Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won't happen. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live.
-Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life
Love.
The kind that brings you to your knees and gives someone complete control of your heart. Full authority to break you into a billion little pieces and mend you with gentle caresses and sweet kisses. Giving someone that much power is the most terrifying feeling in the world, but we all do it anyway, don't we?
We do it because the immediate stimulation it provides our brain, those small doses of euphoria, and the tingling in every nerve of our bodies when those in power touch us is fucking addicting. We'll pay for it later. We'll deal with the repercussions later because right now, it's the greatest thing we've ever experienced.
But the repercussions are inevitable. When that person is gone, because there is a huge possibility that they will be gone, it's debilitating. The longing for stimulation, for euphoria, for that touch is painful. It's withdrawing from something we never counted on living without. We destroy our world to build a new one with someone and forget that it should continue flourishing even when they're no longer part of it.
Raine had learned the hard way that building her world around someone else was dangerous, but she was human and not immune to the wonders and dangers of love. At least now, she was a bit wiser. Giving that power to someone was both exhilarating and frightening, and even with that knowledge, she would be willing to go through the gamble of a broken heart to have someone look at her like she was a gift to the world.
It was how Jiae looked at Jin when he was doing something as mundane as scrolling through his phone.
The way Taehyung looked at art and beautiful sceneries.
Even the way Hoseok looked at Nari. Though Nari was the only one too blind to notice.
It was the way Jungkook looked at Raine.
And maybe that's why she found herself with her heart on the line and butterflies in her stomach as she walked down the street full of merchants and people enjoying their Saturday evening towards a park she was begged to come to. Even as she passed shops and tables full of tchotchkes that would have usually caught her attention, all she could focus on was him and what he could have planned that was so dependent on her being on time. Eight p.m and no later, Jungkook insisted.
Things had been good between them, great even. What started as lunches during work hours turned into dinners after work. Even once the project for the detergent had been completed, Raine and Jungkook continued to stay in touch with late-night FaceTimes and morning calls as they drove to work. As their connection progressed, Jungkook invited Raine to his apartment for dinner, and she gladly accepted his invitation. Visits to each other's apartments became a weekend ritual. One that they rarely ever missed.
Bam wasn't Raine's biggest fan when he realized he would share his owner's undivided attention with the stranger. With each passing visit, he took to more to her, and Jungkook was all too thrilled to see them getting along. Raine had even begun accompanying them to the dog park and once fell asleep on his couch with Bam snuggled beside her. The picture was forever saved on Jungkook's phone, but she would never know that.
Jungkook was still as caring and attentive as she remembered. He did things like making sure that all her favorite snacks were stocked for movie nights, where they sat on the couch with a respectful distance between them. He still cooked all her favorite things, like fried chicken and pork belly, for her or offered to pick up take-out on the way to her. It was like he had kept all his most beautiful qualities and dispersed all the troublesome ones. Raine couldn't describe the relief she experienced walking into his apartment and not seeing a single ounce of alcohol. She watched him often receive stressful calls from his work and handle them gracefully and maturely. He tackled things she would need a drink to tackle with ease and resourcefulness. That brought her the most immense pride and joy in the world.
It was evident that Raine was falling for him again, though she wasn't sure she had ever gotten up in the first place.
She checked her watch, realizing it was only five minutes to eight and she needed to hurry to make it on time. The bright idea of walking to the park some blocks away from her apartment building now seemed like anything but. She quickened her pace, speed walking to her destination in all her anxiousness and excitement. What was he doing that was so important he couldn't meet her to walk together?
By the time she rounded the corner of the park, it was already getting dark, and it was two minutes past eight. Then she saw him standing at the park entrance under the glow of the streetlights, still in his suit and tie, which meant he most likely hurried there after work. Jungkooks hands were clasped behind his back as he looked around for her. She stopped for a split second to admire him and all his beauty. It made her heart soar every time she saw him. It was no secret that he was conventionally attractive, but the growing length of his hair and professional attire really threw it all together for her.
It aided in the task of dropping her earlier annoyance with him. She had been slightly vexed with him the entire week because he promised to come down every night, yet he was held up at work every night. She couldn't be too angry at him because his job was demanding. Given their circumstances, she was just grateful for the time they could spend together.
No one ever caused this immense pull in her. No matter how much time passed or how often they may fall apart, she believed they'd be pulled back together by an imaginary force. After all, he had found her sitting behind a table, waiting for him, just like his letter said. She wouldn't exactly call it fate, but it was far more than a coincidence.
She continued going down the street to Jungkook, whose big eyes lit up when he saw her.
Raine.
His Raine. He had waited so long to earn the right to call her that again. Having her back in his life felt like a blessing, and he did his all to ensure she knew how much he appreciated her. They were moving slowly and steadily, which he found was the best for both of them. It was like getting to know each other all over again. So much had changed in the time they were apart, and in all honesty, it's not like they learned much about each other in the past, either.
In the past, they were blinded by the luster of their relationship. It didn't matter that everything was falling apart around them because all they were concerned with was one another. It didn't matter that they had no idea who the person they shared a bed with was because as long as they were together, their bodies melting into one, the rest was irrelevant.
The sirens, red flags, and stoplights meant nothing to the pair. They were blinded to the warning color and deaf to it all. All Jungkook saw was the tan of her soft skin, the chocolate brown of her eyes, and the pink lips that kissed away all his hurt. All Raine heard was her name on his lips, the way his voice sang her the sweetest of melodies, and the pounding of his heart against her ear when she lay on his chest at night. They had been naive back then in believing that they could find a cure for their illness in one another.
But things were different now. They were older, mature, and more self-aware, having healed themselves of the bruises and wounds life had handed. It wasn't to say that they were perfect or indestructible, but they had at least developed coping mechanisms that didn't destroy them in the process. It was like nothing had changed and no time had passed between them, yet they were both so different. They were more sure of themselves, no longer needing to be soothed and cared for by the other. There was a calmness in them, ease in knowing that they didn't need one another but wanted to be near one another. There was a huge difference between depending on someone for peace of mind and being at peace even without them.
As Jungkook had grown and become a better man, he was determined to put his best foot forward to prove it to Raine. Letting her go was the hardest yet best decision he ever made, and seeing her again made it worth all the pain. Jungkook knew that if he planned in any way to pursue things with Raine, he'd have to show her the side of him she deserved. As they grew from friends to the possibility of something more, whatever that may be, they tread very carefully. Instead of focusing on the physical attraction, they connected on a deeper level.
Jungkook wanted to know everything that made up the puzzle of Raine Vidal. He had only solved a small corner of that puzzle in the past, and he wanted to see the entire picture now. Being physical was realistically inevitable, and on late nights it was almost impossible not to end up in compromising positions that derailed his every intention. Because they feared that a carnal mistake could put them in a very uncomfortable situation, they refrained and acted accordingly, except when Raine ended up shirtless amid a heated kiss. He had to excuse himself to dunk his head in a sink full of cold water.
As Riane approached Jungkook, he couldn't withhold his pout. "You're late." He had planned everything down to the minute, and she had made it just two minutes late to the surprise.
"I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the studio, and then I had to go home and change. Unless you want me here covered with clay guts."
"It's okay." He smiled. "I probably should've picked you up. That's on me, and for what it's worth. You're the prettiest when trying to get that dry clay out of your hair." He secretly loved helping her comb through her hair after throwing sessions.
"Did I mess up whatever you had planned?"
"Nah," Jungkook shrugged. "We've always been a little late to the party, haven't we?"
Raine had to agree. They were always a bit behind but always succeeded in making it to their destination.
Jungkook pulled out the small bouquet of yellow flowers he was hiding behind him. "These are for you."
Raine almost melted right there on the concrete. "Aw, thank you!" she cooed, taking them from his hand. She touched the petals lightly and sniffed with such a grateful look that jungkook wished he could document it.
"They're marigolds. The orange ones were my mom's favorite, and I thought you'd like the yellow ones. Since it's your favorite color."
"They're beautiful." It was the little things like this that always drew Raine to him. She loved how he incorporated what mattered most to him into his experiences with her. It made her feel like she could be just as important to him one day.
She didn't even realize that she already was and always had been. Jungkook hoped he could make her feel that for as long as they had one another, so he supported even the decisions he didn't quite understand or agree with. Like her choice to quit the career she had spent all her time, energy, and money acquiring a degree for.
When Raine first mentioned her idea of opening an online store for pottery and ceramics, he thought she'd meant it as a side hustle. But Raine clarified that she was tired of the monotony of her workload, and it wasn't bringing her the happiness she thought it would. She was convinced that selling her creations would work in her favor, and who was he to tell her that the income might never be secure? She was talented, and it was her dream. Not to mention it brought her all the satisfaction she craved in her career, and all he ever wanted was for her to be happy.
So he stayed up late nights, helping her paint and glaze her ceramics. Jungkook helped her set up a website and even took the Squirtle mug she made him to work every day just in case someone asked about his pokemon shaped cup he drank his coffee out of, he could point them in her direction.
"Okay, so why are we here?" She questioned excitedly, practically bouncing on her tiptoes.
"Well, I had this whole thing planned, but since you were a bit late, we'll have to hurry. Turn around," Jungkook twirled his finger in the air, and even though Raine raised a distrusting brow, she did as he said. His warm hands were suddenly over her eyes. Jungkook started to lead her in the appropriate direction.
"Oh my god, it's happening, isn't it?" Raine asked, touching his hands lightly.
"What is baby?" A thrill ran up her spine when he spoke that close to her ear, causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end.
"You're finally going to murder me in some deserted section of the park, right?"
His warm breath tickled her ear as he whispered. "But if I kill you, who will keep Bam while I'm out on business?"
Raine snorted. "Glad I've made myself useful."
As he led her, she grew more excited and nervous. The sound of chirping cicadas became louder, and the sound of other parkgoers dwindled the longer they walked. "I have a friend," He began. "His mom coordinates events for Parks & Recs around the city." Suddenly they stopped walking, but Jungkook kept her eyes covered. "And there was an event I thought you'd like, but last night was the last night. I tried to make it to you every night, but work got in the way, and we missed it. But my friend got his mom to let us see it, only for a couple of minutes, so we have-"
"Okay, you're rambling. Just show me!" She urged, warring internally, not to pull his hands away herself.
They then lifted from her eyes, dropping down to her shoulders instead.
Raine opened her eyes slowly only to come face to face with the most beautiful scenery. She stood on the walking path with a rose garden unlike any she'd ever seen. Each side of the trail was engulfed by roses that stood up individually. Hundreds if not thousands of fake white roses, as far as the eye could see, illuminated by led lights.
"Oh wow," she breathed. "This is," she couldn't find the words to describe what she was looking at. The flowers lit up the entire park section like the bright, luminescent sea sparkle she had once seen in an animal planet documentary. And then, as if it couldn't get any more beautiful, the color changed from one side to another. A wave of bright yellow light overtook the white. "Wow."
"Do you like it?"
"What friend do you have that helped you do this?!"
"A kid I used to tutor. We were supposed to be standing here just as it was lit up, but that's okay." It warmed Jungkooks heart, remembering how excited Jihoon was to give his hyung a helping hand. Jungkook had to promise to take him out to eat gogi-gui, but Raine's bright eyes and excitement were worth the bill the kid would rack up in meat. "So, do you like it?"
"I do. I love it so much. Thank you."
He watched her fondly as her lips curved into a grin just as the flowers transitioned to a warm shade of orange. He shrunk into himself, sticking his hands in his pockets and keeping his eyes glued to his shoes. "There's so much I'd like to show you, so much I didn't get to do the first time around, things I'll never be able to take back." The guilt still ate him alive sometimes. Watching her break something was something he would never be able to get out of his head.
"Jungkook, please. We're moving past all that." Raine didn't know how to show him she didn't hold any of it against him anymore. After all, she wasn't perfect either and had to work hard on herself as well.
"I know, I know but listen." He finally looked up, took the flowers out of her hands, and placed them on a nearby bench before intertwining his fingers with hers. "I don't know how long it'll be this good. I don't know if we'll be like this in a year or even a month. I don't know, but I want to make every moment count." She understood that. It was true; they didn't know how or when this would end or even if it would, for that matter, but nothing in life was a sure thing.
Not a job, a lover, or life itself. Even what color these red roses would turn next or the exact moment they would shut down was unknown. It was just the reality of life. For example, Raine had overheard conversations about Jungkooks work where they proposed the idea of him traveling farther for consultations. What if they asked him to relocate? She wasn't sure that was something she wanted to do, and who was to say they could survive the distance? In a perfect world, they'd live happily ever after, but this wasn't a perfect world. "I want to do this right this time. I don't want you wondering where this is going, if I'm your boyfriend, or if I feel the same way you do. I need you to know that this is real for me. You are it for me, but just in case this is all we'll ever have, I need you to feel me."
"I do." She brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it tenderly. "I do feel you. You're not the person you were back then, and neither am I. Stop trying to make that right, okay?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, I don't think I'll ever stop trying to make that right." After clearing his throat, he stood straight, hoping to exude the confidence he seemed to be lacking. As he mentioned, if he wanted to make the best of time with her, then he couldn't dwell on his worries. "So what do you say, Raine? You want to be the girlfriend of an idiot like me?"
She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Hm. What's in it for me? I mean, you're lucking out, but me? What am I getting?"
Jungkook looked up at the night sky and pretended to ponder as well. "Helicopters every night?"
"Sold!" She would never tire of how he scrunched his nose when he giggled. If someone asked her her favorite sound in the world, it would be this. Her favorite picture was the mental one she had just taken of him under the now purple glow of the roses. "Well, boyfriend. Since it's official now." Her heart pounded at the idea that they were once again an item. "Would you like to stay the night?"
"With you?"
"No, with Taehyung." She replied dryly.
He ignored her dig, more worried about what it would mean for them to take that step. "Are we ready for that?"
Raine let go of his hands to cup his face. "We'll be fine. I thought you wanted me to feel you." The playful tone in her voice and the assurance in her eyes dispelled any insecurities and fear he was experiencing then. He was human, after all. A human that had fought his urges long enough.
"Yup! We're definitely ready for that!" Jungkook dipped down, capturing her lips in a kiss that extracted a laugh from Raine.
It was exciting to get a new lease on them, just like he'd gotten a new lease on life. Their relationship could work out just as great, but even if it didn't. If tomorrow they woke up and decided on a different path, at least they had this.
They couldn't hold onto the darkness of the past or stress over the unforeseen problems of the future when the present was filled with roses of every color imaginable, lighting beautifully around them. Reminding them that even if the next moment was uncertain, this was the only one that mattered.
So what if it wasn't a happily ever after?
It was a happily right now.
And it was enough for them.
FIN
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A/N: I'm not sure how everyone feels about this ending. Maybe it feels a little lackluster or like there is an uncertainty looming over them but I always wanted to take a more realistic approach with them. As much as we'd like a perfect end with weddings and children, it's not the reality for a lot of people. The Void was filled with a Rollercoaster of emotions and I just wanted Jungkook and Raine to feel peace at the end of it. To live in that peace for as long as they were allowed. I will be adding an authors note update soon just to give you guys some insight on Jungkook and Raine and help you all understand them a little better. From this point on I will be focusing solely on Waiting For Us as it is practically half way done before I even entertain the idea of another ff lol.
I just want to thank everyone for riding this Rollercoaster with Raine and Jungkook and sticking through their infuriating moments. I am so grateful and appreciate you all so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you 🥰💜
xoxo Moon 🌙