Theia's anxiety rose with each moment closer to the end of her shift. She couldn't help but feel as though it might end the same as her last attempt at a night with a male, but Felix seemed kind enough. He kept his eyes on her for the rest of the evening, hands lingering on hers when she'd refill his ale.
When the night ended and everyone filed out of the tavern, memories of the night she had been kissed and left covered in blood were strong. Theia hadn't had a successful attempt with a male, and she prayed to the Mother that it would be tonight. At first, she planned to kiss him and claim to need to use the bathing chamber, and then claim she was too tired to continue. Now, she realized how badly she needed a distraction.
All evening, when she stood back and watched the crowd, the noise blended together and all she could think of was that night a week ago. How Maia passed away, how her body gave up so suddenly, how Theia had laid beside her as her soul left. She hadn't had the nerve to ask where her body had gone, only trusted that Madja took care of it.
"Do you want me to walk you home?" Elena asked, leaning over to kiss Theia's head as they neared the door. Theia shook her head, clearing her throat.
"No, thank you," she murmured, pushing the door open. As expected, Felix stood outside. His back was leaned against the wall, a dagger flipping in his hand. Her heart was pounding as she stepped toward him, a shy smile on her lips. Elena cleared her throat, making Theia turn to look over at her. The female cast her eyes down the alley and back, making Theia follow.
The shadow of a male stood in the alley, wings held tall and spread wide. Theia knew exactly who it was, felt his eyes against her skin like a branding. Elena didn't look nervous, telling Theia that she also knew Nyx stood there watching them. She felt Felix stand taller, his hand on Theia's lower back. Chills ran up her spine at the touch.
"Do you want us to walk you home?" Felix asked Elena, his eyes on the figure. Elena shook her head, glancing between Theia and Felix. A question rose in her eyes, but Theia didn't want to answer it.
"I'll go speak with him, I know who it is. Have a good night," Elena murmured, pressing her lips together before turning and walking down to Nyx. Theia's breath caught in her throat when Felix's lips pressed against her hair. A place to stay, somewhere warm, a distraction. She chanted her reasoning in her head as she turned in the male's grasp.
He was very handsome. He was more lean than Nyx, his facial features not as strong. She clenched her jaw at the intrusion of Nyx within her thoughts. This male was plenty, and seemed kind enough. If it went badly, she'd simply tell herself it didn't count; just like Nyx had told her.
"Are you ready?" He asked in a low voice, making her stomach flutter. Her nerves were high, perhaps she should've had a few drinks before leaving the tavern. Theia nodded, dropping her eyes to her boots when he turned them and began to lead her to his home.
His hand remained in a polite position on her lower back, and he didn't pull her against the wall to kiss her yet. Theia figured he was patient, or maybe he could sense her discomfort. She didn't feel unsafe, at least she thought so.
"This is mine," Felix spoke gently, nudging Theia to turn. Her eyes lifted to a cabin-style house. Smoke rose from the chimney, snow cleared from the walkway. It looked empty, despite the clear fire built in the hearth. A wealthy trainee, she came to that conclusion quickly.
"It's nice," she murmured as they walked in the front door, her eyes trailing the dim entryway. It was only one level, yet decorated with nice rugs and furniture. Theia pulled from Felix's grip to drop down and pull off her boots. He chuckled and did the same. She rose on shaking knees, eyes falling to a door that was slightly cracked.
"Theia," Felix said her name so gently, she almost didn't hear him. She turned and looked up at him. He gave her a kind look, his dark eyes soft. Maybe he would understand, maybe he would-
Felix leaned down, pressing his lips to Theia's. She didn't expect it, had prayed he would wait. Already set on her plan, Theia brought her hands to the back of his neck and pulled him in. She followed his instruction, opening her mouth when his tongue met her lips. He kissed well, as far as she could tell. His hands stayed on her hips, only moving to pull her in closer. She could taste the ale on his tongue, hoping it would intoxicate her enough to continue.
He leaned further down, hands sliding down her hips to her thighs. Theia took the hint and hooked her arms around his neck. He lifted her up onto his hips, pulling her against him. Theia gasped against his mouth, feeling a male's body against hers for the first time- that she could remember, at least.
Felix's mouth was harsh against her own. Each movement grew heavier and her pulse was loud in her ears when he began walking. She prayed that if she kissed him harder, she'd want him more. Theia liked the way his mouth felt, and his hands. If only she'd let herself get lost in it, escape her mind, maybe she'd want to end this night just as he expected.
Felix lowered her until her back was on a mattress. He remained standing, leaning over the bed, and pulled his mouth from hers to taste her skin. Theia inhaled sharply at the touch of his tongue against her throat. His hands ran down her thighs, still hooked around his hips. His hand wrapped around her legs and pulled her harder against him. The pressure against her core had Theia gasping, her body arching from the bed instinctively.
"Are you sure?"
His question shocked her. He pulled his mouth from her neck and stood over her, fingers digging into her thighs. She stared up at him. Theia realized only then that her hands were shaking and her chest rose and fell rapidly.
"W-what?" She asked, swallowing. He tilted his head, eyes roaming her body.
"You seem nervous. I don't want to do this if you don't want to," he said, thumbs running along her legs. She watched his fingers do the calming motion, then glanced up at his swollen lips. Felix seemed kind, seemed gentle. Did she want to do this? How far would she go? Cauldron, Theia hardly knew what came before the real act.
"Do you want me to please you?" She asked breathlessly, glancing down at the hardness in his pants. Felix chuckled. His hands continued to move against her legs, making her relax slightly in his bed.
"That's not necessary. Theia, have you done anything like this before?" She shook her head before she could stop herself. Felix's eyes widened slightly. She watched as he looked over her body again, licking his lips when he stared at the spot between her thighs that was pressed against him. "You're kidding, right? No male has ever pleased you?"
"Never," she whispered, feeling the embarrassment climbing her neck. With a sigh, he stepped back. Panic and disappointment flooded her. She didn't want to go home, she didn't want to be alone. Theia sat up, rising to her knees and reaching out for him. Felix frowned as she caught the waistband of his pants, pulling him closer.
"I'll do it, Felix. I'll let you do anything to me," she spoke quickly, glancing between his eyes. He studied her, his hand covering hers on his pants.
"Why?"
She didn't expect him to question her. Her lips parted, brows furrowing. Theia sat back on her heels, letting him take her hand from his pants and hold them, soothing circles running over her skin.
"I-," she sighed, frowning at his hands. "I don't know. I want it, I want to feel it," she murmured, glancing up at his eyes. His throat bobbed as he watched her.
"If you're sure, I'll please you. I don't want to fuck you, Theia. We only just met, that's not right for your first time. I'll touch you, make you feel good. I want you, badly, but I want to have you moaning, I don't care about feeling it myself. You can stay with me tonight if you'd like," he offered. Theia nodded, pulling her hand from his.
Felix grinned as she rose on her knees and caught the back of his neck in her hand, pulling him down. Their lips met, slowly at first but he led her into the frenzied kisses from before. Theia just needed something. She didn't realize how much she had wanted it until now. Felix laid her back, dropping his mouth from hers to her neck. His hands slid up her waist, pushing her sweater up with it.
Theia sighed when his mouth crossed down to her stomach. She shivered at the sensation of his tongue running up the center, his hands pushing her sweater higher.
"Do you want your sweater off?" He asked against her skin. Theia breathed out her agreement, desperate for more. She wanted to know what she had been missing, why Elena enjoyed bedding these males so often. His hand caught her waist, urging her up. Their lips met again, the taste of his tongue filling her. Felix unbuttoned the back of her sweater, freeing her wings.
He pulled it over her head, leaving her nearly bare. Felix glanced down at her breasts, a question in his eyes. Theia nodded, biting her own lip as he unclasped her brassiere and pulled it down her arms. Nyx had been the only other male to see her nude, though she wasn't sure he'd actually looked. Tension built in her stomach, chills rising on her skin. Felix didn't say anything, only urged her back down and took one of her breasts between his lips.
"Cauldron," she gasped, arching against the flick of his tongue. Excitement grew when his hand slid across her stomach and beneath the waistband of her pants. He tugged, pulling them down her thighs. She was entirely nude now, bare to him. Theia expected Felix to explain what he was doing next, or possibly ease into it. Her stomach lurched when a finger plunged into her. She gasped, eyes widening. There was a pain, a flicker of it, but she focused on the sensation of his mouth against her breast.
His thumb pressed to the bundle of nerves, matching the pace of his finger. The pleasure ate at the pain, doubling when he added a second finger. Theia arched into that touch, unable to stop her moans. She'd never felt like this, never touched herself like this.
Elena had told her about the explosion of pleasure at the end of intimacy, and Theia expected it. The pressure, the pleasure, it grew so quickly her legs trembled. Felix brought his wet lips from her breast to her mouth, tasting the moans she cried out. His touch was heavy, sending her body into jolts and twitches. It was overwhelming, and her eyes pricked with tears at the sensations.
"Felix," she moaned, clawing at the hand that touched her so well. Was this the explosion? The overwhelming pleasure that had her biting down on his lip? Felix groaned, his hips grinding against his own hand as he continued thrusting fingers into her.
She couldn't handle it any longer, her body couldn't comprehend the sensations. She caught his wrist, letting him slow the touches as she whined into his mouth. Felix hummed, pulling his fingers free. She hadn't noticed how slick she had gotten, perhaps that was the explosion Elena spoke about.
Felix drew his mouth from hers, bringing his fingers up and sucking her wetness from them. Theia watched him in awe, wondering if he was as experienced as Nyx was. Her heart dropped at the thought of his name in a moment like this.
"If you'd like to bathe, I have a bathing chamber by the kitchen," Felix explained, taking her waist and pulling her up in a sitting position. Theia gasped at his hardness against her sensitive flesh, and Felix swallowed that gasp with a kiss. She tasted herself on his tongue, moaning.
"I'll go bathe, thank you," she murmured against his teeth, sucking in a breath when he squeezed her waist. Felix pulled away, letting her climb from the bed. Seeing how he was still completely dressed had her cheeks heat and she rushed out to the bathing chamber, closing the door and falling against it.
Had that been what she did with Nyx when she had been drunk? Would he had done things that well? Would he have been that kind? She hated to think of him in the aftermath of her debauchery, but Theia couldn't help but wonder what his hands and mouth had felt like.