Alena Age: 19
Anastasia age: 11
Word count: 2351
Requested by: -LUVBLACKHILL
Thanks for your request <3
Warnings: Hostile language, mention of suicidal thoughts
Summary: In a universe where Steve died bringing Natasha back, but Alenas sister Anastasia doesn't understand where he's gone and when of if he'll come back, things are different this time around.
Alena never thought the day might come in which she had to say goodbye to her dad.
At least she hadn't expected it for at least another 50 years or so.
Even more so what she shocked to find her mom back instead of her dad, on the day where he brought back the infinity stones.
Tears were shed before she realised that her father was in fact not with her Mom.
,,Mama, where's dad?"
Alena had asked, concern lingering in her voice.
Natasha hadn't been able to respond that day.
....
That was 6 months ago. They had a funeral and everything.
While Alena still struggled herself to make peace with the fact that her dad left his life primarily so that she'd see her mom again, something else wouldn't let her go.
That something, or rather someone, was Anastasia, Alenas 11 year old sister.
The blonde girl with the same emerald eyes as their mother struggled to understand where Steve had gone all of a sudden.
She was an absolute Daddy's girl and would not understand where he was. She was convinced he'd come back.
Both Alena and Natasha grew more concerned when even after the funeral, the 11 year old didn't accept the fact that her father wouldn't ever come back.
She'd talk about him as if he were still alive, asking daily when he'd finally come home.
One day though, Alena finally snapped.
,,She doesn't get it, does she? She's acting like everything is perfectly fine and even talks like Dad is still around"
The 19 year old shouted, standing opposite her mother in the kitchen.
Anastasia was at ballet class.
,,Свет (Light), everyone heals differently. Anastasia needs time. She's 11"
Natasha tried to soothe, desperately trying to avert any resentment from her oldest against her youngest.
,,Exactly that's the point. She's 11 and not five. We had a funeral, Dad has a grave. Even Morgan understands that Tony isn't gonna come back and she's six. So when will Anna get that Dad will not come back?"
Alena countered, slapping the back of her hand into her palm.
Tears were stinging in her eyes as she thought about how her sister was perfectly happy and thought their dad was merely on a mission.
Nat looked at her oldest daughter with a mix between understandment and shock.
,,Alena, you know what she's like. She ... doesn't get it like you do"
She tried explaining while struggling to keep her voice calm.
Alena turned to the side, biting the inside of her cheek to keep composure.
,,But it hurts, Mama. Hearing her talk about him like he's gonna walk through the door with a smile on his face any minute. Like he isnt six feet under just because he wanted me to see you again"
The younger redhead explained, the sorrow in her voice more prominent than it was ever before.
Natasha abandoned her position behind the kitchen isle to hug her eldest daughter.
,,I know, свет (light). This isn't your fault, Okay. Maybe we can try talking to Anna?"
She suggested, wiping the 19 year olds tears.
Alena nodded, though she had her doubts about whether or not it would work.
....
That evening, Alena and Nat sat on the couch together, talking about avengers business, when Anastasia walked in, happily settling next to her Mom.
,,Hiya Mama"
The 11 year old chirped happily, as if nothing in the world was wrong.
Alena shot her mom a gaze Natasha recognised all to well in herself.
,,When's daddy gonna come home? I hope he can tell me about the bad guys"
Anastasia asked, an adoring smile etched upon her face.
Alenas gaze hardened as she tensed. She was sceptically waiting for her mom to break the news to her sister for the hundredth time.
,,Yea Mama, when's dad gonna come home?"
She pushed, trying to bring her point across.
Natasha raised her eyebrows, indicating she should quit the attitude.
The younger redhead rolled her eyes, knowing exactly that her mom wouldn't be able to explain.
,,Anna, Dad's not coming back"
Alena decided to take matters into her own hands.
She was annoyed and knew this probably wasn't the way to go, but she had had enough of her sisters inability to understand their fathers death.
Anastasias expression faltered, almost portraying something like realisation.
,,Yes he is. He promised me"
The 11 year old tried to strengthen the fact she had made up as a sort of coping mechanism.
Alena felt her heart ache as the tears began stinging in her eyes again.
,,He's dead, Anastasia. He died six months ago. When will that enter that stupid brain of yours-"
She seethed, unable to pretend that everything was rainbows and sunshine anymore.
Natasha cut across her oldest daughter with a glare that said more than words ever could.
Alena could see the question marks in her sisters eyes as she desperately tried to make sense of her words.
,,But, But where did he- how- when did-. He's only on a mission, that's all. Alena you're silly. Daddy's not dead"
Anastasia stumbled before 'debunking' her sisters arguments.
That's when Alena got up, ran her hands through her hair and blinked away the tears, before practically running to her room.
As soon as the door slammed shut, she slid down to the floor.
She'd gone through the loss of a parent once, even if only temporary.
Going through it the second time though almost broke her to the point of thinking about ending it all.
Alena knew that her sister was far less mature and still a kid, but it frustrated her that all she did was talk about how he was gonna come back.
She just wished Anastasia would stop and accept what happened because all her denial did was send her and everyone around her even deeper into a spiral.
Even though the 19 year old didn't want to admit it, she could see her Mom's expression falter everytime Anastasia mentioned Steve and she knew it hurt her mother just as much as it hurt herself.
Alena let out a scream of frustration before an idea crossed her mind.
The graveyard wasn't far and maybe, just maybe visiting her dad's grave would tell her what to do.
So, that's what she did. She didn't tell anyone and snuck out of her window, widows bite attached in case she needed it.
There was also the fact that they lived in the tenth story of a skyscraper and falling from that height wasn't gonna go easy, even for someone who had a little bit of super soldier serum course through her veins.
....
Ten minutes later she actually arrived at the grave.
In the whole six months that Steve had been dead, Alena only visited his grave once.
That was on his birthday.
She couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again and felt as if it was somehow her fault.
She was the one who was so depressed after her mom had died.
Alena sunk to the floor, crossing one leg over the other and playing with the grass in front of her.
,,Hi dad"
She started, even though she knew he couldn't hear her, she somehow hoped to feel his presence when she spoke to him.
,,I wanted to say Anna misses you loads. She ... she doesn't quite understand where you are and that you ... that you won't come back and I dunno what to do anymore"
The redhead continued, her crystal blue eyes gazing at the engraving on the headstone.
Tears were starting to burn in those same eyes, but they didn't fall. Not yet.
,,I can see Mama's guilty expression every time me or Anna mentions you and I think she thinks it's her fault that you're dead"
She added, blinking fast to keep the tears at bay.
Alena sniffled.
,,But ... but I think its my fault. I was the one so heartbroken about Mama's death back then"
The 19 year old admitted.
Suddenly a breeze stroked over her head, as if her dad would tell her it wasn't her fault.
She took a deep, shaking breath before she finally said what even brought her here.
,,I miss you, Daddy. So much to the point where I can't sleep at night. I just want to be okay. I want Anastasia to be okay, I want you to come back. To come through the door, smiling and hugging me and Anna and telling mom you love her. I miss you"
The redhead rambled, tears flowing freely down her face now.
She sat there for quite some time, head in her hands and just sobbing at her fathers grave, hoping for a miracle.
Eventually, she returned home, a big frown on her face but with a lighter heart.
....
Natasha was waiting for her oldest to arrive. She had heard the window slam shut and knew that Alena needed to come through the door if she wanted to come back in.
So, she waited. She waited a long time, but eventually, the young redhead entered the apartment.
,,Свет, ты ли это? (Light, that you?)"
Nat asked just to be sure.
,,Нет, только притворяюсь (Nah, only pretending to be)"
Alena sassed before falling onto the couch next to her Mom.
,,я посетил папу (I visited dad)"
She informed, refusing to meet her mothers eyes.
Natasha nodded.
,,Я запланировал терапию для твоей сестры (I scheduled therapy for your sister)"
The older redhead responded, sending a small smile her daughters way.
Alenas eyes went wide. She thought they'd solve Anastasias problems on their own, but now that she thought about it, it was probably for the best.
,,Почему? (Why?)"
She still decided to ask, hoping that her mom found out why her sister was unable to see the harsh reality.
,,She's stuck in her own world where your dad's still alive. She's not getting out of the denial phase properly"
Nat explained, her emerald eyes meeting her daughters crystal blue ones.
Alena's expression faltered even more.
,,Oh"
She managed to say, her voice sounding dry.
,,I feel like this is kinda my fault. I mean, I-I don't talk about it and I haven't talked about it when we lost you back then so maybe ... maybe she doesn't know how to handle this properly"
The 19 year old added, trying to make sense of her sisters disorder.
Natasha shook her head.
,,маленький света (Little light), no it's not. This isn't anyone's fault, it just ... happens. Anastasia will be fine, even if she takes a little longer to understand all this madness"
She debunked her daughters self-destructing thoughts.
Alena looked up at her mom once more.
,,You sure?"
,,Very"
Natasha pulled her oldest daughter close, embracing her tightly.
Alena closed her eyes, her mothers familiar scent filling her nose.
She missed this.
She missed having her mom by her side through everything.
It was bittersweet though.
Now she missed her dad, laughing at her jokes even when he didn't get them, training with him, going on missions with him, taking his shield sledding in the winters or simply having him by her side throughout the grieving process when her mom died.
,,I'll go see if she's awake still"
The younger redhead declared, trying to go give her sister the comfort she needed.
,,Alena"
,,Yea"
,,Be gentle"
,,Will be"
And so Alena did. She knocked on her sisters door, hoping that she was still awake.
,,Daddy?"
Was the first thing that Anastasia asked, her face bright.
,,No, it's me, Alena"
The redhead sighed, her heart shattering a little bit.
,,Oh, okay. Hi Lena"
The blonde responded, her tone decreasing in excitement.
Alena slipped into her sisters room, which was a lot too pink for her liking.
,,You alright, младшая сестра(baby sister)?"
She asked and lowered herself onto the 11 year olds bed.
Anastasia nodded, her emerald eyes a little less bright than usual.
The honey blonde hair fell onto the girls shoulders in the same waves as her sisters did and much like hers, it showd signs of having her hands ran through it multiple times.
Alena guessed it was a habit that any Romanoff had, since her mom did it too.
,,Lena?"
,,Yea?"
The redhead turned her attention to her sister.
,,Is daddy gonna come back? I miss him"
Anastasia asked, her eyes full of hope.
Alena looked away. She couldn't answer her sister, even if she wanted to.
,,You know he isn't going to, do you?"
The blonde nodded, tears starting to pool in her emerald eyes.
,,But Mama came back, so why can't daddy?"
She tried convincing not only herself but her sister too.
Alenas heart shattered even more as she realised why her sister was so convinced of the fact that their dad was gonna come back.
,,Это было по-другому, милая девочка (That was different, sweet girl)"
She whispered as that was the only thing her voice allowed her to do.
The Romanoff-Rogers siblings would take a long time healing, Alena helping her sister as best as she humanly could.
Right now though, all it did was hurt, whether you'd ask Alena or Anastasia.
The two sisters merely processed the loss of their dad differently and eventually, they would return to being their old, bright selves, just not now.
A/N: Ohh my god that was a hard one. I honestly never thought I'd make one like this, but here we are.
Hope you didn't cry too much and I'm sorry that it's so long, but I feel like it's justified.
Thank you so much for your request again, I hope the oneshot is how you imagined it to be :)
Have a great day/night beautiful people and stay amazing, I'll see you around <3