only human // skz

11 [ clear your head a little ]

MAY 16

[

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

I should be working; I should be doing something.

   One hour gone, spent just trying to drag himself out of bed. A bed where he'd found no rest, listening only to those repetitive sounds all night long: the incessant, yet barely audible ticking of the clock in the living room, and the same persistent thoughts circling in his mind. It had been hard to give up on waiting there for sleep to come, but it was harder to escape. He was supposed to be sleeping, but instead he'd been thinking about how sorry he was, sorry for a thousand things, but mostly sorry for the hours upon hours he'd spend doing nothing this week, barred from work.

   But even if he were meant to go into work today, with his body feeling so incredibly stone-like, so heavy and immovable, would he have even been working? The hours would still slip out from between his fingers as he tried to hold onto them, just to get a second, to get his bearings.

   He owed the ability to open his eyes fully and to walk with a normal pace entirely to the startling cool of the water he'd splashed on his face after stumbling into the bathroom. But he still looked awful, he realized, after glancing only for a moment into the mirror. Big surprise.

   Hurrying away from the mirror, Chan readied his stiff-feeling cheeks for some warm, greeting smiles as he headed to the kitchen. But he found it empty when he got there. Ah, right... college ended earlier than high school; Hannah and Lucas would still be in school right now. Oh, but wait a minute, Chan realized, it was a weekend, right?

   He checked his phone to confirm it; it was, indeed, Sunday. Where was everyone? Granted, Chan didn't know how much time his mother and siblings actually spent in the house because even outside of college, he'd hardly ever been there to see... but he figured, especially on a summer weekend, they'd all be there. And the house was dead quiet, as if it was just Chan (and the house flies buzzing around, having already forced their way in to act as uninvited summer guests) there. The silence was strange and off-putting, so Chan broke it with a sigh as he headed for the coffee grounds, which were still in the same place he left them, untouched.

    He did something he'd never done before as he sipped the cheap-tasting old coffee in his mug: he stood and looked out the window.

    It only really hit him now. ...He had absolutely nothing to do. And he hadn't had a day with nothing to do in... actually, had he ever had a day with nothing to do?

It's always been school. Work. School. Work. Every day. As far back as I really remember.

What else am I supposed to do with myself?

   Chan pressed his forehead against the window with yet another defeated sigh and stared outside anxiously. There had to be something he could do. He wasn't this useless, was he?