𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚
I had hardly left my house since that night, too scared of seeing him again. I didn't even tell anyone what happened, just telling Phoebe I felt sick that night. How could I be so stupid? Telling the guy I have trauma attacks over about them.
I was currently sat on my windowsill, cigarette lit thinking back over my teenage years. Thinking about him, that's all I've done. The way rose still slipped out of his lips. The look of those blue eyes. Him.
Me and Phoebe were linked arms making our way to science, laughing over something that I told her about History as we met up after she had Geography.
"Aye at least I've avoided Sam well since November" I said as we walked through the door.
Soon enough greeted by a new seating plan. Oh god. I looked all over the board for my name to soon see Sam Fender next to it, right at the back.
I connected eyes with him as soon as we read the names. He sighed, hanging his head low while I let out a nervous laugh that I had never done before.
The whole lesson was spent with me staring Phoebe down with help me eyes while fidgeting with anything I could. I definitely hated past me now.
I had asked to sit with him while we were together because of my anxiety and she had denied but here we are. Now my anxiety is even worse.
I sat in shock all through out lunch and when I saw him that afternoon, he was just as quiet. The next few months of that seating plan are gonna be fun.
I internally cringed at the reminder of racing heart I had every single day after that. The one that I had now as I threw my cigarette into an ashtray. Sitting behind my keyboard, pressing random notes with a sigh.
And of course after a writing block since being back home as soon as I spend ten minutes with him, the lyrics flow. No surprise there.
"Struggle to put into words the way I loved you, A shot of adrenaline With a mix of dreaming Until you screwed up, still saw the angel in you Now I see the devil more Darling this is a warning, I will tell everyone just how you messed it up
So I hope the flashbacks come your way, And the nightmares sting a little hard tonight With a hit of shallow breathing A payback of just what you did to me
So here's your reminder of how you couldn't compliment the one you loved, Hold her close when she needed you the most, Send her a 'hi how are you' text, So you messed it up for your own shallow image, Sick of blaming myself for your fucked up brain
Feel sorry for the girl that cried for you, Cause in reality you opened doors I never thought to Do you feel proud you broke my heart? Do you feel happy you won the breakup? Do you feel great that your mates made my life hell? Do you feel accomplised? Did it even scratch your heart? Cause my love I don't see how you could feel oh so great
So I hope the flashbacks come your way, And the nightmares sting a little hard tonight With a hit of shallow breathing A payback of just what you did to me
So here's your reminder of how you couldn't compliment the one you loved, Hold her close when she needed you the most, Send her a 'hi how are you' text, So you messed it up for your own shallow image, Sick of blaming myself for your fucked up brain
I still picture that damn jacket you gave me, Oh the safety I felt, You haven't worn it since that day Is that your sign? Or is that you cried? I know you loved me just as much So why did you break my heart?
So I hope the flashbacks come your way, And the nightmares sting a little hard tonight With a hit of shallow breathing A payback of just what you did to me
So here's your reminder of how you couldn't compliment the one you loved, Hold her close when she needed you the most, Send her a 'hi how are you' text, So you messed it up for your own shallow image, Sick of blaming myself for your fucked up brain"
I stared at the fresh words in front of me, tears pricking at my eyes. I brought my knees to my chest and just let the familiar feelings engulf me.
The reality is I was still that teenage girl just a grown up version who does things to escape. That teenage heartbroken girl never went. And every time I write about him, it comes up again.
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hiya my loves! a new chapter omg what hahaha. this chapter is very special to me as i'm realising my inspiration for this book will soon be out my life and the song that Arabella writes is actually one of my own that I thought fit more than any other song.
this book is so special to me and after realising the last chapter after not being active for a few months got so much love meant the world to me. i write this book as a form of therapy and healing through sam and seeing fellow sam fans love it means a lot. I love you guys <3