Tom's view:
None of the guys know this, but I usually go to the office on Saturday and Sunday. Especially if I am on a case or working a case. I mean to do investigative work or research. I kind of like it that I'm the only one in the office, I get more done that way. Without the guys wanting to shoot hoops, or all the distractions that come during the week.
I am shocked but very happy when I pull up to the station and I see Sydney's corvette.
When I go in, the lights are off. I don't see her at first, so I step in to walk to my desk. Thinking maybe she is in the bathroom. I hope I don't scare her.
But then I hear the worst sound. Making me stop in my tracks. I don't see her, but I hear her. Not only hear her crying, but the words she just said,
"Hey God I thank you for all my blessings. My dad, my brother, my health, my mom for the 10 years I had her, but if you want to take me, please. I'm sorry but I just wish I could die."
I found her at her desk, her head on it, and just sobbing, crying. Deep pain shot through my chest. Worst physical pain I've ever felt. God what do I do? What's wrong? How do I help her? I mean we aren't friends, I honestly think she is just a nice person, and tolerating me because we work together. I don't want to scare her. She thinks she is alone. I stand there thinking what to do. But I have to do something, I can't stand to hear her cry or beg God to let her die.
I clear my throat. Hoping she will hear. I said, "Sydney, are you ok"
She lifts her head up and sees me. Then she puts it down again and cries harder.
Oh God, did I do something to hurt her? I mean what could I have done. I haven't even gone out anywhere,
I said, "Sydney" I come to her, and kneel down in front of her. I said, "Sydney please tell me what is wrong? I want to help you if I can." I wish I could touch her shoulder, to offer comfort.
She said, "Tommy, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was going to be here." She wiped her eyes.
I said, "um I come to work on Saturday and Sunday, either late afternoon or evening. Um just to get ahead on my cases, or research on the computer." She nodded.
She said, "I can go if I'm bothering you" Then she burst out into tears.
I said, "no you're fine." She said, "Sorry I'm a mess." I wasn't sure if I should touch her, the last time I touched her on accident she hit me. I slowly put my hand out and touch her shoulder. I said, "Sydney I just I'm here for you, if you need anything or to talk" I was halfway expecting her to hit me or knock my hand off of her. What I don't expect is what happens next.
Before I know it she is hugging me, and crying on my shoulder. It feels good to have her in my arms, but not like this. I mean I've dreamed about holding her, hugging her, but I would never want it at the expense of her being hurt and crying. I freeze. I mean I don't want to upset her, by touching her anywhere. So, I keep my hands down straight.
She said, "oh my God I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." She got up to run to the bathroom crying. I said, "Sydney no you didn't." She said, "i practically maul you invade your space." She is crying.
I said, "Sydney I want to hug you." Shit that was not the right thing to say. I said, "I mean I want to offer you comfort in anyway I can."
I said, "Sydney I mean I want to stop your crying. I'm here. If you don't mind if I hug you, or touch you, I mean not touch you like that, I mean comfort you. I'm sorry I'm messing this all up. I just don't want you mad at me like that night we met."
She said, "it's ok." I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulders. I said, "Sydney, is your dad or brother, are they ok?" She nodded. I said, "that's good. If you want we can just sit here and I'll shut up and you can cry on my shoulder." She said, "I'm getting your shirt all wet."
I said, "That's fine. I don't mind. I just hate seeing you cry. I hate that you are hurting so bad."
She said, "Thank you." She cried more. She said, "For being so sweet" More tears. Man seeing her cry is making me hurt bad. I never want to feel this pain ever again. I never want to see her hurting.
I said, "if there is anything else I can do for you, get you something to drink? Water? I can go get you food or? She said, "no thanks."
Sydney's point of view:
I had no idea Tom was going to be here, or that he works on Saturday and Sunday. Right when he came up to me asking me if I was ok, I was trying to pull myself together and stop crying. But when I looked at him, and he was being so sweet, and then I realized again why I was crying, it made me cry even harder.
He touched my shoulder, like he is trying to comfort me. He looks nervous. Before I realized what I did, I hugged him. Then cried even harder. Until I realized what I had done, and saw how tense his body was, like he was not moving, I don't even think he was breathing. I think he was holding his breath. I am so embarrassed. But then he says it's ok, he's just scared he would make me mad if he touched me. So now I"m hugging him and crying again.
Tom's view:
I don't know how long she has let me hold her, as she is sitting her crying on my shoulder. I wish I could do more for her. I just touched her hair. Moved it back out of her face, and then ran my hands through it. I have dreamed about doing that. But I should not have.
She said, "Tommy I'm so sorry I'm crying all over you. I'm just so upset."
I said, "Sydney it's fine. I just hate seeing you cry. I wish I could do something more to help you. Maybe if you tell me what is wrong, I can fix it. Or I can try"
She said, "no one can fix it." She starts talking, and she is just talking so fast, I'm trying to follow along and understand, but it's hard. Because she is still crying as she is talking. She is almost hyperventilating.
She said, "I have made such a mess, I mean I was trying to avoid making a bigger fool of myself. I've already been so humiliated, I just didn't want to be even more, those people laughing at me behind my back"
I said, "no one is laughing at you Sydney" She said, "yes they are Tom. I know it. When they see me to my face, they are so fake, like begging me to be friends again, and saying they are so sorry, but I just know that behind my back they are laughing at me, how stupid I am."
I said, "Sydney I don't know who you are talking about, but you are not stupid."
I said, "he f----- her in my own bed, he was f------ her and me on the same days for 8 months."
I know I can't have heard that right. I mean she is in hysterics now, and crying, and talking fast, she did not just tell me that her ex cheated on her and was screwing someone in her bed for 8 months. Then I reflect back to what Joe said firing squad, how upset she got when I said Rob's name. How she has went on about hating men. How that night she said she took it out on me what Rob did. I need to find out who this Rob is, where to find him, I'll go kick his ass.
She was still going on about it. She said, "all my friends I have had since grade school, and they all chose Kris over me, they knew about the affair, they didn't tell me, they kept it quiet. I am so stupid. I didn't see one red flag. I mean she was my best friend, like my sister"
I said, "Wait what, so you are telling me this asshole ex of yours cheated on you for 8 months with your best friend. You knew this girl." I said, "yes not just my best friend she's, my cousin. We grew up together. I practically stayed at their house and her at mine." She cries even harder.
I know what it's like to be betrayed. I know what it's like to find out that your friends all knew about it and didn't tell you. I know how humiliating it makes you feel. How stupid you feel.
I said, "Sydney I'm so sorry. Tell me where he is, what his last name is, I'll go kick his ass." She said, "that's ok"
She looks at me. Her eyes all red and puffy. I said, "I'm so sorry Sydney. I know what it's like to have your friends keep a secret from you, how you feel betrayed. I can't imagine how betrayed you feel, it being your cousin. She is a real whore Sydney. I mean to do that to you. None of those friends should be laughing at you."
She said, "But they are, and they will be even more. I just want to die. I'd rather die than have to go look like a bigger fool, and Rob will gloat and be all smug because I lied to them. I just got so upset he has been showing up bugging me and then my aunt my dad asked me for a favor to go talk to my aunt because the wedding she hates that I hate Kris and Kris and I used to say that we would be in each other's weddings and I told my aunt I will go but that's it, and then the nerve of Kris and Rob,"
I am trying to take all this in, she's in tears, and she's talking so fast. Wedding, so they are getting married and asked you to go, I ask her
She said "yes and I wanted to say hell no, because I hate Rob. I hate that I gave myself to him. He has been the only man I've been with, he lied to me, he told me that he loved me, that he has never been in love then he met me, that I was his world, that he wanted forever, I let him move in with me, and I thought we would be together forever and get married, and things were perfect for 4 years, and then I went home from work and her car was there and Rob was there and I was so stupid I didn't think anything was wrong, because she stays at my house sometimes we were besties, she and Rob were friends, he was my man. When I couldn't find them I went upstairs and saw her panties and bra on the floor, heard them saw them."
I am becoming enraged. I could kill this guy for hurting her. How could he do that
I said, "Sydney I'm so sorry. I don't know how a guy could do that to you, hurt you like that. You are so special, and so beautiful." She said, "I'm not beautiful"
I said, "yes you are. Everyone thinks that." She said, "no" She cries. I said, "Sydney you are so much better than that whore cousin of yours and that asshole ex of yours doesn't deserve you. I'm so sorry."
She said, "I made such a mess. Rob has been bugging me." I said, "wait he's been showing up at your house or what, calling you. I will take care of him. Just tell me where to find him"
She said, "no when I walked in on them, I dumped him, and kicked him out of my house, and I ran to Jay and told him, and he went and kicked Rob's ass."
Tom said, "well good I would expect Jay to do that. I'll kick his ass too"
She said, "no I don't want you to get in trouble. Rob is a jerk. He would press charges."
I said, "I don't care."
She said, "I do. I just they upset me so much today. I mean I hate Rob. I detest him. I don't even think he's hot now. I am not sad about not having him, I don't want him. I just can't get past the betrayal the lies, how stupid I feel." I said, "I get that. But honey no one is laughing at you. I mean why would they be laughing."
She said, "Because I'm so pathetic I don't have a date Jay said that he would be my date for the wedding and I told him no that it would look worse to have him as my date, I mean he's my brother, and also his girlfriend got all upset because she wants to be his date, and then I don't want to be a 3rd wheel to him and Allison, then my dad said he would take me, I mean that looks bad too, that I have to have my dad as my date." She burst into tears.
She said, "and Rob is telling me he knows that I can't get over him, like he is the hottest guy, and he's not Tom. He's not. But he made me so mad, and then Kris today was going on about how she knows I'll never get over Rob not loving me, and blah blah and like they have no decency to like say that to me. So I got mad and I told them that I had a hot man. And then my aunt got all excited that I had a new romance, and I felt bad for lying to her, but I thought it was going to be ok, because I decided that I couldn't go to the wedding with my dad or my brother, I knew I needed a man to take me, so I asked Ben."
I think to myself, what, wait who the hell is Ben. Is he her boyfriend? oh God. I at first thought Jay was but when I found out he was her brother, I was relieved and thought that she didn't have one, because she hasn't mentioned one or brought one to Marco's. Dammit.
I said, "Wait what, who is Ben. Is he your boyfriend? I didn't think you were dating."
She said, "no Ben is my neighbor. He's a cool guy. He works at my gym." I said, "so like what is he your friend, I mean do you two go out on dates or"
She said, "no he's a friend. I was worried about asking him, but I couldn't think of anyone else, and I just had to have someone be my date, so I asked him not to get the wrong idea, but I need a huge favor and I don't have anyone else to ask. When I explained to him Rob cheated with my cousin and now I have to go to their wedding, and all of my friends who didn't tell me covered for them, are going to be there, I just have to have a date."
She said, "But now it's hopeless. In 3 weeks I will look like the biggest fool. Because today I ran my mouth off to Rob thinking that I had a date to the wedding"
I said, "Wait so what Ben um he can't take you?"
She said, "no his mom is having heart surgery the day before, in another state. He has to go. I get that. I just if I have to go with my dad, I know all the bitches that used to be my friend will be saying how pathetic Sydney can't get a date, she has to go with daddy" She burst out in tears.
I said, "Sydney, I can help you with this. Um is that what is wrong, I mean is that why you are crying" She said, "yes when I got home from my lunch, Ben was outside, and he came over and told me. Then Rob came and was wanting to talk to me because Rob thinks I'm lying, he said he knows that I'm not in a new romance, that I'm not having sex, that he knows I couldn't have sex this soon, since we haven't been broken up that long. Rob is going to make a fool of me. he will tell everyone I lied, when I show up with no date."
I said, "hey don't cry. Please don't cry anymore." I give her tissues.
I said, "Sydney" She said, "Tommy I know to you, this sounds ridiculous for me to being cry over this. But to me I just don't want to be humiliated even more."
I said, "I get that, but you won't be. I can help you." She said, "how"
I said, "so you need a date to this wedding is that correct?"
She said, "yes but Ben was the only one I could ask and he can't take me. Tom I don't date. I don't want to ever give another man my body, my heart, just so he can betray me and stab me in the back, and make a fool of me."
Sydney's view:
I can not believe what I just did. I mean not only broke down crying on Tom, getting his shirt drenched, but also I just told him everything. Every little detail. I have not told anyone in detail, I mean Jay that is it. He told my dad. Even Judy I just told her my ex slept with my cousin behind my back for months. I didn't tell her about walking in on them. I just made a complete fool of myself. I mean telling him I don't have a date. Telling him in detail.
I said, "Tom I'll be right back. I need to go to the ladies room"
Tom's view:
I said, "Sydney when is this wedding." She said, "3 weeks from today" I put that date in my phone on my calendar. While she was gone.
I'm going to tell Sydney, I can take her to this wedding. I mean I want a date with her so bad. And this is perfect. I mean I can have a date with her, without her thinking it's a date. Because I don't date girls. I don't have girlfriends. I will never do that commitment thing ever. And she doesn't like me, so I can have a date, hang out with her, and help her out.
She comes back out. She said, "I'm so sorry. I cried all over you" I said, "Sydney it's fine. Please sit down." She did.
I knelt down by her. I said, 'Sydney, if you let me, I want to help you." She said, "Thank you Tom, but there is no way you can help me."
My heart sinks. I mean I know that she doesn't like me, may not even think of me as a friend, but the fact that she is desperate for a date, and the thought of going with me is a big no, devastates me.
I said, "Sydney please I can help you, please let me" She said, "How"
I said, "let me take you to the wedding" She stares at me in shock.
Sydney's view:
Oh my God, did I hear Tom just say he would take me to the wedding. I flash back to all the stuff I said about my hot man my partner, how I was talking about Tom. I was thinking is he serious, I mean he would be my date. A date with Tom. Oh no. I have to say no. I mean even though I would love it, love to have him be my date, he's already hurt me twice, and I know that the last time wasn't his fault, neither was the first, but things are good at work, I love my job, my new friends, and it's been fun working with Tom. I don't want to lose that. If Tom would blow me off and not show up and leave me without a date at the wedding, I'd be devastated. I don't think I could stay working here. I'd lose everything. No he can't take me.
I said, "Tommy thank you for being sweet. But no."
Tom's view:
Those words shatter me. I mean does she hate me that bad, that she can't let me take her to the wedding. Does she think I'm that bad looking that it would embarrass her.
I said, "Sydney I know I'm not the hottest guy, but I really did not think that I was embarrassing to be seen with."
Sydney said, "Tom no you aren't."
I said, "Do you hate me that much Sydney that you can't spend a few hours with me, at the wedding. God. I am sorry about accidentally touching you that night, and about getting mad and saying mean stuff, and I'm sorry I didn't accept your apology right away, and I'm sorry I forgot to pick you up. But you hate me that bad."
She said, "Tom, No I don't hate you. It was all my fault on that first night, and I understand what happened when you overslept. And I would not be embarrassed to be seen with you"
I said, "Then why are you saying no."
She said, "Honestly"
I nod. She said, "Tom can you get up and sit at your desk." I do. She faces me. She said, "Because I love working here. I love this place. I love our cases. I actually have fun. You four guys and Judy are my friends, and I didn't have any friends, I lost all mine with their betrayal."
I said, "We love having you here. This place is better with you here, happier."
She said, "Tom I just am afraid to I mean if you were to take me to the wedding, then I'm afraid when you would not show up and I'd be there and not have a date, I'd be devastated and I'm afraid it would ruin me working here. If I was so mad and angry at you, and so hurt that I couldn't speak to you then it would ruin things."
That hurts me. Because she doesn't trust me. She thinks I'll hurt her again, and I get why she thinks that.
I said, "Sydney I swear to God I won't let you down" She said, "Not on purpose I know. But what if you oversleep. What if you get drunk the night before and oversleep, or have a hangover."
I said, "won't happen. I won't go out the night before, and if you want you can come stay at my place or I can come stay at your place, sleep on the couch, you can handcuff me to your couch, just to make sure that I don't move, so that I'm ready to go." I grin. Ok I should not have said that because the thought of me being handcuffed to Sydney's couch, is making me think of sex with her. I mean I've never been handcuffed but
She said, "Tom it's sweet of you to offer." I said, "Sydney please let me do this. Please. I need to make up to you for what I did. For upsetting you Thursday, for the cruel words I said, forgetting you, you got sick because of me."
She said, "no I got sick because I stood in the rain, I should have gone back inside, that's on me. It was an accident, and as far as Thursday I'm the one to blame for that. I hit you. you don't need to make up for anything Tom really. You don't."
I said, "Sydney thank you for that. But I want to take you. I mean I'm sorry, but I really hate it that you don't want to be friends. I mean I'll accept just working with you, but I mean I see you with the guys and Judy and I feel left out. I love working with you. You are a great officer and a great partner. You're fun to work with. and I get it that I hurt you twice, and you're scared to trust me a 3rd time, but I promise you Sydney, I won't let you down. I will take you to this wedding if you let me."
She said, "Tommy thank you for offering. But I'd just rather not. Look we can be friends ok. I mean you are fun to work with, you are a great boss when our boss is gone, and a great officer. I do want to be friends. But to protect our friendship and us as partners, I just think it's safer if I don't count on you for something this big. I mean Tom I don't think I could handle working with you if for some reason you had to bail on me."
I said, "ok Sydney. I understand. I just offered because I hate to see you cry. You are a sweet girl, and I'm so sorry that you were betrayed. My offer still stands, if you change your mind, let me know. I put the date in my phone, so I will keep my calendar open, I mean it's not like I do anything on Saturdays except work on cars or come to work. So even if it's last-minute Friday night before and you change your mind, I'll take you ok." She said, "Thank you Tommy." She hugged me.
I said, "Sydney if you really are not comfortable being friends with me, it's ok. I shouldn't have said that." She said, "I want to be friends. I only said that I didn't because I didn't think you wanted to be, and I was also hurt and afraid you would hurt me again. I mean I know just as friends, but my old friends hurt me. I mean my friends knew that he was screwing her, and they all kept it a secret from me. So, when I found out that they knew I told them I didn't want to be friends. They told me they didn't want to hurt me, didn't know what to say, how to tell me, but to me it's a betrayal. I just can't get past all the lies. If I would have known, I could have dumped him instead I was sleeping with him." I said, "you have every right to cut those people out of your life. You have every right to never forgive them. That betrayal is on them. They don't deserve you as a friend."
I said, 'Sydney I promise you I won't hurt you ever again. You can count on me for whatever you need. As your friend." She hugged me.
She said, "hey Hanson since we are friends now. And since I ruined your shirt. And your afternoon at work. Do you think you would let me buy you supper." I said, "no but I will buy yours." She said, "But I owe you since you bought me breakfast." I said, "True I did, but since you have had a bad day, I think I should buy. But I will let you buy next time?" She said, "ok deal Hanson, if that is your final offer." I laughed. I said, "let's go. I'll take you anywhere you want to go." We left.