I walked into Angie's room with Killian right behind me. She looked tiny in his strong arms.
I forcefully pried my eyes away from the outlines of his biceps. Shit. I had to stop ogling him like some horny teenager.
Angie woke up when he put her down, but she fell back asleep after he murmured a few quiet words.
His soothing baritone did weird things to my stomach. I quickly fled before I did something stupid, or he caught me checking him out. This wasn't part of the plan.
Sofia stood inside the small kitchen, seemingly staring into space. Her braid had come half undone and prominent dark circles lined her eyes. She'd never looked this tired from work.
I gave her a side hug. "Is everything alright?"
She leaned into me. At first, I thought she would play it off, but then she said, "No... I got some bad news. We're going to my mom's place for a few weeks to check the situation."
"Can I help with anything?" I asked softly.
"You're already helping me enough."
"No, you're always helping me," I replied stubbornly and tightened my hold. "So, tell me if there's anything I can do, or if you want to talk, alright?"
She hesitated. "There's news about Angie's dad."
I froze in surprise. "Bad news?"
"You could say so—"
Killian stepped out of Angie's room and quietly closed the door behind him. He paused at the sight of us.
What had she meant by bad news about Angie's dad? At least it meant her dad must be alive then. I had been wondering if he was dead. But then...what if the bad news were that he died?
Sofia sent Killian a warm smile. "Thank you for taking care of Angie."
"My pleasure," he replied simply.
She suppressed a yawn, so I grabbed Killian and left. I was so distracted by the sudden news that I didn't realize what I was doing until the door closed behind us. Then it finally registered that we were alone. In my apartment.
My hand curled around his bicep. He was standing very close. I dropped my hand as if it got burned.
He turned, his chest brushing against my shoulder, and I inhaled, catching a whiff of his scent. I made the mistake of looking up and instantly got lost in those hypnotizing eyes of his.
An electric current raced through my nerves when his gaze landed on my lips for a brief moment. An unknown emotion passed through those hazel orbs.
As if on instinct, I backed up. Since we were still standing at the front door, I made it about three inches before my back hit solid wood.
A small smile curled his lips as his gaze followed the movement. I couldn't help but stare, remembering how soft they felt on my own. His whole body leaned towards me as if he was experiencing the same magnetic pull that I felt.
He crowded me, one arm on each side of my face, leaned down and—stopped. He blinked those pretty eyes as if to shake off whatever just came onto him and stepped back. I instantly missed his warmth.
And the last grasp on my self-control slipped. Today was just too much. He definitely cheated by being so sweet to Angie. Damn it.
I moved first but he moved faster. In an instant, his hands were on my back and his lips brushed against mine, slowly, almost hesitant, sending my pulse into haywire.
I grasped his neck and pulled him down. My hands ran over his shoulders and down his arms, feeling his muscles tighten beneath my palm. It was addicting. I let out a small gasp when his hands slid under my butt and he picked me up, pressing my back into the door. The kiss turned hungry, like I was out of air and he was my oxygen.
Yet, there was this tiny voice in the back of my head telling me this was too fast. This wasn't what I'd intended. I shut it down.
My back arched. I couldn't get enough of the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on me. He tightened his grip and with me in his arms, walked us over to the couch and dropped me on the cushions, his mouth never losing contact. One of his hands was in my hair while the other explored my side. I pressed myself against him, stifling a groan.
A thought pushed against the desire that settled over my mind like a thick fog, but I ignored it. Being close to him was so good, it was easy to shut down that little nagging voice reminding me this wasn't how I wanted to go about things.
He lifted his head slightly, trailing his mouth along the corners of my lips. It gave me enough time for some reason to return and I realized the voice was yelling now. I jerked as the panic cut through the haze. This wasn't what I wanted. This was a train wreck about to happen.
Killian halted instantly. His hands stopped and he pushed himself up looking dazed but also a little worried.
It wasn't enough. He was still too close. I couldn't think clearly.
I scrambled up and scooted down the couch, putting a few more inches of space between us.
His brows furrowed but he didn't say anything. His eyes cleared and just watched me with his typical calm steady demeanor.
I, on the other hand, was anything but calm. I felt unsteady as if I was walking a thin line along a narrow cliff. I was always like this. Rushing into things when I damn well knew that wasn't right. This was too fast, way too fast.
How the hell should I explain it when I had no idea what I was doing? God, I was so stupid. It was so stupid of me to get caught up in the moment.
"Tay." His voice startled me out of my spiraling thoughts.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I-I didn't mean to—I mean—"
"Why the hell are you apologizing? If anyone should, it would be me."
No. This was my fault. He didn't force me to kiss him. I should prepare an answer if he argued that point.
"No. I started it but—"
A crease formed between his brows. "Don't explain yourself. If you want to stop then just say so."
Tension stiffened my back. Yeah right. As if it was ever that easy.
Or was he pretending? No, Killian didn't seem like the type. But what did I know? I didn't seem to be the best judge of character sometimes. With guys, I'd never been able to just say so.
The worst thing was that I had started caring about him. I couldn't start something just to cut him off when it didn't work out. It felt too raw, too intense. Which basically meant, I just royally fucked up.
His fingers wrapped around my foot giving it a light squeeze. "You're overthinking. Turn off that head of yours and just come out and say it. Or do I need to push your buttons? You're usually more honest when you're angry."
What could I say? After this, there was no way he'd just go back to being friends and I clearly wasn't ready for anything more, so I'd lose him. Yeah. Every time something good came my way I fucked it up. And it wasn't even my skin this time. It was just me. Because I was a freaking mess.
Killian lounged back, but made no further movements, aside from gently massaging my foot. As if we hadn't just made out. As if we were just hanging. He used that soothing tone of his when he spoke. "You're really close with your neighbor, aren't you?"
"They're family," I replied slightly confused by this sudden change of topic.
I took a few calming breaths, focusing on the way the heat from his palm spread into my body. He didn't touch me anywhere else. His fingers didn't move any higher than my ankle and slowly my limbs loosened.
He searched my face. "And what about your biological family?"
I rested against the sides of the couch, further loosening my legs. Still, I waited for him to dismiss my refusal. His hand felt strong and warm, and I could already feel my resolve wavering. He always had this sort of effect on me. I didn't know if I could really turn him down if he put his mind to it. I would just have to live with the regret later.
"I'm an only child," I said after a long pause. "My dad travels a lot. My mom's a little... Well, she's sort of in everything. Charity. Book clubs. Very busy. What about your family?"
"It's mostly me and my dad. My mom remarried. We're not that close."
I nodded. That I understood.
"Tay," he repeated, "About last time, and this time as well..." He paused again, frowning.
I went still, my insides tangled in knots. This was it.
He cleared his throat and continued, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"Um... No. I mean you didn't..." I trailed off, my face burning. "I'm sorry I stopped, I'm just—I couldn't..."
Oh, God. Yeah, even I didn't take myself seriously. This was the exact reason physical relationships made me nervous. I never knew how to explain myself so that they would understand. I always stuttered around and then they would get annoyed—
He studied me intently, an odd look on his face. "You don't have to defend yourself for that, Princess."
I didn't? But what if he started probing? Could I really argue that I wasn't ready? Then what about next time? At some point, that argument wouldn't work anymore. The mere thought of preparing for all sorts of possible scenarios was already exhausting me. This was the exact reason I preferred to meet Chris at parties. At least I always had an easy way out.
"No," I started. "I mean the reason—"
"I won't get mad at you because you say no."
"Oh," I replied. "Okay."
His jaw was set but there was no anger in his eyes. They were soft. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you feel pressured."
"No, it's my fault. I mean, I-I'm not cut out for this. I suck at it and"—I wrung my hands nervously—"I don't know. I can't even do relationships. So, you don't have to worry about it."
The odd look was replaced by a carefully blank expression. "What does that mean?"
"Wh—what?"
"The I can't do relationships."
I cringed. "Well... you know some of my history, right? And let's put it like this. It's not my first failure."
He angled his head. "I wouldn't call it a failure..."
I gave him a look filled with disbelief. "If you want to make me feel better, chose some believable words."
"Fine. But aren't relationships basically about trial and error?"
"Maybe..." I resisted the urge to scratch my neck. Except for me, there was a bit more at stake than just my heart. I took a quick breath. "The point is. I shouldn't be in a relationship. And I mean it's not like—" I paused. It wasn't like he liked me, right? But suddenly I was afraid to hear the answer.
"I really scared you earlier, didn't I?"
My stomach dropped. "N-no."
"You looked like someone put a gun to your temple." A teasing note entered his voice. "Or like I proposed."
I rolled my eyes. "I don't believe in marriage."
"Why?"
I sat on the edge of the small table. "Well, my parents for one. It's not a coincidence my dad's never at home. Or that my mom joined every local club there is. They're pretending. If I'd be honest, I think he's cheating on her. And she just... They just refuse to acknowledge that their marriage is a failure. I mean, look around you. Do you know anyone who's happily married?"
He opened his mouth, closed it as if he changed his mind, and nodded. "I guess, I get where you're coming from."
I bit my lip, trying to keep the disappointment from showing on my face. So that was it. I said what I needed but it left a bitter taste in my mouth.
"Well, there's no rush," Killian said. "We can take our time."
"What?"
"We can just be friends. For now."
Suspicious. He agreed so easily. Did he not like the kiss? Was it me? God, I was really full of it today. This was exactly what I wanted and yet—I shook off those contradicting thoughts.
"Friends," I echoed and grimaced.
One of his eyebrows lifted. "Or do you want to go back to hating each other?"
I huffed out a breath. "So, you did hate me, I see."
He rolled his eyes. "Stop dodging."
"Fine. Alright, then we are friends I guess?"
"Why does that sound so convincing?"
I paused. "I mean..."
Killian burst out laughing. "Man, the look on your face,"
"Hey! I mean, can we even be friends? Will our friends survive this?"
"Of course. We managed so far, right?" He added with a pointed look, "And I'd rather fight with you than not talk at all."
We stared at each other for a few seconds before we both realized what we were doing and turned away.
Killian let out a sigh and rubbed his neck, mumbling under his breath.
Friends. I could do friends. Right?