MAY 15
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Straight to his room is where Hyunjin had gone immediately after getting home, only stopping to kick off his shoes— and also to step over the mess of other shoes, cardboard boxes, and random junk that his parents hadn't bothered to clear from the doorway. Head tipped back in frustration, he'd let out a long, guttural, exasperated sigh as he dragged his stuff upstairs, not even trying to keep quiet because there was no way he'd be heard over the ruckus in the kitchen anyway— no way his parents would hear him over the sounds of their own raised voices, firing off at each other.
All I wanted was to take the snooze of a lifetime.
Of course he'd expected this, but that didn't make it any less annoying. Carelessly, he'd thrown the array of his belongings that he'd gathered from his car into a heap on his bedroom floor (which was still just as messy as he left it), then tore through his backpack to find his earbuds, eager to stifle the pricks and jabs of each muffled shout that still managed to reach through the floor, to deliver to Hyunjin the start of a headache. He'd gotten used to some peace and quiet (or something closer to it) at college.
And then he let out his second sigh, once there was music flooding and lining his irritated ears. Relief.
He considered digging around for his toothbrush, to replace the taste of gas station food that had gone stale in his mouth with fresh mint, but as he sat down and scrubbed his face; untied his hair, he decided it wasn't worth it. All he did was tug his jeans off and turn off the light, tumbling into bed right after.
But that was all last night. Now, as Hyunjin woke with a mess of black hair in his face, it was morning. Or was it? Looking outside, through the windows with blinds he hadn't even thought to close when he got home yesterday, it looked a little more like... noon. Perhaps slightly after.
Hyunjin felt dead. Though he'd traded personal hygiene for a chance at getting to sleep faster, it hadn't done much for him. Most of the night, he'd tossed and turned, a pillow held over his head, even with the earbuds. If the music was loud enough to block out the noise from downstairs, he couldn't get to sleep.
He wasn't sure exactly when he'd finally managed to drift off, but it had to have been sometime close to sunrise. So, checking his phone now and realizing it was just after 2 PM, he'd probably gotten six hours or so of sleep in the quiet that came after his drunken parents finally went to bed themselves. How they didn't get tired of this, Hyunjin didn't know. But they'd been doing it for as long as he could remember.
Maybe they'd never change, but Hyunjin would. He didn't want to put up with it anymore. But first, he'd attend to the distracting growl of his stomach. Sluggishly, he trekked downstairs after washing the foul taste of morning breath born from last night's dinner out of his mouth and brushing through his unruly hair, pausing at the last step as he stared, upper lip curling.
Wow, things had gone to chaos since he'd last been here. The house— especially the kitchen and living room, littered with bottles, glasses, cups— was trashed.
They must've had friends over last night.
...Well, that was their problem. Hyunjin just cleared a space at the table (which stank of sour-smelling liquor, probably whatever foul liquid was left in the near empty bottles he shoved out of his way) and set down his bowl of cereal. And that was all he wanted to do— eat his cereal in peace. Stinky, gross, peace. On second thought, maybe peace was a bit too strong a word; silence might be better, just pleasant, ear-healing silence.
Still too much to ask for, evidently. A click, like that of an opening door, sounded from upstairs and Hyunjin stiffened, pulling his head away from his bowl, listening intently, eyebrows furrowed. Please, please, no, just let me eat in silence...
Footsteps. Dammit. Hyunjin deflated, all his hopes for a quiet cereal experience dashed. Maybe if he just got up and made a run for his room now—
"Oh."
Hyunjin huffed a half-sigh and looked to the stairs, where his mother was making her way down.
"You're home." Her expression was as sour as that horrible smell that had been starting to ruin the sugary taste of Hyunjin's cereal as it clouded his nose.
"Don't take it personal," she'd told him countless times before. "I can't help it when I'm hungover."
But Hyunjin never bought it for a second. There was contempt, perhaps disgust, in the way she looked at him. Esepcially now, as she filtered through the room, surverying his appearance (as if, with her hangover-induced sickly pallor and eyebags, she was in any state to be doing so). "And you still haven't cut your hair," she grumbled, reaching out to muss it as she scowled.
Hyunjin ducked away from her incoming hand. Her frown deepened as she pulled away and wrapped her arms around herself, shuffling away to get herself a glass of water with a vaguely disappointed-sounding sigh.
Hyunjin continued on with his cereal with a pinched nose and a curled upper lip. He didn't want to put up with this anymore. He slid his phone out of his pocket.
...
COLLEGE IDIOTS 🤧
HYUNJIN
soooo can i like
HYUNJIN
spend the rest of the weekend with someone
HYUNJIN
plz
JISUNG
uh oh :( your parents are at it again?
HYUNJIN
they never stopped
HYUNJIN
ahah
FELIX
aw :(((
FELIX
you can hang out with me!!
...
He smiled wide at his phone screen. And before he could get a weird look from his mother, he put his face down to the lip of his cereal bowl and drank the last of the milk.
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Having just showered (hopefully washing off the sour liquor smell he'd been steeping in downstairs), Hyunjin was doing some quick unpacking, just enough to clear out his backpack and then pack all over again, this time to spend the remainder of the weekend with Felix.
In his backpack he'd mostly kept random school stuff— plus whatever clothes he could shove in on top that hadn't fit into his suitcase. He slid his textbooks and notebooks out, tossed them onto the dresser to his left, and set his sketchbook down next to him with quite a bit more care. After that it was just loose papers and pens.
Sketches of intertwined fingers, of arms around waists or shoulders, of cheek, forehead, nose, hand, or on-the-mouth kisses spilled out of Hyunjin's backpack as he dumped its contents onto the floor— torn-out pages from notebooks (that he'd hardly used for actually taking notes during his classes); his favorites amongst all his in-class doodles. Since middle school, it'd been a habit to pay more attention to his pencil and paper than anything his teachers were saying. He could always just read the textbook later.
Arranging them in a pile, he thumbed through them for a moment, reminding himself of what he'd drawn over the past semester and noting a few that he'd like to paint during his vacation, now that he had time and paint on his hands and an easel readily available with space to spread out his paints and perhaps spill his paint water without getting... sued (or something) for staining a dorm room floor.
For now, he tucked them away in a half-empty drawer. What he needed at the moment was some clean clothes. It took him quite a while to find them, and not just because his packing had been so haphazard and chaotic due to the fact that he was paying more attention to Felix than the way he was filling his suitcase.
Hyunjin always took a long time to get ready, and that's why he took fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to find an outfit; why he ended up not getting to Felix's house until close to evening. For years, he'd fussed over his appearance, and it tended to make him late. But it also made people look at him. He'd gotten a thousand compliments in his life, but it was always the same one. Same three words. You're so pretty.
He spent more time than necessary after his shower blow-drying and brushing out his hair, making sure it was tied up right, pulling enough of it out so that it framed his face nicely— and he also spent a good several minutes running through a skincare routine, which included staring at his face for a long moment and grimacing at the stark, newly-formed pimple on his cheekbone. He sighed, thinking back to that bowl of sugary cereal he'd had an hour or two ago.
Guess I'll be laying off sugar for a while, he'd thought, digging around for some concealer.
But now he was pulling into Felix's driveway; all was well. And when he knocked on the front door, it opened to— a newly, freshly blond-haired Felix.
"You're blond again!" Hyunjin gasped, immediately, greetings forgotten as a perfectly snow-headed being appeared before him.
Felix grinned, chirping, "Hello!"
"Hi," Hyunjin laughed. "It looks amazing." The red had been his idea, and he'd loved it on Felix. But Felix... he was born to be blond— at least in Hyunjin's mind. It suited him.
"Thanks." Felix stepped aside and held the door open wider. "Come on in, dinner's gonna be ready soon."
Following Felix inside, what Hyunjin saw was a clean, warmly-lit kitchen, filled with people (all four of which looked like Felix). A table set with five plates, and five wine glasses.
"Oh, right, I guess we'll need one more plate." Felix rushed over to the cabinets and set a plate in the empty space at the table. Then he headed to the stove and took a pair of tongs from the man standing there, who had been tending to the steaks sizzling in a cast iron skillet in Felix's momentary absence. "Thanks, Dad. I got it. Oh yeah, this is Hyunjin! Everyone say hi!"
Hyunjin smiled, somewhat awkwardly, as he was waved at from four different places. One of the people that waved at him, probably Felix's sister, smiled politely at him as she set out another wine glass at the extra plate Felix had just brought out, then got to work on opening a green glass bottle that had been sitting on the table, pulling the plastic from the top.
She probably saw him staring at the bottle, because she filled in, with a bit of a chuckle present in her voice, "It's just sparkling cider. Felix wanted to have a fancy dinner."
He had to admit, as he nodded, lips turning up, it was a relief.
A moment later, Felix was sliding a plate stacked with steaks onto the table, garnished with herbs Hyunjin couldn't have named and sprinkled with seasonings; flanked with a dish filled with creamy sauce— it all looked restaurant-made. Felix was amazing. (Meanwhile Hyunjin was getting by on bowls of cereal and instant ramen.)
With that, all the Felix-lookalikes began to take seats at the table, and Hyunjin got the feeling that they were somewhat assigned— that if he sat down anywhere, he'd end up in someone else's spot— so he just waited. While Felix's parents took the seats at each end, and an older girl took the spot beside the space that had previously been empty, Felix and the freckled girl he'd just talked to habitually pulled out the chairs on the other side of the table. Hyunjin was just about to sit in the last empty chair when Felix pointed to it, and requested, "Olivia, you wanna sit over there?"
Hyunjin was just about to feel bad for intruding on what seemed like it was intended to be a nice first dinner back with his family— just his family— for Felix, but when Felix turned to Hyunjin and happily offered, "You can sit next to me, Jinnie." ...Well, he got over it. Especially since the freckled girl, Olivia, didn't seem to mind, and readily walked around to the other side of the table.
And once they were all seated, Felix started (though not without some dramatic glass clanking to signify the start of his speech), "Welcome to my—" Felix glanced over at Hyunjin, and continued, grinning, "Scratch that, our celebratory 'end of freshman year' dinner!"
They all laughed, and Hyunjin had to note, this was so much nicer than whatever would've been going on for him back at home, with all the delicious food, the smiling faces, the light mood. For once he ate a nice, peaceful family dinner.
Ah yeah, I could get used to this.
Felix's family was cordial and welcoming, and while they all introduced themselves, they didn't seem too stirred by the presence of a stranger at their dinner table. Hyunjin got the sense that they were used to company; didn't feel the need to be nosy. Beyond 'what's your name', the only question they asked him was: "Do you wanna play some games with us after dinner?"
Next thing he knew, he was looking, wide-eyed, at the biggest board game collection he'd ever seen
"Yeah, we kinda like games ," Felix chuckled. "Pick one that looks interesting... And try not to topple the stack and make it fall on you!"
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So quickly it had gotten to be dark while they were all laughing in Felix's living room, and then it had gone on to be quite late soon after that— after Felix's parents had gone to bed and Felix and Hyunjin had teamed up to beat Felix's sisters in a Mario Kart tournament when the four of them went down to the basement.
Eventually they'd gone upstairs to Felix's room, Hyunjin dragging along his backpack, and brushed their teeth, and then Felix had changed into pajamas while Hyunjin washed his face (and applied a fresh coat of concealer to his pimple, hoping it wouldn't come back to bite him).
And when he dried his face and returned to Felix's bedroom, Felix was just sitting on his bed, kicking his feet, waiting.
Unsure what exactly to do with himself, Hyunjin busied himself with arranging his toothbrush and skin products around his backpack.
"How was your day, Jinnie?" Felix asked, watching him fiddle with the little bottles, caringly.
"Um... Since I got here, it's been great." He smiled, quickly covering up a darker expression that had come upon thinking of this afternoon. "What about you?"
"Well, I had the most scrumptious strawberry lemonade cupcake today. So I think that alone makes for a pretty awesome day," Felix beamed, his face having already switched from a bit of a pout to a slight smile at Hyunjin's words. "Do you wanna see? I took pictures."
"Yeah." Hyunjin sat down next to Felix on the bed, then slid in closer, his heartbeat feeling more prominent— heavier, stronger, faster. He leaned down a little (until his chin would have touched Felix's shoulder with just the slightest movement), looking down at Felix's phone as Felix brough up the picture of the pretty pink-and-yellow sprinkled cupcake, giving a hum of approval, of awe perhaps. "Did you make that?"
"Nah, haha, I'm not that good at piping. It was from that new cupcake place down by... well maybe you don't know where it is because you live on the other side of town, but, it was from a real cute shop. Oh! The flowers outside were so pretty! They had some pink roses and something else I didn't know the name of, but the point is that when I saw them I thought that you'd probably want to take a picture to paint them later," he giggled, swiping back through his photos to pictures of a stone archway, red door, and stone planters with those baby pink flowers in them. Except— one of those photos was a photo of him with... Changbin.
Along with his stomach, Hyunjin's smile dropped.
Before he thought to stop himself, Hyunjin blurted, "Wait, you went with Changbin hyung?"
"Oh yeah! Before we left college Changbin asked if I wanted to celebrate it being over by going to that cupcake place, since he knows I like sweets," he chuckled. "So we went there today! The plan was a little last minute, or, well, I guess it seemed that way because we were so busy in between, coming home. So we didn't really get anyone else to come. But next time, maybe we should go!"
Hyunjin paled a little, listening to his explanation. Changbin? Felix? Alone? Cupcakes??
...That sounded like a date.
Maybe Hyunjin wasn't just paranoid. Maybe the jokes that everyone secretly made about Changbin being whipped for Felix weren't just a joke. (But, to be fair, everyone was whipped for Felix.) Maybe Changbin really was trying to go for Felix.
But obviously, Felix didn't think of Changbin in that way, right? Otherwise he wouldn't be talking about it like this. He wouldn't be inviting someone else out to do the exact same thing with him.
After quietly crushing on Felix for almost two years, despairing in secret about not being good enough for him, agonizing as he considered what could happen if he was just a little braver, a little bolder, and wondering if he should just be content with the fact that they had gotten closer through college, Hyunjin made a decision: it was now or never.
He'd have to start making moves before Changbin swooped in to steal away Felix's heart.
I mean, it's fine, right? If Felix doesn't like Changbin yet, it's not like I'm homewrecking or anything, right? Besides, in the end, it's up to Felix to decide.
He did just say, 'maybe we should go', didn't he? That gave Hyunjin some hope.
Felix yawned, and it set Hyunjin back into motion. "Well, I guess I'll go spread out my blanket."
But Felix tilted his head as Hyunjin slid off the bed and unzipped his backpack; set his pillow down on the floor. "Wait, nooo, you can't sleep on the floor! It'll hurt your back! And what kinda sleepover would it be if we didn't snuggle?" Felix pouted, hands finding adorable purchase on his hips.
Hyunjin's cheeks took on a rosy shade— something he would've given to a person in one of his paintings: a pink, watercolor wash.
"Well, you don't have to... I guess you might not want to share a bed with someone who rolls all over it. But I was so lonely last night without Jisung," he sighed, half-joking.
Make your move already, stupid. Now that Felix has pretty much made it for you.
"Sure, yeah." Hyunjin smiled, kicking his measly bedding supply into a heap near his backpack. "Can't have you being lonely." Scratching his neck nervously, giddily, he asked, "Should I hit the light?"
Felix was already scooting back to get under the sheets as he nodded.
Hyunjin hoped the thumping of his heart wasn't too obvious as he laid down and his arms circled around Felix's waist, his frame small and relaxed, fitting easily, perfectly against, Hyunjin's. Betrayingly, Hyunjin's heart only beat harder and faster as he wondered... What if...
What if this was all Felix's way of saying he'd rather have Hyunjin instead?
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