"Trying to find a way out?" Nyx asked, stepping forward. Theia leaned against the railing of the bridge, crossing her arms. She watched the snow fall against him, clinging to his body and hair like he called for it.
"It'd be the cleanest way," she murmured, dropping her eyes to the wood. Snow melted when it touched.
"Az let me know you were looking at the river. I figured I should step in before you went for a swim."
She let out a humorless chuckle, turning her head to watch the ice drift. A swim would be nice. She didn't turn her head when Nyx's boots tapped against the bridge. She felt his warmth, how close his body was to hers. She nearly leaned into it, but remained still. Large hands took hers, uncrossing her arms. Theia frowned, closing her eyes as Nyx pressed her hands against his chest.
"This doesn't feel like freedom," Theia whispered, letting her head fall forward. She hated herself for the way her body seemed to relax at his touch.
"Nobody said it was," he responded softly, lifting one of her hands to his cheek. She felt the rough hair beneath her palm, warm lips pressing to the pulse on her wrist. Once again, her mind couldn't keep up with his demeanor. One moment, he's got her in a bruising touch as he shouts, the next, peppering kisses against her numb skin. She wondered who gave him these sides to his personality.
She didn't like the touch only because it came from Nyx, though her body craved it. Her soul begged for those gentle holds, the soft words. It felt so strange, yet she clung to it like a lifeline. She didn't open her eyes as he pulled her in, warming the rest of her body with his. One hand took both of hers against his chest, a knuckle brushing beneath her chin.
A shiver ran down her spine, the wooden beam pressing against her lower back. Theia didn't want his family to know she enjoyed his touch, found comfort and torture in his presence. She felt as though it would be wrong to entertain their son while they provided a home for her.
The knuckle on her chin brushed along her jaw, his rough palm sliding against her cheek as his fingers combed themselves into her hair. Theia frowned, leaning into the touch. Her mind and body worked against each other; one craving, one screaming. It wasn't the burning flame he placed low in her stomach when his teeth scraped her skin, it was a gentle warmth that flowered in her sternum, kissing her spine.
"It's just us," he whispered. Theia shivered again at the touch of his warm breath. He knew the thoughts that crossed her, knew what held her back. Her eyes burned as she opened them, not shocked to see him so close in blurry vision. Her tear turned to a biting chill on her cheek, a shuddering sigh shaking her chest when his lips kissed it away.
"I don't want to, I hate you," she whispered, voice cracking. A smile spread on the lips on her cheek before pulling away.
"You need someone, and I'm here. I don't have to distract you with sex everytime, Theia. If you're willing, I could hold you together while you break. There's nothing to shy away from, I've seen every side of you," he murmured. Theia lifted her eyes to meet his. Another tear slipped away.
She didn't understand how he was so willing, yet hated her all the same. She didn't understand her own emotions, finding comfort in someone that tore her to shreds. Theia slid her hand from his gentle grip, running it along his chest and neck, feeling the scruff of his unshaven face. She wanted to smile when she felt his jaw ripple beneath her touch, thinking back to all the times she wondered what it would feel like.
She leaned into him well enough that his hand dropped hers and fell to her waist, holding her in place. With another shaking breath, she laid her head onto his chest. There she heard his familiar heartbeat, filling her body enough that hers beat in time. Snow kissed her knuckles, making her shiver. Theia slid her hand back down his chest and tucked it between them with her other. His palm splayed across the side of her head, anchoring her to his heartbeat.
"Leaving this world will not find you peace," he whispered. Theia squeezed her eyes shut as he placed a ghost of a kiss to her hair. She wished that wasn't true. She could hardly stand the ache that her life bared to her. She craved silence and solitude, yet couldn't stand to be alone without wanting to flow with the river.
Her stomach tugged and then a sudden warmth clung to her. Theia pulled her head back slowly, peeking one eye open to see that he had brought them to her guest room. Nyx tugged her forward as he backed up. She stepped back, letting him sit on her bed. She watched as he pulled himself to sit against the headboard, letting his head fall back.
Against her every fibre, she crawled onto him. Her wings tucked, she laid herself on his massive body and curled into a ball. She craved his heartbeat beneath her cheek, his strong arms wrapped around her body. Theia didn't understand how she could hate someone so fiercely yet depend on them to feel safe.
"I'll stay until you fall asleep," he murmured, deep voice rumbling his chest beneath her. Theia nodded against him. Wrapped in his warmth and scent, she closed her eyes and waited for the crushing weight to leave her chest.
Darkness was a faint moment. Too soon, her eyelids held the image of Maia's too still body, flashing to her sitting in that chair while fingers rapidly knitted that never ending blanket.
"You've done nothing for me, child."
Her creaky voice echoed within Theia's mind, slowly falling into the laugh of the male that cut her leggings. Her eyes flicked to the darkness surrounding Maia's body as it formed those nameless males. She felt their boots against her stomach, their knuckles against her jaw.
Nyx, Nyx, Nyx. Her inner self chanted his name, begging for him to appear in place of the creatures that tried to take her dignity. She tried to picture the part of him that held her on that bridge, laid with her in the night. Instead, she saw the part of him that laughed at her, crushed her bones, bruised her skin. The one that claimed to look into her mind, snarling and teasing about her plea for death. The one that stripped her bare and scrubbed her skin raw in the tub when he couldn't trust her to do so herself.
"I'm here," a voice cooed, a warm hand on her spine. She flinched, tucking her face beneath her arm. Reality or dream, she didn't know as the bed dipped and a body seemed to envelope hers. She smelled whiskey and wine, lazy fingers grasping her waist and dragging her across the blanket. Theia yelped, shooting up from the bed. Her eyes didn't adjust fast enough to see his features, though she couldn't mistake that touch or scent. Peaking through the strong alcohol scent was pine and spice. It tugged at her, encouraged her to indulge.
"Theia," Nyx rasped. Her breath was heavy as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. She was on her knees now, chest practically heaving. Nyx was laying on his side, watching her through hooded eyes. Drunk, he was drunk. Her eyes lifted to the window. The night still hung above the mountains, though the sun showed its promise on the eastern ridge.
"You're drunk," she panted, lifting her hand to brush her hair from her wet cheeks. Nyx hummed, lifting an arm.
"Had a drink with Az, decided to listen to you and heard you calling my name," he mumbled. She let out a breath, dropping down to the mattress. His arm immediately fell over her waist and pulled her against him, his other arm hooking around her head to press her into his chest. "I've got you."
Her breathing slowed. Why did she find so much comfort in that? She curled into him, soaking in his warmth. Theia wondered if he would've came for her if he had been sober, but as his heartbeat filled her head, she decided that didn't matter. All she cared about was that Nyx clung to her as she did to him. Even as his breaths grew even and his arm went limp over her waist, Theia stayed awake. She savored the touch, laying in silence as he held her.
Nyx didn't wake when the sun rose. Theia grew restless beneath his touch, deciding she needed a bath as soon as possible. She slid from beneath his heavy arm and pushed herself out of bed, glancing back at the sleeping male. He looked so different in that moment: Face calm and clear of irritation, lips parted and hair messy. He still wore his clothes from the day before; so did she. The only thing missing was her boots, sat neatly beside the bed.
Theia gave him one last long look before searching for her bag. It was no longer on the floor with clothes strewn throughout, so she aimed for the wardrobe. Her clothes were hung and folded inside, in addition to few Night Court pieces. Deciding to fit in during her stay, Theia gathered a black satin pair and slipped from the room.
She took a long bath, only being plagued by dark thoughts when she dipped her head back to rinse her hair. She ignored it, as well as the uncomfortable twist in her stomach, and finished her bath before the abyss consumed her. Theia pulled on the fresh clothes, braided back her wet hair, and left the bathing chamber. Nyx was still asleep when she dropped her dress in the bedroom. She wanted to explore the estate, not wait for the heir to wake. Wanting to savor the calm night, and knowing she'd want to tear his eyes out the second he spoke to her, Theia decided it was best to begin her day on her own.
She trudged down the stairs, listening for anyone speaking. The sun had been up for at least two hours, so she expected someone to be awake. Theia walked the long corridor of the front of the home. It was entirely silent. She peered out the window, seeing that it was snowing again. Nearing the dining room, she scented lingering food, as though someone had eaten breakfast already.
Sighing, she decided to wander the house. She'd only ever really seen the front of the estate, despite when she had slipped into Rhysand's office during the Solstice. She turned down that corridor, recognizing the now closed door and slipping past it. There was another closed door beside it, but Theia didn't open it. Light shone into the long corridor from a distant window, urging her near.
She padded down the hardwood hall, peering out the long window. It overlook a patio space with metal tables and chairs, lined with shrubs. Theia wondered what it looked like during the summer months. She continued down the corridor to the sharp corner, where another window brought in light. Shrubs lined the sill, but she stood on her toes to see beyond them.
In the distance, she could see wings over another line of shrubs. A glint of a sword flashed in the light, and Theia could only assume it was a training space. She turned, spying painted double doors that led to an opening outside. Theia frowned and looked down at her bare toes, realizing she'd have to find her way back after locating her shoes. With one last glimpse to the wings over the hedges, she turned and made her way back to her guest room.