Leah POV
I crept out of bed that morning to prevent Sophie from waking, lifting Teddy from his cot and bringing him downstairs. The usual routine of nappy change, food, lots of cuddles, and getting him washed and dressed followed, but it was a lot quieter this morning as I tried to ensure Sophie got as much sleep as possible before I left her all day for training.
By the time I was ready to shower, Sophie had woken up and was smiling at me proudly as I walked into the living room in my training tracksuit. It was these gazes from her that let me know I was still doing the right thing.
"Five minutes?" I whispered, looking at the empty sofa beside her.
"Always." She smiled, patting the seat.
She stared lovingly into my soul, tucking my hair behind my ears and placing kisses across every inch of my face.
"I'm proud of you. You know that?"
"I know, Soph. I love you."
"And you know you can come home at any time? No judgement, no argument; you need to come home. You come home."
"I know that too, Soph. I love you."
"I love you." She smiled.
As I stood up to leave, Sophie ran to the kitchen before returning with a lunchbox in her hand.
"I made you your favourite. Incase they didn't have food you liked on."
I love her.
"When did you do this?" I asked, knowing I hadn't left her side all morning.
"I got up when you fell asleep." She smiled.
I love her.
"I'm just a call away, Soph. Okay? If anything happens, you call me. They know I'll be keeping my phone on me, and when I'm on the pitch, someone will have it with them." I reassured her.
"No dirty pictures, then?" She chuckled.
"The only thing you'll have time for today is dirty nappies anyway, Soph." I chuckled back.
I kissed them both goodbye, headed to the hallway, grabbed my keys, stuffed the essentials into my kitbag, and made my way to my car. It was hard to fathom that I was travelling back to training after everything that happened with a baby seat in the back of my car and a heart full of love. The insecurities were no longer there; I had worry, but standard worry—parental worry.
"Welcome back!" The girls shouted, Rafa landing on my back.
"God, you soppy lot. Missed me that much?"
"No one agree! Her head is big enough." Katie shushed them.
The girls had been great throughout everything, from the moment they heard about Teddy's birth right up until today; nothing had been too much trouble. It wasn't how they had imagined it; we had talked about that moment when I'd return from the hospital with my baby and bring it straight to the grounds to meet them all. That never happened, though, and although they didn't actually ask me why, I knew that they knew I was struggling with it all. They accepted my lack of responses to their messages and my rejection of their calls, yet when I finally made contact, they were there. That's why today they weren't just glad to see me back; they were proud of me too.
Flashback:
"I'm just going to go get some air, Soph."
And with that, I was gone. These moments happened quite frequently, and Sophie was more than understanding. Moments when I felt my lungs weren't breathing in air, and I had to get into an open space to try and make them work again. Nothing had happened, not really. I felt silly; Mum had suggested that Sophie and I leave the hospital for the day and do something, and I had started an argument over it. What I really wanted to say was, what if I leave him for the last time, but what came out was so much the opposite of that.
I've never felt so alone.
It wasn't a reflection on Sophie; she was doing all she could to hold me together at a time when she was barely holding herself together. I hated that I couldn't just be strong. I took a seat outside the hospital, finding a bench that was secluded so I wouldn't be recognised, just another shitty part of my shitty life. I hated that I couldn't be grateful. My tears fell silently, one by one, until my vision was blurred and my breathing got worse.
This is never going away.
But once again, Sophie was there. Maybe not in person, because we couldn't both leave Teddy, but a simple beep from my phone managed to stop those tears from falling.
Sophie
My arms are open when you come back, Le. I love you.
She was telling the truth; they were always open. The night I arrived home from Brazil, they were open. The day I cried from 5 a.m. until 7 a.m. without stopping because Teddy's skin looked sore and swollen, they were open. The night I had a panic attack in the toilet attached to our side room on the ward, they were open. In every moment, Sophie's arms were open to me, ready to hold me close to her chest and allow my heartbeat to match hers. That's why it hurt so much that sometimes I needed to bolt—needed to be anywhere but that room. Not because I didn't love her, but because I loved her too much to keep being the person who needed comforting.
Sophie's message had sparked that initial glimpse at my phone that night, my fingers automatically scrolling through the other messages I had received. Messages from people that I barely knew to the people that I knew best. The messages from my teammates soothed my broken heart.
Lia
I've got you. Whatever happens, the whole team is behind you and Sophie. LW2 x
Beth
I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. We love you, we can't even begin to describe how much our hearts are breaking for you both but with parents as strong as you we know he'll battle through. Lots of love, Beth and Viv x
Caitlin
Mate, I'm thinking about you every second. Send Sophie my love too and if there's anything at all that we can do please let us know x
Rafa
What can I say? Nothing that will make you feel any better right now. We love you and we always have you. Tell Sophie that too x
Jen
You know where I am, Leah. At the darkest point in my life you stood right beside me, I'll do the same for you. Whatever you need. Same for Sophie x
Kim
Every wish that I've got is being used on your little man right now, Leah. Stay strong, thinking of you both x
Jordan
Hey Gremlin, I'm really sorry that you're going through so much right now. I can't stop thinking about you and Sophie, and the little man. If he's anything like you he'll slide tackle his way into recovery, and if not and he's more like Sophie then he'll find some legal shit that means he has to get better. Sending all my love x
I chuckled at Jordan's message, mostly because it was followed by an is that totally inappropriate? I wasn't laughing at the situation or anything message.
The next one hit me hardest. The next one said everything that I needed it to say without saying very much.
Alex
I love you, my G.
— — — —
Alex's ability to always know what I needed made it no surprise that she was there when I entered that room that day.
"Hello mate." She smiled, opening her arms to me.
"What brings you here?"
"It's a flying visit; I thought you could do with a hug when you got here."
"I appreciate that. Where are you off to today?"
"Taking Mum for afternoon tea, was going to call around tomorrow and see if Sophie wanted to grab some lunch."
"She'd like that." I smiled.
Once again, Alex was able to know me well enough to know that it was weighing heavily on my mind that I was going back to a steady routine while she contended with a baby at home by herself.
She left shortly afterwards, announcing that she was actually half an hour late but would take the aggro from her mum as long as she knew I was settling back in alright. As the day progressed, I struggled a little more with each passing minute. It was different now, though; I wasn't struggling with guilt or anxiety; I just missed my two favourites. The team noticed it and teased me about it, but I refused to admit it, shrugging it off as having forgotten my coat and being cold. The contents of my kit bag were enough to make me feel closer to them both.
"I knew you'd bring a packed lunch because it was fish day." Rafa chuckled.
"I didn't actually remember it was fish day. Sophie made me my favourite lunch for my first day back." I smiled, not caring how in love I sounded.
"That's adorable. And even more cute that Sophie totally remembered it was fish day." Rafa nodded.
"Wait, like she made you packed lunch?" Katie cocked an eyebrow.
"Yeah. Last night when I was sleeping."
"Hold the fuck on a second."
I knew what was coming; the room was already laughing before Ruesha had even picked up FaceTime.
"I think you need to do a bit more for me. Sophie's out here making Leah packed lunch, and you sent me in with a half-drunk bottle of water from the backseat of your car." Katie joked down the phone.
"Fucking hell. That's a feast, Leah! Where can I find a Sophie?" Ruesha wriggled her eyebrows.
"You have a Sophie! I made you those noodles you like last night! Where's my packed lunch?" Katie continued.
"A pot noodle, Katie?"
It was moments like these that I'd missed—the girls just getting on like idiots, and every person in the room laughing along with it. We continued our lunch break, mostly consisting of me showing the girls pictures and videos of Teddy; pretty much all my camera roll existed of now.
I hadn't even noticed that Lia had gone anywhere until I set eyes on Sophie and Teddy, my stomach filling with butterflies as the two most important people in my life entered the room.
Once again, her arms were open for me. The hardest day became the easiest the second I felt her touch.
Just another perfect moment in my perfect life. I loved that I could be grateful now.
— — — —
Sophie POV:
The first day without Leah was strange; she had gotten up early that morning to help out as much as she could before training and somehow managed to forget her training coat. I couldn't call her to tell her because I knew she'd have a mini-heart attack when she saw my name on her phone. Today had to go smoothly, so I texted Lia in the hope that she would see it.
Sophie
Hey Lia, Leah has left her coat here, and I just saw on the weather that it's going to rain. Will she be able to get a spare? I don't want her to get sick x
Lia
Hi Sophie! :) She can get a spare, but we're about to have lunch in a half hour if you wanted to bring it for her? She is missing Teddy, but she won't tell us that!
Sophie
Of course she won't, she's too stubborn! I'll call down in half an hour, then x
Lia
No problem, see you both soon :) x
"We're going to see Mummy, mate. She's missing you."
Leaving the house was no longer a five-minute job; every possible outcome had to be prepared for, from nappy issues to bottles, right through to a complete change of clothes. I searched high and low for the Brazil teddy, sighing when I realised that one thing Leah was better at than me was finding things that shouldn't have been lost in the first place. Even if she was the type to leave her jacket behind on her first day back to training.
As we entered through the gates, the security staff swooned over Teddy, peering into the backseat like he was a Champions League trophy. They talked about how much he looked like Leah, mostly pointing out his huge blue eyes. I eventually pulled into the parking space, texting Lia to ask her to come and get us.
"Sophie! Hi!" Lia smiled.
"Hi Lia, sorry for all the hassle. Been a while since I've been inside." I chuckled.
"It's okay, can I?"
"Yeah, course."
Lia opened the back door, immediately unbuckling Teddy's car seat belt and hoisting him into her arms. His face scrunched up, a cry threatening to leave his lips, before Lia began speaking to him softly.
"Hey, hey. None of that—it's me. It's Auntie Lia! You're getting so big, aren't you? You'll weigh as much as your mummy soon—twig legs!" Lia grinned as she made fun of Leah while she wasn't here to tell her to shut up.
"God help you if she hears you."
"She's sat in there eating her packed lunch, telling everyone how you made her favourites for her."
"Why is she outing me?" I joked.
"Katie rang Ruesha and asked her why she doesn't get a packed lunch." She chuckled.
We began walking towards the canteen, Lia giving me no opportunity to take Teddy back as she doted over him. As we turned the corner, Leah was sitting on her phone, showing off pictures that I knew would be of Teddy.
"You've got a visitor!" Lia shouted.
Leah's eyes moved from her phone screen to Lia, glancing across at me and straight back to Teddy. The sides of her mouth turned upward before her teeth appeared inside the cheesiest grin I had ever seen her do.
"Soph." She breathed out.
"You forgot your coat." I smiled, holding the coat in the air.
"Packed lunch and a coat? Fucking hell, Leah, you must be good in bed." Beth shouted, earning her a smack from Viv.
All the girls stood up before Leah let out a stern warning.
"Sit! Me first."
She's loving this—loving having her family arrive unexpectedly.
"Hi little man! Mummy missed you, didn't she?"
Leah took Teddy into her arms, a giggle leaving his mouth and making everyone's hearts melt. She leaned towards me, planting a quick kiss on my lips.
"I really needed this." She whispered as she pulled away.
Every eye in the room was on Teddy as Leah rolled her eyes before speaking.
"Okay, slowly and not too loud! His ears are sensitive."
Never ones to obey instructions, the girls swarmed in a circle around the three of us, each of them wanting their own moment with the baby they were all sure they'd be aunties to.
"Hello. How you doing there?" Rafa nodded.
"Rafa, he's a baby, not a fucking corner shop worker." Katie rolled her eyes.
"Well, I don't know what to say to him!"
"God, I'm actually feeling a bit broody." Katie chuckled.
"Me too." Jen smiled at him.
"Will you - bloody hell - MOVE! I can't see!"
"Hi Beth." I chuckled before I had even set eyes on her.
"Hello, beautiful boy. Wow, you are so tiny but so much bigger than the photo I saw of you." Beth cooed, stroking his thumb with her finger.
"Do you think he's thinking, would yous ever go away and let me sleep?" Katie made the group laugh.
"Probably. I didn't know I found babies so cute, you know." Viv smiled, Beth's smile matching her girlfriends.
"He has your eyes, Leah. They're so blue!"
"Cait, I have told you that so many times. Do you ever actually listen to me?" Lia rolled her eyes.
"Sh. Enjoy the moment."
"Lina, Teddy came to see us!" Beth smiled.
"He's really beautiful." Lina nodded.
Lina confused me; I couldn't tell if she didn't enjoy Arsenal or if she just wasn't keen on social interaction. Leah said she just preferred to be on her own, but I thought there was more to it than that. She was never rude or dismissive; she just appeared disengaged when she was around anyone and didn't really have that close friendship aspect of being at Arsenal. I made a mental note to find out more.
"How's he been today, Soph?"
"Yeah, alright. I've lost his teddy, though, so the drive here was a shouty one." I chuckled.
Leah's face dropped, and I didn't think about what I had said.
"Well, I haven't lost it. Obviously. It'll be somewhere." I smiled.
"Guilty." She whispered.
"Hm?"
"I have it. Hold on."
Leah walked towards her kit bag, unzipping it while balancing Teddy in her arms. Suddenly the yellow T-shirt could be seen, and Teddy let out a giggle again as his favourite toy was placed under his chin.
"Sorry." Leah mouthed.
I didn't say anything; I just smiled at her. Of course, she had taken a little reminder of him on her first day.
"So, Sophie? When's number two?" Katie joked.
"Once Leah retires. And I am not giving birth again."
"Was it really bad?" Jen asked.
"Nah, I don't really remember the pain. One of those things that was probably sore at the time but wasn't too bad after."
"Why do you ask, Jen? You up the duff?" Katie laughed loudly at her own joke.
"What? Me? No! No, no. Hardly sure I'm here."
The team was given an extended lunch break to allow them time to pass Teddy around like a parcel, each person giving him a pep talk about why they were the best aunties he would have.
"What's little Liv make of him, Sophie?" Beth asked.
"Loves him. FaceTimes us every night before she goes to sleep."
"I imagine he'll learn a thing or two about getting his own way with you two from her." Katie added.
"Yeah. She's good at making me say yes when I really mean no." I chuckled.
"When do you go back to work, Sophie?" Viv asked.
"I haven't really thought about it. Things are running alright there at the moment, so I'll probably take another few months."
As their lunch break came to an end, Leah walked me back to my car, securing Teddy into his car seat and triple-checking his belt.
"I'll see you at home, Le." I smiled, turning to open the driver's door.
Her arms snaking around my waist stopped me.
"Do you know how much I love you?" She whispered in my ear.
"Do you know how much I love you?"
"Thank you."
"It's just a coat." I chuckled.
"It's so much more, Soph. Since day one, you've been so much more than anything before."
"Right, go! Before I kidnap you and take you home with us!"
"Did I mention that I love you?"
"No. I don't believe so." I smirked.
"I love you."
"I love you."
Somehow, we'd made it to lunchtime without Leah panicking and coming home. That didn't mean we wouldn't have hard days, but it certainly meant the hardest were over.