My eyes shot right open without getting used to anything. My mind was still spinning like crazy, so even though I was unconscious, my mind didn't stop.
Am I in the Map Room with Minho? Or did he bring me to the Med Hut after I fainted again? He must've done something to help me, right?
A familiar pair of dark eyes appeared above me, blinking a few times.
"Damn, Shebean."
I sat straight up and looked around. I was in the Med Hut, sitting on one of the beds. Newt and Minho sat next to me, both their expressions unreadable. Chuck stood next to Newt, holding hands.
So Minho did bring me to the Med Hut after I fainted, I realized.
"Jesus Christ, were you possessed or something?" Minho blurted out.
"Seemed like it," Chuck added. "Newt, how aren't you afraid?"
"It was the creators."
"The only thing I see is Jane, no creator." Minho simply said.
"That's not what I meant, slinthead."
"Don't go on me!"
"What was going on in your mind, Janey?" Chuck frowned.
"You looked like Gally!"
"Not with eyebrows like that, though." Chuck corrected.
"No, but seriously." Minho lowered his voice. "What was that?"
"The hell were you thinking?" Chuck yelled out.
"What he said." Minho pointed at Chuck. "Well?"
"What was what?" A shiver went down my spine at the things the boys said. What the hell were they talking about?
Their faces dropped. Newt frowned deeply, Chuck's mouth fell open, and Minho just stared at me.
"You don't remember?" Chuck gasped.
"Remember what?" I asked. Something was going on, yet I didn't know what, but by the faces of the boys, it wasn't good. A dark feeling formed in my stomach.
"You almost threw a knife in Newt's chest!" Chuck blurted out right before Newt slammed his hand on Chuck's mouth.
"Not so fast, bloody hell!" He whisper-screamed.
Chuck frowned and seemed to lick Newt's hand because the boy immediately let go with a small ew. "Hmm." Chuck licked his lips.
"Tastes like.. soap."
"How do you know what soap tastes like?" Minho turned to Chuck, who shrugged.
"That's a story for later." He mysteriously replied.
I tried to kill Newt. Again! How could I let that happen? Why can't I remember it? How can he still like me after this? How dare he come so close to me and not be afraid? He can't trust me! I'm a shuck spy!
My eyes got a bit watery, but quickly I blinked the tears away. I couldn't cry in front of them. I already did that enough in three weeks.
"Why would you eat soap, Chuck?" Minho sighed as my thoughts drifted off, not focusing on whatever the others were saying.
"I didn't eat it!"
"Drank?"
God, how can I be so stupid? How come this happened? Why can't I shucking remember?
The tears prick in my eyes as I tried so badly to stop them. Lame, lame, lame. I'm not the one that's supposed to be crying. No one should be crying anyways! I could have prevented this!
"I said it was a story for later, Mean Hoe!"
"Call me that one more time and I'll-."
"Kill me? 'Cause everyone already wants to do that, it won't add anything to the list, Mean Hoe." Chuck simply replied, not even a little scared of Minho.
"You sure have some shuck confidence, little man! How old are you? Twelve?"
"I'm mentally older than you, little kid!"
"Talk for your shuck self!"
"Shuck, shuckidy, shuck, shuck, shuck." Chuck mimicked with a high-pitched voice.
What did I do? Did I use a knife? Chuck said I did.. shuck! I'm awful!
"Shut up you two!" Newt raised his voice for a slight second, making me flinch and shake out of the thoughts. "Should we go walk for a bit, love?"
He gently took my arm, but I pulled away immediately, shaking my head. "No."
Newt's face fell, eyes hurt. I felt bad for refusing, but who knew what could happen? "Why not?"
Minho scoffed loudly, causing Newt to give him an offended glance.
"Why not? You're asking her why not? Well maybe, just maybe.. because she tried to kill you three seconds ago! Do you seriously think she will come to you? Alone.. walking through the woods?"
"He's right," I admitted as I got up.
"Hey, where are you going?" Chuck asked.
"Hut." Was the only thing I said. Then I walked off, finally able to let the tears drop. Yeah, go ahead and cry again! I'm always crying! I've never seen anyone else cry except for me. Real great.
I slammed the door to my hut closed behind me before breaking down in tears on the bed, sobbing into my pillow. I felt horrible and yet couldn't even remember what happened. A part of me didn't even want to know. It would be worse to know what the hell I did while I was.. in control of the creators? Brainwashed? Whatever!
I was an awful person.. awful for trying to kill Newt, awful for being a spy, awful for betraying everyone.. awful.
I couldn't help to let out a loud sob. All the pain and frustration were mixed into it, though my pillow muted it a bit, luckily.
Then there was a knock on the door. "Love, can I come in?"
Even more tears streamed down my face at hearing Newt's voice. "No."
"Please. I just want to talk, alright? I'll leave whenever you want me to, love. Just a few seconds." Newt's voice was calm and soothing.
"No." I resisted again, scared I would do something to Newt again. Or try.
Newt was silent for a few seconds but then took a breath. "Look, I won't open the door if you don't let me in, but it would be nice if you did." He paused. "I won't leave, though."
"What if I do something again? Try to kill you?" I cried out.
"So? Then you do something.. try to kill me. I don't bloody care. But I do care about you, so after what happened you're not supposed to be all alone, Jane!" Newt raised his voice, but soon lowered it again. "And I've got shoulders."
"What?" I almost let out a chuckle at his last sentence.
"I've got shoulders to cry on," Newt explained. "I'm sure that's not what they're made for, but it's handy, right?" He stopped again.
"Please let me in, love."
I hesitated, but finally agreed. Shoulders to cry on sounded quite good. "Alright. You can come in."
The door opened and Newt walked in. Soon I felt him sit down. "Come on. I said I have shoulders."
I laughed through my pain, but didn't agree and just kept pushing my head into the pillow, not wanting to touch Newt. Maybe I would do something.
"You trying to suffocate in that pillow?" Newt wondered. "I won't bite, Jane. Though I don't know if newts bite.. maybe they do."
Again, I chuckled through the sobs, shoulders shaking.
"I hope they don't." So eventually, I got up and wrapped my arms around Newt, quietly crying on his shoulder.
Newt sighed and lifted me onto his lap, which made me a bit embarrassed at first, but I just kept my head on his shoulder, the familiar smell filling my nose. Slowly he rubbed my back and rocked us back and forth, like a literal parent comforting his baby, but it made me feel comfortable and safe.
"Gotta keep up our promise, am I right?" Newt quietly asked.
I nodded. "A promise is a promise."
"Exactly, love." Newt chuckled as he lay one of his hands on the back of my head.
"What did I do?" I whispered.
"Minho said you fainted in the Map Room and when you woke up, threatened him with a knife before you rushed away to look for me. I managed to talk you out of it and take the knife, but you had another one in your waistband, so you threw it right before Minho and Chuck stabbed you in the neck with the Grief Serum. The knife landed half an inch in front of me." Newt explained.
"Grief Serum? Am I stung?" I gasped, remembering the time Jeff explained the serum and what it was used for to me.
"No, love. You're not stung." Newt laughed. "I don't know what it was, but since you don't remember, I guess the creators did something."
I nodded and took a deep breath. "Why are you still not scared to be this close to me?"
"I'm not scared of you," Newt said, just like he did the first time. "Though I'd rather not be almost killed by you again.
"But why weren't you scared when I tried to kill you? Or threaten you with a knife?" I sniffed. "Everyone must be scared when something like that happens, right?"
"I'm not afraid of dying, love," Newt responded, tightening his grip on me. "And I'm not afraid of you."
"But what if I attack you again? Like right now? Maybe I will just grab a knife." I cried.
"Now you're scaring me." Newt chuckled. "Just kidding. I'm never scared of you and especially not right now."
"But right now I'm in your arms." I smiled at the thought, but the pain in my voice was hearable. "So I'm threateningly close."
"I'm still not scared of you. Plus, you smell nice." Newt blurted out. My cheeks turned bright red at his sudden compliment.
"Probably because I'm wearing your clothes." I giggled. "You smell nice."
I did not just say that out loud, oh god!
"Sad for you, because now I smell like animal piss. And that's your own fault, Miss. Girl." Newt laughed out loud, a cute laugh.
"Maybe I'll kill you for that."
"Maybe you will." I breathed out before removing my head from Newt's shoulder so we could make eye contact. "So you're not scared?"
"I'm not scared," Newt assured. "Never that I'm scared of you."
I smiled lightly. "I'm sorry about the note, by the way. Minho ripped it."
"Don't worry. We can still have dinner on the tower sometime, right?" Newt suggested. "And talk, about.. uh, you know. When we.." He hinted as his face turned red.
I nodded, followed with a small chuckle. "Of course."
Newt smiled too, his eyes slowly trailing down to my lips. My breathing got taken away as I looked at his too. Slowly both of us leaned in, our heads tilting to the side, but then, of course, we got interrupted.
"Jane, Jane, Jane! Minho's gonna let me eat soap again!"