The silence between us was heavy, pregnant with anticipation. This was the moment I had been dreading and yet yearning for—a chance to unburden myself of the secret that had haunted me for years.
"I've never told anyone this before," my voice was quieter than I'd intended it to be, and Elias appeared to be holding his breath to hear every syllable. "But, my father... he was physically abusive. To both me and my mother."
Elias tightened his grip on my hand without even realizing it.
"Growing up, we lived in constant fear, walking on eggshells, never knowing when his anger would erupt," I continued.
I closed my eyes as I recalled the vivid memories etched into my mind. The fear I had felt as a child haunted me to this day. With his coarse thumb, Elias gently traced the thin scar which ran from my upper thigh all the way down to my knee. His touch elicited a trail of fire on my skin.
"Was this...?"
"Yes," I answered his unspoken question, "he gave me that scar. When I was thirteen, my mom had left for a work trip. I had to take care of all the cooking for the week—because of course, a grown man can't possibly cook for himself. I remember it like it was yesterday. I'd decided to make potatoes and chicken, only, I'd accidentally fallen asleep while the potatoes were in the oven. They burned, and of course, my father was pissed, so he took the knife I'd used to slice the potatoes, and he..."
"What the fuck?" Elias' words were blunt and laced in fury. "What kind of sick monster would do that to a child—no less, for burning food."
I nodded in agreement. Despite the solemnity of the situation, I felt a twinge of amusement. With how angry Elias looked, I was certain that if I hadn't done it myself, he would've killed my father for what he'd done to me.
"It happened during the winter break of freshman year," I continued, looking down at the grass. "My mom, I think she'd had enough of everything. On Christmas Eve, when my father wasn't home, she'd found his secret stash of alcohol and she... she poured it all down the sink. She thought she'd be making things better. If he stopped drinking, maybe he'd stop hurting us. Only, he was completely livid when he found out."
I found myself wincing at the memory. Elias' dark eyes looked deep into mine, silently granting me the strength to continue.
"I'll never forget that moment," I whispered, "the moment when I ran downstairs and saw that-that monster beating my mother right in front of the Christmas tree. I knew if I didn't step in, he was going to kill her. It was like something inside me snapped. Without even thinking, I picked up the nearest object—a heavy glass vase—and swung it at his head. He fell, and he didn't get back up..."
I could practically see the gears turning in Elias' head as he was finally able to connect the last few puzzle pieces to the story.
"The police ruled it as self defense. Since I was a minor they tried to keep it under wraps, but still, neighbors talked, classmates gossiped. Pretty much everyone in the grade thought I was some psychopath who'd murdered my father for the heck of it," I shook my head. "What hurt the most was my mother's reaction. She couldn't bear to look at me after that day. It's why she disappears for days, even weeks at a time. She despises me for taking away the man she once loved, even if he was a monster."
With apprehension, I peered up at Elias, preparing myself for the judgement and disgust that I was sure to be met with. To my pure and utter surprise, he wrapped his arms around me, drawing me into a warm embrace.
"Daisy, I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through. You were just a kid who was protecting your mom, defending yourself." Elias spoke with conviction, his voice filled with reassurance. "It doesn't matter what anyone else says. It's not your fault."
It's not your fault. I buried my face in Elias' shoulder, finding solace in his comforting presence. In that moment, I felt a glimmer of hope. Perhaps sharing my secret was exactly what I needed to heal the wounds that had plagued me for so long.
As we sat there underneath the moonlit sky, I knew I had found someone who truly understood me. Elias had seen the darkest corners of my past and still chose to stand by my side.
"Come home with me," Elias murmured, his sharp jaw taut. "You shouldn't be alone in that house, without anyone to even wish you goodnight. Just... stay with me, D."
Frozen, I peered up at him through my eyelashes. Then, "okay," I whispered, a soft smile on my face, "I'll stay with you."
His pink lips tilted into a lopsided grin, before he planted a gentle kiss atop my curly hair.
*****
"Just wait till it gets to the part where they fly the car to school."
"Quit spoiling!" I giggled, lifting a pillow to whack Elias' head.
"You've got no one to blame but yourself for that," he laughed. "Who still hasn't watched the Harry Potter movies?"
"Sorry, but I didn't exactly have the most normal childhood, if you couldn't tell," I sourly retorted.
"Right, you were too busy—"
"I wouldn't go there if I were you—"
"I was gonna say you were too busy reading books."
"Liar!" I whacked him with the pillow again.
"Stop it, you're messing up my hair," Elias growled, however a betraying smile adorned his lips.
"Can't get any worse than it already is."
"That's it—"
Just as Elias made a move to attack me, his mother came wobbling in with her cane.
"Elias, leave the poor girl alone and stop pretending you're not secretly obsessed with her," she chuckled, causing the tips of Elias' ears to turn pink. "Hello, Daisy dear. It's lovely to see you again."
After the intense, dramatic night that had occurred, Elias and I had retreated to the safe solitude of his house. The dim living room was filled with the soft glow of the television screen, casting flickering shadows on the walls. We sat side by side on the cozy sofa, our bodies close but not quite touching as we watched a movie.
Now that I thought about it, it was pretty amusing. One moment, he was caressing me as he listened to me reveal my childhood trauma. The next, he was bickering with me on the couch of his grand living room over Harry Potter. Teenage romance. I'd never experienced anything quite like it.
"It's nice to see you too, Pamela," I beamed at the woman.
Despite my smile, I internally frowned at the woman's appearance. With her pale skin, sparse eyebrows, and large eye bags, Pamela looked sicker than ever. Now that Elias had told me her story—from being diagnosed with lung cancer, to being cheated on, to raising three children on her own—I couldn't help but feel sympathetic for the woman, for how much she'd been through.
"What are you kids up to?" Pamela curiously asked, her voice tired as she placed her cane against the coffee table.
"We're just watching a movie, Ma," Elias said, before worriedly glancing up at the luxurious clock perched on the wall. "You should be asleep by now."
"Hey, I'm the parent here. Now I may be sick, but I can still whoop you with that cane if I need to," she pointedly stated.
"Yeah, yeah," he emitted a rich laugh, before grabbing the empty bowl on the coffee table. "I'm gonna go grab us some more popcorn. You want anything else, D?"
I shook my head, and then Elias stood up and headed out of the living room. His mother watched him leave with a fond smile on her face, before sighing and slowly coming to sit next to me on the couch.
"He's glowing," Pamela whispered to herself, before turning towards me. "Thank you, dear."
"Thank you? For what?" I cocked my head to the side, unsure as to why she was thanking me.
"Oh, nothing," she warmly chuckled. "It's just... I can't remember the last time I've seen him like this—happy, that is."
Before I could inquire further, Elias came strolling back into the room with a filled bowl of popcorn. At this, Pamela decided to clear her throat and stand up.
"I guess I'll leave you kids to it," Pamela stood up. "Don't stay up too late."
"We won't, Ma. I'm down here if you need anything," Elias murmured, his dark eyes filled with unspoken worry as he watched his mother exit the living room with her cane.
I bid the short woman a good night as she left the room, meanwhile my heart filled with admiration for Elias. It was clear he loved his mother, and I knew it hurt him to see her sick. At times, I wondered how he was able to pull himself together.
A few more minutes passed by, though I was beginning to tune out the movie. With each stolen glance and accidental touch, my heart began to grow heavier, yearning for something more.
Before I could overthink it, I abruptly sat up and paused the movie.
Elias studied me carefully, raising his eyebrows in inquiry. "Yes?"
"I don't want to do this anymore," I rashly stated.
He furrowed his brows and rummaged a hand through his hair. "Do what?"
"This...this casual thing we've got going on," I confessed, my voice gaining strength. "I can't keep pretending that a kiss here and there is all I want. I want more, Elias. I want us to be more."
A wave of vulnerability washed over me as I bared my heart to him, unsure of what his response would be. The room seemed to grow still, as if time held its breath, waiting for his answer. Elias looked at me intently, his eyes blank.
"I can't," he said, jaw clenched.
For some reason, I wasn't surprised by his words, but still, they hurt.
"Right," I muttered in disappointment before standing up, "I should've known."
I quickly stood up from the couch and exited the room. I'd barely even made it into the hall before Elias quickly caught up to me in a few strides and grabbed my wrist.
"Don't go," he ordered, "please, Daisy."
I was in pure disbelief and swivelled around. "I don't get it. One second you're rejecting me, the next you're begging me to stay. Which one is it?"
"I'm not—" he swiftly cut himself off and lowered his voice, "I'm not rejecting you. I just can't—I can't—"
"Can't what?" I shakily questioned. "Can't date a murderer?"
"No!" Elias growled, appearing offended by the mere suggestion.
"Then what is it? Why can't you be with me?"
"Because I love you!" he snapped.
My eyes widened and I stumbled backwards, certain that I'd misheard him.
"I—what?" I quietly asked.
"You heard me," Elias croaked, sounding uncharacteristically weak. "I love you, Daisy, and that scares the living crap out of me. How can I possibly be with you when I know I'm not good enough? You're just so perfect, and I—"
Suddenly, it all began to make sense. Elias was simply insecure.
"To hell with perfection," I passionately stated. "Look, all I know is that I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?"
He nodded with quickness. "Of course I do, but—"
"But nothing," I cut him off, fisting his shirt. "It doesn't have to be complicated."
"It doesn't," Elias reluctantly agreed, voice hoarse as his dark eyes hopefully peered down at me.
"Good. It's official then," I smiled with a tone of finality.
Elias did a poor job at concealing his smirk, and placed his hands around my waist. "I don't remember you being this stubborn when we first met, girlfriend," he teased.
"That's because I wasn't," I whispered back. "You've just rubbed off on me."
He emitted a deep chuckle before closing the gap between us. Our lips met in a tender, heartfelt kiss that spoke volumes of the love that had silently blossomed between us.
We eventually made our way back into the gigantic living room, the movie playing on in the background as we melted into each other's arms. A permanent smile was etched onto my face. It was strange, how in this ordinary moment, I felt so... happy. No longer would stolen kisses and casual encounters define our relationship, for now, we had found something real and worth fighting for. He was mine. And I his.
"Ellie?" I quietly voiced after a moment.
"Yes?" he hummed tiredly, for it was getting late.
"After all the chaos that's happened in my life, it feels good to know I can trust you," I softly smiled.
I felt Elias' muscles stiffen at my words. He didn't reply, and with a content smile on my face, I nuzzled closer towards him, our bodies connecting like puzzle pieces.
If I'd bothered to look up, I would've seen the horribly guilty look on his face.
*****
QOTD: shopping online or in person?
AOTD: in person
Hey queens!
I am so so sorry for how late this update is. Thank you guys so much for your patience! I wish you guys knew how much I love and appreciate you.
This month has been absolutely crazy. Being a senior is so much effort. I had prom 2 weeks ago, exams this week, then graduation next week. Luckily, tomorrow I've got my last exam and then I am all done with high school! Funny story, today I slept straight through my alarm and was half an hour late to my exam. Why am I literally a train wreck.
I will be posting another chapter tomorrow! So be on the lookout. Also thank you guys for over 300k reads this is insane!
Love, Emmanuela
06/20/2023