Chapter thirty four | Amara | five years ago
Tears, sobs, pain, numbness, sleepless nights, the cycle repeated for god knows how long, my phone rings again and I ignore it.
My brother's name flashes over the screen, pain shoots through my stomach and I blink away the tears forming in my eyes, "You still miss him, hmm?" His voice makes my stomach roils.
Luca strolls into the room, a smug smile on his face, "I told you, babe, there's no way out, you should've just chosen me from the beginning." He raises his wine glass in cheers and I glare, rage running through my veins.
The night that's causing all this pain is clear in my mind, I recall it every night before sleeping, I rest my head back, returning to the point that ruined my whole life.
"What did you do to him?" I yell, my voice cracking from all the earlier crying, hours ago, Luca found out about our relationship, and he took Ezekiel away, I know he's hurting him, I can feel it in my fucking bones.
He turns, his whole posture rigid, tense muscles and a snarl spreads on his face, making him uglier, scarier, I shiver but I hold my head high as he approaches me,
Even as fear spreads through my bones, "I made him choose, babe, I told him either he fights for you or leave, he chose the latter." My heart drops, and tears instantly well in my eyes as he flashes his iPad screen in my face, sure enough, I see Ezekiel leaving whatever place he was keeping him in.
Leaving so far away,
I can hear my heart cracking in my chest as I continue watching, Luca's rough finger makes contact with my cheek and I lightly flinch, disgusted by his touch, he caresses my face and my stomach dims.
I take a step back, "I won't be yours just because he left." I force out even as my voice breaks, agony is clear through the words, he smiles wickedly, looking almost challenging, "Oh, Amara, the stupid thing is that you think you have a choice." He says quietly.
His eyes glistening with hunger, fuck, my fists clench by my side and the moment he smashes his lips on mine I punch his stomach, it's easy to make him back up, he groans painfully, then reaches out for my hair and tug it around his hand roughly.
I whine, pain shooting through my scalp, but the pain burning through my heart is much stronger, he didn't choose me, stupid Amara, so fucking stupid to think that he'd fight for me as he said.
"I hate you." I groan between sobs, hiccuping as the pain continues growing, "The feeling is mutual, doesn't mean that I won't appreciate impregnating you." Fucking disgusting, I squirm out of his hold, punching with all the force I have.
"Sure, go ahead and rape me, still, at the end of the day, you'll sleep on the bed knowing that I'll never want to be with you willingly, I'll always choose him, even if he didn't, you'll never be the one on my mind, so go ahead and take what you want, I would never carry your fucking children willingly, I'd rather carry Ezekiel's, the man I love, you'll never be that man." I snarl, anger lacing my words like a second skin.
Sobs rise at the back of my throat and I hold back my tears, agony and despair run through my body, and anger morphs into his features, "You'll regret ever saying that, Amara." He promises and leaves, throwing the door behind him with a thud.
It takes me a beat to absorb everything that happened, I drop on the bed, my limbs weakening, he didn't choose me, the sentence keeps repeating in my mind rapidly it hurts.
He didn't choose me.
༺❁༻
I don't even realize what's happening until my eyes blink open, that's weird, I don't remember sleeping, my eyes flit around taking in my surroundings, fuck.
Pain shoots through my abdomen so hard it causes a groan to slip out of my mouth, fuck fuck, I clutch my stomach harder, I'm definitely not on my period, not at all, so that doesn't explain the pain, nor does it explain...
The blood that's trickling down my inner thighs, it's so light as well, my mind tries to connect the dots but the possibilities of what's Happening is sickening, my stomach roils again and I clutch it harder.
My heartbeats go erratic in my chest as Luca opens the door, a woman strolls behind him, she's unfamiliar, and she doesn't look anything like the women he brings over to fuck.
"So my beautiful wife, we have some news." He says gently, making himself appear like the beautiful husband he is, "It's done, darling." The elder woman says, my brows furrow, and confusion rattles through me.
"What do you mean?" I ask, waiting for her explanation, she sighs and forces a soft smile, "I'm sorry." She whispers and Luca glowers at her, her shoulder droop and she looks defeated.
"I don't understand a thing, what the fuck do you mean?" I ask hurriedly, my breath heaving and my mind raking through hundreds of possibilities, "Your surgery is done, it's normal to feel severe pain after it, it'll go on for about three months and it'll fade in progress, your hysterectomy was successful."
Hysterectomy.
The word makes my heart stops, hysterectomy, he forced her to remove my fucking uterus, pain rips through my heart and my stomach drops, tears well to my eyes, "No no no." I whisper under my breath, I have to be dreaming, there's no way this is real.
God, no.
Luca extends a hand and caresses my skin, I flinch away and push him with all my force, "You fucking bastard!" I yell angrily, my tears falling rapidly as the pain continues growing deeper, he walks closer to me, his hand caressing my skin.
His touch causes disgust to fill me and I fight the urge to throw up, "Why?" I sob, agony and pain filling my voice, "If you don't want to have babies with me then you're never having them in your whole life, Amara, never." He snarls, his words measured and Low to a threatening tone.
A shudder rolls down my body and it hurts even more than the pain shooting at my abdomen, "I fucking hate you." I continue sobbing, not an ounce of power in my hand to stop the pain, he smiles further, "I know."
"Amara." Luca's voice makes my thoughts come to a halt, my body feels as if it's just...numb as if I'm feeling everything and nothing all at once, "what do you want?" I snap, glaring at him.
"Your father is coming over tonight, you better act politely and stop being a brat." He snarls, sipping his wine nonchalantly, father, the word is meaningless, the same father I begged to take me back to his home, I quite literally said something along the lines of 'take me back home even if you want to hit me every day please, I don't want to stay with him.' His response to that was a slap to my face.
My mother as well, the mother I grew up loving, even when she was weak and helpless, even when she neglected every one of her kids because of the man she married, she said she can't do anything, without even fucking trying,
"Is Ivarsen with them?" I ask, seeking the comfort of knowing that my brother might be there, "No, as I said, he's not allowed in this house, you're mine, your parents know that and they respect it, it's time for your fucking brother to do so." He growls, quite literally like the fucking animal he is.
I hope he fucking chokes, "I'm seeing my brother one way or another." I insist, my words laced with anger and fury, he rubs a hand across his jaw roughly, "If you're risking his life then do so." He challenges.
My stomach drops and the possibility of him hurting Ivar just because of me is heartbreaking, "I'm leaving and I'll be back tonight, I have work." He states after a beat and stands up, strolling away into his room.
Helpless.
That's exactly what I'm feeling, I can sense it in the chilling of my bones, my fists clench and unclench, there's no way I'll be able to continue living like this,
Sad, angry, powerless, weak, depressed, numb.
I'm feeling all those emotions it's fucking painful, I can't distinguish which is which, my eyes hurt from the amount of tears I've shed, I lost my love, my happiness, my ability to have kids.
How is this fair?
I hate the feeling that's inside me right now, and resent it with all I have, I'm not spending the rest of my life like this, I can't.
༺❁༻
I count the bullets once again, pulling on the safety, I breathe out, my heartbeats going erratic in my chest, while I haven't ever killed someone out of hatred in my life, this was enough.
I reached my limit.
I'm waiting for him in the living room, the same thing will happen as every day, he'll come inside drunk and wasted, barely carrying himself around, it'll be my only way.
The sound of his laughter stops my tracking thoughts, my hands shake around the gun but I tighten it to stop the nerves running through my body.
"Amara!" He exclaims as he walks inside, my heartbeats fasten and I breathe out calmly, "Missed you, babe." He says in his usual slobbery voice.
Pain shoots through my abdomen slightly, it's been five weeks since the forced hysterectomy, and the pain has been fading but still, the random spikes every now and then are enough to remind me, not that I ever forget.
"Me too." I play along and he stills in his place as he walks towards me, his muscles tensing, "what did you say, Amara?" He asks, his eyes pleading with dare I say, softness?
"I'll tell you," I say and he comes right in front of me, I take the gun out of my pocket and shoot, the sound echoes through the air as he drops on the floor, blood drips down his chest, and soaks his shirt.
My lips part as a gasp leaves my lips, and my limbs weaken further as I realize what I just did, I killed him, my hand shakes to the point where the gun falls from it. Tears rush to my eyes, Fuck.
I grab my phone hurriedly, dialing the only person other than my brother who'll help me, it rings twice before he finally picks up, "Alexander, I need your help." I plead.
Minutes pass, and anxiety rushes through my body at a rapid pace, my legs bouncing up and down, a knock on the door stops my thoughts as I walk towards the door, sure enough, Alexander stands in the doorway, filling it with his tall frame.
"This stays between us." I say, he reaches out, caressing my shoulder, the gesture itself surprises me, "That's the last thing you need to worry about, Amara." He replies calmly, his voice low and measured.
And after that night, the secret stayed hidden for years, not a word of what happened between us was ever mentioned to anyone.
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The asshole deserved to die 🥱