The weeks following Theia's talk with Feyre were graciously not as different than before. Theia had expected being under scrutiny from the family, being bombarded by Nyx, or simply just being treated differently. In all truth, the days fell away just as they had before Nyx's confessions. He didn't force himself to be at her hip at all times, nor did Feyre and Rhysand hold her to a different view.
Theia had entirely been expecting for Rhysand to scold her after he had stolen Nyx away. Not even his warm smiles had disappeared. As though no change had been made, the High Lord still greeted Theia as he had many times before. She hadn't asked Nyx what conversation took place when they left the table. The two males had returned with small grins and continued eating like nothing had happened.
Now, curled against the headboard of her bed, Theia had taken to borrowing ink and parchment from Feyre to sketch on her own. She held no talent, but the High Lady had given her enough advice to know which skills to use. Nyx had gone to spar with Azriel hours before, and Rhysand and Feyre had left to visit the Day Court for a few nights. Alone in the estate, Theia chose the one spot she felt most comfortable.
Her teeth gnawed on the mangled skin of her lip as she added another line to the sketch on her lap. She hadn't succumbed to the emotions Nyx had riled within her, but alone, Theia couldn't help but envision his beauty. Her heart warmed as she recognized the hooded eye and straight nose. Nyx's left eye, nose, jaw, and half his lips laid across the parchment. Perhaps someone who hadn't spent hours studying his face wouldn't know it was him, but Theia knew.
Sitting back against the headboard, she stared at the paper. Something was off, one thing missing. She used a smudged piece of charcoal to add the shadows that lingered beneath his eye, jaw, and cheek; half of Nyx's face was complete. Her brows furrowed, glancing between the filled ink and the empty half. With a sigh, she leaned forward and flicked the metal tip along the paper.
Soon enough, the brows she'd created were fuller, a shadow creased between the two. Her teeth pressed into her lip again, Theia added to the lashes. Thick and dark, beautiful frames around his steely blue irises. Of course, she hadn't added the color, but Theia could envision it.
It had been six hours of sketching his face before she felt it was closing in on a clear match to the real thing. As soon as Theia sat back to study it once more, her bedroom door opened. The beauty she had been imagining for hours bared it's face at her as Nyx walked into the room. Her heart swelled, body already leaning toward him. Nyx was beside the bed quickly, cupping her cheek and pressing a long kiss to her lips.
"Rita's tonight?" He murmured against her mouth. Theia nodded, reaching her own hand up to feel the jaw she had just drawn. When her lungs begged for air, Theia pulled back. Nyx kissed the tip of her nose before pulling away fully. His eyes dropped to her lap, a brow lifting. Theia's cheeks heated as she tried to close the sketchbook, but Nyx caught it. He pulled the book from her lap and held it up, studying it silently.
Theia slid down the headboard, hiding behind her hands. "Nyx, stop it," she whined, frowning as his head tilted. He still studied the page, tracing a finger over the drying ink. It was then that she noticed her hand had transferred charcoal to his face during their kiss.
"Is this me?" Nyx asked softly, eyes flicking to Theia. She nodded hesitantly, heart pounding. She wasn't an artist, not like Feyre, but she'd done her best to portray this male as she sees him. Her heart wasn't ready to claim its love over him, and Theia hated to watch as he gave her every piece of himself over and over again. She felt greedy as she took that love and savored it, but she hardly given him a crumb of her own self.
"Is this how you see me?" Nyx asked through a heavy breath, his forefinger gently running over the dried ink. Again, Theia nodded. She watched his eyes as he studied the page. Finally, his eyes lifted to hers and he grinned. "It's beautiful."
"I tried my best," she murmured, gaze dropping to study her own work. It wasn't a perfect match, not in any way, but Nyx recognized himself in it and that is what mattered to her. Nyx laid the parchment on the table beside the bed, followed by the charcoal and ink. When her lap was cleared, Nyx climbed onto the bed and pulled Theia onto his own thighs. She hooked an arm over his shoulder, fingers dancing along the boning of his wing as they stared at each other.
"You did wonderful," Nyx whispered, nudging her nose with his own. Her eyes fluttered shut, stomach twisting with regret and emotion as his warm lips met her cheek, her jaw, her ear. They hadn't touched each other since that morning he'd confessed his feelings, though the stolen kisses and gentle strokes were enough pleasure for Theia.
Her throat tightened as words were stuck within. She wanted to scream her love for him, yet her body knew she wasn't ready. Theia still had yet to determine if her love for Nyx stemmed from her heart, or his deeds. He'd taken care of her; nursed her to a steady health. She'd been beyond grateful for his actions, though the dependency she felt for him could be a piece of that as well.
Nyx's warm lips grazed her cheekbone, the scruff of his growing beard tickling her skin. Theia sighed, twisting her fingers into the hair at his neck and pulling herself closer. It could be love, it could be lust, it could be desperation for comfort. Whatever it was, Theia clung to it. With a quick decision, Theia tugged his head back and met his lips with her own.
Nyx accepted it immediately, humming against her mouth as his arm slid against her lower back. He caught her cheek with his other hand as though pulling her even closer to him. Theia savored the way his neck and hair felt beneath her fingers, the way his lips and tongue felt against her own. The gentle hums and the soft moans he let out as though Theia was the sweetest delicacy he'd tasted in years.
Her chest burned for air, but Theia didn't stop. Tears pricked her eyes as she kissed him harder. She wanted this every day- every moment. Theia let Nyx pull away eventually, but hid her face against his neck, peppering kisses along his pulse. He turned his head so his cheek pressed against hers, his breath heavy in her ear.
"Don't push yourself," he murmured, tucking her hair back. Theia nodded, kissing his neck one last time before pulling back. He seemed to know her emotional limits more than herself these days. Theia loosened a breath and met his eyes, feeling her skin warm under his gaze. He grinned, so beautifully, and pecked her nose again.
"Nyx," Theia breathed his name. She loved the way it tasted.
"I may have thrown you into this, but now that you know how I feel, I'll wait for you. However long it takes, Theia. A year, two, three, a hundred. Any amount of time, as long as you know how I feel," he muttered, the words passing from his lips to her skin as he kissed her cheek again and again. She was grateful for that; Theia didn't know how long it would be until she could utter those words.
"Thank you," she responded softly, biting her lip as he nudged her jaw up and kissed her neck. Just once, and then his breath fanned across the spot and brought chills in its wake.
"I'd like to frame that drawing. It can stay in my own room, if you prefer, but I'd like to keep it."
Theia snorted, leaning back in his grip to meet his eyes. "At least let me work on it longer before you display it like some sort of prize," she suggested, quirking a brow. He always seemed to pull her from the depths of her mind with ease, such simple words.
"Take your time but I want it when you're finished," Nyx retorted, squeezing her waist. Theia snorted again and smacked his arm before climbing from his lap. She'd been covered in charcoal, and now it was all over him.
"Let me bathe and change before we go to Rita's."
"Of course. Go get pretty, and I'll be waiting with Az, Cass, and Nes in the sitting room," Nyx responded as he stood. Theia squinted at him, crossing her arms.
"It's not just us?"
"No, Az suggested going when Mor and Em said they were going. Since we were all training, we figured we might as well join them. Is that alright?" He stepped towards her, sliding a hand along her jaw. Theia shivered beneath his stare, watching his eyes as they glanced around her face.
"Of course. I'll meet you down there soon," she murmured, sucking in a breath when he lowered his mouth to press softly against her own. He shot her a quick grin when he pulled away and slipped from the room, leaving her to drown in the sea of emotions he poured into her with each touch. Her shoulders slumped as she stared at the door, frowning.
Even though he laid in her bed each night, she wanted time alone with him. She'd thought they'd go to Rita's on their own, walk the city as night fell over in a blanket. With a shaking sigh, she gathered a soft long sleeved gown and undergarments. Theia chewed on her lip as she marched down to the bathing chamber, as she stripped and lowered herself in the heated water, as she dried with a towel.
Her eyes lifted to the mirror as she laid the towel over the small chair beside the vanity. It was rare for Theia to gaze upon herself, but today, she felt it was necessary. She'd be around the glorious High Fae and warriors that were so effortlessly beautiful, and as foolish as it seemed, it made Theia feel far inferior. The weeks in Velaris had done her well; her body had begun to grow with nutrition, filling out where there'd only ever been bone.
It was truly playing a trick on her mind. Theia had never seen herself with this much weight. Not that it was an unhealthy amount, it actually made her look more real, but it was nothing like the toned muscle everyone else seemed to have. Her eyes lifted her to face, seeing how the jagged lines had rounded, the skin was less transparent. She should find herself beautiful, but Theia couldn't even think of the word.
With a huff, she tucked her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms, glaring at her reflection. It was a mistake to look upon herself. Now she'd envision the creature before her each time someone's eyes laid upon her. How the heir found her so charming, Theia didn't understand. Still bare, water droplets on her skin, she marched to the tall shelves beside the vanity.
Lotions, soaps, perfumes, and cosmetics laid on the top few. She'd seen the beauty that cosmetics had brought to the females in this estate, and she was determined to find that in herself. Grabbing whatever seemed familiar, Theia got to work. Pigment smudged over her lips, cheeks, eyes. She kept it light, but wanted anything that could play into the beauty Nyx saw in her. She studied the brush in her hand, similar to those that she'd used on canvas. Wiping her lip with the back of her hand, Theia chose to paint the canvas in the reflection.