Jay had given me a kiss and headed out. He said "ok, but this conversation is not over, not by a long shot Sydney I want answers."
I looked at Tom. He winked at me. I said, "I have words for you Hanson. But in a minute. Judy is everything ok, is it your mom? The call I mean"
She laughed. She said, "No we lied. Your hubby to be thought you might need a save from your brother."
Tom said, "wasn't I right?"
I hit his arm. I said, "Thomas Hanson" He said, "Judy does that mean I'm in trouble, I mean she said my full name" He laughed. So did Judy.
I said, "ha, ha, you are a comedian. Tom what the hell. I thought we were clear that we had came to an agreement that we are not doing your plan. No to the engagement."
Tom said, 'Um yeah, I don't recall us coming to an agreement honey" I said, "Don't honey me" He said, "oh ok baby" I said, "Hanson please be serious. I am at a loss to understand. What the hell did you say to my dad and brother. I mean my dad hated you, and now he seems ok with it. And you were supposed to." Tom said, "gee Judy is it a bad thing that my wife to be doesn't think I have charm."
I said, "Tom" He said, "ok calm down." I said, "it's a little hard to calm down. I told you that we are not going to do this. I can't lie to my dad and my aunt and my brother. And your mom"
Tom said, "Sydney, we wouldn't be lying exactly. If we don't set a date. Come on Judy what do you think. I mean did Sydney tell you what all that bitch did the father daughter dance? How hurt Sydney was? And that Rob was acting like she was still his, grabbing her arm, ordering her around, and telling her to stay away from me."
Judy said, "yeah she told me about the father daughter dance. I would have hit her."
Tom said, "I don't see what is wrong with my plan. I wanted to make Sydney feel special, and all those thirsty hoes and that bitch cousin to see Sydney steal the bitch's thunder, by getting a romantic spur of the moment proposal. I mean picture it. We are at the wedding, we are dancing, and I get inspired by the vows to profess my love to Sydney and ask her to marry me and tell her I"ll get her a ring and a proposal later, but I want everyone to know that she said yes."
Judy said, "Very romantic Hanson" Tom said, "exactly. And then when I blurted it out without thinking, and Sydney was worried that she would be humiliated. I mean the bitch started in and Rob saying no way that we were engaged, and that Sydney made it up to hurt her because she can't have Rob. Come on. I can't let Sydney be humiliated because I messed up"
Judy said, "right you are not that kind of man"
Tom said, 'So we are engaged. I will buy you a ring, give you a romantic proposal. We can say that we just want to profess our love, but are in no rush to get married, that we need to bond more, be best friends more and together. Oh, and I told your dad that we are definitely not having sex until our wedding night. I scored big points with that one"He smirked. I said, "Tom Hanson, I could kill you."
He said, "honey you wouldn't want to do that I mean then you would have to explain why."
Judy laughed. So did Tom. I didn't seem to find the humor in it.
Judy said, "I agree with Tom. I think that there is no harm in letting those bitches think that you are engaged, and you got a romantic proposal from a hot man. You said they were all thirsting over Tom. Wishing they could get with him"
I said, "right and I would do it in a minute if it was only them, but it's my aunt, my dad, my brother, and Tom's mom. I don't want to hurt anyone." Tom said,"I get that. I really do. But I don't see how if we say that there is not going to be any wedding plans made, we are taking things real slow, that we have both been hurt and needed to profess our love, but we aren't ready to commit. We need to know each other a few years before we get married." I said, "so what we are just going to be fake engaged, for how long."
Tom said, "Well for as long as you want. I mean if you meet someone and want out, then you can dump me. I won't be meeting someone." I said,"And what about sex"
He said, "honey I'd love to, but your dad, I can't go back on my word. He is a very powerful man, he'll kill me." I hit his arm.
He laughed. So did Judy.
I said, "Tom I'm talking about you. I told you; I have been humiliated enough, I don't want people seeing you out going to get laid and then they laugh at me and make fun of me to my face behind my back."
He said, "And I told you that I won't go out and hook up, that I don't need sex, and that I didn't get laid that night. I turned down the women, I even felt guilty about it, and I left. I don't want sex. I would never cheat on you, even if we are just a fake couple. I promise you. And I expect the same in return, although I know you aren't out trying to have sex."
I said, "Tom I'm sorry, but I can't lie to my dad and my brother. Besides jay doesn't buy it. He is too smart, he's a top-notch lawyer. I mean he knows me, and he saw my shocked reaction because we were in agreement at least I thought we were."
He said, "well I can work on Jay to convince him." I said, "Tom why are you doing this. I told you it's ok. I get you were trying to hurt Rob and my cousin and build me up. It's fine."
Judy said, "let's go to the zoo you guys." I said, "ok sounds good, but Tom we are telling my dad no I'm telling my dad and Jay that we are not engaged. I'm telling them you were trying to help me, and it got out of hand."
Tom nodded. He said, "will you at least wait until tomorrow." I said, "yes Tom. I don't have the energy to face them today" he smiled.
He said, "I'm sorry for all this" I said, "I know. let's go have fun."
Judy said, "I can't believe what you just said Tom. I mean that Rob acted like Sydney was still his." Tom said, "yeah well since he hates me, he really was trying to get her away so that he could tell her lies about me."
Judy said, "what" Tom said, "he was lying to her telling her I set her up, that I was after revenge and hunted her down since I found out he was with her."
Judy said, "wait you know this Rob guy?" Tom looked at me. He said, "um yeah I thought Sydney told you that." She said, "no. Wait do I know him?" Tom said, "no"
I said, "enough about Rob please. He gives me a headache. So just what went on with my dad." Tom said, "you weren't kidding about your dad. I thought I was on trial for my life. I was starting to sweat. He promised he would ruin me, my name, my job, my money, he is going to hire people to watch my every move."
I said, "Dammit Tom. I told you." He laughed. He said, "it's fine. I have nothing to hide. I told him why I hated Rob." I stared at him. I said, "What." He said, "not in detail, just that we went to high school together, and Rob was a liar back then" Judy said, "you went to high school with him wow."
We had fun. then we ate lunch, and I took Judy home.
Tom said, "how mad at me are you?" I said, "Tom I'm not mad at you. I just can't lie to my family and to your mom. I could not look your mom in the eye."
He said, "I get it. It's a reason why you are so special. Unlike any other girl."
I dropped Tom off at his place. He said, "do you want to come in?" I said, "for a minute." He got me a drink. He went into the bedroom to change into his jeans and tee-shirt.
Judy texted me. Girl, you need to not stop this engagement. You know you want Tom. Be engaged to him Play the fake couple. You love him. I think he loves you. And who knows you could have that real fairy tale wedding.
Tom came back. Sat down on the couch by me.
Tom said, "even though you are going to tell your dad and brother we aren't engaged, and end this, will you still come with me sometime and meet my mom? I've told her about our new partner." I said, "Tom I'd love to. Anytime" He said, "maybe soon?" I said, "Sure."
Tom said, "I thought you would have told Judy I knew Rob. I mean you told her all about the wedding when she asked."
I said, "Tom, you told me no one knew, and it was your story to tell" He said, "I didn't mean that you told her in detail, I just thought you would have told her." I said, "no I didn't."
He said, "thank you for that."
Tom said, "Looks like I have messages." He pushed the button on his answering machine.
It was his mom. She said, "Hi honey. It's your mom. I just was checking in to see how the wedding went. I hope I do get to meet Sydney soon. I'm so excited to meet this girl who has made such an impression on you.. Love you."
I smiled. He laughed. The next message said, "hi Thomas. This is "Sgt Ryan Jamison. I am second in command downtown, Commissioner Joe's assistant. I wanted to thank you for your interest in being the replacement for your captain Fuller. But I am letting you know that Commissioner Joe while he respects your leadership and service, and thinks you would be a great captain, at this time, you are out of the running. But he thanks you for your current service, and looks forward to seeing how your career goes. have a good night."
I said, "aw Tommy I am so sorry." He said, "it's ok. It was a long shot. Anyway"
I said, "I could call Joe I mean I can go over there and" Tom said, "No Sydney. I don't want you to do that. He made his decision It's ok. I didn't expect to get it. He said good things about me that's good enough" I said, "I have to go. I'm really tired, and before work tomorrow I have to go have breakfast with my dad get this over with."
Tom said, "ok Sydney I'm kind of tired too. I think I'm going to crash early tonight" he gave me a hug and walked me to my car. I left and went home.
Tom's view:
I called Doug and asked him if he could come over.
Doug comes over.
I said, "hey thanks I need some advice."
Doug said, "Sure, how did your big wedding date go" I said, "it was a disaster. But Sydney looked beautiful. But I messed up. I blew it."
Doug said, "oh no don't tell me you forgot to pick her up." I said, Penhall no"
He said, "What happened, you didn't go off. with some girl"
I said, "no dammit and remind me why I called and asked you to come over."
Doug said, "Because I'm your best friend." I said, "Unfortunately."
I said, "Sydney was really hurt. A lot of bitches she went to high school were there, and they ignored that I was with her, and tried to talk to me hurting her. Then her cousin not only has the nerve to ask Sydney's dad to walk her down the aisle, hurting her, but then gave a big speech, and wanted a father daughter dance." Doug said, "ouch. I bet that did hurt. Sydney"
I said, "yeah, I mean that's her dad, having to watch that, when Sydney is coming off a bad breakup." Doug said, "yeah like rubbing salt in her wound" I said, "exactly."
I said, "Anyway Sydney was crying, and I had too much to drink, free bar, and I wanted to give Sydney a special night, I wanted to steal her cousin's thunder and ruin her night, and make Sydney feel good, and I kind of blurted out when the DJ had stopped, so everyone heard, that we were engaged."
I had given Doug a beer, and he had taken a sip and spit it out all over me. Choking.
I said, "gee thanks Penhall."
He said, "Sorry Hanson. but did you just say you are engaged to Sydney. I mean while yes she is the girl of your dreams, and you love her so don't even deny it, because your face when you look at her gives it away."
I said, "i won't deny it. yes, I love her. But no we are not really engaged." He said, "how'd Sydney react."
I said, "well she was pissed dragged me up to the hotel room that she had for the night because the wedding was at the hotel, and then she demanded I take a shower and drink water until I sobered up, then she yelled at me. Telling me that she knew I was trying to help her, but I just made it worse, because her cousin didn't believe we are engaged and said she was just jealous that her cousin got married and Sydney didn't. And people will laugh at her because she made this up."
Doug said, "Wow. Hanson"
I said, "So I sobered up, and explained and we talked, and she understood, And I told her I would fix this mess, by just getting her a ring, and a proposal and then we would pretend to be engaged, like have a long engagement. I mean I've known couples who have been engaged for 3 years or more. That way her friends could think right now she's engaged, her cousin would be upset that Sydney got a romantic proposal at her wedding stealing her thunder, and what is the harm we would never set a date, and then we could have a fake breakup later down the road."
Doug said, "true I mean there is no harm with a long engagement with no date set. Plus, you're in love with girl, and you probably could turn. it into a real engagement"
I said, "No I don't want a marriage. You know that." Doug said, "But you are in love with the girl. So why not?" I said, "Because you know I got stabbed in the back by a girl." Doug said, "yeah I don't know the details but yeah, but that was a long time ago right. Before I met you"
I said, "yes but still I'm not going to trust another girl" Doug said, "don't you trust Sydney."
I said, "I trust her, but as a friend."
Doug said, "So what you are going to let the love of your life go, maybe be with some other guy, rather than just face your fears and marry the girl of your dreams. That's being a coward dude. And I don't think Sydney would betray you. She has been betrayed herself. I don't see her doing that."
I said, "that's not what I called you here for. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Sydney refuses to do it. She says that she can't lie to her dad, her aunt, her brother, and my mom."
Doug said, "Shit Hanson, I didn't think about your mom. Yeah, that's not good. I mean she wants you to be happy and find a girl and marry her. And I know she would love Sydney."
I said, "I know she will too. I'm taking Sydney to meet her."
Doug laughed. He said, "So you are taking your dream girl home to meet your mom, and yet you are trying to act like you don't want to be real with Sydney."
I said, "Sydney doesn't love me, nor does she want to be in love. She hates men." Doug said, "maybe but doesn't mean she can't fall in love. The heart doesn't always listen to the head."
I said, "Anyway I'm disappointed. I mean her not wanting to do this fake engagement. Please don't say anything. Look I know I'm a coward. But I know that as bad as that betrayal was, it's nothing compared to what it would be if Sydney did it. I thought I loved that girl, but I know now after being with Sydney, that wasn't love. What Sydney makes me feel. Doesn't compare to any feeling I've ever had. And it would destroy me. I would not be able to survive it."
"But sometimes Doug when we are together, hanging out, it seems like we are a real couple. Like when she made me breakfast and dinner" Doug said, "What, wait a minute, so Sydney is cooking for you." I said, "Only three times, when she stayed over, but damn she is a good cook. Like mouthwatering meals." Doug said, "wait she stayed over. I'm jealous, man I guess she hates me." We laugh.
I said, 'Anyway like she washes I dry the dishes." He said, "Oh my God you are playing house with this girl" I said "No I'm not. I didn't want her to do the dishes at all, since she cooked."
Doug said, "She's cooking meals for you, and she has stayed over, and you aren't playing house."
I said, "Doug It was late, I didn't want her to have to drive home in the middle of the night." He laughed.
I said, "anyway I guess I thought if we could be a fake couple, be fake engaged, I'd get to have her, even though I don't. I mean kissing her almost kills me. I almost am not able to handle what she does to my heart, my stomach, my body."
Doug said, "What you kissed her?" I said, "At the wedding I had to." Doug said, "Right you had to." I said, "yeah Penhall I did." Doug said, "yeah I know because it's mandatory to kiss at weddings. I mean like when the minister says you may kiss your bride, I thought it was just the couple getting married, oh but yeah that means everyone kiss." I said, "wise ass. No because when we were in the lobby of the hotel, she got all upset when she saw her ex-friends. These bitches knew about Sydney's ex and his side piece and kept it from her, and they upset her, she thought they would come over and hit on me, which they did, so I wanted them to know we were together, and I kissed her."
Doug said, "I got it.
Tom said, "Sydney has such hatred for herself. I mean she is always putting herself down. Like she doesn't think she's beautiful, she thinks she is ugly, and I feel horrible that our first night we met, I lied to her and said that. Dude I was just wanting her to stop yelling at me and saying hateful things to me cutting me down in front of all the guys at the bar, who were laughing at me. I said the first thing that I thought would make her shut up. And it did."
I said, "Come on Penhall you know how beautiful she is, you 3 were fighting over her, and she knows that, yet she still thinks she is ugly. And I wanted to reassure her that I would not let those girls do anything to hurt her, like flirt with me. I wouldn't give them the chance."
I said, "Anyway thanks for coming. I just needed to vent. I mean no point in thinking about what could have been a fake engagement, us pretending to be a fake couple, which might mean us moving in together, being roommates. Separate bedrooms of course. But I would get to see her all the time."
Doug said, "I thought you were going to distance yourself from her, maybe go on a trip to stop from falling. Now you are wanting to be fake engaged."
I said, "I know. I need to just think of this as a good thing, and I do need to distance myself from her because of those kisses. I nearly came undone."
Doug leaves. I get a beer. And am sitting on my couch. The tv is off. I'm staring at the wall. I've got my head back. Holding a beer. Lost in thought about Sydney, reliving that kiss, every kiss, How the first kiss, I was hoping I could have the patience to go slow and sweet, not sure if she would let me deepen it, which surprisingly she did. Then each kiss after that more passionate, more powerful, full of hunger and desire. I am thinking about what it would be like to be with her for real. And what it could have been like if we did this fake engagement, fake couple, fake dates real kisses. All the time I could spend with her, and I would be pretending she would think, even though it's real for me.
I finish my beer and sit there I don't know an hour. I need to forget it, it's not happening. She's right, it would be wrong to lie, and my mom could get hurt.
I get up to go to bed. My phone rings. I don't know the number, and it's 11:00. I'll let the machine get it. I go to the kitchen to throw away the beer cans. I hear the message.
"Hi I hope I have the right number. I'm looking for Officer Thomas Hanson. This is Commissioner Joe." Before he finishes, I run to the phone, hitting my leg on the edge of the couch. Ouch that hurt.
I said, "hello Commissioner sir, this is Officer Hanson. I am sorry. I was in the next room."
Dammit Hanson come on let the man speak.
He said, "I'm sorry to call you so late. I thought about waiting until morning, but I took a chance I could reach you." I said, "it's no problem, sir."
He said, "I know that my assistant called to tell you that while I value you and think you would be perfect you were not in the running" I said, "yes sir, and I thank you for even thinking about it, and for saying that you were impressed, and thank you for taking the time to call me to let me know that I'm out of the running. I'm honored that you were so kind."
He said, "Son I'm sorry. I'm not calling to tell you that you are out of the running. I called to ask you if the rumors were true." I think to myself. Oh God what rumors. What have I done? Did I screw up a case?
I said, "Um sir, I'm not sure, is this about a case or?"
He said, "no I'm sorry. My granddaughter Maureen's husband was invited to a wedding of his asshole coworker, she went with him, and she said that during the wedding celebrations, that Sydney announced she was engaged to you."
I about fell down. Oh my God. She is going to kill me when she finds out that word has spread.
I don't realize that I am not talking.
He said, "Tom are you there." I said, "yes sir"
I don't know what to say. I mean Sydney is ending this fake engagement, and I don't think she wants me to explain.
He said, "is that true, did you announce at the dance that you and Sydney were engaged."
Well, I did do that. So, I said, "yes sir that is true."
He said, "then this changes everything. I had no idea that you and Sydney were in love." I said, 'yes Sydney, I love her very much. I've never been in love like this."
I mean I'm not lying. Now she isn't in love with me but
He said, "then you are my choice."
I could not have heard him right. I didn't that is all.
I said, "excuse me sir." He said, "Officer Hanson, I thought you were the best choice, I was so impressed with how well you ran the station when Adam was out of town. I mean not only spotless, but everyone in attendance. No wild parties, no sex, or drinking or games going on. You would be surprised at what we have seen."
He continues, "anyway the reason I took you out of the running was not your ability, but because I was under the impression from the background checks, and the interviews that I've done, that you were single, and alone, as in no girlfriend, or potential wife."
I said, "yes sir, that is true, I mean."
he said, "right until Sydney. She's a new hire there, so I guess no one knew about her and you." I said, "Right."
He said, "let me explain. Even though Sydney is like a granddaughter to me and so special, just because you are marrying her, that is not why I am promoting you." I said, "for sure you are." He said, "yes if you are engaged. See it would not matter if you were marrying Sydney or some other girl. I just believe so much in true love, and finding a soulmate who betters you, who supports you no matter, who has your back, when everyone else is against you. While I think that it is a good thing to hire a captain who is younger, can fit in, can take care of cases with his unit, do the work, not just sit in the office, and be healthier than an older one, I think that if a man is a loner, is single, has no one to go home to, has no commitments, then he will end up burning himself out, and will end up with ulcers or in worse health than an older officer"
I said, "yes sir."
He said, "let me tell you when I first started out as captain, the stress I had, all the problems all the responsibility you are in charge of everything, which means you are responsible, if one officer messes up, it's not your problem as just an officer, but if you are the boss you are the one who answers for it, you are the one who is under fire, takes the hit, could get sued, could get charged. And it's not just one officer it's all the ones under you. If your officer has a wreck on a high-speed chase, kills someone, it's not just him in trouble, it's you in trouble, your name your job is on the line, you could be the one who goes down. The stress and the hours that you spend, if I would not have had my Lila, I would not have survived it, nor would I have made it as far as I did. There were times that everyone in my unit hated me, and everyone on the street hated me, you can't please both sides. Either the street, your higher ups, or your unit. two of the three are going to hate you. You need a good woman to be behind you, to go home to, to give you a reason to live a reason to work hard, you need a woman who will love you, support you, stand with you, and have your back, and offer your comfort, and care."
I said, "yes sir."
He said, "like for an example, and I won't go on about it. But one of my first few years, I had a case, my officer was doing his job, following it by the book, and was trying to make an arrest of a murderer, chasing him, and when he managed to get him stopped, and he arrested the man on the side of the road, this man's wife got out of the car, and tried to shoot the officer, the officer fired back hitting her in the leg, to save himself from being shot, but the bullet went through the door, hitting their small daughter 3 years old. She died."
Now as an officer, I know you can see how guilty the officer felt." I said, "yes sir. it would gut you." He said, "But do you think that he was in the wrong. Your first opinion" I said, "No sir. He followed the law. He pulled the guy over. He arrested the guy, and I guess probably made sure she was under control. But not thinking a woman would do that." He said, "Right, but you think that the public cares about the officer getting shot, when they hear that a 3-year-old baby died." I said, "no sir."
He said, "Right, that cop was trashed. I was trashed. Our unit was trashed. We were called baby killers. we had riots we had people hitting us with eggs. Egging our cars, writing baby killer on it, on our building. And we were sued by the murderer and his wife. And I was a father to a young daughter. I go home at night, and I would look at her sleeping in her bed. Filled with emotions about what if that was my daughter. Now yes, her mom was the one who put her at risk, trying to save a man who killed a woman. But that's not what people see. Now if you are hated and have things thrown at you, and yelled at you, and your life threatened, and you feel like dirt, and you go home alone, and you don't have the love and comfort of a good woman, that shit will mess with your head. It will make you question yourself, your ability, and your decisions. Because you know what son, the next day you face a whole another day full of problems, tensions, fights, and situations. And you have a whole unit looking to you, for leadership. You can't fall apart, you can't fold under the hate, and you can't second guess your decisions based off of one outcome. I would not have made it without going home to a woman who truly loved me. And I just think as a new captain with no experience you need that support. So, the only reason I took you out of the running was I thought you were alone. Single man. No girlfriend. No significant other"
I said, "yes sir. So are you saying that I'm in the running again." He said, "no I'm ready to name you as his replacement. Whenever it happens. Since you have that support system, and you are engaged to be married." I said, "oh my God thank you sir. I promise you I won't let you down. I mean I am a cop because I want to honor my father's legacy and try and be half as good as my dad. This means everything to me."
He said, "Congratulations Officer Hanson. I look forward to meeting with you. And congratulations on even bigger win in your life marrying Sydney She is so beautiful and so sweet, and we love her so much. You are a blessed man to have her love. I want you to come by with her tomorrow. Will you let Sydney know to bring you over. I don't want to wake her up." I said<"yes sir."
We say goodnight. I hang up the phone screaming, "Oh my god. I got the job." Shit i realize that Sydney is going to tell her brother and dad. Did she say tomorrow or did she say tonight. I think tomorrow but early. Oh God it's 12 15. I can't let her tell them. I need to try and beg her to just not tell them. But I don't want to wake her but also, I can't just wait until tomorrow, if I do that, I will miss her before she tells them.
I call her. pick up come on Sydney pick up please answer.
She says, "Hanson" I can barely hear her. I can tell I woke her up.
I said, "Thank God." She said, "What are you ok" I said, "yes, I'm great, I'm fantastic I'm fabulous." She said, "and you're drunk Hanson I was asleep." I said, "No I'm not drunk" She said, "you sound giddy" I said, "I am giddy you won't believe it." She said, "Hanson it's after midnight I'm exhausted." I said, "Sydney please promise me that you won't talk to your father or brother. You haven't right." She said, "No." I said "What time are you meeting them"
I don't hear anything. I think she's back to sleep. I said, "Sydney wake up. What time do you meet with them" She said, "who" I said, "your dad." She said, "6 30." I said, "Sydney please promise me that you won't talk to them until you talk to me first. Please I'll meet you at 6 ok." She said, "ok bye bye" She hangs up.
Dammit I don't think she understood I mean she was half asleep. how do I make sure Before I realize I'm in my car driving over to her house.
I know I'm asking a lot of her to continue this fake engagement. But it might be fate. I mean fate because who knew that I would mess up and yell we are engaged, and Joe's granddaughter would hear, and it would get me the promotion. I mean Sydney did look upset when she heard that message that I didn't get it. She said I was the best person for the job. If we can just be engaged. Just at least until I get the job. Maybe longer. Please if she would do this for me. I mean I want to be fake engaged to her anyway. Gives me time with her, as a couple. I could kiss her, even make out with her. Maybe. If she's ok with it. If she's not. I mean I will let her call the shots, put rules or boundaries down.