Sydney's view:
I wish I would not have let them talk me into this. I mean ok this bar isn't as bad as bars go, but I see Tom, and it's like my legs won't work. I totally had a melt down and cried in front of him. I don't like showing emotion or crying in front of people. Not to mention I looked dreadful, all wet, and he already thinks my body is ugly.
Judy takes my hand. She said, "honey you and Tom will have to talk, it's best to just get it over with now. If you don't feel like talking don't say anything, but he needs to clear the air with you. You either believe him that he didn't do it on purpose, or you don't. We all know he would never do that, but it doesn't matter if it's what you believe that he would, then we can't change your mind. So if that's how you feel, then either he is going to quit, or you can co exist and work together. he is not going to let you quit."
We walk to the table.
The guys all say hi to us, and Dennis gets up and hugs Judy. We say hi. Tom said, "Judy, um Sydney" I avoid his eyes. I can feel his stares, my face is heating up, my whole body is.
Doug said, "hey Harry, Booker you want to play a game of pool" They leave. Judy said, "I need to call and check in with my mom." She leaves.
Tom is still staring at me. He is standing there. I am looking down, away from him. Can't bring myself to look at him.
Tom said, "um" He coughs, clears his throat. he said, "um hey I'm really glad to see you tonight. But if you're uncomfortable because I'm here, which I think you probably are, then it's ok. I can go Sydney"
I said, "no I mean I'm uncomfortable being anywhere near you, but these are your friends, this is your group place you belong here."
Tom's view:
Damn she still hasn't looked at me. Not once. God I wish she would hit me, I mean at least then I'd see her eyes. She walked in looking at the floor and the guys, she greeted them all looked at them, smiled, but not me.
I said, "Sydney you belong here. You are part of the team. If you want me to quit, I will. I'll turn in my badge tonight. But you aren't quitting."
She looked at me. Finally. She said, "You aren't quitting either. I don't want you to quit. Neither do the guys, Judy or Adam. And I don't want to quit."
I said, "Sydney I swear to God I did not set you up. I get you hate me. Hell kick my ass. Hit me. Knee me if you want. I know as hard as you hit, you could break that part of my body. Go ahead. If it will fix this."
Sydney's view
God he is making this so hard on me. I mean staring at me. I could not make eye contact. I finally do. I mean he's saying he will leave if I'm uncomfortable. I know I was a bitch when I said I am uncomfortable but it's true. he hurt me saying I was ugly, no boobs, and then leaving me. It's my fault. I trusted him today. And him saying I could knee him in the groin. I mean hurt him there. I wish he would not talk about that part of his body.
He said, "Sydney *I am so sorry. I know how bad I messed up. I have no excuses. Lack of sleep, drinking, I'm sorry. I can't believe I did this."
I said, "I believe you. I mean all the guys and Judy told me that you would not do that to me, that you don't lie. Even Booker who you guys hate each other." Tom nodded.
I said, "I don't want to hold onto this, I want to let this go, just like Thursday. I was a bitch to you and I hit you, and I want to move on." He said, "Thank you so much. I promise I will make this up to you."
I said, "you don't need to. I mean let me finish. I want to work with you. I will assist you on any cases or help in any way with your cases, but outside of that, I think it's best if we just avoid each other. I mean I don't mean in like a group setting like where one of us has to stay away, I just mean we aren't friends. We will never be friends. That's fine. We are coworkers and we can agree to let everything go and be coworkers." It's for the best. I mean I'd like to be friends with him, but he's hurt me twice. I can't risk it. Especially with how he makes me feel.
Tom's view:
She just broke my heart. Shattered it. Not sure how I'm able to still stand I feel like I got punched in the gut. She said we are not friends. She hates me.
I said, 'Sydney I understand. Thank you for being so kind that you are letting me stay and working with me. Can I just talk to you, you don't have to speak, just listen" She nods.
I said, "I want you to know that I'm so sorry. For everything. Thursday. I'm ashamed of how I treated you. If you will let me, explain. I'm not making excuses. I just want to say why" She nods.
I said, "to start with, when I talked to you, I knew I was not going to take you home and hook up. You are unlike any girl in that bar."
Sydney's side:
I'm telling myself please don't cry. God he's going to hurt me again. Like I know he is not attracted to me.
I said, 'I know that. I know that I have hardly any chest." He said, "Hey no that's not what I meant. I meant you are like way up here high class, and all those girls were down here. I mean one look at you and I knew that even though I wanted to take you home, I didn't stand a chance because you I just could tell that you aren't that kind of girl. That's a good thing. I mean I just think that you probably would never go have sex with a stranger." I nod.
Tom's view:
I said, "I wanted to talk to you. I was hoping we could talk, when I talked to you, I was caught off guard by the look of rage, anger and hatred in your eyes. I mean I have never met you before and you looked at me like I was a monster. Then you flew into a rage and yelled at me, all the guys in the bar were looking at me, pointing laughing. And I felt like you were cutting me down, and taking my manhood from me. Making me look weak to those men. And my pride to a hit. I just I mean I was mad, because I didn't do anything, and then I just wanted you to stop. I wanted you to not blast me, and not make those guys laugh at me. Then you said I was ugly, and that hurt my ego. Hurt my pride. I let my anger and my hurt pride control me, and I wanted to shut you up and hurt you like you hurt me. So I lied to you and I said that you were ugly, and that is not true. You are beautiful. And I'm shocked that you don't think you are. I mean you had all 3 guys asking you out your first minute at the station."
I said, 'As far as your mom, I'm sorry I had no idea and I should not have assumed your mom was alive. I know what that's like to lose"
Sydney's view:
I said, "Wait, does your mom live near here?" Tom said, "yeah. about an hour away." I said, "Then don't do that. Don't sit there and tell me you know what's it like to lose your mom."
He said, "you're right I don't know what it's like to lose you mom, but I do know what it's like to lose my dad. And I imagine the grief and loss stays with you always." I feel like a real bitch to even say that to him. I said, "Tom I'm um I didn't I'm sorry." He said, "it's ok" I saw tears in his eyes." He said, "And last I will help you on anything you need. Any of your cases, your car, if a guy is bothering you, you need him roughed up. You name it. I mean it Sydney. Anything you need. If you want to call me no matter what time, if you need my help. I'm there."
I said, "I don't have your number" He said, "I can give it to you. I'll write it down and then you can" I handed him my phone. "Just put it in." He did.. He said, "I'll keep my distance when we aren't working, if you need something text me." I nodded.
Tom's point:
She said, "Tom." I said, "yeah" She said, "why did you tell my brother, I mean you didn't have to. I wasn't going to tell him." I smiled. I said, 'yeah he told me that you keep things from him when you think he will go attack someone for hurting you."
She said, "oh my God Jay I'm going to have to talk to him. I can't believe he told you."
I said, "I get why he wants to protect you. I told him because I feel terrible about what I did, and I figured I needed to man up with him, I mean I couldn't what lie and say you were still at school, I had to say that you were at home. I just figured I owed him the truth."
She said, "look I get how it happened. I mean waking up late, you panic, thinking you are going to mess up and be late, and you freaked out and did your normal routine. It could happen to anyone. Thank you for the apology and the explanations and just so you know I am truly sorry for how I acted at the bar. I took everything out on you. I was angry and mad and flew into a rage and you were the victim. I'm sorry for hitting you. I had no right. I'm ashamed of my actions as well"
I said, "I deserved you hitting me, and I deserve it if you want to take me outside and kick my ass. I mean it Sydney. What I did today. I'm horrified. I'm sick. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I swear I'm not that kind of guy, nor am I that kind of co worker."
I said, "I'll say one more thing if you will let me." She nods. I said, "um while I don't know any details, of what happened at your old unit, if you want me to go to the 47th precinct and kick their asses for whatever they did to you. I will."
Sydney's view:
What did he just say. Wait how did he know where I worked. Kick their asses.
I said, "what, how did you know where I worked." He said, "I asked your brother. He was saying how he was worried about you who you work with, how he wants to protect you but you don't let him by not telling him what's happening, how he just found out about your old unit."
I said, "oh well I am not telling him so that he doesn't go get himself arrested and get disbarred."
Tom said, "Well then you could let me help you. I can fight Sydney." I said, "I'm sure you can. But I don't want you nor need you to do that. It's over with."
Tom said, "ok, just saying if I find out who they are, I will be paying them a visit." I said, "Tommy no don't. Look you are an officer of the law, you can't just go attack fellow cops Tommy. They would be out to get you, them and the other precincts. I um not that I care about you, I just don't want anyone to get in trouble or hurt because of me. It's not worth it."
He said, 'I can take care of myself Sydney." I said, "do you hate being a cop, that you are so easy to keep saying you will just throw your badge away"
He stared at me. He said, "No my badge is everything to me. Being a cop is my life. The only thing I have and only thing I ever wanted to do."
I said, "Then why risk it by getting in trouble fighting other cops."
He said, "because if they threatened you, made you feel unsafe, bullied you to the point that you lost your job, and they kept theirs that's wrong, and if I lose my badge doing the right thing then so be it."
I said, "Thank you for that. But honestly please don't. It's over with. I'm relieved to be out of there, and I'm excited to work with you all at Jump Street."
Tom's point of view:
Judy comes back. I excuse myself to go to the men's room. Doug follows me I guess. I'm standing over the sink. Putting water on my face, trying to stop the tears.
Doug said, "hey how'd it go, oh you're upset I guess she didn't"
I said, "she believes me and is letting it go, she wants me to stay and us work together, she said she will help me with cases, but that's it. We are not friends. Nor will we ever be."
Doug said, "Hanson hey I'm really sorry." I nod.
Doug said, "hey look don't give up ok. I mean she says never, but just don't give up. I mean I'm pretty sure if you give it time, and back off, and she sees that you are actually a good guy, I'm thinking maybe she could change her mind. At least at being friends. Maybe she's just scared to trust you. I mean if the 47th precinct bullied her, and then you call her names and then leave her standing in the rain and she gets in trouble. Maybe I mean we don't know what all they did to her."
I said, "I did tell her I'm here for her, if she needs me for anything, and also she let me put my number in her phone. I mean I don't have her number but" Doug said, "good that's good."
I said, "I also told her I'd go to the 47th precinct and kick their asses if she wanted" I smiled.
Doug said, "Good I'm going with you, I'll definitely help."
I said, "She told me not to. She doesn't want me losing my badge or getting hurt, anyone getting hurt over her."
Doug said, "hey that's a good sign I mean she could want you dead." We laugh. I said, "yeah I also told her I'd let her take me outside and kick my ass, and knee or kick me there and I said as hard as she hits she would probably break it." We laugh.
Doug said, "really good sign that you are still standing huh and in one piece." I said, "yeah it is."
Sydney's side:
Judy said, "you ok" I said, "yes. Things are ok between us. I told him that I will help on cases and do group stuff, but we aren't friends." She said, "I see. I'm glad that you can co exist." Everyone came back to the table. They were telling me how good the pizza was so we ordered.
Doug said, "Hey Sydney. Just so you know. I'm definitely in with Hanson if you want us to go to the 47th precinct and kick some asses." Dennis said, "Count me in for sure. We will teach them pigs a lesson." Harry said, "I'll go too."
I burst out into tears. I said, "Sorry you guys that is probably the nicest thing you could say, I mean to make me feel welcome." Judy said, "honey you should let them. I'll go and help." She hugged me.
I said, "I just don't want anyone to get hurt or in trouble. I could have got them in trouble, but I didn't because I was scared that they will retaliate, find out where I live. Follow me. Now I just want to put that behind me and try and forget all they did to me."
Tom said, "Sydney if you change your mind, let us know. What they did was wrong. I mean even if it was minor and I don't think that it was, they need to show respect you are a cop just like them." I said, "Thank you all of you."