I'd known something was up. Suz had been acting weird the last few days—well, weirder than usual.
When I stepped out of my room and saw the wide banner hanging above the couch, it shouldn't have come as much of a surprise. It was obviously handwritten—probably by Suz herself, judging by the messy lines—but it unmistakably spelled the word "intervention."
Just great.
Suz sat perched on the edge of the couch, sporting what I could only assume were fake glasses. She wore a solemn expression, her laptop and a notebook in front of her.
"Who are we intervening?" I joked weakly as my stomach tightened with knots. I had a pretty good idea of what this was about. Sofia would be returning in a few days, and I was honestly surprised Suz had insisted on me staying with her in the first place. Especially, since all I did was hole up in her guest room.
Quietly, she pointed toward the recliner.
With a sigh, I dragged my feet across the room. Maybe I should be more concerned. I probably would have been if the thick fog clouding my thoughts hadn't numbed me to almost everything.
"Tay, this is an intervention," Suz said once I finally dropped into the seat.
I couldn't quite keep the sarcasm out of my tone as I spoke, shooting a pointed look at the banner. "You don't say."
"Um...yeah." Clearing her throat, she tucked her hair behind her ears and adjusted her glasses. "So, I think you know why we've gathered here today."
I nodded, trying to ignore the burning sensation creeping down my chest. My condition hadn't improved at all in the last few weeks, and all I'd been doing was playing video games. I was genuinely surprised she had put up with me for this long. "I was actually thinking of moving back as well."
"What? No! That's not what I meant. You need to get out of that hole, Tay, because right now, you're spiraling and—"
Just like that, the burning feeling burst through the haze in my mind. "What exactly do you want me to do?" I snapped, rising to my feet. "Don't you think I've already tried everything there is?"
"Sit your ass back down and let me finish!"
For a moment, we just stared at each other. Then I reluctantly sat, clenching and unclenching my hands. This was exactly why I'd been trying to avoid her. My temper had been on the edge these days. It could be the lack of sleep, the constant itching, or scratching. Perhaps all of it.
"I know you've been avoiding me..."
The fact that she'd noticed only stroked the fire in my veins. People liked to say that it was okay to make mistakes. Everyone did, right? But then again, everyone seemed to exclude me.
I couldn't shake the feeling that this stupid flare was my fault. I'd learned it the hard way at my old university, hadn't I? So, how come I hadn't broken up with Chris earlier? How come I hadn't realized there was alcohol in that cup? If I hadn't drunk that night—or any night for that matter—maybe this could've been avoided.
The only reason I ever had was to feel normal, be like everyone else. Except that I wasn't. And to top it off, I'd been overusing my medication. Maybe if I hadn't taken those pills for so long the backlash would be less brutal. The list of mistakes was endless. And now I was paying for it.
"How much did you sleep last night?" Suz asked tentatively.
I shrugged. "I didn't." Which probably explained the woozy feeling in my brain.
A crease formed between her brows. "Okay, listen. I did some research and found a diet—"
"I already tried dieting," I interrupted her, flinching at the harsh tone of my voice. She didn't deserve to be spoken to like this. As quickly as it came, my anger evaporated, and I slumped back. "I'm sorry... You shouldn't have to deal with this."
"Please. I've dealt with Jessica. This is nothing. And I get that this whole thing is frustrating, I do. But you can't continue like this..."
The words felt like lead, rolling off my tongue. "I know... I need help, but there's nobody who can help me. Every doctor prescribes the same stupid pills, and I can't afford to hop around trying to find one who doesn't."
"I know that, alright? But this one is a little stricter. No processed food and all that. Just hear me out, alright? I know you're barely eating as of right now anyway. What can it hurt?"
I shook my head, the exhaustion weighing down my limbs. If I would close my eyes, I'd probably be asleep in seconds. "Do you have any idea how much work that is? Who's going to buy all that? Who's going to cook?"
"I will. I'll get groceries and cook. All that stuff."
I couldn't stop myself from letting out a snort. "No offense, but your cooking skills are just about as bad as mine."
She shifted in her seat, a hesitant note creeping into her voice. "I have a solution for that, okay? Just work with me. First of all, I found this organization." She switched on her laptop and showed me a website.
"IEA?" I asked, confused.
"International Eczema Association. Well, I donated some money and signed you up for an account. And I talked to some people. And, well..." With a sheepish expression, she pulled up what looked like a timetable. Several slots were already filled.
I tried to read the small boxes, but the letters swam across my blurry vision. "Meditation? Daily walk?"
"Yes. We'll meditate, fix your sleeping schedule, go on walks." At my horrified face, she added quickly, "And we'll do this cleanse I found, look." A detailed meal plan popped up, including lots of vegetables and green juice.
My head began to feel fuzzy. When did I wake up? Thirty hours ago? Thirty-five? What day was it even?
"Tay? I don't want to decide for you, but you can't go on like this. And I'm saying this as your best friend. I know this might be over the line, but I think if we do it together..."
"But what if it won't work?" I asked, averting my gaze. "What if we try all that and it won't get better? What do I do then?"
She touched my arm. "Then we'll try something else. It doesn't matter how long it'll take, but it's important to keep trying."
The familiar guilt gnawed at me, and I sensed tears welling up behind my eyes. "I'm sorry, Suz. I know you're trying to help, but you shouldn't have to deal with me like this." I tugged my trembling hands under my legs. "Nobody should have to deal with this—"
"Please. You're my best friend. Don't make me a stranger."
I bit my lip, blinking hard.
"Or...wait. This isn't about me, is it? Tay... Maybe you should talk to Killian."
My chin quivered. "I-I can't. I-I mean, look at me. I... I can't take it, I think. Not if it's Killian. I mean, look at my face. I look horrible."
Her brows furrowed as she gave me a stern look. "You don't look horrible. And besides, if he doesn't like you because you're sick then he's an ass and we can all move on. And Tay, you can get better."
If only it were that easy. I had been telling myself these exact words over and over again. Every time a flare hit me, I picked myself up, over and over again, reminding myself that I would get through this. That I just had to change something, either in my environment or with what I was eating. But it never lasted.
At some point, I'd simply succumbed to the fact that this was my new reality. What was the point of getting back up, just so that your body could knock you back down again? It seemed like an endless, helpless battle. I just couldn't muster the mental or physical energy to try anymore.
"Don't you think I would have if it were that easy?" I asked. "I can go back to medication but—"
"We both know that medication is doing more harm than good. I know it's not easy. Damn it, I see it every day, don't I? But I'm not going to let you give up. This won't last forever. And if it lasts long, then at least you have a few things going for you that'll give you strength."
"Wait, how much did you spend on all this?"
"You're already paying me for staying here while still paying for your own apartment. I can buy whatever I want and use it for whomever I want, get it? And Tay, if Killian doesn't like you because of this, then at least you know you made the right decision. But you didn't give him a chance to prove either case."
I tried to swallow the lump inside my throat, but my voice still shook as I spoke again. "How could I unload all this when we would've just started dating? I already feel like I've been leading him on. Like I pretended to be someone I wasn't. Dumping all of this on top of him would be like guilt-tripping him into staying. That would never work in the long run..."
"Do you really think you could guilt-trip Killian into doing what you want? Besides, I don't think people who actually lead others on would think like this. Think about it. How would it feel if you never saw him again? If you both become strangers from now on? If you saw him with someone else?"
Like someone pierced my chest with a spiked blade and slowly turned it in a circle.
"As I said, just work with me," Suz continued gently. "What's there to lose? You are already at this stage, right? If you keep hiding, nothing will change. If you try, at least there's a possibility. I know it's hard, and I know I'm speaking from an easy position here, but we'll find a solution, whatever it is. Don't lose yourself over this."
I shrugged.
"I know you're still in there because I can hear it when you play games," she said.
My mouth twitched. "Well, they can't see my face then, can they?"
She gave my hand a light squeeze. "Tay, you are beautiful. On the outside, but especially on the inside. You have your flaws, but you are not mean or conceited or any of that shit. It doesn't matter what others think. I'm saying all this because even if you never get better, you'd still be my best friend. And I'd still love you."
I shuddered from the dam of emotions breaking through my chest. I really had the best friend in the world.
"Thank you, Suz. I know you mean well, and I really appreciate this...."
"If Killian loves you, it wouldn't change anything for him either."
My pulse jumped and I straightened as a burst of energy flooded my system. Was this what I was feeling? Love? But...wasn't this too early? I was pretty sure I'd never been in love with any of my ex-boyfriends. Could Killian really love me? Oh, God, did I love him?
"But it's different with him," I finally managed to say, although my heart fluttered uncontrollably. "I mean, he's good-looking, right? What would others think when they see him with someone like me?"
"There'll always be people who don't like this or that. Who cares? What are you really scared of? That he'll walk away?"
I stared at my hands. "What if the real me will disappoint him? He's so strong, and I'm... not. Especially not like this."
"I think he already knows the real you. And you are strong. You're still holding on even though you're like this. If this isn't real strength, I don't know what is."
I snorted. "You have a strange way of cheering people up."
"Well, duh. I suck at it, to be honest. But I'm good at planning. And a plan is better than no plan. And plans can be adjusted. A new K-drama came out, by the way. We can watch that. It's spring break, anyways. So, take a break. Really take it. And then come back."
A sliver of hope fluttered in my chest. Tiny and vulnerable. Somehow, I didn't want to quench it. Not yet. Doing something, anything, was better than moping around because of my horrible situation.
"How do we solve the food situation? I don't think burned dishes are included in a healthy diet."
Suz leaned forward, suddenly busying herself with the timetable. "Hey, that was one time, okay?" Keeping her eyes glued to the screen, she continued casually, "My cousin owes me a giant favor, and I've been trying to get him off my back ever since, but he's insisting on doing something. He's a great cook, so, yeah, I sorta hired him to help with the food stuff."
"Oh. That's nice of him. I should probably give him my thanks. Pay him as well."
She gave an awkward laugh. "Better not. He's super introverted. Like he hates people. The grumpiest guy you've ever seen. Just let me deal with him while you focus on getting better for now, alright? Trust me on this. Besides, it's not like I'm unable to make a salad."
"As long as you don't chop off your finger in the process," I said.
"Very funny. I mean, basically everyone nearly chopped off their hand at least once, right? It's a...necessary learning progress. And don't worry, I got the payments covered with what you're already giving me. Alright, now that that's settled, you go and get some sleep. I'll wake you tomorrow."
"Okay," I replied.
Despite the grogginess, my steps were light as I crossed the living room. I had a plan. Suz was right. This was better than not doing anything. Before brushing my teeth, I called out, "Suz?" Her eyes met mine, and I couldn't help but think how lucky I was to have her in my life. "Thank you for being a great friend."
She gave me a warm smile. "Anytime."