The choice our Nona had given us was still looming in my head a week later. This was something I had considered at one time, but I loved Scooter and my mother, too much to just up and leave.
And now here I was, in the same situation, just with new weights holding me down.
Julie was my best friend, and I couldn't just leave her.
I liked all of my fellow cheerleaders, and even the coach was nice.
All of the ducks were tolerant of me, if not my friends.
I still considered some of Varsity my friends.
And Adam. Sweet Adam.
There was something about him I couldn't explain. Something growing in the pit of my stomach, a flurry of butterflies maybe, enticing me to want to scream with pure excitement or puke each any every one of their delicate wings out into the grass.
Adam was a feeling I couldn't get out of my system, and one I didn't want to. Ever.
Could I really leave him?
My face soured. This decision making was killing me. I dropped my head on the desk in front me.
"You okay?" Chrissy asked, dropping her head to be level with mine.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I mumbled, sighing.
She nodded slightly, nonverbally answering me.
My head sat up, falling into my hand held to keep it propped up. I at least wanted to look like I was paying attention in this class.
My eyes focused on the chalkboard ahead on me, but my mind wandered. Back to Adam.
His smile was always a gift to see. Not the regular smile he gave everyone else, but the soft, goofy smile he'd give me. You could see it in his eyes. He was truly happy when he gave me that smile.
The bliss of witnessing his gentle smile was something I cherished.
Adam was one of my closest friends. I trusted him, I cared for him.
I craved his presence. I craved his voice. I craved his smile.
My mind fell back to Julie's words at our sleepover.
Was there a possibility that Adam could've liked me?
But that wasn't the real question.
What I really needed to know, was did I like him?
The dismissal bell rang through the halls and into the classrooms, startling me out of my own head.
As everyone piled outside of the classroom, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, and my books.
"Hey, you wanna hang out after school today? Maybe we could check out the mall." Chrissy's brown skin glowed as she smiled at me.
"Yeah, sure!" I smiled back, happy she invited me.
I liked Chrissy. She was incredibly sweet, but also very shy. I hadn't hung out with her much outside of school and cheer practice.
"Cool. Let me just run by my dorm and I can meet you by the front fountain?" She adjusted her bag strap on her shoulder.
"Sounds good." I nodded, mimicking her action.
I wandered out of the classroom, waving to Chrissy as we went our separate ways. My feet led me to the parking lot where Scooter and his friends hung out after school.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Scooter smiled, seeing me approach.
"Actually, I got invited to go to the mall, do you mind taking my bag home with you?" I dropped the backpack from my shoulders, extending it towards me.
"Sure, and be safe okay?" He nodded, taking my bag and pulling me in for a hug.
The hug was short, as I had places to be, and so did he. I waved him off, watching the Jeep drive down the road and out of my sight.
Chrissy was at the fountain when I got there.
"Hey!" She smiled, walking up to me.
Chrissy and I racked up a lot of conversation on the walk to the mall. From cheerleading to boys, all the topics were covered. She and I really connected and it was nice to really get to talk to her.
We'd spent a couple hours at the mall and we had a blast. Our feet led up to the food court where we were having a discussion about fries.
"So, objectively, shoe string fries are better because you can eat four at a time and not look like a pig." Chrissy laughed, picking up a couple of the fries out of the basket we were sharing.
"That's fair, but, they also go cold faster because they're way smaller." I waved my fry in the air before eating it.
"But cold fries are also good." She pointed a fry at me, holding back a smile.
"Okay okay. Fries are just good in general." I waved my hands in defeat, laughing.
"So, back to our topic of boys." Chrissy said, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Ohhkaayyy." I nodded, eyeing her
back and taking another fry.
"You and Banks are pretty close." She smirked, eating her fry.
"Yeah we're buddies." I shrugged, taking a sip of my soda.
"Buddies don't hold hands and give each other smiles like you two do." She rolled her eyes, picking up her milkshake.
"Smiles? I can't smile at people anymore?" I scoffed playfully, giving her a frown.
"You know what I mean." She snorted, a bit of her milkshake coming out of her nose.
The sudden spray of vanilla was enough to cause us both to burst out with laughter.
I held my stomach as Chrissy smacked her hand on the table. Neither of us could hold it in. I felt my chest start to tighten and tears began to fall.
I laughed so hard I started to choke.
"Breathe, Ella. Breathe." Chrissy huffed, trying to catch her breath as well.
"Oh my gosh. I haven't laughed that hard in years." I grinned largely as I wiped the last tears from my eye.
"I'm glad you're having fun. I really wanted us to be friends." Chrissy gave me a bashful smile, grabbing a fry.
"Chrissy, we are friends." I gave her a small smile.
"Oh my gosh! Look at the time! I have a study group to get to!" Chrissy jumped, looking at the watch on her wrist.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you for long." My face soured and guilt chewed on my insides.
My arms crossed and scratched at each other from above my sweater.
"Oh, you're okay I promise. I just lost track of time. I was having so much fun with you." She smiled, patting my shoulder before standing.
A small smiled returned to my face.
"I apologize for leaving like this, but I'll see you tomorrow?" She turned, ready to head off.
"Yeah, see you tomorrow." I nodded, standing up and looking around for a pay phone.
My feet carried me to the booth. I thought of calling Scooter, but my fingers had other plans.
The phone rang twice before it was picked up on the other end.
"Hello?"