"Where the fuck are we?" I ask in a panic as I look up and down the busy city road. "We need to go back, we can't leave the others!"
"Don't be stupid!" Hermione demands. "Don't you get it? They were after you. I just saved you."
"And so did I," Ron says, puffing out his chest.
"But, Fred-" I say, my heart twisting. We'd been so happy and then this happened, and I am terrified he has gotten himself hurt.
"Fred will be fine," Hermione shrugs, unbothered. "He'll be needed there to help save the other guests. It's what the Order do. In the meantime, we need to keep ourselves safe."
She steers us into a seedy looking cafe where we nearly end up being killed by Death Eaters.
*****
I am moody as fuck in our time spent back at twelve Grimmauld Place.
Ron and Hermione just moon over one another whilst I sit grumpily, waiting desperately for news on Fred.
Finally, Lupin arrives, and tells us that he and Tonk's are fine, but have gone into hiding.
"And Fred?" I ask desperate to know he's okay.
Lupin looks at me. "As far as I am aware, he's in hiding with the rest of the Weasleys. It was chaos at the wedding, but the Order managed to fight all the Death Eaters off, including the guy who had grabbed Fred. After you Disapparated, they simply lost interest."
He offers his services to help us on our great adventure, but I tell him to fuck off back to his pregnant wife.
"Well, there was really no need to talk to him like that!" Hermione bristles, her hands on her hips and looking frighteningly like my future mother in law.
I guess Ron really does have mummy issues.
"Dumbledore says it has to be just us." I say for the hundredth time. "We've no time for outsiders."
With Kreacher's help, we discover that one of the Horcruxes is in the Ministry. I thank him despite the fact that he is responsible for the death of my godfather.
"Sirius would still be alive today if he had just showed an ounce of compassion to house-elves." Hermione reminds me.
I don't need to hear this. It is no comfort to me whatsoever.
After a thrilling trip to the Ministry, where I got to Polyjuice into a Death Eater and Ron got to snog someone's wife, we sadly lose the sanctuary of twelve Grimmauld Place and end up on a camping trip in the Forest of Thomas. I mean Dean.
Ron acts like an even mardier bitch than me, crying for weeks because he got Splinched.
"For fuck's sake, Ron!" I huff at him one night when he complains that the food Hermione and I provided was 'fucking disgusting'. "None of us want to be here!"
"WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!"
I glare at him. "Does this look like the face of someone who knows what they are doing?! If you're going to get huffy with someone then get huffy with Dumbledore. Only you can't because he went and selfishly died leaving me to save the world all by my fucking self! I gave up happiness with your brother to be sat here with you in this stinky tent!"
"IT'S ALRIGHT FOR YOU!" Ron yells in my face. "YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! YOU HAVE NO FAMILY TO WORRY ABOUT!"
"Well piss off back home to your mummy then!" I snarl. "I didn't even ask you to come. You're literally only here to impress Hermione enough so that she opens her legs for you."
Ron storms off after that, leaving Hermione and I to have a boogy to the radio.
*****
It is the last straw when I escape getting eaten by a snake, only to have my wand broken into pieces.
"I'VE HAD IT!" I scream, throwing the useless twig on the floor. "I'M JUST GOING TO BUY A GUN AND HAVE DONE WITH IT!"
My god, I feel so angry, tired and hungry, that I cannot remember what it is to feel anything else. It has been nearly six months since the wedding when we fled from the Burrow, and we aren't getting anywhere.
Oh, apart from the locket horcrux which I have been wearing around my neck this whole time.
"But at least we got to see your parents' graves," Hermione says as though this is a silver fucking lining. "And on Christmas day, too!"
I glare at her.
"I'm going on a fucking walk," I growl. "And don't you dare try to follow me."
"But you haven't a wand!" She calls after me.
"GOOD!" I spit back. "Maybe then I'll finally end up dead!"
I don't end up dead, unfortunately. But I do find the Gryffindor sword and Ron, and destroy a Horcrux.
Yay!
*****
We visit Luna's house and have tea with her dad. Shame he then tries to betray me. And shame about his house.
*****
Week five thousand and sixty two in the Golden Trio's tent:
Well, maybe it hasn't been quite that long, but it certainly feels that way.
I keep mulling over the story Xenophilius told us during our visit: the story of the three Deathly Hallows. If only I can get my hands on this unbeatable wand, I'd win the war no problem, and then I can return to Fred for my happily ever after.
Over in the far corner of the tent, Ron keeps twiddling with the knobs on the radio and it is beginning to do my fucking nut in.
"Will you quit that!" I demand. "I'm trying to think over here!"
"Go to hell, Potter!" Ron yells and continues to twiddle his knobs.
I sulk moodily behind the Marauders Map, looking for names to reassure me of who is still alive. Ginny's name is no longer there, and of course, no Luna. I haven't even seen Draco's name for a while, although I was mildly surprised to see that he had returned back in the first place. But then again, Snape is now headmaster and he has recruited other Death Eaters to teach subjects, so I guess anything goes in that wacky school.
"I'm not being 'Rodent', no way, I told you I wanted to be 'Rapier'!"
I sit up with a start, the map fluttering to my feet. My heart races in my chest and I am so sure I must be hearing things because I could have sworn I just heard Fred.
"Oh, all right then." Another voice says. "Rapier, could you please give us your take on the various stories we've been hearing about the Chief Death Eater?"
I realise then that the voices are coming from the radio Ron's been fiddling with. He waves me over and I run across the tent, crouching down to join him, my heart full of love at hearing Fred's voice, knowing he is alive and well.
"Yes, River, I can," says Fred. "As our listeners will know, unless they've taken refuge at the bottom of a garden pond or somewhere similar, You-Know-Who's strategy of remaining in the shadows is creating a nice little climate of panic. Mind you, if all the alleged sightings of him are genuine, we must have a good nineteen You-Know-Whos running around the place."
For the first time since this great adventure began, I find myself laughing; I can feel the weight of tension leaving me, and it's all because of Fred: my wonderful Fred.
"And the rumours that he keeps being sighted abroad?" says the second voice who I suspect is Lee Jordan.
"Well, who wouldn't want a nice little holiday after all the hard work he's been putting in?" Fred asks, making me smile even harder. "Point is, people, don't get lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he's out of the country. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to, so don't count on him being a long way away if you're planning on taking any risks. I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first!"
"Thank you very much for those wise words, Rapier," Lee says. "And one last thing before you go: any fighting words for our very own hero?"
I hold my breath as there is silence on the radio.
"Harri," Fred says, his voice making my heart pound hard, "if you are listening, then know that we are all rooting for you. And when the time comes, we'll be right by your side. I promise."
I close my eyes as his words soothe and comfort me like a hug.
"Well!" Hermione says brightly once the radio goes completely silent. "That was nice, wasn't it?"
"He could have said he loves you." Ron says. "That's what I would have done."
"Not everyone is into public declarations," I sniff. "And besides, it's hardly appropriate to bring stuff like that up right after talking about Volde-"
"HARRI - NO!"
"-mort."
Loud cracks sound outside the tent followed by rough, excited voices. Hermione, Ron and I share panicked looks.
"The fucking name is taboo!" Ron hisses angrily at me. "I told you this before!"
"No you didn't!"
"Yes I did!"
As Ron and I begin to argue, Hermione raises her wand and casts a stinging jinx at my face.
OW! I want to claw my face off it hurts so much. I don't even take much notice when our tent is stormed by Snatchers, my face feeling aflame with burning pain.
Someone grabs me and rough handles me. I don't know who it is but my god they smell rotten.
"Your name, ugly?" a voice growls in my ear.
I almost say my real name, the pain not making me think straight. But just in time I remember why Hermione has done this to my face.
"P-Petunia," I manage to stutter. "Petunia uh- Finnigan."
"Finnigan?" The stinky Snatcher growls. "You don't sound very Irish."
"Me mam's English. It comes and it goes."
My brilliant Seamus impression seems to mollify my captor for now.
"I don't know," says another gruff voice. "She looks a little like Harriet Potter. I swear I can see the scar."
"Her face is blown up though, could be anyone."
"Nah, that's her alright. Let's take 'em straight to 'im. We'll get rewarded."
This is not good. Although, given the amount of times I've faced Voldemort and walked away unharmed, it's probably a safe bet that this is just another wee blip and nothing else.
"They say he's using the Malfoys' place as a base. We'll take the girl there."
"Throw the others in too, I'm pretty sure this one is that Mudblood known to be on the run with Harriet Potter. We'll be rich!"
These idiots really are deluded if they think Voldemort is seriously going to reward them. I just pray that us going to Draco's place doesn't somehow get him into trouble. Maybe he can even save us?
Time will soon tell.
*****