As I lay down my bed, all I can feel is guilt and sadness. It's hard to know that the reality is in front of me but I didn't see it coming because I've been so blind.
I never wanted to act rude in front of the lads and the girls but I have to let them know how I feel.
Why in the world I forget about her?
It feels like I'm in a amnesia and all of the sudden the truth knocked me down and made me remember all the things I've done in the past.
The X-Factor journey really changed my life. I've been a busy guy for years where my dreams came true but little by little I'm forgetting about the things I should have done.
People knew me as Harry Styles, a member of the most famous boyband in the world, One Direction, but they don't know much about me, especially my past.
************
Many things bother me and I have so many problems, bunch of them, but the revelation from Stacey is different. I don't know if I have to hate her for not telling me that in the first place or should I hate myself for forgetting the most beautiful part of my past. Let me take you back in the past.
In my English class, when I was in grade 8, my teacher instructed us to get ¼ sheet of paper and write our names down. At the first place, I hesitated to do it because I don't know why we were asked to do that. So I raised my hand and asked.
"Excuse me teacher, what supposedly are we going to do with this?"
"Nice question Harry." My teacher complimented. "Alright, because we only have 5 months before the school year ended, I would like you all to have a penpal." My teacher smirked. " okay. Each of you should write down your name on the piece of paper. I don't mind if it is your nickname or what so ever. Just put something for you to be recognized." He finished.
Then I wrote down HES, which stands for Harry Edward Styles. I know it's easy to write my name but I preferred to be practical.
"Is everyone done?" my teacher asked after a minute, while holding a box. "So I'll roam around to collect all the pieces of paper with your name written on it. Got it?" he continued. We all answered 'yes'.
After a moment, all of the papers were already collected. "Listen up," calling our attention. "I'll be bringing this box back to the Philippines this semester break so that you can be a penpal of my wife's students there. They're from the grade six so be nice to them. okay?" we all nodded.
************
It's the first day of school from a two week vacation or known as sembreak. My classmates and I were so excited but at the same time nervous.
My teacher entered the room holding a box. He seated at his table and opened it. "So I will call you one by one, and if you heard your name, please come here in front and get your letter."
That moment I was like a melting ice cream and hands were cold as an ice.
"HES" my teacher called out. My eyes widened and my heart beats fast. I stood up and walked over his desk. Please be a boy, I wished but unfortunately, I got a girl's letter.
************
When I got home that afternoon was the only time I read her letter. I opened it and it reads:
Dear HES,
Hi. You can call me KC, that's my Nickname. My teacher told us to write something for you, our penpals. I was wondering if you're a girl or a boy? I hope we could be best friends.
Sincerely, KC
After reading it I burst into laughter. Does my name really sound weird? Oh gosh. Nevermind.
I grabbed a pen and a piece of bond paper.
Hi KC, I'm pleased to meet you. Our teacher also told us to write you there some letters and I was so excited. Sorry if you've been confused if I'm a guy or a girl, but I'm a guy. Also, I'm looking forward to be your friend too.
Sincerely, HES
The next day, my teacher collected our letters and dropped it at the mail office.
Kc and I were replying each other for several times. She shared many things about her like, she's afraid of heights, spiders, worms, and other creepy things. She also loves to cook, sing, dance, and draw. She also told me that her father and her brother died and her mother was the only one with her. She's funny, sometimes weird but I'm happy that I met her and she trusted me some of her secrets.
I was also the man behind naming the star 'starlet'.
As a remembrance, before the school year ended and probably the last letter that I could give to her, so I wrote all the things I wanted to say.
Dear KC,
I don't know what I'm feeling right now but I think, I like you. I know it's impossible for you to believe but you're all different. I wish we could see each other. I believe that distance can't hinder us though you there and I am here in England. I promise you that I'll search for when I'm 18 years old and you'll be my first girlfriend. I hope you'd do the same. Take care.
Love, HES.
With this letter, I also gave her a keychain with my name on it for her not to forget me.
She replied me for the last time and told me that she will also search for me when she reach the age 18 and I'll be her first boyfriend.
I felt so happy that time. And it was really promising.
************
My problem now is this, how would I tell her that I'm HES? Especially that I broke my promises.
First promise: searching for her when I'm 18.
I broke it. I'm turning 20 but I didn't make any move. I've been so busy with my work, career and all these stuffs and forgetting about her.
Second promise: her as my first girlfriend.
I broke it also. I had my first girlfriend before the X-factor. I'm such a fool.
What should I do now?
I'm so sad because she's still holding to that promise where the man of this promise broke every single bit of it. I don't want her to be sad because of me, the Harry Styles who don't know how to make his promises come true.
I need a solution but what?
I need to explain but how? But when? But where?
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A/N @1Dizarie
Hope you're satisfied with this chapter.
And thank you also guys for the #906 in fanfiction last night. I'm so honored. It made me cry due to joy.
It's my first time so yeah..
I Love you guys and stay beautiful.
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