Present.
Present.
Present.
No.
No.
Not that either.
Nop.
That doesn't fit.
He wouldn't like that...
»What the fucking hell is this!«
A few other customers turned their heads to me and looked at me as if I was some madman that escaped some Asylum.
But I wasn't a lunatic! I only searched for the perfect present for my mate! And that was the biggest problem of all.
Cas' birthday was already in, not even a full week and I still had no idea what I could give him. Though there were a few things that came to my mind, I couldn't give him that on my card and maybe he wouldn't like that too, if I could get over it.
That thought was the second part of the marking. However, I wasn't ready for that – and I didn't want to prostitute my body to him, which I would do in some way if I gave him my body – and on the other hand, I didn't even know if he was ready for that.
This damn uncertainty really turned me into a madman! Maybe someone should put me into a Asylum! Or I should get therapy.
»You still have no idea?« Naika asked while leaning against a shelf and chewing on some gum.
Together with her and Caleb, I looked up some antiques shops which were farther away from our village – not in our territory anymore.
I actually had thought I would find some interesting things here that I could give Cassian but that was the biggest dead loss ever.
»Don't provoke me,« I grumbled and searched further through the shelves.
»Do you even need to give Cassian a present?« Cal asked and I turned my head around to him, angry.
»Of course! He's my mate!«
Defensive, my brother lifted his hands and shrugged with his shoulders.
»I just mean, your presence is present enough for Cassian. He probably don't expect something him.«
»Ugh,« I groaned. »Caleb, I need to give him something. You're his best friend, you spent the biggest part of your life with him. You need to have some kind idea. And I need to be there because of the announcement of me being the Luna.«
It was crazy. Why didn't I have any idea?
It couldn't be that difficult to buy my mate a present. He was quite an easy going person.
He drank his coffee completely black, without sugar and milk. He didn't like sweet things, except for the cookies of his mother, milk mice and cheese cake, well and the ice cream we both liked.
Mostly, he didn't take a shower longer than 15 minutes and he didn't like to take a bath, even though his bathtub was so big that I could dive under the water completely without any limp showing outside.
He didn't really style his hair that often but only tousled it a little bit and they were perfect. His skin was clean and his body perfectly muscular.
Though he was an Alpha he didn't really have the urge to control others – well now not like back then. He would rather solve problems with talking than fighting – but he was unbeatable if he fought.
He was kind and lovely, and panicked when I got sick. His free time was spent on his lacrosse training, his friends and his Alpha lessons, series and movies or me.
He didn't like studying and if you wanted to explain something to him you needed to do that four times before he understood.
In the big picture he was hopeless.
My Christmas present – or more of a New Year's Eve-Christmas-present – was a good idea but most of the work came from Emily's side. She prepared the mistletoe and put a spell on it to make it fly.
I just requested it and hadn't moved a finger.
»Come on, you won't find anything here,« Naika said at some point and pushed her body away from the shelf.
Sadly, I needed to agree with her. I didn't find anything good here.
I glanced around to look for Caleb who I found at a shelf with disks.
»You're interested in disks?« I asked and leaned over his shoulder. He had even more bad luck than I because he was a few centimeters smaller than I. I pitied him a little bit.
Surprised he flinched and stared at me with big blue eyes before he breathed out and stepped aside so I could get closer to the shelf. Or better, because I shouldn't stand behind him, looking over his shoulder.
»Well...« he began and scratched his neck. »After you left, I was often in your room. One of your cabinets is full with disks, if you remember and next to the windowsill of your bay window is your record player, you know the one with the horn.«
I nodded slightly and looked further at the disks.
It wasn't like I wasn't interested in what Caleb just told me. But something inside me stopped me from looking at his face. Maybe it was my fear? The fear of seeing how he had suffered after I left.
»I know how it sounds stupid and dumb but when I sat in your room, listened to your disks and read your books I felt closer to you... And someday it turned into a ritual that I sat in your room in the evening. But Mom didn't like that after some time... She went crazy that I shouldn't mourn you and that I was responsible for your disappearance too... First, she went to get your record player and the disks, then your books. But that still didn't stop me... I was just in your room for hours and stared at the driveway, in hope that there would stop a taxi or something else and you would be here again... But you didn't come... My condition got worse... I refused to sleep and ate almost nothing. My days and nights I only spent in our room and stared at the drive way... I skipped school too... Elli forced me out of your room and handed me over to Kate, who took me to school... But when I came back home and wanted to go to your room, the door was closed. Mom locked your room and nobody was allowed to enter your room. Only on the day where you left, she cleaned our room and put everything back into its place and we were allowed to go into your room. It was almost like we grieved for someone who died every year... And the uncertainty of whether you're dead or not, tormented me every day... Not only me, but Cassian too. I can even say he had it worse and suffered more than I did...«
Caleb's voice broke with almost every sentence and his words came out haltingly. Even his voice sounded unusually deep and rough. Melancholic, I would even say.
»That...« I started, wanted to say something, but didn't know what.
What could I even answer my little brother? It was a part of our life that went pretty wrong. It made us see things clearer and broke our hearts. Both of us.
»You don't need to say anything to that. I don't give you the fault that I felt bad because you suffered more than I did. You could've died and then I would have lost my older brother.«
Finally I found the strength to look at him. His eyes shimmered treacherously and out of his left eye fell down a tear. His lower lips trembled and his hand was clenched to a fist while the other grabbed the shelf.
»God,« he breathed and loosened his fist to lay his hand over his eyes. »When I only think about what I would have done if you had died.«
A quiet whimper came from him and that made me overcome my last bit of hesitation. I stepped forward towards him and pulled him into my arms and pressed his body against mine, so no hint of air had space between us.
Trembling like a leaf he grasped himself onto my shoulders and pushed his face into my chest.
»I don't want to lose you again,« he sobbed and shook his head against my chest.
»I won't go away anymore,« I whispered softly and rubbed my nose into his hair, which was similar in color to mine.
We needed this conversation. And I believed he was glad to tell me everything.
And I... I was glad that he trusted me with those things.
As angry as I was back then, I would have never been able to be angry at him for my whole life. My grudge at him was gone when I stepped into the plane to Canada. He was my little brother – and as annoying little brothers could be – I could never stay angry at him.
Maybe that was one of my weaknesses too. I forgave too fast, but even though forgiveness wasn't always the worst way if you saw that the person really tried to change or already changed.
»Now, come.« I pushed him slightly off me and wiped away his tears.
God, he looked terrible when he cried. Eyes bloodshot and swollen. Eye bags as if he didn't sleep for weeks and his face was read. Even a girl with smeared make-up didn't look that bad.
»Now, don't cry anymore, Cal. A strong man can be weak as long as he can pull himself together after breaking down.«
Smiling, I pinched his forehead with two fingers and nodded to cheer him up. Sniffling, he wiped his face with his hand and smiled forcefully at me.
»Not perfect, but a good try,« I laughed and mirrored his expression, which made him laugh so he completely forgot that he just hugged me sobbing and crying.
»Do you want to buy a disk?« I asked but he shook his head. »I don't need to listen to them anymore. Now that I have you back.«
Amused, I pulled up my lips and nodded understandingly.
»But I will buy one for myself!« I announced and grabbed a disk that smiled brightly at me all the time and literally screamed at me: Buy me!
»From which singer?« Cal asked while he followed me to the checkout.
»You probably already listened to one of his disks. This one is from Frankie Valli and is part of the album Disc Charge,« I told him proudly.
Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons was one of my favorite vocalists. The singer also performed alone but was famous too as the lead singer of the group of men. Frankie Valli himself debuted in 1953 – he was nineteen years old. A few years after that he got to be part of a group of men.
I could tell much more about him but I wouldn't come to an end if I did. Ah, and my favorite song was from this album.
»His name tells me something... But I can't think of a song,« Cal mumbled thoughtfully.
»Maybe you know it if I do that,« I said and started to sing a few lines from 'Can't take my eyes off you' quietly.
»Ah, that one!« my little brother recognized it and I nodded laughing.
The line moved and finally we were at the checkout. The cashier glanced at me skeptically before he rolled his eyes and let me pay.
»Honor us with your visit again.« He said this bored and annoyed way, that I was sure I would never go to this shop again – though I loved antique and old stuff. I could look through the shelves for hours if I had the time.
Cal and I didn't answer the unfriendly guy and just when we left the shop – the bell on the door announced our leaving – Cal said: »Certainly not.«
I gasped for air and swallowed wrong before I broke out in laughter. He pulled the 'not' extra long and made such a funny grimace that I just couldn't hold back my laughter.
»Finally, finished?« Naika grumbled amused and joined us.
»Why don't you give Cassian a trip to Canada? And completely by coincidence you will come over when Elias will be born.«
Without an expression I looked down at my abroad-sister. It wasn't a bad idea but something made me hesitate.
»I don't think that would be a good idea...« I mumbled and looked up to the sky.
»Why? Then he will see where you lived for the last few years.« She shrugged her shoulders and stared after a girl that just passed us.
»It's not that,« I said. »I just believe that he isn't ready to see where I was for the last few years.«
From the corner of my eye I saw Caleb nodding. He agreed with me without saying anything to that.
»He too isn't ready to tell me what his reasons for the traitor mark are. Well, he probably doesn't even remember it, maybe only a few things, but not more. And when he can't even do that, I don't believe he is ready to see where I went to, well, die, though I tried to stay alive and the idea for my healing was, but we were never sure it would work.«
Naika wanted to open her mouth but a sudden downpour stopped her.
»Cloudburst! What the fuck!« she screamed.
»Run to the café, I will get us some umbrellas for later!« I yelled against the loud sounds of the rain.
Caleb and Naika ran away without hesitation and I ran over to a shop to my right where I already saw umbrellas in the big window. I grabbed three and paid for them before I left the shop. Just when I jumped down the stairs something caught my sight.
An old woman sat on a blanket that was patched up and she was wrapped up in a blanket that had patched and holes. The expression on her face was apathetic.
She sat in an alley that was almost invisible to the naked eye and thank the gods she didn't get wet by the rain – there was a small roof over her. The woman had gray hair that was put up in a bun and still seemed fuzzy.
Something – I didn't know what – pulled me to her.
Without control over my legs, I walked over the empty shopping road and found myself in front of her after a few seconds.
And now I understood why she seemed apathetic. Her black pupils didn't exist anymore and were exchanged with a faint gray color. She was blind.
Before her on the blanket were small bones and some unique exotic stones. A few smaller boxes and bags.
»Young man?«
Startled, I flinched. She knew I was standing here? She had probably heard my steps but how did she know I was a man?
»Can I help you somehow?«
I opened my mouth but closed it again. What did I want from her? My legs just carried me to her without control over them.
»Hello?«
Slowly I squatted down and looked at the things on her blanket again.
»Is everything fine, madam?« I asked carefully and lifted my head to look into her pale eyes. I pitied her. Living on the streets and being blind probably wasn't easy.
»Oh,« she gasped, surprised and put her wrinkled hand over her mouth. »My god, how long didn't I hear another voice so close and then such a angelic voice.«
A gentle smile appeared on my lips before she stretched out her hand towards me.
»Am I allowed to touch your hand, young man? I didn't feel the warmth of another human for a long time.«
Carefully I grabbed her hand and she breathed in all of a sudden. She started to mumble something quietly, so quietly that I couldn't hear her words completely, only the words bad omen and light.
I had no idea what her words meant and I couldn't ask her too because I was too frozen.
The cold grabbed my bones and my body slightly started to tremble before she jerked her hand away and the feeling of a freezing cold left me. What was that?
She mumbled something and felt around on her blanket. Her hands grabbed a box and caressed the lid before she grabbed my hand again and pushed the box into my hands.
»Here, young man. You and your mate need to wear this to escape danger. The light can't come to an end. Not in any way!«
Like controlled by something else, I nodded and got up. My body turned away from the woman and left the alley, only then I got the control over my body back and turned to her.
»Than-« I started, however, cut off after realizing the old woman and all her things, just like the alley never existed. It was like they were never there. Only the small box in my hand showed me that I didn't go crazy.
Unsure, I opened the box and saw two almost similar looking rings in gold. They were simple and didn't have any special stones or ornaments from the outside.
Frowning, I pulled one out that grabbed my attention. I slightly eyed it and then I noticed that there was something on the inside.
There was a sign, similar to a stylized sun and in the middle was a five-pointed star. I knew that kind of star from somewhere but I didn't remember where.
The second sign was with the same five-pointed that appeared in the middle again and in the space between were some signs that I never saw before.
And the third sign was a strangely formed star that was six-pointed. I didn't know that either.
The old woman said those were for Cassian and me. What did she mean with that?