Sydney's view:
Tom cried. He said, "Sydney please be patient with me. I will tell you everything. I won't leave anything out. But this is hard on me. I have never told a single person about this. I mean not even Judy knows the details or has heard this. Not even my mom. So please I'm begging you tell me you don't hate me. Tell me that after I bare my soul to you, that you will still be my best friend. That you will still want to be my partner. I promise I will fix this. No one will be laughing at you. You won't be humiliated. I promise. I have an idea. But you have to forgive me. Just one more time. I know I've hurt you. I know I've been cruel. I hurt you the night we met, the next morning, and then when I left you behind. And I hurt you tonight. More than once. When I screamed at you, then when I humiliated you. I never meant to do any of this."
He said, "Sydney please give me one last chance. I can't lose you. please Sydney." I said, "Tom yes you hurt me. Over and over. And I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know that you were blindsided tonight, and I know that is my fault. I never dreamed you would know Rob. I don't hate you. But you really made a big mess, and there is no way out except humiliation for me. So please understand that right now I'm freaking out, and I'm upset. I don't hate you. But I still want to be partners. I still want to be friends. I'm not mad at you. I'm just upset. I'm sorry Tom. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm just freaking out right now. But I am here for you. You can trust me, Tommy. I promise you I will never tell anyone anything you tell me in secret."
Jay called. I said, "Jay come on dude. Please he's not drunk. But I need to talk to him." He said, "Sydney I'm sorry but you are my baby sister, he was out of control and drunk. I'm going to keep checking on you." I said, "I'm a cop. I can defend myself and I have a gun. But I don't need it, he's not drunk. He would never hurt me like that. I know that for a fact. I promise I will text you right after he talks to me."
Tom had his head down. Crying. I said, "Tom" He looked up. I hugged him.
Tom said, 'I don't even know where to start." I said, "just take your time. Start wherever you want."
Tom said, "this is so hard for me to talk about it. I want you to know though, it's more because two things happened. Making it the worst night of my life. And I think if it was only the 2nd thing happened, I would have not hurt as bad. But because of the first thing that happened, they are lumped together. When I think of the 2nd thing, it makes me remember the first thing, and I don't care how long it has been I'm taken right back there. To relive it all again." I stroked his hair. Ran my hands through his hair.
Tom said, "I guess I'll start from the very beginning. When I was 5 my dad got a new job offer. It was more money, a bigger police force, bigger town, so we had to move away. It was May and I started kindergarten in the fall. My dad's partner they became close friends, and welcomed us to town, my mom became friends with his wife, and we had family dinners together, and trips."
Tom said, "They had a child my age. 5 starting kindergarten, a little girl. So, she was my first friend in my new town. We played together, and I mean became best friends because I didn't know anyone else. My mom worked and her mom didn't, so her mom babysat me every day, so we bonded."
Tom said, "School started, we both made new friends, but our bond stayed. And she became like my first everything. My first kiss, the first girl I made out with, my first time."
I think, I know I shouldn't be jealous. But I am. I mean I would have loved to have grown up with him, and been his first for everything, but of course he wouldn't want that.
Tom said, "I remember I was so crazy for her. I mean crushing hard, and I wanted to ask her if she would be my girlfriend, and I was so nervous, but I talked to my dad, and he gave me the confidence to ask her out. So, I worked hard doing jobs in the neighborhood, mowing lawns, and my allowance, and I rode my bike downtown and bought her flowers, and then gave them to her and asked her if she would be my girlfriend and go out on a date with me."
I said, "She was a lucky girl, I mean to have you. You being so sweet and romantic to her," I smiled. Tom said, "I saved up so that I could take her to her favorite restaurant. Even though it was expensive. And then my dad dropped us off. And picked us up."
How pathetic am I, I think. I mean my first date was when I was in college.
Tom said "Anyway we were just little kids. We were 11. Going to be 12. We were boyfriend girlfriend, and then it was summer when we were 13. And I don't know we kind of had different friends. Different interests. Jenn was big in girl scouts, and shopping, and girl stuff, and I had my buddies, and sports, and I mean we weren't really each other's best friends like we started out as"
He said, "I mean when I was 8 this new kid moved to town. He and I hit it off. His dad was always working and missed all of his growing up." I said, "how sad Tom" He said, "yeah, I mean they lived in like a mansion, that had a pool, and all this money, and he had older brothers, but they were in high school, didn't want a little kid following them around." I nodded.
He said, "My dad was great. I mean did everything with me." He burst into tears. I hugged him.
He said, "Sorry. I'm getting there." I said, "no Tom it's ok. take your time. I mean I know what it's like to lose your parent. My mom was my best friend. I will never get over losing her. I ache deep inside it will never go away." Tom nodded.
He said, "my dad was great, like taught me how to do everything, fish, sports, work on cars. His evenings and weekends were mine and my moms. Like some dads work hard all week, then want to chill on the weekend. Not my dad. He worked hard all week, but then he'd do stuff with me and my friends or my mom on the weekends. He was never too busy, never too tired. Turned down things with his buddies, to take me and my friends camping, or fishing. Never missed a game. Even if he was on duty, he was there. Or he would trade shifts if we were out of town game."
I said, "he was a great dad." Tom nodded. Tom said, "my dad was like a second dad to my best friend. He helped him with football, he was a quarterback, and my dad spent hours with him working on mechanics, footwork." I said, "Tom just curious, did that hurt you at all? I mean didn't you play football?" Tom said, "yeah I did, but I was defensive back, and no it didn't really. I mean my dad included me" I nodded.
Tom said, "Anyway back to me and Jenn. We kind of drifted apart. Like she had her friends, and things, and I had mine, and there were lots of new girls in school, and we kind of just both had a conversation, where we were thinking the same thing, that we would like to just be friends and break up. There was a boy she liked from her church, and there was a girl I wanted to be with."
I nodded. Tom said, "Anyway we did that, and then the summer when we turned 14, our parents went on a family vacation, we were so excited to get out of the state, and it was going to be like 3 weeks at this fancy resort. Our parent's kind of let us loose, they went and did their thing, we went and did our thing." I said, " Sounds great." He nodded.
Tom said," After the first week, we went for a walk, and she kissed me. Then she apologized. I told her it was ok. And she broke down crying, telling me that she missed me, that she realized that she loved me, and wished we would not have broken up. And I told her actually I felt the same. This trip made me really realize how much I did love her. That I had been unhappy watching her with that other dude, but I wanted her to be happy, so we ended up back together and had sex for the first time in the hotel room."
Tom said, 'Hey I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just don't know where to start." I said, "it's fine. You really loved her huh" Tom said, "yeah i did. But I don't want you to think that I love her now. I mean I don't. I mean it was young love."
Tom said, "Anyway my life was perfect. I had a girlfriend who I loved, and I mean all the girls in school were always wanting to try and get with me, but I would never cheat. I was only with her. I loved her. Was thinking we would be together forever. I mean our moms were already hoping and planning for us to get married maybe after college. And I was ok that with idea."
"It was Valentine's Day. I was 16. I wanted to give Jenn the best Valentine's Day. I worked double shifts at my job and mowed and made extra money to buy her concert and VIP tickets to her favorite singer, who was going to be coming to town like 6 months away. I had even tricked her, she wanted to get tickets, so I told her we could go, but then they sold out in hours, and we didn't get them. She was disappointed." I said, "But you actually got them" Tom said, "Yep I was not going to give them to her till Valentine's Day so she would be surprised."
"I was going to take her to dinner, give her roses, and then the tickets." I said, "I bet she loved them. Was so surprised." Tom looked at me.
He said, "I had wrestling practice after school. Practice usually ended about 7. It was 5. The office lady came into the gym and went over to talk to the coach. She left. Our coach walked over to the assistant coach talked to him, then the coach said "Hanson" and motioned for me to come over. I ran over to him. He said, Son, I need you to go into the locker room and get changed, and I will meet you. We need to go to the office. I asked, he wouldn't tell me. Just said that I had a visitor. I asked who he said just go get changed. I didn't think it was that big of deal, I thought maybe a scout, you know and so I wasn't upset."
"I met him at the door, and as we were walking, I started getting upset. Because of how he was acting. The look on his face. He looked upset. And he wasn't talking, just had his arm on my back."
"Sydney I can still remember like it was yesterday, the long walk from the gym to the office, I mean normally not a long walk, but this one seemed like it. With each step, I was feeling worse. He opened up the office door, and I walk in, and I had 2 visitors. And when I saw them, it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and beat the shit out of me. It was my dad's partner and his Captain."
I said, "oh no Tommy." He cried, loud sobbing. I hugged him. And he cried on my shoulder. I don't know how long.
I rubbed his back, and ran my hands through his hair, massaging his head. My heart was breaking for Tom.
Tom took some deep breaths. He said, "I'm sorry I got to stop. I need to go wash my face and get a drink. Then I can finish" I said, "If you don't want to finish if it's too hard." He said, "No I want to."
I called Jay to check in. Told him Tom was not drunk. He's fine. I'm ok. Please don't worry. Jay said, "ok"
Tom came back sat down. As Tom is telling all of this, he is having flashbacks in his head of each moment, minute by minute, and I can see that is what is happening.
He said, "I knew why they were there. I mean the look on their faces, somber, tears in their eyes, my dad wasn't with them." I cried. He took my hand and held it. He said, "They said, Thomas we are so sorry. There was a . I stopped them. I said, "Don't say it. We don't have time for that, just tell me where my dad is." They are like Thomas, and I won't let them talk. I'm like is he in the hospital, in surgery, transferring to a trauma hospital, it's ok, does my mom know, I can take care of everything that needs to be done. I can take care of the house, of my mom, work more hours, so that my dad can just recover."
They kept trying to talk, and finally they said, "there was a robbery in a diner, your father was eating at, your father was a hero, he saved everyone in there, but he was shot. He didn't make it. He died on the way to the hospital" I said, "oh God oh Tommy. I'm so sorry." I burst into tears. He hugs me. He is crying to.
He said, "Sydney, I know you know that pain." I said, "yes, but my mom died of cancer at home in her bed. I got to lay with her the last days of her life and hold her. And say goodbye. I'm so sorry Tommy" He said, "I need you to understand that if my dad would have not been murdered that night, if that would have not ever happened, or happened later, then maybe it would not have had this effect on me, but the fact that I lost my dad that night. Forever has changed how I handled what happened next. Please try and remember that ok. I think the second thing that happened, because it happened right when my dad died, it's all one big thing. It's hard to talk about to anyone, because my dad died, I have never talked about my dad's death to anyone."
I said, "not even Judy" He said, "No, I mean they all know he died, and know he was on duty, but don't know when or details."
Tom said, "They told me my mom was at the hospital. She wanted them to bring me there. I went in and saw her, and she was sitting with my dad. She broke down crying on me, and said she wanted to give me time with my dad. I sat there in shock stared at him. Then I was filled with rage, anger at the guy who did it, and feeling hurt and angry that my dad would get himself killed. I mean I know it was a risk of his job, and he was a hero, but I needed him, my mom needed him. So I yelled at him and cried saying I need you, how could you leave me, how could you leave mom, damn you, then I cried and said I'm sorry I didn't mean that, you're a hero. My hero."
I cried. So did Tom. Tom said, "my mom wanted to go to tell my grandparent's. She didn't want to tell them their son was dead over the phone. I wanted to drive her, but she told me no. She said she needed to be alone, and she needed to do it. I tried but she insisted I stay home. Take care of the house. That she knew I had big plans for Valentine's Day, and that I needed to go give Jenn her present. That my dad would hate it if I changed my plans. He had been excited to hear how surprised Jenn would be and hear all about it. My dad would not want me to change my plans, and not give it to her."
'My mom told me that I needed to go be with Jenn, let her comfort and help me, don't push her away, let her in, and let your friends in. Call your friends, so they can rally around you, and support you and give you love. I knew that my best friend was going to take this hard." I said, "right because your dad was more like a dad to him than his own. Since his own was too busy to spend time with him" Tom said, "right. I mean I didn't even know how to tell him, break the news. I thought somehow, I will tell Jenn and then she can break the news to my best friend. I kind of thought Jenn probably already would know, I mean her dad was my dad's partner so."
"I was calling Jenn from the hospital, but no answer. I left a voice message. Call me please. I need you. It's my dad. But she didn't call. I figured she didn't have her phone on. I drove over to her house, and to be honest Sydney. I don't remember the drive or even how I got there. I really was so upset, and my mind was racing. I mean is this real. Is this just a bad dream? I mean I woke up this morning happy, excited to give her my gift, had breakfast with my dad, and we made plans for a trip for the weekend, a boys get away, my dad, me and my best friend. We're going to go hiking and camping. How could my dad be dead"?
I was massaging his hair and head. He said, "I made it to her house, and I saw my best friend's car in her driveway. I thought it was perfect. I mean that he was there. I needed to tell them both, and I needed both of them to help me through this. I mean I didn't know how I was going to handle the loss of my dad. And to take care of my mom. Be the man of the family now. Take my dad's place at home. Fixing things that need fixed, earning money to pay the bills. It all fell on me. I knew that I could count on my best friend to help me. With my mom I mean. Like help fix things around the house. I knew he would step up."
I said, "Right because he spent so much time at your house, he was like family" Tom said, "yeah exactly. I didn't have a brother, but he was like my brother. Like he would come stay at our house. My mom and dad thought of him as a second son. Not only did his dad work all the time, but his mom and his dad traveled left town all the time, and he would come stay with us for weeks at a time." I said, "I'm glad that you had his support, and you weren't alone." Tom stared at me.
Tom said, "I sat in my car a few minutes. Trying to get the courage up to get out of the car and go in and tell them both." I said, "your girlfriend was close to your parents too right. I mean since age 5. I'm sure they were like second parents to her." Tom said, "Exactly. I mean she was at my house all the time. She and my mom and her mom would go shopping, or do garage sales, and antique sales. She spent every weekend with my mom doing stuff. Like while me and my friend would do stuff with my dad, Jenn would do stuff with my mom."
Tom said, "I finally knew I had to go tell them. I got out of the car. And I go up to the front door."
"I knocked and there was no answer. I tried the door handle, and it was unlocked. I went on in, because I mean I grew up at this house, almost as much as my own. So, I am allowed to just go on in." I said, "of course."
Tom said, "I was going to call out see if they were in the kitchen, and I was going to head to the kitchen to look, but that's when."
He stopped. He said, "That's when I heard Jenn. I saw her." He stopped and wasn't talking.
I said, "I bet it was the hardest thing you've ever had to do to tell her and your best friend."
Tom looked at me. He said, "no I didn't tell them because they were too busy F------ on the couch."
I said, "Oh no Tommy. oh my God. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine" Tom said "I need you to understand Sydney. It's important to me for you to understand. That I'm not hung up on this girl. I don't love her, nor do I wish things were different. She's dead to me and has been since that night. She tried all the rest of the year to get back with me, to help me with my grief, I cut her out of my life, I hated her for years, but now I feel nothing for her. I don't hate her, but it's like she doesn't exist, she's dead to me. I'm not crying over her, or miss her, or regret losing her. Can you understand that. I mean if my dad wouldn't have died it would be easier to talk about, but it's all lumped together."
I said," I get it. I mean losing my mom was the worst thing and I mean I was 10, but when I walked in on my cousin and Rob, it broke me. I was so heartbroken, and felt so stupid, so humiliated, and I just can't imagine having that happen the same night my mom died. Tommy I'm so sorry." He said, "thank you. You can understand though that it all is jumbled together."
I said, "yes I get it." Tom said, "Sydney I swore that night, that I would never trust another woman with my heart, that I would never fall in love, that I would never commit to a girl. From that moment on I kept my word. I mean all the girls in school wanted to comfort me, losing my dad, and my gf, so I let them. I started hooking up. No strings. No love. No feelings. Just sex. No commitment. No dates. All I wanted was sex. And that's the way my life has been."
"I used to hook up with girls all the time, but then when I became a cop, I stopped. I didn't want to lose my job. So, it was not as often. But can you understand why I am so anti marriage, why I am anti dating."
I said, "of course Tommy. I mean I'm not anti-marriage, but I'm never getting married. I'm never going to give myself to another man and have him hurt me. I'm never going to date or trust a man with my heart or my body" Tom nodded. He said, "Exactly see I understand all that, and that is me too. I mean we have a lot in common Sydney. It's probably why I feel so connected and so close to you. That I could tell you all this. I mean you know what it's like to be betrayed by not only your lover, but your best friend, who is more like a sister to you than cousin. In my case he was like a brother to me. I think I was more upset over her cheating with him than if it would have been a random guy. I think it hurt more. It was a deeper betrayal. It was like taking a knife and stabbing it in my heart repeatedly. I think if it would have been a random guy, and not happen the night my dad died, I probably would have just blown it off, and then been able to you know be a normal guy, have a girlfriend, get married, have kids."
Tom said, "Does that make any sense to you" I said, "yeah. For me though yes it hurt more that it was my cousin, but that doesn't change the fact that he betrayed me, and that I gave myself to him and he was sleeping with me and someone else at the same time. It grosses me out and I think I would give up dating and men and hate men even if it was a random girl."
Tom said, "yeah I get that. I just think for me, a big part of it is when I think about this betrayal, I think about my dad, it takes me back there to hearing them say my dad is dead, to going in and seeing his lifeless body in a bed, and my mom crying over him. I'm right back there. I can't separate the two events. Because they happened so close together"
I said, "Tom I get that. I mean I think I'd be the same way. I mean you needed your best friend and girlfriend to support you on the worst night of your life, you needed them to hold you and tell you that you can survive this that they love you and are here for you whatever you need. Instead, you had to walk in on the worst betrayal that they could do to you and feel humiliated and like everyone is making fun of you when they find out."
Tom said, "Exactly. I lost my dad; I lost my whole world Sydney. My brother. My girlfriend. Humiliated. Felt like everyone is going to think man Hanson you must be lousy at sex if she had to get it from him. You know I could have handled losing my girlfriend. I would have been sad and upset if she wanted to break up, but I would have said ok. There were other girls that wanted me. I would have let her go. But for her to do this while with me, and it was my best friend. Like the one guy that I would not want to lose. I mean you know all about that right. your cousin" I said, "Right exactly. She was more like a sister to me"
Tom stroked my cheeks. He said, "I'm so sorry that happened to you too. I would never wish that on anyone, but especially you, you are so sweet." I said, "I'm not but thanks. I'm so sorry Tommy that happened to you. Thank you so much for telling me trusting me, I promise I will never tell a soul" Tom said, "Thank you."
I said, "I can't believe he could do that to you. Or that she could. I mean you were like the perfect boyfriend. She was the luckiest girl in the world to have you." Tom said, "I don't know about that. I mean I think I was an ok boyfriend. I didn't deserve that."
I said, "sounds like you were the perfect boyfriend. I mean sweet romantic. Giving her flowers. Making special dates for her, being loyal and true to her, buying her presents, and the fact you had to work so hard to earn the money to give her the gifts, more special to me. She was the luckiest girl in the world. I only wish I could have been half as lucky growing up. I hate this girl for what she did to you."
Tom smiled. He said, "Do you now" I said, "yes. I'd like to go beat her up for you" He laughed. He said "I appreciate that." I said, "She deserves to be slapped." Tom said, "Well you definitely hit hard." I laughed So did he. I said, "I'm so sorry about that." I touched his face. He said, "it's ok."
He put his hand on my hand and brought it to his lap and held it. He was rubbing my fingers with his.
Tom said, "Can I ask you something personal" I said, "Sure." He said, "you don't need to tell me if you don't want to." I said, "ok" He said, "you looked kind of sad when I was telling you about my first date story and then you said if only you could be half as lucky what do you mean by that."
I looked at Tom. Great, so I have to admit how pathetic my life is. How pathetic I am.
Tom said, "I take it you don't want to tell me, that's ok." I said, "I just wish I had someone like you in my past."
He said," Someone like me, what do you mean" I said, "I'm pathetic Tom. A loser."
Tom said, "no you're not." I said, "you don't understand." He said, "you're right. I don't understand why you hate yourself so much. I get why you hate Rob and your cousin, but why are you so hard on yourself. calling you pathetic and loser."
I said, "Because." He said, "I hate that about you." I smiled.
I said, "I will just tell you, so you can laugh if you want. I only have Rob."
Tom said, "you mean as far as um being with a guy."
I said, "yeah but not just that. Rob is my only boyfriend. My first real date was Rob. I mean I went on a double date with Kris and her boyfriend, and his brother was in town, and we were all in college, and she wanted me to come, thought it would be good for me, and we went to dinner and the movies, and it was horrible. The guy was such a jerk. I mean of course Kris had the best brother, he was hot, funny, nice, polite, and his brother was a pig, and when Kris and Jake were not there, I was sitting in the car waiting for them to come out, and this jerk like kissed me even when I told him no." Tom said, "What did he try and rape you?" I said, "no I mean he might have but I mean he was like insinuating he wanted sex, and he could make my night, make me feel so good, and I was like no. I'm going home alone. And he was like he kept on, and then I told him no, he asked for my number, and I said no, he said another date, I said no way. And he grabbed me and kissed me. I slapped him." Tom said, "Good I'm glad" I said, "Then he called me a bitch, and stormed off mad. But I was crying and so upset because that was my first kiss."
Tom said, "So that asshole stole your first kiss, after you told him no." I said, "yes. how pathetic huh. I was 20."
Tom said, "20." I looked away. Tom said, "I find that hard to believe." I said, "I'm not lying Tom." He said, "I believe you; I just mean I don't see how it's possible. you are so beautiful." I said, "I'm not." He said, "you are. I would have thought your first kiss would have been when you were a kid." I said, "nope. Like I told you all the guys who i crushed on were friends with Jay thought of me as a little sister or one of the guys. They would ask me for help to date my friends."
Tom said, "I'm sorry Sydney. And I'll need the name of that jerk who kissed you when you told him no. I'll kick his ass." I laughed. he said, "I'm serious."
Tom said, "Sydney, do you have any questions " I said, "no, he's a real jerk. I hope that you kicked his ass." Tom said, "yeah I did. I went over and I punched him hard. But then I left. With her running after me saying let me explain." I said, "Right like how you explain that. Maybe a kiss you can explain having sex no explanation for it. No excuse for it."
Tom said, " Right. When my dad's funeral came, I told them both that they were not allowed to show up. See they had tried all week both of them to say they felt terrible, they were so sorry, that was the only time it happened, it shouldn't have, what can they do to make it up to me. I told them they were dead to me. That they were not invited to the funeral. And they both showed up. Not together but still. He came to the cemetery, and I was so enraged. I beat the shit out of him, and attacked him, kept hitting pounding on him, my dad's unit had to pull me off of him, the main reason why he hates me to this day."
I said, "really I mean you had every right to kick his ass. And it's his fault, you warned him to not show up." He said, "right, but see he was a star QB, and he had college offers, had already committed to Michigan, they were saying he was going to be the next Joe Montana. He would have a long NFL career. SBs in his sight. And actually, he probably would have, because I've never seen as good a QB as him, I mean his passes were dead on accurate, tight ball, beautiful spiral."
I said, "Did he go to college" Tom said, "yeah, but couldn't play fb, because when I beat him, I busted up his shoulder so bad he needed surgery, and then the surgeon made a mistake and it cost him his fb career. He hates me to this day for that. Despises me. And so does his dad. And his mom" I said, "why it was his fault. And the doctor's fault. Not yours."
Tom said, "well his dad wanted me arrested, but my dad's captain was able to talk him out of it. So, no charges were ever filed. His mom blamed me because he started drinking after he lost his fb career, of course his dad got him out of all trouble he got in."
Tom said, "I'm surprised you haven't heard this story before." I said, "What." He said, "I mean the busted shoulder, the surgeon's screw up."
I said, "how would I have heard." Tom stares at me. Giving me a weird look. I said, "Oh you mean because I love football, and follow college football, and NFL. And watch all games."
Tom stared at me still. I said, "Tom what."
He said, "I'm sorry. Sydney. I just figured you put it together. I guess not?"
I said, "Put what together" He said, "my best friend." I looked at him.
Tom said, "I mean I thought you might have heard that story from" I said, "From who?" He said, "Rob"
I stared at him. It all made sense now. I should have figured it out sooner. I guess my mind is blown from his story about his dad being murdered then walking in on that double betrayal.
I said, "oh my God Rob was your best friend. It all makes sense now. I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner. I just was so mind blown about your story. I forgot all about Rob and the wedding and where we are or why we are talking."
Tom said, "it's ok. Hey, I'm sorry that I yelled at you earlier and was acting like you knew that I knew Rob, and that was why you didn't tell me his last name. I should never have thought that it just I was blindsided I had no idea Rob was your ex, and then you never would tell me his name." I said, "I'm so sorry. For hurting you. You did me a favor bringing me to the wedding and had to relive oh God Tom, you had to relive your dad's murder, and the betrayal. Oh can you ever forgive me." I was crying.
.