As bad as tonight is going, maybe I should take it as a sign, that I should just forget about being a Police Officer, and I should just call my potential new Captain tomorrow, and tell him thank you so much for the offer, but no thanks.
I am already nervous about it, and have been all week. But now I'm really nervous and scared.
My last job was a disaster. None of the officer's wanted me there. Well let's say that they didn't want me there as a cop or as a partner. They made their feeling's clear from the first day, that they don't believe women should be or can be Police Officer's. Most all of them were disgusting pigs, and jerks, with their sexual innuendo's, and their bullying tactics, trying to get me to quit. From having dead rats left inside my desk drawer, sexually disgusting notes left on my desk. Or all the times trying to get me in trouble on cases, framing me, trying to blackmail me, they would fix it if I service them.
I hated to quit to give them the satisfaction that they won, so honestly when my captain called me into his office to let me know that he was sorry but he had to let me go, that even though he knew I was a great officer, and more than qualified, it was causing a problem with morale, and he couldn't afford to lose all the other officer's. I was actually relieved.
I have wanted to be a police officer for so long and was so excited when I got my first job, but now I'm just not sure that I can try again.
My captain felt bad and asked me what unit I would want to be in, and I told him I thought I was just going to quit, give up my dream. He told me not to do that, and that he had an idea, he had to make a phone call with a friend of his, but he knows of a program that might be perfect for me.
He made the phone call, and then explained to me one of his friends, runs a precinct, and he would offer me the job on the spot, as he is down an officer, and with the good recommendation from him, the job was mine if I wanted it.
I thanked him and went to my car to drive away from this nightmare unit, was hit with so many emotions. Sadness, remembering how excited I was on my first day, anger at having to leave because of male sexist pigs. Fear because I don't know that I have it in me to try again, with a new unit.
Part of me wanted to just politely refuse the job. I just don't think I can go through this again. Male sexist pigs. The threats, the dirty innuendos. The bullying. I mean I already have had a crappy year, even before all that went down with my job.
My boyfriend Rob cheated on me. Why guys cheat? I mean I guess they cheat so that they can have their cake and eat it too. I haven't had much luck when it comes to boyfriend's. They all end up hurting me. But I can't really compare the couple of guys that I dated, to Rob. As Rob was my only serious relationship. I was so in love with him. I fell for him the first day that we met. He said all the right things, making me believe how much he loved me, how he had never been in love before me, how his life was empty before he met me. I thought he was the love of my life, the man of my dreams, my forever man, so I gave myself to him. My biggest regret.
Rob has pretty much turned me off of all men. As far as I'm concerned, I will never date another man. I will just be alone the rest of my life. The only two good men in the world, are my father, and my brother. Besides that all men are jerks.
You see, I didn't just lose my boyfriend and best friend Rob, I also lost my best girl friend, more like sister, we are cousins, but we grew up together, and I spent a lot of time living in her house with her, or her living with me and my brother and dad.
When I was a little girl, 10 years old, my mom died of cancer. The loss of my mom pretty much devastated me, my brother, and my father. My mom's sister moved back to town, to help my dad out with me and my brother. Whenever my dad had to go out of town for business, we would go stay with my aunt.
If I'm honest, the double betrayal broke me. You see, my ex bestie, sister, cousin Kris ended up sleeping with and then carrying on an affair with Rob behind my back. Making me look like a complete fool. What is worse is that Kris and I had the same friends, since we were in the same grade, and of course all my girl friends knew about the affair, and kept her secret for her.
Pretty much all I have now is my brother Jay, and my dad. I don't want friends who stab me in the back. They all have begged me to forgive them, they told me they didn't want to hurt me, and didn't know what to do. But that's not good enough for me. Jay and my dad are all I need. I know my brother and dad won't ever stab me in the back.
If it wasn't bad enough that Rob and Kris carried on an affair, now they are so in love, and engaged to be married. And get this my aunt really has her heart set on me to come to their wedding. I am trying so hard to not let my hate for my cousin show to my aunt. I don't want to hurt my aunt. She has been so good to me, and always been there for me.
I have tried going over a list of pros and cons about taking this new job. I have gone back and forth and picked up the phone so many times to call and turn down the job. But my brother Jay has stopped me. He thinks that I should not give up my dream, that I worked too hard to be a cop, and I should give it one more chance. If it doesn't work out, then I can do something else with my life. He and my dad are lawyer's in the same firm, and told me that I always have a job with them if I want it.
Jay was not very happy with me, and neither was my dad, when they found out about all the bullying and abuse I was getting from the other officer's. Upset that I didn't let them know that it was happening. But I didn't for a reason. I knew that Jay would lose his temper and go down there and start a fight, and what good is that going to do. Not only cause me problems at work with the guys that I have to work with, but also possibly get Jay in trouble with the law, and disbarred. Same goes for my dad. I chose to ignore it and not tell them.
I had an initial phone interview with my new Captain. He sounds like a really nice guy, and my old Captain assured me he was a good man. Ran a good program. The program is undercover, for young looking officers who go into high schools, and colleges, and the whole idea of this unit, is to try and stop the teenagers when they are young, before they become more dangerous criminals, instead of just petty crimes, stop them from becoming serious felonies. Sounds like a really good program, and that is one of the pro's to taking this job. I wanted to make a difference, in the community. This would be a way to do that.
Another pro is that when he was telling me about his unit, he told me that I would not be the only woman. That did make me feel better. He also assured me that his officer's got along well with her, and that they were all good guys, respectful and I would not have any of the problems that I had at my old unit. He said that his friend filled him in on what all I had to go through, and he assured me that would not be the case at this unit. His officers were all like family.
Which brings me to why I am sitting here alone. Tonight, has been bad. It started the minute I left my apartment.
My brother knew I was nervous about starting my new job, and also, he and my dad think that I need to get out of the house. Instead of just staying in my house, and not ever going anywhere. I tell them that I am fine, and that I actually do go places, thank you very much. But they say it doesn't count if I am just going over to dad's house to fix dinner. or to the grocery store or to their law office.
They are starting to nag me on it, but I don't let them know that it irritates me, because I know that they are just worried about me.
To shut my brother up, I agreed to go out with him tonight. He thought it would do me good, to just go out to a bar, have a nice dinner, and maybe a few drinks to unwind. He has been trying to get me to come out with him and his girlfriend for a few months, but I really was not in the mood to go anywhere. He told me this new bar was great, and had great food, cheap happy hour drinks, and that on Thursday nights the food special was Monterrey's with queso and chips and salsa. Mexican food is my favorite. He knew that so he kept showing me pictures of their food, and telling me how good it is. He talked me into it, but now I'm wishing that I would have told him I couldn't make it.
Because right after I got here, and I'm sitting in my Corvette waiting for him, my phone goes off.
Jay's already late, so as I get my phone, I am saying Jay this better not be you canceling on me.
Well it's Jay. Great.
I answer, "Jay please do not tell me that you can't make it. I'm already here." Jay said, "Sydney I am so sorry. Please don't hate me."
I said, "it's fine, so you aren't able to leave the office?" He said, "um actually it's not that."
He didn't need to say more. Obviously it is his drama queen pain in the ass girlfriend. She and I get along, but we are totally opposites in everything. She was in my grade, and has always been friendly to me. She's never acted like she thought she was better. But she and I never ran in the same circles. She was popular. I wasn't. She was head cheerleader. All the guys drooling over her, while I was the one drooling over and having crushes on all of the football players, who only thought of me as one of the guys. Her life revolves around fashion, and the latest styles, can't wear the same outfit twice, she and her mom go shopping, buy an outfit, that probably would pay for half of my month's house payment, then wear it once, and then donate it, can't be caught wearing the same thing.
I said, "Jay dammit, so I get that Allison is your girlfriend and you want to keep her happy, which is almost a full time job on your part, but seriously Jay."
He said, "Syd I'm sorry. It's really not her fault this time." I said, "Whatever." Jay said, "Sydney, her mother is having a meltdown about the party that they are hosting, and you know how bad her mom gets if something minor unexpected happens. Imagine how bad she is when it is major."
I laughed. He did have a point. As bad as Allison gets on drama, her mother is so much worse.
Jay said, "I'm sorry sis."
I said, "it's ok Jay. I guess I will just go home" Jay said, "Sydney don't you are already there. I will try and be there as soon as I can. Just go on in and get a booth and wait for me."
I said, "I don't think so Jay. I think I will just go home."
Jay said, "Sydney I thought you were excited to try their Monterrey's. I'm telling you they are the best I've ever had. Mouth watering."
I said, "I was really hungry for them, but knowing your girlfriend and her mom, I mean I really doubt you will be able to get away before tomorrow." I laughed.
Jay said, "I'm sorry sis. I will make it up to you. I promise."
I said, "it's ok. I should have known better than to come"
Jay said, "Sydney no. Don't say that. I'm sorry. I have wanted to get you out of your house, out in the real world for months, and you finally agree, and now I let you down. " I said, "Jay it's fine. No big deal. And I do live in the real-world Jay. I leave my house all the time." Jay said, "Sydney you know what I mean. I'm not saying that you need to go out there and date, but you really should just go out have fun, enjoy yourself."
I said, "I think since I'm here, I will just go in and order me food to go. I really should get home anyway."
Jay said, "Sydney please tell me that you are still going to show up and at least meet all the officer's at Jump Street." I said, "part of me wants to just not go, but I decided that I will at least go talk to him, meet the other officer's, maybe talk to the female one, see what her experiences have been like." Jay said, "I'm sorry I let you down tonight." I said, "it's fine Jay. I love you." He said, "I love you too."
I was getting another call, my father. I talked to him a little while and then he said that he would cancel his business dinner and meet me, since Jay had to cancel, but I told him not to do that, I was going to order and then go on home. I have a big day tomorrow and need to do some things at home first.
I can do this. Just go in sit at the bar, and order dinner to go, hopefully I don't have to put up with any creeps trying to hit on me. I'm really not in the mood to deal with that tonight.
Of course the minute I sit down at the bar, my bad night starts.
There is a man there who comes up and sits by me, asks me if this seat is taken. I say no it's not. He then wants to strike up a conversation. I try and be polite. He asks if I am meeting someone and when I tell him no that I'm just getting food to go. The bartender is swamped. The bar is crowded and the place is starting to fill up, so he tells me he will get me a drink on the house, sorry for the long wait. I'm thinking about telling him no thanks but then I am getting hungry, and the server brings a Monterrey to someone. Damn that does look good, smells good too. I get a Diet Pepsi.
If I wasn't so uncomfortable, I'd have to laugh at the man next to me. He thinks he is quite the player. Not to be rude, but. He is wearing two bright colors, a pink shirt, with bright green pants. So bright that it almost hurts your eyes to look at him. His hair has got some kind of oily stuff on it, like he maybe put too much in his hands and put a whole bottle on his head. And his cologne does not smell good at all. He seems friendly and he is obviously there to try and find a girl to take home. Good luck with that fella.
I am looking down at my phone.
Finally, he takes his drink and moves on to try his luck with another girl. Thank God.