"Why are we being suspicious?" Jennie asked when I quietly pulled her upstairs and into our shared room. I put my finger to my lips to signal discretion. "You're being very weird."
"Okay so I know that the holidays are supposed to be about family and all that."
"But?"
"But I would also love to have alone time with you that isn't interrupted every time we try to make out."
Jennie giggled. Every morning since we'd been here my nieces had burst in the door at the most inopportune time.
"We can lock the door," Jennie suggested.
"I will, but it's also not very romantic when three children are pounding on the door."
"So what do you have in mind?"
"Downtown there's something called the Festival of Lights. Let's go. Just us two."
"Won't everyone else want to go?"
"I'm pretty sure they've already gone. That, and we're going to sneak out and then text them after the fact."
"Sneak out, huh? Are we sixteen again?"
"I did sneak out of this bedroom many of times in my youth."
Jennie quirked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What a rebel."
"What can I say? I was a pro at sneaking out. I almost never got caught."
"Almost never?"
"There were a few times."
"I hope tonight isn't one of those times."
"It won't be. I told the girls were going to play hide-and-seek, which should give us enough time to get away without anyone wondering where we are."
"Are we playing now?"
"Yes. They're probably looking for us now."
I locked my bedroom door and ushered Jennie to the window.
"The window? Jisoo are you kidding me?"
"No I'm not! Let's go!"
"You're insane! I'm a thirty-three year-old- woman and I am not sneaking out of a window to be alone with my girlfriend."
I already had one leg out onto the roof. I looked back and forth between her and the car below. "You won't regret it."
"I doubt that."
I fluttered my lashes and gave her my best puppy dog eyes. "Please?"
Jennie crossed her arms and looked back at my bedroom door. We could hear my nieces giggling and running around trying to find us. "Fine."
I hopped out onto the roof and offered Jennie my hand as she climbed through. I closed the window behind me and led Jennie off to the side of the house. From the roof, I hopped onto the tree and clutched at the branches and lowered myself down.
"Are you actually insane?" Jennie hissed from the roof. "I'm not climbing down a tree!"
"I didn't realize you were such a princess. I guess Ryujin was right," I taunted.
Jennie glared at me and sized up the tree. I came back up the branches and showed her exactly where to put her hands and feet. I put my hand on her butt to make sure she didn't fall. Jennie looked down at me with a mildly irritated look on her face.
"I'm just keeping you steady," I said with a devilish grin.
"If you wanted to touch my butt you didn't have to put me in a tree."
"Noted."
We descended together, my hand firmly on Jennie's butt, much to my delight.
"Pilates really does wonders for you," I grinned. Jennie playful hit me. "What? I can't compliment your butt? It's a great butt."
"Let's just get in the car."
I cocked my head to the side and followed her to the car. I started it, although I did not wait for the engine to heat up before I pulled out of the driveway.
"About your butt," I began.
Jennie rolled her eyes.
"Are you shy?"
"No I'm not shy."
I identified the lie the moment it left her lips.
"I never would have guessed you were the bashful type."
Jennie crossed her arms. "I'm not."
"Oh really? So if I just kept talking about your butt or how sexy you are, you'd be completely fine?"
Jennie was looking out the window. "Completely."
I turned on the overhead light and leaned over to look at Jennie.
"What are you doing?" she asked, glancing at me. I noticed the blush on her cheeks.
"You're blushing. You're totally blushing!"
"Jisoo I am going to kill you."
"I never pegged you for the modest type."
"I will kill you and I will get away with it, I want you to know that."
"You're adorable when you're trying not to blush and still threatening me."
Jennie groaned and looked back out of the window. I chuckled, flicked off the light, and reached across the car to rub her leg.
"Asshole," she muttered.
I laughed. "I learned something new about you today." Jennie didn't respond. "It's cute and endearing."
Jennie glanced at me again. I offered her a sincere smile.
"I won't make anymore comments if it makes you uncomfortable. Just this last one: you're extremely sexy and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Okay I'm done."
I kept my eyes on the road, stealing glances at Jennie every now and then. A small smile she tried hard to hide was on her lips. Jennie reached across the car and intertwined our fingers. I drove us out of our neighborhood and hopped on the highway. We drove for another ten minutes before we exited and I parked the car. I produced two tumblers filled with hot chocolate and offered one to Jennie.
"Where did you hide these?" she asked.
"I put them in the car before we left."
Jennie clicked her mug open and took a sip. "I do love hot chocolate."
"I know."
I offered Jennie my arm and she linked her elbow around mine, our hands stuffed into our warm pockets. We rounded the corner and turned onto a street illuminated with Christmas lights. The hotel at the town's center was decked out in thousands upon thousands of lights. Animatronic carolers, nutcrackers, and reindeer were on all of the balconies and holiday music wafted from the speakers. Jennie's eyes lit up.
"Tada! Welcome to the festival of lights. Fun fact: when I was younger I would always ask my mom to take me to see the people on the roof." I pointed to the animatronic carolers moving about.
"Wow," she breathed. She kept her eyes glued to the lights glittering and dancing all around. I kept my eyes on her. "This is amazing."
I smiled. "I'm glad you like it."
Jennie leaned in closer to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "I'm glad we're alone."
"Was sneaking out worth it?"
Jennie bit her lip; it was physically difficult to admit she was wrong. "Maybe," she conceded with a smile that told me I was right. "We'll see."
I laughed and led her through the streets. Jennie leaned into me and stayed close the entire night and all I could think was be still my heart.
I leaned down and kissed Jennie's head. Jennie looked up at me, her cheeks red from the cold.
"I really like you," Jennie said.
"I really like you too."
"I can't believe we're dating."
"I can't believe we're dating either."
That bashful smile returned to her lips. I bent down and kissed her; I couldn't help myself, she was entirely too adorable.
"God you're so cute," I said.
"You sure do like telling me how cute I am."
"Among other things."
"Among other things," she agreed.
"So is it more that you don't like compliments? Or does it embarrass you when I give you a compliment?"
Jennie chewed on her lip. "Maybe a little bit of both." Jennie looked like she was about to say something else but closed her mouth.
"What were you going to say?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Please tell me?"
Jennie sighed. "It's unbecoming for a woman my age."
"Please tell me?" Jennie shook her head. I stopped walking and hopped in front of her. "Don't you trust me?"
Jennie studied me for a moment then nodded. "Yes, I trust you." Jennie worried her lip. "I've never been... comfortable with my body, so it's always difficult for me to accept compliments."
"You shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed to admit that."
Jennie didn't answer.
"I know it won't matter how much I tell you how beautiful you are, but maybe I'll eventually wear you down and convince you of how truly gorgeous you are." I smiled. "Just like I wore you down and convinced you to date me," I added with a wink.
Jennie smiled and I noticed that blush she tried so hard to keep at bay was on her cheeks again. "I suppose if anyone can do it it's you; you're more persistent than a horny guy alone at a bar."
I laughed out loud. "That was quite the metaphor."
"Don't you know I have a way with words?"
"So eloquent." I leaned in close and kissed Jennie's hair covering her ear and murmured. "You're absolutely stunning, sexy, gorgeous."
The blush covered Jennie's face again and I smiled, loving her like this, loving this new, vulnerable side of Jennie. She was always such an impenetrable force, a wave that knocked down anything in her path. I liked that she showed me this vulnerability.
"I like knowing this side of you," I told her.
"Which side is that?"
"This... Softer, more sacrificial side."
Jennie tilted her head waiting to listen. I shook my head and smiled.
"You're very intimidating, do you know that?"
Jennie smiled which told me she did.
"So it's nice to see the girl behind that steely gaze. I don't know that you've ever let me see that until recently. I feel like I'm getting to know you all over again."
"It was just Taehyung that was allowed to see it and only recently. I've always felt like I had to protect him from everything and what better way to protect your little brother than to show him nothing can hurt you."
"You know you don't have to be this strong in breakable woman all the time, at least not around me. I want you to know you can always fall back on me. I'll support you. You don't have to do things alone like you're used to." I shrugged. "I just wanted to tell you that. I'm here for you."
Jennie kissed my cheek. "You know why I fell for you?"
"Because I'm adorable?"
"You are, I must admit, but I fell for you so hard and without any regrets because you showed me everything you were to me without having to say a word."
We stopped in the middle of the street, the lights illuminating our faces, and I kissed Jennie on the lips, tasting the hot chocolate on her tongue.
"I think our first date is going rather well," Jennie said against my lips.
"I think so too. This is more how I pictured our first kiss."
"It's not snowing."
We walked around the downtown area several times, huddled together, sipping on our hot chocolate and looking at lights. Truly I didn't care which kind of lights were strung up, or how amazing something looked, even when Jennie pointed it out and wanted me to look. I especially loved when she gasped and pointed, unlinking our arms to make sure I was seeing what she was. I only wanted to watch Jennie. I wanted to catch every reaction to every new light, every new experience. I wanted to watch her experience the world and I wanted to carve every single thing I loved about her into my memory and never forget this memory.
I supposes this moment with her, in the middle of the snowy street, surrounded by brilliant lights and a cold winter sky would be the moment I decided that I wanted everything with her. I didn't want to date her and see where things went. I wanted to love her, to hold her, to be by her side no matter what. I wanted a future with her. I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to be her everything.
I loved her. I loved her without hesitation, without reserve, unconditionally, endlessly.
Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it was too much, too powerful of an emotion to have for the short period of time we'd been together in this capacity, but I supposed this was one of those times where I let go all inhibition and threw caution to the wind and decided to dive into these feelings.
I loved her.