The next day, Eva called and told Emma to come over to her house. Having a mini celebration after a victory before the main one at the fashion house was a tendency that'd honed over the past years, but there was something about the way her best friend had spoken that had nervousness knocking at the edge of her consciousness.
Normally, Eva would be all like "come let's party girl!" But today, it was a somewhat stern "come over to my house, Emma" that had Emma wondering.
George had left for his office though it was a Sunday, telling Maggie (and not her) that he had a lot of work to do. But Emma knew the reason behind the unusual decision; that he didn't want to cause himself anymore pain by spending it with her and their daughter like he usually did.
When she got to Eva's along with Amy, the foreign 'welcome' look her best friend cast her was enough to substantiate Emma's uneasiness, and she couldn't find the accustomed bottle of champagne that would normally be resting on the glass centrepiece in the living room. Why then did Eva call if not for celebration?
"Amy dear, why don't you play with the dolls on the couch over there?" Eva said, pointing.
Amy turned to go without a word, and without what would usually be a barely contained excitement. Suddenly it occured to Emma that perhaps her daughter wasn't as naive as she and George had perceived, that the little girl sensed the awkwardness by which she and George executed their pretenses, that she knew that things weren't normal between her parents.
She watched Amy until a stern "sit down!" brought her out her thoughts. She looked at Eva, who seemed quite upset and wanted to protest, but filled with the need to ease the building anxious curiosity, she obeyed. Eva sat beside her, and for what seemed like eternity, she didn't say anything. She only stared at Emma in a way that made Emma want to run out of the room.
"Eva..." She begun, already drowning in the angst.
"What's going on, Emma?"
Emma snorted in confusion. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, you tell me." There was something knowing about the way Eva said it that made Emma recall the past days, the looks that Eva threw her while they worked. It was obvious the other woman had chosen to wait for after the fashion show to satisfy her curiosity as to what was causing Emma's frequent distractions.
She realized that she needed to finally divulge everything to Eva about what was going on with her and Zain. She needed all the support and strength her friend could offer.
Eva spoke before she could. "George was here."
Emma wondered why she wasn't surprised about that. Perhaps she'd always known that even though George liked things to be resolved only between them, he saw the potential of a third party offering more help than they could anticipate. "oh."
"What the hell are you doing to him, Emma. He said you've changed, and that he barely recognizes you now. You disregard his feelings, and he feels like you're hiding something from him. He didn't say much, but I thought to get the details from you. What's happening Emma? The two of you were so happy."
"It's Zain, Eva."
"What the fuck has Zain got to do with this?" Eva demanded, confusion swimming in the pools of her amber eyes. "I thought you cut him out of your life after he said he still wanted you back."
With a visceral fear of her friend's judgement, Emma narrated how Zain had turned a deaf ear to her pleas and refused to back off, the effect it'd had on her marriage, and how yesterday, Zain made her realize she was still in love with him.
After doing her part of the listening, Eva covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. "What are you saying, Emma? How's that even possible?" She looked horrified. "So you never loved George."
Indignation tugged at Emma's heart as she glared at Eva. "How can you even ask that, Eva. I love George with all my heart."
"So what are you trying to tell me right now, Emma? That you're in love with two men at the same time" Eva asked scornfully. "How surreal, ridiculous!"
Emma looked at her daughter and saw that luckily, the little girl had moved out of hearing range to another part of the room. She turned back to Eva. "I'm desperate, Eva. I never expected something like that to ever happen to me. But it just happened." And cruelly, her heart hadn't even seen the need to seek her consent first.
Eva's eyes showed a distant gleam, like she was deep in thought. "This is such a mess." She mused. "So what are you going to do now?"
She shrugged, the heaviness of her uncertainty weighing on her shoulders. "I don't know."
"You can't tell me that!" Eva fired as she stood abruptly. It came in a tone that made Emma flinch. "What at all do you mean by you don't know? Are you going to still be with George and cheat on him mentally and emotionally if not physically? Are you planning on sleeping with both of them?"
Eva's scathing words made Emma suck in a breath. "Eva..."
"Don't Eva me, Emma." There was a hard gleam in her eyes that spoke exorbitant volumes of displeasure. Eva rarely spoke with such anger unless she'd been really ridden by a situation. Emma searched her mind for the last time Eva had been so upset with her and couldn't recall.
Eva wasn't done. "You don't get to be so selfish! Don't you see what your behaviour is doing to him. He's uncertain, confused and frustrated because he doesn't know why you are doing all this. He needs clarity to move on, Emma. If you don't love him anymore, just let him know instead of continuing to drag him through this mess. He doesn't deserve it, he's too good."
Emma stood up defensively, but her lack of solid justification made words sink back as fast as they emerged on her tongue. "You're not getting it, Eva. I love George with all my heart-" well part of it "-but..."
"But what Emma?" Eva's voice was crackling with innate anger, all in George's favour. "But you also love Zain? Don't give me that nonsense. You have to sort out your emotions and come to a decision."
Emma sunk into her seat, stunned by a sudden question thrown by her subconsciousness. "What if Zain was right, Eva? What if it is truly in our destiny to end up together despite all that has happened? What if we're destined for each other?"
She realized she was echoing Zain's words, the same ones that had mounted chaos within her. Once again, she felt the pandemonium building.
"Well, if that's what you think, then come clean with George and give him a divorce. He at least deserves your honesty."
Emma thought of the prospect of divorcing George, and she felt a shudder of fear ripple through her at the thought of George not being in her life anymore as the man of her life, or not waking up to him everyday. "I don't want to lose him."
"If you don't want to leave him," Eva begun, the frustration tightening her voice even further, "then get rid of your damn feelings for Zain! God, you're insufferable. I need to get a drink."
Watching Eva depart, Emma thought of the differences between the two men. George was a man with honed control over his temper, slow to anger, loving and very considerate to her feelings. Zain on the hand was relatively bad tempered, impulsive, did things at a whim, and point blank inconsiderate. Obviously, George was her best option, but she wondered why her heart still failed to listen to her pleas.
It wasn't that she wouldn't know which one between the men she would choose if forced to make a decision today. Having been with her for four years, and being the father of her daughter, it made it easier to choose George. But always there was the nagging billion dollar question; would she be able to live happily and normally with George while having feelings for another man?
The same applied to it if she decided to choose Zain.
Oh my heart, which of them do you favour most? Who do you love more?
Dissecting her heart internally, Emma with her mind's eye, delved into the space where the name would be written and found her answer; blank. A big, bold poignant blank.
If only Zain would give her a choice. It would make things a bit easier and her heart could decide more freely.
But no. He was so hell bent on deciding her feelings for her.
Eva returned some few minutes later with a chilled bottle of beer in her hand. She'd chucked half of it, and her anger seemed to have cooled; seeming courtesy of the cold beer. "You really need to gather your shit and decide who you truly want to be with, my friend. But I'll give you an advice; before you decide, think of the most important person in your life and how it will affect her."