Sydney's view:
I am actually regretting ever agreeing to come here with Jay. I had no idea that the new bar that he had been talking about was actually going to be like this. This must be the number one spot in town to go to hook up. And unfortunately, I think I messed up big time. I thought since I was going to get food to go, I could just sit at the bar, and then order, and be gone. The bartender is a nice guy, and he keeps apologizing but he is so behind with drinks. This place is packed. And by the way everyone is talking, I guess everyone here is single, and looking for a hookup. And I guess the number one place to meet your potential hookup is exactly where I am seated. The bar.
I have been propositioned, I have been hit on, I have had disgusting and disturbing things said to me about what they could do to me. Almost making me feel sick it's that disgusting.
I admit after Rob, and after the cops that I had to work with, I hate men. Except for Jay, but he doesn't count, he's, my brother.
But I really hate the guys who think they are God's gift to women, like they think that they are so hot, and so good in bed, that they are doing you a favor, and you should fall at their feet, and thank them for picking you. Self-righteous pompous prick asshole's.
I almost wish that guy who was dressed funny was back sitting by me, it would be so much better than what has sat in that chair since he moved on.
I don't know what shocks me more, the fact that these guys can say these disgusting things to women they have never met, or the fact that half of these guys are probably married and have a wife and maybe kids at home, or the fact that there are all these girls willing to go be with these guys, that they don't even know. I mean it just disgusts me, but I guess I'm too old fashioned. I've only slept with Rob, and that was because I thought Rob loved me, and I thought we would be together, and get married. Rob led me to think that is where our relationship was headed. With all his lies.
I decided since I was offered the free drink from the bartender more than once, I would get a strawberry frozen margarita. Sitting here alone is depressing, and just reminds me about Rob and what he did, how stupid I was to believe him.
The bartender is a really nice guy. He told me that his help didn't show up, and then the other girl who was supposed to help if he got backed up, ended up being sick tonight. I felt bad for him, because he is trying hard to make all the drinks, and not only are people at the bar being rude to him that it's taking him so long, but also the server's keep coming up and griping at him.
He said that I have been the most patient and he has done me some favors running some of the guys off, telling them to leave me alone. I think he's done it just to be nice. At least I hope so. I hope he is not going to ask me out.
I've had another drink, and had another disgusting guy sit by me. I swear if one more guy hits on me, or suggests we leave and go hook up. I think I may become violent.
I feel like I need to go home and take a shower these guys make me feel dirty.
Tom's viewpoint:
I come in the door, and the hostess immediately started flirting with me, and told me what time she got off, and said come find her. I winked at her and then headed to the bar.
I sat down, and a couple of girls started talking to me. Making it very clear that they were together and interested in a three some. I said, "never done that, but guess there is a first time for everything."
Sydney's viewpoint: Ok that was disgusting. I heard a 3some conversation. I said, "disgusting." I mumbled it to myself.
This man was talking to those two girls. I couldn't help but overhear. I was disgusted by it, but also, I was mad at myself because when I first saw him, I thought dang he is hot. Like really hot. I thought it must be the alcohol in me, to think that. Like I said I now hate all men. So, I don't go looking to see if men are hot. I should be happy that he is not bothering me. I should be able to just ignore him, so why can't I. Why is he getting to me so bad?
There was something about this man's voice. It was deep. Deepest voice I've ever heard, and he was opposite of Rob. I mean this guy had dark black hair, which kept falling in his face. This man kept running his hands through his hair, and I was finding it hard to look away when he did that. Rob was taller, and thinner. This guy had a good build. He had big shoulders. Looked strong. I was mad at myself for paying attention to him and listening to his conversation. He had a beautiful smile, his jawline sexy. Damn
He ended up turning down the two girls, so they said if he changed his mind come find them. They left and got a table. The fact that he rejected those girls, why did I feel something deep inside. Like relief. No that is not what I felt. It is the alcohol talking. Another girl sat down, and he flirted with her. So of course, he is a jerk like all the other guys. It really must be that he is making me think about Rob, because I actually feel jealous of those girls.
Tom's point of view.
Wow all the hot sexy girls here tonight, and they all seem to be single, and ready to hookup. Haven't been propositioned this much. This place is great. I'm definitely coming back.
The bartender brings me my beer. That's when I see her.
I'm not sure how I didn't see her when I sat down. She's beautiful. Her hair is long, dark, and falling down one shoulder. Kind of pulled to one side.
She smells good. Real good. I've never paid much attention to how a woman smells, so a little mad at myself that I notice how damn good she smells. Is that her perfume or maybe her hair?
She looks out of place. I mean one look at this woman, and I can tell that she's unlike any girl in this bar. Damn why am I feeling a little jealous about the fact, that I'm sure that there is no way that this beautiful woman is here alone. I don't see any rings on her finger, and it doesn't appear that she is saving any seat, so maybe she is. Why am I hoping that she is here alone. I know why, because I'm here to hookup, and she's the prettiest girl in the bar. But why do I feel like if she goes home with another guy, it's going to kill me. Why so I feel like I've been punched in the stomach thinking about that.
I really should have picked a different seat, I'm sure that it is her hair that smells so damn good. Now I can't concentrate on anything but that.
She is dressed nice. She is wearing a cute denim jeans dress, with a short white tee shirt underneath. Wait, why am I noticing how dang cute she is dressed.
This woman hasn't even looked my way, yet she's unnerving me. I think it's just because I've had a bad week, a stressful week. I hate working cases with Booker. The thought of Booker now makes me sick right now, I hope he hasn't heard of this bar, or isn't going to be showing up tonight, don't want to see him put a move on this girl, and she leave with him. That would be torture for me. Not sure I could handle having to work with him, if he got this girl to go home with him. Why am I feeling jealous? Well because I hate Booker that's why. And if he got this girl to go home with him, and I don't, he would never let me hear the end of it. He would taunt me over it.
I really need to stop staring at this girl, and stop thinking all these things, and start up a conversation with her, otherwise I'm going to be sitting here in misery as I watch some other man take her home. That's a nightmare that I don't want to have.
I've always thought that I was pretty smooth with girls. I'm not saying that I'm God's gift to women, but I can always get the girl. So that is why I am a little shocked, confused even, that this girl is looking at me like she hates me, like I am a monster, like I am her worst enemy. I thought I was being smooth, when I tried starting up a conversation. And she looked at me with a look in her eyes, of disgust, rage even, which took me by surprise. And it hurt.
I'm now not sure what I even said to her, I thought I said hi this place is packed tonight, have you been here before. If I'm being honest, I leaned closer to her, so that she could hear me, and I ended up touching her arm with my arm, totally on accident. I mean I wasn't trying to do it, and the minute our arms touched, I felt like a shock, and her hair touched my arm, causing another shock, and it's definitely her hair that smells so good. So, I'm not really sure what I said to her. Because when our skin touched it made me feel like every nerve on my body was on fire. But whatever I said pissed her off.
Sydney's point of view.
I am really trying hard to not look at the hot guy next to me. The fact that he is hot to me irritates me. He is here obviously to hook up, to take some girl home have sex, then probably never see her again. Disgusting. And the fact that he is probably sizing up the girls to see which is the winner, like he has already had so many girls over here talking to him, and he's flirting and hitting on all of them, I guess he's weighing his options, he isn't going to pick until he flirts with every girl in this place. He's so self-confident, just by how he's acting, how he's sitting there, how he's sipping his beer, how he talks. Like he's definitely one of those guys who think he's God's gift to women, and all the women should beg for a night with him.
I am looking down at my phone, and that is when I feel it. This guy is touching my arm. Like he's scooted his bar seat over and is leaning on me almost. I can feel his breath on my skin. Making me shiver. He's invading my personal space. Even the jerks who were so disgusting to me earlier, didn't invade my space nor touch me. Who does he think he is. How rude, I mean to just assume that I want him touching me. Like most girls here probably are ok with it, but I'm not. And it also is making me mad at myself, because why when he touched me did, I feel like a big shock, or like a volt of electricity hitting me. Like every nerve in my body reacted to his touch.
That made me mad, and so I'm really not sure what I said to him. He smells so good, and he is even hotter up close. His jaw line, his cheeks, his face, his eyes, his lips. Dammit. The nerve of him to touch me like that, then act like he's doing me a favor.
I glared at him, and then I think I said, "keep your damn hands to yourself. What the hell is wrong with you? Who told you that you could just touch me like that." Not sure, I mean that is what I hope I said, but honestly I'm having trouble focusing, it must be the alcohol.
I definitely know that I caught him off guard. I'm sure that no woman has ever told him no on anything. He's shocked. By the look on his face.
Tom's point of view.
This girl is freaking me out. I mean the looks she is giving me, of utter disgust, of hate even, she's blasting me, and yelling at me, but I haven't heard what she has said. I can't focus on anything but her face, her eyes, her lips. She is beautiful, and hot and sexy, but even more so when she is mad. And this girl is mad. Her face is even turning red. She is cutting me down, and all I can think is how sexy she is and what it would be like to kiss those lips, kiss her body, all over. The way this girl is making me feel. Not sure I'm comfortable with what I'm feeling. I mean yeah, I'm hard, but it's what she is making my stomach feel like, making me feel sick. My heart is racing. Maybe it's because I skipped lunch today. The cafeteria food just was too gross to eat today. That's probably why I am feeling sick now. Has nothing to do with this girl. I don't fall for girls. Nor do I let girls get to me, make me crave them, make me fantasize about them, make my insides does flip flops.
What I don't get is why is she so mad at me, I mean she's almost to the point that she's causing a scene. She is ripping me, and I can feel all the eyes at the bar on us. I could be mistaken, but I even think I heard the girl on the other side of her say something like she thinks that we are like a couple, and I have cheated on her or done something bad to her, pretty sure this girl said you tell him he needs to treat you better, make him beg for your forgiveness. What the hell.
If I didn't know better, she's acting like maybe she is a girl that I've picked up, went home with, had a one nighter then dumped her, but I know that I have never seen this girl before. I'd remember that face, that body. Those eyes, those lips. Even if I was wasted, I'd remember getting to have sex with this girl. I've never seen a face like hers. She might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Wait where the hell did that come from? Why would I even think that to myself, that she is the most beautiful girl. Girls are girls.
She is definitely letting me have it, I pissed her off even more because I told her what the hell is your problem girl. I mean I'd like to know what her problem with me is. She's vicious when she's mad, even though she is causing a scene, and ripping into me, making the men around me laugh, making me look like a weak whipped fool to take it, but I have to admit that the more she rips me, the more aroused I'm getting. She's damn sexy when she's mad, and she is for sure mad at me. My heart is almost beating out of my chest. I hear it pounding in my ear. Racing.
Part of me wants to keep her angry because of what she is making me feel. I'm not sure that I've ever been more turned on or wanted sex more than I do right at this minute with this woman. But it's more than that, I'm not sure I have ever felt so alive or have this kind of rush.
But the other part of me can't just let her continue her rage at me, causing a scene, I do have some pride. There are lots of guys here and they are laughing and I'm sure now think I am weak and a loser. I haven't even done anything to this girl, so she needs to be put in her place. If I can focus long enough to make some sort of a comeback, and catch her off guard. Key word focus, she's so beautiful, and she smells so damn good. I have the strongest urge to just touch her hair, smell her hair, hug her, kiss her. I'm pretty sure if I did that, she would really let me have it.
I laughed which seems to infuriate her more. I said, "tell me something baby, did you escape?"
She glared at me. She said, "Don't call me baby, and what the hell question is that."
I've never called a woman baby before. I'm shocked I even said it. I mean freaked me out, it just slipped out. Didn't realize it was coming out of my mouth. I mean calling a woman baby means that you have a relationship with them, and I don't do relationships, so I don't do nicknames, or honey, baby, none of that BS. So why did I call her that? I guess I won't be upset about it, though because it sure made her react. If I thought she was mad before, she's even more pissed, looking even sexier as her eyes rage.
I laughed in her face. I said, "Well I'm thinking that maybe you are a patient in some mental hospital, and maybe you escaped" Wrong thing to say. For a minute there, I actually thought I saw pain in her eyes. I felt bad, as I know I should not have said that. But then she was back being a bitch.
She said, "you are such a disgusting asshole. You are probably the one who escaped probably from prison."
That stung a little. Why did she say that? Do I look like I'm a felon, a criminal. What the hell crime does she think I committed. I mean I'm a police officer. Damn this girl. That hurts.
I then said, "Well you are a bitch." I admit the harder I was getting, the more I wanted her, I wished I could just touch her face, run my hands through her hair, and kiss the hell out of her lips. Her perfect lips waiting for me to take them. To kiss her like she's never been kissed. To make her moan my name. I'm pretty sure I could make her scream my name. The more I am fighting with her, and thinking about sex with her, I'm getting jealous, jealous of any man who gets to go home with her, any man who has sex with her, because I know it's not going to be me. And that makes me mad, because I don't get jealous. I don't want a girlfriend remember. I don't fall in love. Don't believe in it. Don't want a relationship. I want sex one nighter's and then go on my way. I have never had to tell myself that, I know that, so why now am I feeling the need to pound that into my head. You don't want a girlfriend.
She said, "Excuse me, did you just call me a bitch."
I said, "yeah lady, I did, you are not just a bitch, but a crazy bitch." That pissed her off even more. The fire in her eyes is a definite turn on, but also hurt deep inside. Hurt because I'm never going to get this girl. And then once again why am I feeling this stuff over this crazy bitch.
She said, "I can't believe you called me a bitch." I said, "No I said you are a crazy bitch. It's no wonder that you are here all alone. Red flag walking."
The look in her eyes, if I didn't know better was pain, hurt. Almost making me feel bad. Let's face it. I probably shouldn't have said that, but right now I'm mad at myself for even having these thoughts about this girl. This girl is nobody to me, and she's not even my type.
I mean she is beautiful, but her breasts aren't big at all, I mean you can't even see them, and not to be rude but that is a big part of what attracts me, and I mean her personality is bitchy, and let's face it, this girl is too uppity, there is no way that she does one-night hookups.
She actually is sitting here the whole time acting like she is better than everyone else. I've not seen her say one word, or one nice word to anyone at the bar. And that mouth on her, definite turn off. Maybe I'm trying to find things that are turn offs, to make me feel better for not getting to go home with this girl. Because if she wasn't mad at me I would do almost anything to spend the night with her. Doing whatever she wanted to do. Go wherever she wanted.
She laughs. She said, "So because I'm not worshiping and falling at your feet, begging you to take me home, that makes me a bitch. Like you are God's gift to women."
I said, "I'm not trying to brag, but all the girls that I have gone home with, are very pleased all night and the next morning."
She said, "Asshole. Well, I've seen the dumb girls who have been flirting with you, they aren't any prize. Of course, to be with you, they probably have to get totally wasted and drunk."
Ouch that hurt. Like what the hell is she trying to say. That she thinks I'm ugly. That she thinks I'm hideous to look at. I mean I never said I was the hottest guy. Why do I care whether she thinks I'm hot or not. Why am I hurt now. Now she is ruining my night. I came here to unwind, get a girl for the night, and now she's ran me down into the ground, and couldn't stop with that, no she has to go for the kill, and insult my looks. Who the hell does this bitch think she is.
I said, "actually you are the one who is not a prize. I mean not only are you a psycho bitch, but you are ugly, your mouth is ugly, your mom needs to wash your mouth out with soap." Ok, I've gone too far. I swear I think I saw tears start to form. She's not crying, but the tears are there.
I keep going. She has stopped talking. Staring at me. I said, "I mean you are definitely crazy. If you think that I was trying to hook up with you tonight. I was not. Never would I want a girl like you. You are definitely not my type. I'm into women, real women, not little girls. I mean you are dressed like what a pre-teen, how they dress, but of course I guess since you don't have anything to show, you try to hide that part."
Ok that was out of line. I shouldn't have had those beers. My hurt, anger, jealousy all the emotions are controlling me. I was way out of line. I hurt her. I can see it in her eyes. Just because I'm hurt that she finds me ugly and doesn't want me, that doesn't give me the right to hurt her like that.
I think because I'm hurt that there is no way I'm taking this girl home, or ever going to see her again. But I'm ashamed of what I just said, and how I've treated her. She's tough. She's not crying, but I can tell that she wants to. I need to apologize. I will apologize for all of it, for upsetting her, I won't tell her that yes I was wanting to go home with her tonight, I won't tell her that I think she's sexy and beautiful, I won't tell her that she hurt me deeply by insulting my looks, so I reacted in pain. But she deserves an apology.
I said, "Look I'm I " Before I could start my apology, she slaps me. I mean this girl hits me in the face, and hard. Who the hell taught her how to hit like that. She definitely doesn't hit like a girl.
I am pissed now. Not only as she insulted my manhood, insulted my looks, but now she has punched me. Making me look like a total weak loser. I should arrest her. Haul her off to jail.
Not going to lie, the thought of putting her hands behind her back, standing behind her close behind her, my hands on her and whispering in her ear she's busted, as I cuff her, is turning me on even more. And hauling her ass off and putting her in our jail at Jump Street, while it's there for cases, or to do interrogation, still we are cops, and if we see someone breaking the law, we do have the authority to arrest them and bring them there. The thought of having her all night to myself in a cell, fighting with her, is very tempting.
I said, "Lady are you crazy. I should have your ass arrested, thrown in jail." She said, "you just try it asshole" I said, "Don't tempt me."
I can't believe this girl freaking hit me in the face. This is going to leave a mark. Great. I am going to have to go to work tomorrow, and the guys will see my face. I can try and say it was a guy, but knowing Booker he will probably keep on dogging me about it, till I admit that I got punched by a woman. My face is burning right now. I mean who the hell is this bitch. I've never been slapped or hit by a woman. Ever in my life. And it wasn't good enough for her to rip me, insult my manhood, my face, but she had to make a fool of me, and slap me, leaving a bruise.
I said, "you bitch. You can't just hit people like that." She said, "you touch me again, I will do it again."
People are staring. I'm thinking about arresting her. But just then some guy comes up to her. And dammit she's obviously been waiting for him, because the greeting she gave him, a big hug, and he kissed her cheek. She's definitely happy to see him. Wow, she has a beautiful smile. I wish she smiled at me like that. I feel pain, deep in my stomach and chest. Damn why am I feeling this pain watching them hug. Please don't kiss her. Not sure I can handle that.
I hate this guy. Don't know him but despise him. This guy looks like a snob just like she is. He's dressed in expensive clothes. Hell, it looks like what he has paid for his suit, is probably my whole one-year salary
. I'm totally out of her league. I'd love to kick this guy's ass. Take him outside and beat the shit out of him. he's definitely not a fighter. I could take him with one arm.
Dammit he's going to take her home tonight. Like he probably does every night. She calls him Jay. I wish I couldn't hear what they are saying. She tells him she is so happy to see him, he tells her he's so sorry that he kept her waiting, she hugs him again.
This guy not only is he a loser, but let's face it he's pretty stupid. I mean he has this girl, and he keeps her waiting for him, and lets her sit alone at a bar, for guys to flirt with her. I guess attempt to flirt with her. If she was mine, I would not want her sitting here alone. Having guys fantasized about her.
Now he is seeing that she looks upset, and he asks her if she is just upset because he was late, or if something happened, she looks at me. Maybe I am going to get my chance to kick this guy's ass. I mean if I can't have her, at least I can ruin his night with her, if I send him to the hospital, he won't be able to have sex with her. But she says Jay can we go get a table. Then he puts his arm around her shoulder, and they walk away.
The most beautiful girl I've ever seen has walked away. And I feel sad. I hurt deep inside. Knowing I'll never see her again, nor will I ever get a chance with her. And why do I care. This girl is a bitch.
Well, it's like I thought, now all the guys at the bar are snickering and laughing at me. Making little jokes among themselves, whispering how they would never let a girl hit them, never let a girl talk to them like that, rip them. If I was watching the whole thing go down with some other guy, I'd be saying the same things, so I can't blame them.
The bartender feels bad for me I guess, he tells me the next beers are on the house. Giving me free chips queso. Maybe this is working in my favor. I mean now I'm getting all the attention and sympathy from some really hot sexy ladies. Saying are you ok, you poor baby, does your face hurt, she should be arrested or kicked out of here. All of the girls at the bar are now crowding around me, vying for my attention, making the guys at the bar who had just made those jokes mad. She definitely did me a favor.
But why can't I stop staring at her. What is wrong with me tonight. I have all these hot girls vying to be the girl I leave with, and I can't quit staring at her and that loser boyfriend of hers. They moved over to a booth. He's got his arm around her. I'd like to break his arm. What would she think about that, if I went over there and hurt her little lover boy. I'd need to put him in the hospital though otherwise she would be taking care of his wounds. Damn I'm going to be sick. Thinking about this girl having sex with that guy. Makes me sick.
Sydney's point of view.
Jay said, "Syd will you please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong" I said, "nothing Jay. I'm fine."
Jay said, "Sydney, I wish you would stop keeping things from me. Did some guy hit on you, get out of line with you" I looked over at the bar. Over at that man. And of course, all the girls were now over there, touching his face, hitting on him, making it so obvious they want to go home with him.
I felt sick. I mean I was angry so angry at him. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions. I mean anger, but also hurt. I mean I know that I was a bitch to him, and it's not all his fault. I mean if I'm honest, I was getting so tired of getting hit on by everyone who sat by me, and I just wanted to be left alone. Then I had to hear his conversation with those girls, all the girls who came up to him, and I can't blame them for wanting to go home with him, I mean he's hot, his voice is deep and sexy, his face is perfection, his broad shoulders, I can see he has six pack abs. I was so angry at myself for even thinking this guy is hot, for even thinking these things about him. I mean I am done with men. I'm never going to let another man make a fool of me, or hurt me, Use me for sex, Lie to me. Tell me he loves me just to get sex. then betray me. Then when he touched me I was so caught off guard. And the way my body reacted to his touch. Pushed me over the edge.
I used to dream about falling in love , and getting married, having babies, my whole life I've wanted to be married, have a man fall in love with me. Every boy I crushed on in grade school, and junior high, never fell for me. Just wanted to be friends, thought of me as one of the guys because they were friends with Jay, who is a year older than me.
Which because they were all friends with Jay, I got access to them all the time. Our house used to be the house that everyone stayed at. Like all of Jay's friends would practically live at our house, especially during the summer. Whether it was the swimming pool, the big movie theater downstairs, the gym. Plus my dad is cool. He is fun to hang out with, and he has always put me and Jay first. Spent nights, his free time, weekends and evenings with us.
But it still hurt because even though I would tell myself not again, stop the crushes, because when they would get a girlfriend, or worse would ask me for help with one of my friends, well girls I thought were my friends, I guess they never were if they could let Rob and my cousin go behind my back 8 months.
Rob humiliated me and broke me, and I'm done. I gave up that dream.
My mom and dad had a beautiful story book romance. Love at first sight. Married within months of meeting each other. And my mom wanted a June wedding, and so I had always hoped and dreamed that I could have a June wedding too. To be like my mom
. I mean losing my mom is the hardest thing, and I miss her every day, and I just liked to dream and think about getting to have a June wedding. To honor my mom. But that is done. That dream is over
. I'm just a failure to my mom. My mom was beautiful. She was a model, and actually was headed for maybe stardom. She was cast in this big movie, the director had saw her picture in a magazine, and wanted her for his picture. But she ended up turning it all down, because on her last night at home, before she was to move to LA, sign with this movie, she met my father. And she said the minute she looked at him, and they shook hands, and she felt this electricity, and she knew that this was her love of her life, and she knew that if she left she may lose her forever love.
I know I had no right to hit him. But he had no right to touch me like that. But why did he have to be so hurtful. I mean I know I blasted him, and was a bitch, because I was mad at myself, but also he had no right to touch me like that. Invade my space, breathe on me. I mean who does that. I could have arrested him, If I was still a cop. You can't just maul someone like that. And then when he didn't even acknowledge that he did it, or apologize, and then I relived all of his flirty conversations with all those girls, I just was even more mad.
But still even though I was a bitch to him, he didn't need to be so brutal and so mean and cruel.
I know that I'm not beautiful. I know that I'll never be. I don't need some stranger to tell me that.
I know that I don 't have a body. I mean a sexy body. I don't have big breasts. I have made peace with that. It's fine. I mean big boobs get in the way anyway I would think.
I don't need to be told I'm ugly. I already know it. And for him to say it out loud with all those women at the bar, actually beautiful girls at the bar, girls that always get the guy, don't ever get hurt. That was like even more cruel. All those girls with the perfect, happy life, staring at me, and then mocking me I'm sure. That seems to be my life now. Everyone talking about me making jokes. Like how my boyfriend was screwing my cousin for 8 months in my own home, my own bed, and I never picked up on one single sign.
Now he's over there, getting all the attention from all those girls. I wonder which one he will pick to go home with. Why do I care. I'm done with men remember. Why am I having to tell myself that. Why do I hurt deep inside?
Tom's point of view:
Dammit I always thought I was a pretty smart guy. But tonight I did the dumbest thing and I blew it. I hurt this girl, and now her loser man is over there trying to comfort her, and he's the one who is going to get the prize tonight She's going to let him comfort her with comfort sex. I pretty much handed this girl to him tonight. I mean ok not like he isn't her man and he has her every night. I need to try and find some pride. Some dignity that I have left.
Save face with the guys at the bar. They were witness to her beat down of me, and I could redeem myself with these guys if I would focus on all the hot girls that are trying to give me attention. But no I can't stop staring at that girl. Like right now you could offer me a million dollars and all I have to do is look away from her and not look at her rest of the night, and yet I wouldn't be able to do it. What the hell is wrong with me.
Why does she get to me like this, why does she have so much power over me. It should be really simple to not look at her. So why can't I stop staring. Dammit. I wasn't prepared for what happens next. I knew I hurt her, but damn. She's crying now. Really crying. I hurt deep inside, like a knife to my chest, seeing tears in her eyes, and knowing it's because of me. And to make it worse that loser is now hugging her, he wipes her tears. I swear to God if he kisses her I'm going to puke right here at the bar.
Sydney's point of view:
I did not want to tell Jay about what that guy said. He could see I was upset. He kept asking if something happened. I just told him that there were so many jerks here tonight saying disgusting things. I feel dirty. Jay was pissed. He apologized, said that he was sorry and wanted to know what guys, if I would point them out he would go take care of them. I told him no. I don't want him fighting over me.
I did not want to cry at the bar, so I pride myself in that. Not letting that asshole know his words cut me open. But I keep hearing his deep voice, and hearing it picturing him saying those words. It's playing over and over in my mind, like I have a remote control and I am hitting rewind.
I can't stop the tears. They explode from my eyes. Jay hugged me, and I'm drenching his shirt. Now he is really concerned about what happened. To make me this upset. I don't want to repeat anything that man said to me. I wish I could forget him, forget his words. I wish I didn't think he was so hot, so sexy. I wish I didn't think his voice was so hot. I wish I didn't care that he was going to pick a girl and go home with her.
Jay said, "is this about Rob?" I nod. He said, "Sydney I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than that loser. I know you don't think so, but there are good guys out there. Guys that will value you, and know what they have in you, and want to cherish you." I said, "Jay please stop. I'm done. I will not trust another man. Not ever."
Jay said, "I know you think that now, but you never know, you may meet some guy and not be able to resist him, and he will turn out to be your prince, and steal your heart." I said, "Jay I'd really like to just go home." He said, "ok let's go." He takes my hand, and we leave.
Tom's point of view:
Dammit what I have been dreading is happening. She's leaving. She's leaving with that guy. He's going to take her home. Hold her in his arms, kiss her all night long, have sex with her, then hold her as she sleeps, watching her sleep must really be something.
What the hell is wrong with me. If I didn't know better, I think maybe I've been drugged. Something in the beer. I mean seriously I have never held a girl and watched her sleep after sex. After sex, I usually get up and go home. I only like to sleep in my own bed, alone, and I don't bring girls over to my apartment. If you do that, it's a big mistake, then not only do they know where you live and can show up, but also then they think that maybe we are in a relationship, that they can come over, so no girls ever at my place. That is a rule that I will never break.
She's gone now, and I should be happy. Relieved that bitch is gone. And turn my attention to all the beautiful girls trying to get me tonight. But instead I feel the opposite. I feel empty. My chest hurts. My stomach hurts. I feel like I could puke. I'm pissed off at that girl. I don't even know her, and she has ruined my night. Now I can't stop seeing her face, it's like it's playing over and over in my mind, our fight, it's all mixed together.
I mean our fight, the way she is getting me so aroused, more than any girl ever in my life, how she said she thought I was ugly, thought I was a criminal, those cruel words I said to her, the lies I told her, the pain in her eyes, this guy coming from nowhere hugging her, she crying on his shoulder, him caressing her face, then she leaves with him. Not only do I feel pain deep inside, my face hurts. I can feel the bruise. I think she even managed to cut me she hit me that hard. I see a little blood.
I excuse myself go to the men's room. I look in the mirror. Horrified that the bruise is bigger than I thought, and yeah I'm bleeding, yeah I'm cut. The nerve of this bitch. And damn if I didn't just get weak over her. I mean I let her hit me. What kind of man let's a woman hit him, a stranger, when he's never done anything to her, and he just drops it. No wonder all the guys are laughing at me.
I wash my face with some hot water, and it burns. One of the guys who had just came in, said, "ouch buddy tough night." He gave me a concerned smile. I said, "yeah your'e telling me"
He said, "did you cheat and she find out about it." I laughed. I said, "no wasn't that at all." I mean I laughed because if me and this girl were together, and I cheated then I would deserve for her to hit me. But how do I tell this guy I have never even met this girl before.
That is another thing that pisses me off about this girl. I mean she took my manhood by ripping me, she insulted my looks, she's invaded my thoughts, but now she makes me look like a total wimp. I mean how do I even explain to that guy who just asked that I let a girl I have never met hit me. And to make matters worse, all I can do is think about what she and that guy are doing right now. I'm praying that they have car trouble, flat tire, in probably his fancy million dollar sports car. I hope they are delayed in getting home, and she falls asleep in the car.
I go back out to sit at the bar. Finally one of the girls said "what is with you dude. Did you cheat on that girl?" I said, "What no I did not."
She said, "at first I thought it looked like you two didn't know each other, and I was feeling bad for you, but now I'm feeling bad for her." I said, "What the hell, you feel bad for that bitch after she attacked me for no reason." I glare at her.
She said, "it's clear that there is a connection between you two, you aren't strangers" I said, "wrong there is no connection what so ever to me and her."
She said, "really then why were you staring non stop at her, and why were you cussing and looking like she was stabbing you in the heart, when you saw her hug that guy. You know I thought you were a hot guy, and I thought we could have fun together."
I said, "I'd like that. I came here to have fun."
She said, "well sorry you are going to have to look somewhere else for your fun. I am not asking for any strings or any relationship. I like one night and done. But I will not be ignored or pushed aside while you gawk at another woman. You have not looked at any of us girls that have been talking to you. Because you couldn't tear your eyes off of your little princess over there. So I don't buy that you didn't cheat on her. The look of pain on your face as you watched her, and the way she was crying. You broke her heart." I said, "I did not break her heart." Ok I admit I hurt her with those lies I told her.
That girl leaves and now I'm just pissed off. Pissed off thinking about what could have been, me taking this Sydney girl home to her place. Even if she isn't the type of girl to do sex on the first meeting, which I'm 100 percent sure she's not that kind of girl, but maybe we could have gone out to coffee so we could hear each other and talk, and she would have given me her number, and I could have picked her up and taken her out someplace nice for a date. What the hell. I don't take girls on dates. I need to find a girl to go hook up with. I'm not even going to care what they look like right now.
Just my luck another girl approaches. I put the moves on her, and she tells me let's go back to her place. I tell her I'm right behind her. I walk her to her car, and tell her I'll follow her. She kisses me.
Oh God what is happening to me. This hot girl is kissing me, ready to go back to her place for sex, and I do something I have never done in my life. I'm horrified by the words coming out of my mouth.
I said, "Actually I'm sorry to do this, but yeah I am just going to call it a night. I'm sorry I wasted your time." She said, "What so you are rejecting me." I said, "yeah it's been a bad night." She touched my face. She said, "yeah I saw your girlfriend hit you. I'm sorry."
Why does everyone think she's my girlfriend. I don't know this girl at all. I said, "I didn't cheat on her if that's what you think" She said, "doesn't matter if you did or didn't. Her loss is my gain. I'm just looking for some hot sex tonight from a hot guy." She runs her hand down my chest. I can't believe I'm doing this, because I can see exactly where her hands are headed, and before they get there, I put my hands on her hands, and remove them. I said, "no thanks. Like I said I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'll walk you back inside if you want me to." She said, "I'm glad that girl punched you. You are a real loser." She stormed off.
What a miserable night. It's only going to get worse. My face hurts, and now I'm haunted by this girl. I mean when that girl kissed me, I saw this Sydney girl's face, her tears, her eyes, and dare I say I felt guilty. Like what the hell. I don't even know her, and I don't do girlfriends, or relationships. So there is no cheating. I go home have a few beers, and it's pointless to try and get some sleep.
Sydney's point of view.
Jay takes me for ice cream, then I go home, and take a long hot bath. I wish I could just forget tonight. That man. His voice. His face. His words. I pray to God I never see him again, but I know that I will continue to see him as I try to sleep. I need to try and focus on other things, but all I can think of is I wonder who is with him tonight. The thought of him having sex hurts. Which upsets me that I even care. Of all nights, I go tomorrow to see about taking this new job. This decision to take this job or not really is going to change my life.
I mean am I going to give up my dream of being a police officer and just go work for my dad. I mean the good thing is I'd see my dad and brother every day, the pay would be good, but my dream would be over. So far my dream of marriage following my mom with a June wedding is over. If I don't take the police job then that door is closed too. That dream is over. Then I have nothing. No purpose for my life. I wanted to help people, make the community safer, make a difference. Being a secretary or an assistant is a great career, but I want a purpose.
I need a purpose. Since I have no life. No friends. No boyfriend. No future. I need a job with a purpose, so that I can make it my whole life. One of the biggest day's of my life is tomorrow and I'll probably ruin it and oversleep because I can't sleep because of that man.