Dinner went by slowly. Theia hardly ate. Her mind was stuck on the thought of Windhaven. It had been so long since she thought of those dark months, or the years. Nyx didn't push for her to talk to him, though he noticed her absence as he sat beside her. His hand mindlessly stroked her thigh as they ate, a small comfort.
When supper was finished and the guests either returned to their homes or winnowed to other courts, Rhysand called Theia's name. Her eyes lifted first, meeting his through her brows. He gave her a quizzical look before nodding his head over his shoulder.
"My office."
She stood and laid her cloth napkin over her nearly full plate. Before she stepped away, Theia finished her glass of wine. Rhysand watched her as she walked toward him, waiting until she had left the dining room and marched down the hall. Rhysand followed, leaving Feyre and Nyx at the table. Theia entered his office and sat on the large chair, crossing her legs and leaning back. Rhys rounded the desk and sat in his own chair, watching her for a long moment.
"I'm sure my family told you of the changes to be made."
"Only of the patrolling in the village," Theia responded numbly. Rhys hummed and copied her position, leaning back and crossing a foot over his knee.
"I will have Nesta, Azriel, Cassian, and Mor watch the crowd at the Hewn City during court. Any ill intentions towards females will be stopped immediately and the male will be removed from the room. In the City itself, I will speak to Kier about having his Darkbringers enforce the laws." He watched her reaction as he finished speaking, though Theia gave him none.
She stared back, arm crossed over her chest as her other hand fiddled with her bottom lip. The longer he remained silent, the more enticing a rebuttal was. With a sigh, she dropped her arm and leg and leaned forward.
"These changes could have been made centuries ago. They are simple. Why did that not happen?"
Rhysand's jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring. His hand ran over the scruff on his jaw before he spoke. "Personal matters should not interfere with politics, but I let them. The court was shit when I became High Lord, and I was still recovering from my fight in the war. I had centuries to heal, but I had decided to keep Velaris from being touched from another war, I'd let the Night Court be seen as a hellish land. I left it as it was, because whenever I made an argument, I was shut down for being a bastard."
Theia inhaled sharply, not expecting him to throw his personal matters at her. He didn't meet her eyes, instead stared at a spot on his desk as he exhaled a shaky breath.
"I wanted my court to be the best. I argued with the camp lords about clipping, though they never listened. I thought it was useless to keep trying, so I let myself be seen as a monster in hopes that they'd eventually learn to follow my orders. Then, we were all Under the Mountain. All politics were put aside to please Amarantha and keep Velaris safe. My family was here, I thought I had no other choice. Feyre came to me next, and then the war with Hybern, and then the queens, and then Nyx.
"I grew accustomed to larger situations than learning the ways of my court. When Nyx was born and situations slowed, I reveled in the peace. I let my only issues become a rambunctious son that gave me headaches, because I've only ever wanted to be a husband and a father. It was my perfect idea of issues, and I let everything else slip."
Theia swallowed the lump in her throat. She hadn't expected to feel sorry for him during this meeting. She had expected to scream and get thrown onto the streets. Rhysand cleared his throat, drawing her from her thoughts.
"As for the poverty experienced in the villages, a crew will be brought to each home and repairs will be made for free. I will cover every expense, including having running water placed in each house. Each family and business will be given a deposit of coin to help the economy flow. Businesses can lower their prices and families can save more," he continued.
Theia gave a nod, clasping her hands on her lap. She didn't speak, though she felt relief from his words. They sat in silence for long moments, eyes darting around the room. Finally, she heard Rhysand inhale.
"I may have gotten angry with you, I may have treated you poorly, but you opened my eyes to my court's needs. I have not been acting as High Lord in the past years, and it's time to step up. Nyx will not return to training; he has finished the Blood Rite and now must return to the duties he never started. He will remain in Velaris, show his face in this court, and he will spend time travelling to courts to become familiar with the other High Lords.
"He will also be placed in classes with my Inner Circle to learn our history and what is expected of him when he takes my rank. He has been a spoiled child throughout these decades, and now it's time for him to work and learn his responsibilities."
Theia nearly gaped at him. She hadn't expected him to shift Nyx's life along with the court. Theia parted her lips, ready to speak, until her eyes met Rhysand's. It was an emotionless look, one of a male who was putting a shield over himself. There was something else. Theia felt her stomach twist as she let the words fall from her mouth.
"And what about me?"
Rhysand's throat bobbed. His eyes shifted to the door and back to her. Her eyes narrowed on the white knuckled grip on his chair, the heaviness in his breathing. He noticed her stare and shifted his body, placing his feigned stoic look on his face again.
"You will return to Windhaven. Tomorrow. Your home is repaired, I will bring you there myself along with coin for your help in the court. You will no longer live a hard life, but it will be separate. Nyx is still a child, and his feelings for you have grown to a point where he will never focus on his responsibilities. He has free reign to join you when he wishes, but you will not be living with him."
All of the rage that Theia had felt towards this male roared to life. She stood, shoving her chair back. The High Lord planned to take away the only constant in her life, the only thing that kept her sane when the world fell around her. Nyx may have destroyed her life just to fix it, but she couldn't deny her love for him.
"You will not take me away from him," Theia snarled. Rhysand sighed as he stood. There was a sadness to his eyes that she didn't understand.
"It's not for forever. This is simply until Nyx has a grasp on his future. If you asked him what he must do when he takes my place, he would have no answer for you. I ask this of you: Please return to Windhaven and oversee the changes I am making. Make a better life for yourself, and allow my son to learn what he must. If you stay, he will never leave Velaris to face his responsibilities. I am not ordering you as High Lord, I am asking you as a father. Please."
Theia stared at him, chest heaving with the threat of sobs. She couldn't stop her hand from rising to grasp the fabric above her heart. Her chest felt as though Rhysand had slid a broken blade between her ribs, and by the look on his face, he knew it. She'd be losing the only thing in the world that was hers, the only person who dared to feel something for her.
Her teeth ground together, eyes squeezing closed as her head fell forward. Liquid dripped onto her hand and arm, soaking into the fabric. She hadn't realized she was crying. Theia opened her eyes and looked up to Rhysand through her lashes.
"Do you understand what you're doing to me?" She croaked. His eyes closed as he let out a heavy breath.
"Theia, leave him be for a few decades, until he can understand the world around him. All he has been taught has been training and fighting. He knows nothing about the politics, the alliances he must form, nothing. I have failed to teach him this as he grew up, and now I must. Unfortunately, I cannot ensure this until you are in Windhaven."
Alone. That's what he forgot to say. She would be alone in Windhaven. She would have to beg for her job back, learn to live in her own home again. She'd live on hopes and prayers that Nyx would come to her, because she could never find Velaris on her own. She couldn't fly, let alone navigate.
She dropped back into the chair, wiping her cheeks with the fabric at her wrists. Theia knew she would never leave if she had the chance to talk to Nyx. If she was able to hold him, kiss him, touch him one more time. She would never leave, he would never let her. Theia had already been so sure that she could have no future without him, but what would his future be?
She would hold him back from the duties of becoming High Lord. He would rather care for her than his court. Even now, Nyx would prefer to stay in her room and lay silently than train with his uncles. She was already changing him for the worse. The thoughts burned her soul. Theia hiccuped, and Rhysand silently allowed her to think of her options.
Perhaps her love for him was simply a love born from loneliness and terror. If Nyx hadn't changed his ways, if he continued to torture her, she would despise him. She had hated him once before, and his offer of love had changed it. She didn't want to be alone, not after Maia died. Theia had clung to him as a safety net, and now she tethered him to herself.
Her watering eyes lifted to Rhysand. He was watching her with a solemn look on his face. Her chest rattled with an unsteady breath.
"Do I have to leave tomorrow?"
His face tightened, lips parting to argue. She knew he misunderstood.
"Can I leave tonight? Without him knowing? It would be harder to speak with him. I wouldn't leave," she spoke, interrupted by a sob. She had been so selfish all these months, and now Theia decided to give Nyx his life back. She wasn't sure what awaited her in Windhaven, if she'd live to see him again, but she decided it was best.
Rhysand's brows raised. "You don't wish to say goodbye?"
"I do, but I won't. If I had the chance to speak with him, I'd never leave. It's better this way, and it isn't goodbye. He will come for me some day," Theia responded in a breath. Rhysand sighed and let his head hang. He seemed to calculate her choice, and then he agreed. With a deep inhale, he gave her a nod.
"That's fine. I'll winnow you to your room, you can pack a bag while I gather things. I will meet you in twenty minutes to leave."
Her heart seemed to scream at her to stop as Theia rose and gave her arm to the High Lord. Rhysand took it, and they were in her room. Thankfully, Nyx hadn't returned while they spoke. Rhysand left immediately, leaving Theia to dwell on her choices in silence.
As she packed clothing into a trunk, she was sure to gather a few pieces of Nyx's clothes- a small gift to herself. Never would she have thought that she would be leaving him tonight, but as Rhysand returned, Theia couldn't change her mind. The High Lord was right in every way. Nyx's love was an infatuation, and he would never leave her side if it meant he would have to busy himself with his responsibilities.
Rhysand didn't ask her if she was ready, or even if she was sure. He took the trunk in one hand, Theia in the other, and they were gone.