SILIN
The silence is the loudest in the room.
My lips taste of lavender. The cup of tea is empty beside the papers strewn all over my desk, alongside with four others.
I'm in some sickly feeling, where my head feels forced awake but my body is drugged with exhaustion.
It's already three in the morning.
The blunt pen slips from my fingertips. The sound it makes as it falls onto a messy pile of papers is so dull and hollow— just like the love of my own husband.
I'd told him. For the first time in over a month, that I wanted to see him tonight. I hadn't wanted to seem clingy, so I had waited— counted down each of the thirty days until I could not wait anymore.
Now it was three in the morning.
I push up from my chair.
It makes a harsh noise against the floor. But I don't care— the anger is suddenly aflame, sending sparks from my head to the tips of my fingers.
Was it really that difficult?
I knew that he had lost his love for me a long time ago. We hadn't had dinner together in the last three months. I barely saw him— just glimpses of his silhouette as he left the Palace and goes only God knows where.
But even then.
I was still his Queen. His wife. I'd put him on this throne with my own hands.
I'm a vengeful wraith— my steps barely make any noise against the carpeted floor as I sweep down the corridor, towards his room. Even his room is so far away from mine.
The corridor is completely silent, with the coming of night.
It's how I hear them in the first place.
The chill starts to set between my lips when I'm a couple doors away. I hear the faint sound of impact, hard and violent— the firm material of wood against wood. My steps slow, the tiniest bit.
Ah.
A breath leaves my throat as I get closer.
My hands start to tremble when I hear the voice of my husband, mixed with the breathless moans of a woman. I grip the silk of my dress, just to stop them from shaking as I pause in front of his door.
I hear everything. It seeps out from between the cracks of the door, pouring into the silence of the halls.
He tells her everything that I'd only ever wanted to hear from him.
And I don't know how long I stand there for, listening to the woman's purrs overlap against his sweet words. The bed continues to creak— the sound never falters.
Then there's a soft, sharp voice.
"Your Highness!"
My gaze is blank as I look up. And I see Jimin, holding a silver tray between his hands. There's another steaming cup of lavender tea— along with a slice of cake.
For me.
"Your Highness," He whispers again, his brows furrowing. "Why are you out here? It's col—"
Another high-pitched moan comes from the shut door. It nearly borders a scream, full of pleasure.
I watch him silently, as his amber eyes widen in disbelief. A piece of my hardened soul seems to chip away and crumble the same moment that disbelief shifts into realization.
Because he had been one of my closest servants. Yet I'd always treated him coldly, imprisoned within the piles of work that had to be done.
His brows twist, and I can't tell if it's pity or not that wavers in his honey-colored eyes.
"My Queen."
How low he must think of me now, standing helplessly in front of my own husband's door as he made love to some outside woman.
"He's repulsive."
My face suddenly jerks upward.
...what?
The fury is so clear in Jimin's usual kind voice that it takes me aback. I'd never have thought he would've even been capable of such thing.
And to speak against the King, in such a way. In the Palace itself. It was punishable by death.
"I cannot believe his foolishness," He hisses sharply under his breath. "To leave you for some woman, my gorgeous Queen. You do not deserve him."
"Not in the slightest."
I'm still stunned as he gently urges me on, to go back to my room. I find myself listening to him. He leaves me with soft words, the lavender tea, and a fresh linen cloth.
He does not deserve you.
Please remember that.
It is now three and a half in the morning.
I'd drained the tea. The linen cloth is soaked with my tears. And the cake is left untouched on the table. The candlelight is the only thing that burns in the room, illuminating the stack of forms and papers on top of my desk.
Five years.
For exactly what? To become the shell of Queen?
Then there's a sharp knock against the door.
And before I can even wipe the remnants of my tears away, it crashes open. A cold breeze pours into the room.
I meet eyes with my husband.
He's shrouded with the scent of heat and alcohol. His violet-tinged eyes reflect deep red in the dwindling candlelight— he doesn't even bother to hide the fact that he'd been sleeping with another woman.
There are stains of rouge all over his throat, in the shapes of lips and love marks. The front of his shirt is barely held together by a couple buttons.
I should be the one yelling.
Yet he takes my place.
"Did you have fun listening?"
He throws something onto the bed. It hits the blanket and tumbles into my lap— it's the silver cross of my necklace. When I run my fingertips over my throat, I realize that the spot is empty.
...me?
Have fun listening?
And the last of me shatters.
"To you fucking another woman?" I hiss, venomous sarcasm lining my voice. "Yes, Han. Of course I did. As your wife, I absolutely loved hearing yo—"
"Shut the fuck up, Silin. Before I kill you."
The one time he ever comes into my room.
A bittersweet smile tinges my lips.
It's for a death threat.
"If you're scared that I'll tell everyone, you have nothing to worry about." I say, with a sharp scoff. I turn away, gathering the blankets. "How could I speak of something so shameful with my own mouth?"
I shift, my face still turned away from him as I lie down.
"So you can go sleep with her in peace, Han."
Then there's the rough sound of footsteps.
They grow closer. And closer, until I realize that there is something wrong with the sound of them.
I realize far too late.
"Useless bitch."
A shocked scream bursts from my lips as he roughly pulls me onto my back. Then the scream is cut short as I feel fingers curl around my neck, knuckles pressing deep into delicate skin.
My body arches. But he's on top of me, and I look straight into his unhinged violet eyes as he presses harder, shifting his whole weight onto my throat. Even harder, when I lash out at his face and run my nails down his cheek.
"I've wanted you gone from the start."
He laughs, at my frantic expression.
"Do you even know how many girls I fucked behind your back? While you were doing all my work?"
"I really do have to thank you for that, Silin. It's the only part I'll miss about you when you're gone."
I can't breathe.
Darkness looms in the corner of my vision. The circles grow larger in size, until I can barely see half of his face.
No.
This isn't how it ends.
"And do you know what I'll do?"
And my eyes force themselves into focus again at what he says next. A strangled choke leaves my lips.
"I'll blame all of this on that servant that cares about you so much."
"Park Jimin, was it?"
I'll fucking kill you.
I scream. But only silence leaves my voice, and the circles grow even larger. The darkness slowly seals the gaps in my vision. The last thing I hear is his giddy laughter, as he silenced me forever.
But my mind isn't silent.
I'll kill you.
I'll kill you and watch you burn. I'll rip you into shreds and watch you crumble to dust under my feet. I'll take everything that you ever love and smother it into ashes.
And I'll be laughing.
I'll be laughing real loud, Han.
I'll be laughing as loud as I can.