—Rosalie Cartier—
Standing in front of Delilah's door was a stupid idea. It was crazy, it wasn't even something I would find myself doing ever in life. I mean, it was dumb and stupid sure but Delilah would never take me seriously if I told her the real reason I needed to be here.
"I'm getting tired of you, Cartier." She says as she crosses her arms,
I could tell she was lying but I didn't say anything towards the comment she just made. Intead, I limped into the place and was met with the smile of my cousin. That was new. She never smiled at me and with the recent events of her girlfriend in a coma, I wouldn't think she would be smiling at me.
"I need to stay the night." I assured her,
"The answer is no." She says without giving a thought to it.
I glanced over my shoulder and at her weirdly. She said no? That was the first. I mean, sure she was entitled to say no and do anything she wanted but that wasn't like her. She was more sweet and understanding. Her heart was as kind and delicate as a baby duck.
She was the type of person that would pick up a fly and willingly let it free instead of killing it and she was saying no? To something that I have already done before. I mean, it's been years since I've done so but still.
"No?" I asked curiously,
Alona hopped off of the chair stool and gave me a smile of 'good luck' and then walked into the living room. If she was leaving then it probably was about to get pretty bad.
"Rose, I wait around a lot. You tell me to do something for you, then I do it. I stayed with you in the hospital because you wanted me to. I could have gone to check up on my friend but instead I was with you. Someone that swears they hate me but then want me around whenever they feel like it? Rosalie, I'm tired. I'm tired of putting in effort for a friendship that you don't even want. So, no you can't stay here with me and no you can't be around me." She ranted on with nothing but seriousness in her voice.
She was being serious right now...She really didn't want me around. To anyone else this wouldn't be a surprise because everyone hates me but not Delilah. Not her at all. She was always around for me and there for me whenever I needed her.
It was as if there was a light of realization that hit me. No matter how much her words hurt, she was right. I was using her in some sort of way and I didn't even realize it. Hell, I don't even realize where I'm at sometimes, it was probably because the blackouts were coming back. I really needed to talk to a therapist about these again.
"Delilah?" I asked as she looked at me; bored.
She was bored of me? I knew this day would come and boy was I not ready for it to be today. My stupid heart couldn't take it and I had no idea why, I was a strong girl, I should be able to let this pass like a ocean wave.
"Do you like me?" I asked her
I couldn't tell why the words came up as they did but it was now a question up for discussion. The facial expressions on her face made me a little scared. She looked like she was judging me; maybe disgusted. She then shook her head.
"Not as of this moment. Maybe when I cool off-"
"Do you like me, romantically? I mean." I gulped,
Her face fell as her teeth were caught in between her top and bottom lip. She looked like she was thinking long and hard and that's not what I wanted. I didn't want her to have to think, if she did then who says she wouldn't be lying to me right about now.
"I have to get to my siblings, they need me." She lied as she tried to walk away from me but I stopped her,
"Lilah, Do you-"
"You don't get to call me that. Stop it."
I ran my fingers through my hair as I shifted with the crunches paining my underarms. It was a pain that I was willing to maintain until I got the truth.
"Why can't I call you that? Because I don't want you calling me Rosie?" I questioned as she nodded, "Rosie is something my family and friends call me. I don't want you as a friend or someone that's like family to me Delilah. Do you know how weird that would be when I..." I trailed off,
I couldn't explain the amount of words in this amount of time that I wanted to say to her. She was driving insane by just standing this close to me and I didn't want to scare her away if I just uttered my stupid feelings all to her.
"When you want?" She asked with her voice softening as her eyes. I wanted to look away but I couldn't, it was like a force of a pull.
"When I want to kiss you every time I see you. When I want to drown my eyes in bleach because I'm afraid that I could never stop looking at how..." I trailed off, "At how gorgeous you are, Delilah. I don't want you calling me Rosie because that's a stupid childhood nickname that I got and when you call me Rose...I feel like the bright shining flower in a field of boring ones that only you get to touch; only you get to look at."
"Rosalie, I-"
"No, Delilah. You don't understand. When I'm mean to you, You come back. I push you away and you stand there on the other side of the gate waiting patiently for me to open up for you. I want you to have my heart, I truly do but there's so much that you don't know and I'm willing to tell you everything now." I ranted on,
"Yeah, now. You had me ready to give up on you knowing that I'm not that person and now you want to know if I'm going to be your friend? How dumb do you think I am?" She shook her head with a scoff leaving her lips.
That was just it. I didn't think she was dumb at all. I actually thought she was the smartest person that I knew, the brightest even. So, how could I let her say such things about herself knowing that, I don't even believe it.
"I want to do this the right way, Delilah. I want us to be friends and I know this isn't fair to you but when I was in the hospital I realized that I don't have forever. My plan to wait until this is all over and finally be able to tell you how I feel is over because life is too short. I want to do this the right way. I want to build up a friendship with you, I want to learn everything about you and know the things that others don't. I want us to be friends so I could protect you and hopefully when it's over; we could be lovers." I muttered the last bit,
Things were silent for a moment until I looked up and she was smiling at me. I couldn't help but shift a little as a smile slowly appeared on my face.
"Lovers?" Her voice trailed off, "You want to be my lover?" She asked,
I wanted to cringe at the use of the word coming from her mouth but I just couldn't. Everything she said always made me fluster like a fucking idiot.
"I want us to work up to that point, yes. I don't want to just ask you and put everything on you knowing that the time isn't right. You have your friends to worry about and I have to worry about getting better, the time is just not right, but I do want us at some point." I finally let out,
I had to do this now before Oliver plan came into play. I wasn't going to let Delilah just walk away from me without knowing me first, knowing me the way I know her.
"What if I don't like you...like that?" She asked,
I frowned before slowly nodding my head as I searched for the right words to say.
"Well, if you don't we could forget this conversation was even a thing and go back to hating each other but I can't promise to forget you and the way you make me feel."
Delilah smile was soft and light. Her eyes were saying more than the words she spoke and I was sitting there flustered and probably looking idiotic.
Just as Delilah opened her mouth to speak, we heard sniffles. Both of our eyes turned towards the living room door frame and Delilah rolled her eyes,
"Alona?"
"Yes?" I heard Alona ask awkwardly,
"Go away!" Delilah hissed,
I chuckled at my cousin's weirdness before turning back towards Delilah.
"I can promise friendship, but I can't promise anything beyond that. Joshua has taken a liking into me and he's nice, I don't want to hurt him."
"Do you like him?" I asked her,
"Yes," she answered shortly,
"Do you love him?"
She shook her head as she seemed hesitant to answer. It was a little while as the question lingered in the air.
It was as if the lack of her words were the best communication we had all year. It was letting me know that she didn't like him, she didn't like at all and if she did even love him, it would be just as she did for Alona, a friendship feeling. It was probably the same feeling that I had for Emily.
"I don't love him, no. But he's a great guy, I know that I can."
"Don't love him. Don't ever love him."
It was selfish for me to say but she could stop herself right here and she don't even have to worry about a relationship with him.
"Time will tell, I'm not putting my feelings aside for you, Rose. I've done it before and it sucks and it drains me."
"You're right, that's my fault and that's exactly why I'm going to prove to you why you shouldn't love him." I then looked around to see nobody in sight, "Have you ever been on a date?"
She looked at me weirdly before raising her eyebrow.
"I have but I don't know if it should count, it wasn't all that good."
"Well, when I'm able to walk properly, I'm going to take you on a date and show you the real me and let's hope you're still interested in speaking to me." I assured her,
She raised her eyebrow before crossing her arms. She then tilted her head and gave me a challenging look.
"Who says I want to go on a date with you? I'm still trying to let the idea of us being friends settle."
She looked serious but I could tell she wasn't. So, I hopped over to her with my crunches before matching her head tilt.
"You're going on that date with me and I'm not taking no for an answer." I assured her,
She hummed before her fingers trailed up to fix my shirt collar.
"You'll have to do some pretty hard convincing." She pointed out,
I grinned before I looked from her eyes and then towards her lips. I knew she could sense that I was going to lean in for a kiss and just as I was about to, she placed her finger against my lips and chewed at her bottom lip.
"Friends don't kiss." She assured me,
"That's how it is? Alright." I say before grabbing her hand and pulling it up to kiss softly. "You just watch and see."
I then turned around and hopped over towards the door. I left that house with the brightest smile on my face but the emptiest feeling in my heart.
My phone buzzed in my pants and I struggled before reaching and taking it out of my pants.
I tried to hold myself up before raising my phone up to my ear.
"Is it done?"
I clenched my jaw, "Yes, she doesn't know anything. Can you leave her alone now?"
A laugh was heard from the other side of the phone, "Not just quite."
"I have her wrapped around my finger, she doesn't know anything! A deal is a deal you need to leave her alone." I spat out,
"I leave her alone when I want to." The phone then disconnected as I clenched it in my hands.
Anger washed over me.