was afraid to trust anyone but myself. Years of experience had thought me to rely on no one but me, confide in no one but myself.
"Yeah...you have to bloody drag it out of me" I muttered, but this time the smile on my lips was real. Admitting I was difficult when it came to sharing my feelings wasn't that hard. I knew myself pretty well.
"Then talk to me Aurora. It seems to me that you need a friend. And I understand part of what you're going through..." that last part left Minerva's lips reluctantly, and I looked up at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked her tentatively.
"I know what it's like to be in love with someone you can't have. To feel like you have to choose between you ambitions and your heart. To have the impossible choice between your love and where your loyalties lie..." she confided in me, eyes glazing over as memories resurfaced within her.
My brow furrowed, and I looked at Minerva with new eyes. She had aged gracefully, and you could see that she had been a real beauty when she was younger. And I knew her to be a headstrong, determined woman. That she'd had that sort of trouble in her romantic life was shocking to say the least.
"...how?...who?" I asked, unable to form the sentence coherently.
"I'll tell you my story, Aurora, in the hopes that you'll understand where I'm coming from with all this, and maybe to ease your mind a little" Minerva was looking at me with a half-smile as she watched me sip my tea "I was born in the Scottish Highlands, and my father was a Muggle Presbyterian Minister, while my mother was a pure-blooded witch. Growing up I was always very driven and ambitious, but that didn't stop me from falling in love with with a local farmer boy once I returned to my parents house after my schooling at Hogwarts..."
Minerva was looking into the fireplace, eyes unseeing, memories of her youth coming back to her after all these years.
"I was 18, and he didn't know I was a witch. Once he proposed-and I said yes-I realized I'd have to give up everything I'd worked for if I were to marry him. I'd been offered a position at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry, and I had a bright future ahead of me" she was watching me with sad smile gracing her lips, and I could see how hard the memories were on her, even now.
"...did you?" I asked her, a bit fearful of the answer.
"Doing so would mean following in my mother's footsteps and live a life without magic, my wand locked away and shredding all of my ambitions....." Minerva shook her head "I couldn't do it. I broke off the engagement and left for London to work at the Ministry instead. My career took off, and I worked under the guidance of the man who would later become my husband"
"....but what about the farmer?" I asked her, feeling a bit apprehensive about having Minerva tell me all this personal things about her life.
"Dougal-that was his name-was never far from my mind, and Elphinstone Ulquart, my former boss, was always a dear friend of mine. But I never quite got over Dougal, and it wasn't until his death that I allowed myself to move on. Elphinstone was a good man, and our marriage was a happy one" Minerva was now looking at me with a knowing look in her eyes.
And I knew why. I could recognize parts of myself in her own story. Severus was an impossible man to be with, but I also thought I couldn't be happy if it wasn't with him. I had tried with Alexander, and in the ended up hurting him because of my own inability to let go of Severus. It seemed that Minerva had had a similar experience. But as that really what I was headed for? That I couldn't move on until Severus...what?died? The thought was too scary to contemplate.
"I can see you thinking, Aurora dear" Minerva chuckled "It hurts, doesn't it? The thought of losing him?... When Dougal died, I thought that a part of me died with him, and that I could never be happy again. I never expected to be as happy as I was with Elphinstone, and yet, he brought a joy and happiness to my life which I hadn't thought possible"
"I-I couldn't" I mused, shaking my head forcefully "No matter the hardships and heartache, Severus is worth it"
"Well I can only hope you find the happiness with him that I never shared with Dougal" Minerva commented, that knowing half-smile playing on her lips again "For you deserve to be happy. I'm just worried you're misleading yourself by believing that this will be some happily-ever-after kind of fairytale. I found happiness when I thought I wasn't capable of it anymore, and maybe you should consider the possibility that this thing you have going on with Severus might not end on such nice terms. We are at war, and Severus might end up on the wrong side of all this once the end approaches"
Her tone was serious, her eyes searching mine for something, what, I didn't know.
"You might have found happiness with Elphinstone, but I'm not sure I would survive if Severus didn't" I said quietly, voicing the dark thoughts that had been haunting me ever since I found out Severus was my soulmate. I hadn't asked my mother about if, for I was afraid of the answer. What if Severus dying meant I would perish as well? What if this whole soulmate thing went deeper and claimed my life if something happened to Severus?
"You're young, and in love, Aurora. I know that it seems like the end of the world, and although I can't lie to you and say the pain will go away if something were to happen to the one you love, I can assure you that time does indeed heal all wounds" Minerva said sharply, but there was a gentleness to her voice that got to me.
I didn't say anything, because I couldn't bring myself to tell her about me being a Tokrah. She'd know right away what that meant, specially regarding Severus. And no one should know about that. He already had enough to worry about without it becoming known that he was my soulmate. People would perceive it as a weakness and try to get to him through me.
But I also couldn't remain quiet throughout all this. Minerva had confided in me about some very personal things. I could only return the favor. Besides, I was drawn to the strict and proper witch. I needed a friend. Someone I could confide in. She seemed like the right choice.
"Severus....." I started "I'm worried about him. He's always so cold, and distant, and I can't seem to get through to him"
"You looked pretty close when I found you guys making out in his classroom" Minerva said dryly, causing me to chuckle.
"The physical attraction is there, you're right about that Minerva, but that also seems to be the damn problem" I grumbled with an amused smile "I think Severus is trying to convince himself that that's all there is to this. Sexual frustration, pent up tension, desire, lust...whatever. He just doesn't want to let me in"
"I think he'd like to do other things to you than letting you in" Minerva said with a naughty smile.
I nearly chocked on my tea at the saucy comeback from the proper Transfigurations Professor. That was a side of her she didn't let her students see, that was for sure.
"That's beside the point!" I chipped "Truth is I keep giving parts of myself to him and he just dismisses it like it's nothing. And just when I can't take it anymore, when I decide that enough is enough, he makes me doubt by doing something sweet or showing me that he is indeed capable of showing emotions other than that cold-hearted facade he puts up for everyone else"
"Severus Tobias Snape? Sweet?" Minerva laughed "By Merlins beard! What did the man do?!"
I told her about the book, and Minerva was shaking her head in disbelief, laughing at the thought of Severus actually being capable of what for him was probably a romantic gesture.
"It seems like you're getting through to him more than you think, Aurora" she told me with a small smile playing across her lips, eyes twinkling behind her glasses "You've gotten Severus to not only show emotion, but also to talk to you, which is more than anyone has is the fourteen years that he has worked here"
"All I can hope for is for it to be enough" I said quietly, thinking about Severus and the role he had to play in the upcoming war.
"In the end, that's all we can do" Minerva said, nodding at my serious expression.