I locked myself up in my hut, crawling deep under the blankets and planning on never getting out. Everything was so awful. Horrible, terrible, depressing.. whatever. A spy, a spy, a spy.. that's what I am. A traitor!
Steal food supplies.
Give me a break, jeez! I yelled back to the annoying voice. I wasn't going to steal anything else. Shuck their stupid consequences, it couldn't get worse anyways! Stupid place.
I sobbed quietly, and again, into my pillow. Not as comfortable as a shoulder to cry on, but I didn't feel like making contact with Newt or any other Glader. But sadly, there was a knock on the door.
"Janey?" Chuck innocently asked. "Minho and Newt told me to get you for dinner."
"I'm not hungry." I sniffed. "Sorry, Chuck."
Chuck sighed. "Newt says you have to eat."
"He can't decide for me." I snapped back. It sounded meaner than I meant it to sound.
Chuck hesitated since he didn't talk for a few seconds. "And he wants to know what's going on. I do too."
"It's nothing."
"If it's nothing you wouldn't lock yourself up in our hut," Chuck argued, sounding sterner than before. "And-."
"Just leave for a second, Chuck!" I interrupted without thinking straight.
"And Newt is right here." Chuck lowered his voice. "I'll leave then."
Even more tears streamed down my face when I heard the sadness of me snapping to Chuck in his voice. "Love?"
"Leave, Newt," I ordered. "I don't feel like talking."
Newt sighed loud enough for me to hear. "I got you some food. You really have to eat, love. Can I please come in?"
I bit my lip and didn't reply, so Newt kept bugging.
"You don't have to talk about it. I'm just gonna bring the food and calm you down, okay? You don't have to say what's going on." Newt carefully said. "Can I come in?"
I wiped my nose and opened the door. "Your convincing skills are too good."
Newt gave me a half smile but then turned sad. "Come on." He took my hand and placed me on the bed again. Sparks of electricity shot through my body at his touch, but I ignored it.
"Here." Newt handed me a cup of soup. "Go on. Eat."
I smiled weakly and started eating, embarrassed that Newt just sat there and watched me. "Why do you want me to eat so badly?" I blurted out.
Newt's face fell for a second. "Oh, because if you don't eat.. you die, right? Everyone's gotta eat."
Newt didn't convince me at all, but I just nodded, though something told me he had different reasons. "Did you eat?"
"I ate, love."
I had to hold my laughter at what Newt said, so put a hand on my mouth. "Are you choking? What's so funny?"
"You said you ate." I giggled.
Newt furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't think I know what's so funny about that."
I bit my lip to not laugh even louder at Newt's absurd face. "When someone does something great or impressive, you can say 'you ate'."
Newt looked even more confused. "What?"
"Never mind." I chuckled. Well, he definitely cheers me up by only talking.
"So Chuck ate the soap?" Newt frowned deeply, rubbing his chin.
I smiled even brighter. "Now you're just saying that Chuck ate soap."
"When do I say someone did something great or impressive then?" Newt asked.
"Well... Chuck ate because he ate the soap." I snorted. "But I don't think that's great or impressive."
"I still don't get it," Newt mumbled. "How do you even know this?"
"I bet Minho also knows. Maybe even Gally." I answered. "Or it's just because I'm a girl."
"Are you saying Minho and Gally are girls?" Newt blurted out, which caused me to laugh even louder. "Just kidding."
I gave him another poor smile right before the sadness came back once Newt didn't talk anymore. He watched me in silence, staring at my face.. or me eating. I couldn't tell.
My cheeks turned red. "Is there something on my face?"
Newt blinked a few times. "No- no... of course not. There's nothing wrong with your face. Nothing at all. Absolutely not." He muttered. "It's fine. Nothin' on there except for your eyes, eyebrows, and nose."
"And lips," I added with a chuckle.
Newt scoffed. "Lips? I wasn't staring at your lips."
"I never said that." I realized out loud.
"Just saying," Newt replied, way too fast. "But I wasn't- I didn't stare."
"I think I overestimated your convincing skills, Blondie," I said as Newt's face turned bright red. "I finished." I put the plate on the desk.
"Good," Newt responded in satisfaction. "So.."
"So.." I awkwardly looked around the room. Three seconds ago it was so comfortable, and now it was awkward. Awesome.
"I guess I will... go then?" Newt made it sound like a question.
I quickly nodded. "Yeah.. you do that."
"Alright." Newt scratched the back of his head as he got up. "Uh, good night, then.. love."
"Night, Blondie." I gave him a crooked smile just before he walked out, but then appeared again.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Newt's head twisted around the corner of the door, the only part of his body that was visible to me.
"I'll be fine," I assured with a laugh. "Bye, Newt."
He gave me a fast wave and walked away again, but of course, did the same thing. "No more crying today?"
"No more crying." I nodded, blushing because Newt cared.
He nodded and walked away. For a second I thought he was actually gone, but then he came back again. "You have to promise."
"I promise you, Newt the Second-in-command, that I will not cry more than I already have today."
A smile grew on Newt's face. "Awesome. Well, I think I'm actually going to leave now. Good night!" Then he ran away quicker than I expected him to.
I sighed and let myself fall backward, ready to fall asleep.
"Janey! Did you kiss?" Chuck rushed into our hut and jumped in bed.
~
"Give her more tasks." The blonde woman ordered. Someone nodded and started clicking on screens, a beeping noise coming after every touch. "And try the controlling again. We failed last time. Just do it now."
"Okay."
I woke up, cold sweat dripping down my forehead. Newt, I realized as I climbed out of the bed automatically. I couldn't control myself, again! My body grabbed a knife that somehow appeared on the desk, causing me to gasp quietly.
"No, no, no.." I whimpered in my thoughts when I started walking toward Newt's hut. On my way there, another figure appeared.
"Shebean, what are you up to in the middle of the night? Stealing food too?"
The familiar voice made me cry out when my grip on the knife tightened. Minho's mouth opened, but when the knife I threw landed in his stomach, he dropped down.
"No!" I screamed, my heart breaking into a million pieces. My uncontrollable self pulled the knife out of the lifeless Minho with a weird, splashing sound, and then continued to walk toward Newt.
"Don't do this!" I commanded the creators that were controlling me once again. "Please!"
"Jane.." The voice came from miles away, almost muted for me, though it echoed through my mind for what felt like hours.
"Stop it!" I cried, mental tears streaming down my face when I opened the door to Newt's hut.
Newt stood in his hut, looking a bit sleepy, but once he saw me his face lit up.
"Hey, love. What's-." Newt got interrupted by the knife landing right in his chest.
I gasped loudly, screaming for help, the boys their names, and repeating 'no' over and over again.
~
I shook right away, my breath heavy. Sweat damped my whole face as I searched everywhere with my hands, hoping to find something recognizable, but then two arms wrapped around me.
"Shh, you're alright, love."
Newt. He's alive, I realized.
"It was just a dream."
Hearing the accent and familiar voice calmed me down a bit. Newt turned me around so I faced him and cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears of my face with his thumbs.
"What is going on with you?" He muttered, eyebrows slightly furrowed in pity. I cried quietly at his question, which I didn't even know the answer to. What was going on with me?
"Hey, it's okay," Newt said once my eyes filled with water again, forcing me to let it fall. "Just a dream."
"Is Chuck here?" I whispered in a panic, worried about the kid.
"Chuck's fine. He woke up by you screaming and tossing around, so he yelled for help. But the kid fell asleep quickly again, he's in the chair." Newt pointed at a small figure balled up on the desk chair, a blanket wrapped around him.
"Why do I keep having these dreams? Yesterday too." I mumbled more to myself than to Newt, who replied anyways.
"I don't know, love. I don't know. But we all have them. Some of us more than others." Newt rubbed my back. "So it's okay. I'm right here."
I blinked the tears in my eyes away. "Thank you, Newt."
"Don't mention it." Newt sweetly whispered as he got off the bed, lying me in and pulling the blanket over me. "Just gotta.." Newt grunted lightly when he lifted Chuck out of the chair. The kid immediately wrapped his arms and legs around Newt like a koala, which caused me to chuckle.
"Come on, little man." Newt groaned when he tried to get Chuck's strong grip off him, and lay him down next to me. It all made me smile. It was so cute, to be honest.
Newt bent down on his knees so his face was closer to mine. "If it wasn't for Chuck wanting to kill me I would've stayed."
I smiled. "Sadly."
Newt moved some hair out of my face. "You're lucky it's past midnight, otherwise you would've broken your not crying promise."
"Lucky," I assured. "Night, Newt."
Newt gave me a quick on the forehead, causing my heart to pound in my chest and my whole face to turn bright red. "Good night, love."