"Jane?" Newt held his hands in the air, taking steps back from me while I moved closer to him, slowly.
Just then I noticed the gun in my hands. I gasped and tried to drop it, but my hands wouldn't move. Nothing I did worked. Someone else was controlling me.
"Jane, stop!" Newt ordered when my grip on the gun tightened. I mentally cried out, screaming no over and over again in my mind, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself.
My fingers pulled the trigger.
Newt dropped onto the ground, hands pressed against his chest. "No!" I screamed in my mind. "Newt!"
It didn't work. Nothing worked. My uncontrollable self put the gun in my waistband and stared at Newt.
"Jane." He breathed out, asking for help. I cried even louder in my mind. Newt would die, because of me!
"Jane," Newt mumbled again. "Jane!" His voice got louder.
I wanted to press my hands on my ears, muting him from yelling my name.
"Jane!" It wasn't Newt's voice anymore. It was a blurred one, coming from a far distance.
"Jane!"
~
"Jane!"
My eyes opened wide, panting heavily. Completely panicking about what happened, I sat up, tossing my arms around.
"Hey, hey.. you're alright." A soothing voice said. "It's okay, Shebean. It was just a dream."
My breathing got steadier by hearing the familiar tone and nickname. Minho. Some sobs escaped from my mouth once I realized my cheeks were wet from tears, which still dropped down from my eyes.
"Shh, you're alright." Two arms got wrapped around me. "I got you."
Minho kept on saying these sweet things until I fully calmed down.
"Where's Chuck?" I asked, my voice coming out shakier than I expected it to be.
"Chuck woke up on you screaming, so went to get me," Minho whispered. "He's in my hut."
"You let him sleep in your hut?" I smiled through my tears.
Minho chuckled. "Just this night." He paused. "Now come on. Gotta wake up early tomorrow, Shebean."
Minho sighed and lay me down again. Once my head touched the soft pillow, the dream came back to me, so I shot straight up again. "Where's Newt?"
"Newt is just asleep in his own hut. Nothing happened to anyone, all right? Just a dream." Minho gently pushed me back down again. "Try to sleep for now."
I nodded and watched Minho walk away, but then I interrupted with all the confidence I had left. "Minho.. can you stay?"
His face lit up, to my surprise. "You want me to?"
"That would be nice." I agreed. Minho gave me a crooked smile as he lay down next to me, facing each other.
"Min?" I whispered. The nickname just came out of my mouth automatically.
"Now that's a better nickname," Minho said. "What is it, Shebean?"
I breathed in and out before replying. "I'm scared," I admitted.
Minho's eyes softened in pity. "Why's that?"
"What if I hurt anyone again?" I averted my eyes from Minho in shame. "Like you, Newt, or Chuck?"
"Hey, don't let those thoughts win right now," Minho ordered, tilting my head up by putting two fingers under my chin. I blushed lightly at his sudden touch. "You're not doing it on purpose. Just those shuck slintheads who put us here."
I nodded, slowly, never completely convinced, but enough for me to sleep well. "Night."
Minho grabbed my hand and closed his eyes. "Just so you have no dreams." He innocently explained. "Good night, Shebean."
~
"You promised not to do it again, Janey!" Chuck sounded angry. "Get the shuck out of here, Mean Hoe! I told you to wake Jane up, not cuddle her, slinthead!"
"Mhm." Minho groaned. "Totally."
"Wha- for klunk's sake wake up!" Chuck hysterically yelled. "Or I'll throw a bucket of water over you."
"I'm up!" Minho immediately said as I slowly opened my eyes.
Chuck's gaze softened once he saw me. "Are you okay, Janey?" He asked, walking closer to me. "Get the shuck out of here, Mean Hoe!" He whisper-screamed before turning to me again.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Chuck. Thanks." I smiled lightly.
"Well, I guess I'll see you at breakfast, Shebean." Minho rushed out of the hut.
"See ya!" I added before he completely left.
"I guess I'll see you at breakfast, Shebean." Chuck mimicked Minho under his breath. "Mean Hoe."
My eyes started to close in tiredness again. "He's not a Mean Hoe," I mumbled.
"Ah, for klunk's sake!" Chuck dragged me out of bed. "He shuckin' is, don't lie!"
"I'm not lying." I groaned.
"Admit you're lying or I'll tell Newt you kissed Minho." Chuck threatened.
My eyes shot open and I quickly got on my feet. "What?"
"Aha! I know you kissed Minho!" Chuck laughed out loud.
I sighed and didn't reply, not feeling like lying to Chuck. "What's for breakfast?"
"See to find out." Chuck shrugged. "Come on! Put on Newt's clothes or something and let me have my breakfast! I'm hungry!"
"Calm down, Chuckie," I muttered as I grabbed green shorts and a black top to run in.
"You and Minho ruined my mood!" Chuck defended. "I told you not to sleep next to any boy except for me anymore. And now our whole bed stinks like.. like a sweaty Mean Hoe!"
"Yeah, totally." I sighed as Chuck turned around so I could get dressed, which I appreciated him for.
"Are you taking over his language too now?" Chuck argued.
"Done." I hinted, ignoring Chuck once again.
"Finally." Chuck opened the door and walked out of the hut, and me quickly following. "Minho's bed sleeps the same as our bed. Though I did consider klunking in it for a second, but eventually, I didn't. Minho would never forgive me." Chuck blurted out.
"Why would you want to klunk in Minho's bed, Chuck?" I sighed.
"Revenge. And it's not that hard! I klunked my pants three times before they got me out of the Pit when I was the Greenie. Most awful time of my life, wow.."
We arrived in front of the kitchen. Frypan pushed a plate with bacon and toast in my hands. "Morning, Jane.. and Chuck."
"Bacon!" Chuck gasped as he snapped the plate out of Frypan's hand. "May god bless you, Fry!" Then he rushed away.
"Thanks, Fry." I smiled.
"No problem. Enjoy, honey!" He laughed deeply and continued giving others their food as I walked over to the usual table where Chuck was already stuffing his mouth full of bacon. Newt and Minho were also eating quickly, shoving their food in their mouths at a rapid pace.
"Animals," I mumbled when I sat down. Chuck replied with something I didn't understand because of the amount of food in his mouth, half of it falling out.
"So what's up for today?" Newt looked at me.
"Just running." I shrugged. "And you?"
"Helpin' around wherever I can. Maybe teach Gally a lesson." Newt chuckled.
I smiled and grabbed my fork, ready to eat my food, just to notice that a piece of my beacon had disappeared. A small giggle from beside me made me realize Chuck stole it.
"What?" He pouted when Newt glanced at him. "I finished mine!"
"So you just steal Jane's?"
"Uhm, yes?" Chuck made it sound like the answer was obvious.
I laughed and handed my plate to Chuck, who gladly took it.
"Ho, ho, ho!" Newt intervened.
"Are you Santa Claus?" Chuck wondered out loud.
I giggled and Newt's face darkened. "No. I'm saying you can't just take Jane's food."
"She gave it to me!" Chuck threw his hands in the air.
"Then now I order to give it back to her." Newt sternly said.
"Why?" Chuck and I asked in unison.
"Because Jane has to eat too. We ain't gonna let anyone starve here, especially not Jane. So give her the shuck food, she hasn't eaten yet." Newt commanded.
"Why especially not Jane?" Chuck blurted out as he shoved the plate back to me.
Newt's face turned bright red. "Uhm.. because- uh.. because she is the only girl, obviously."
"Lamest excuse ever," Chuck whispered.
I smiled and gave one piece of bacon to Chuck. Newt raised his eyebrows, I shrugged and started eating.
"Better hurry. We gotta leave." Minho announced.
"Hurry?" Newt repeated. "She ain't leaving this table before she ate her bloody food!"
"Calm down, Newt." Chuck sighed. "Seriously. She's eating, see?"
My face turned bright red at the embarrassment of the boys staring at me eating. "I'm eating," I assured.
"I can see that," Newt mumbled. "It's just- nothing." He cut himself off, looking down. "It's nothing."
Minho leaned in and whispered something in Newt's ear, whose face twitched into sadness for a split second. Confused I watched Newt whisper something back before Minho cleared his throat.
"Ready?"
"Yep." I took the last bite of my food and got up. "Bye, Newt and Chuck. See you later!"
"See ya!" Chuck and Newt replied in unison.
"Be careful, love!" Newt added.
"I will!" I smiled at his caring.
"Be careful, love." Minho mimicked in a mumble.
"Ah, shut up." I gave Minho a playful punch in the shoulder, who just grinned. "You also be careful," I said once we stood in front of the Doors.
"Be careful, don't die.. blah, blah, blah." Minho sighed.
"I'm serious. Be careful." I ordered before I ran into the maze. "Bye, Min!"
~
The running was so relieving, yet frustrating again. The fear of the maze was there, but just a small part inside of me thought that. The other part loved the running, the adrenaline, and exploring.
I took some notes as I ran, hoping not to bump into a Griever, until my eye caught something else. Red letters were on the wall, and something was written on it.
"World In Catastrophe Killzone Experiment Department." I read out loud. Immediately my mind started to spin and think about something that would make sense. I tried putting the words backward, comparing them, and searching for a meaning, but the only thing that made a little bit of sense was the first letters.
"WICKED." The word sounded so familiar, but also far away. Then I just kept on running, planning on doing some research when I came back.
~
The thing I found got me excited, so later I sat down in the Map Room, dozens of maps and papers in front of me.
"WICKED, WICKED, WICKED..." I mumbled as I read through the pages. But I found nothing. The letters were nowhere to be seen, to my disappointment.
I did see something else. Newt's name was on a paper. Carefully I took it and stared at it. It was just a drawn map of the maze with Newt's name under it.
He drew this when he was a Runner, I realized. Curiously I went through a wooden, unstable drawer until a folder with Newt's name on it appeared. Every Runner had their own folder with their name on it. The maps you drew through the months and the notes you took were all saved in there, and since Newt was a Runner once too, he had a folder.
Maybe it was rude to go through Newt's stuff, but I guessed since it was only some maps, it wouldn't be that bad.
Every single map and note Newt once made was drawn so perfectly.. so neat. All of them. Like he spent hours on it. Then I came to one certain piece of paper. It wasn't a map. Just dozens of words written on the paper, all spread through each other. I couldn't read all of them. The paper was wet on a few parts. Wet drops. Tears.
My breathing hitched. Newt's tears?
Some ink leaked on top of each other a bit and it was written very messy, but a few words were understandable.
And when I read the words.. the horrible words that were written on the paper, tears formed in my eyes.
Worthless.
Mistake.
Not enough.
Waste.
Failure.
More words were visible for me to read, but I couldn't anymore. I couldn't take it. A part of me knew that Newt wrote it. The handwriting was the same, just a bit messier.
He was upset when he wrote this, I realized.
Another part of me couldn't believe it. Couldn't accept it. Newt wasn't worthless. He wasn't a mistake or failure. He only thought he was.
Does he still think this? I wondered.
Soon I let some of my tears drop. I'm always crying about Newt! God! A tear wet the paper, so I quickly put it back in the folder again. It wasn't mine and I started to feel guilty for even looking through Newt's stuff. It broke my heart. The limp made me so sad.. the words. Everything made me feel so pity for Newt. I cared about him so much.
I sniffed and wiped some of the tears away before walking out of the Map Room, upset. Too upset to get dinner and make contact with literally anyone. Especially Newt.