“Happy birthday Y/n!”
“Thank you, mom.” A smile spreads on her face.
She sounds good.
She sounds better; happier.
“I wish I could be there.” Her mom sighs into the phone. Y/n can hear birds chirping in the background and she imagines her sitting in the garden in the countryside, drinking some ginger tea with a slice of lemon and a teaspoon full of honey in it. “How is your day going?”
“Mom, it’s nine in the morning.” Y/n chuckles, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I just woke up.”
“What do you mean you just woke up?” Her mom sounds a little hysterical. “What about work? What about classes?!”
Y/n gets a bowl out of the cupboard after hearing Chaeyoung walk out of the room. Her sister is sleepily buttoning up her school uniform, giving Y/n a grumpy nod in greeting. “My boss gave me the day off, and I don’t have any classes today.”
“Is that mom?” Chaeyoung asks, reaching for the bowl of rice Y/n hands her.
Y/n nods. “Chaeyoung says hi.”
“Oh, I just talked to her yesterday night.” She hears the smile in the tone of her voice and tries to ignore the pang of guilt in her chest. Chaeyoung talks to her every day while Y/n has been very neglecting towards her. “Are you having a nice birthday party tonight?”
“I’m turning twenty-two” Y/n throws a napkin at Chaeyoung’s head when her sister gets the rice all over her uniform. “There’s no need for that.”
“Oh, nonsense.” Her mom scolds her. “I don’t want you to spend your birthday on your own again, you hear me?”
Y/n sighs. “I’m not. Lisa’s forcing me to go out.”
“That’s good!” Her mom says enthusiastically. “I can always count on that girl. I’m glad you have friends like her.”
Y/n decides not to mention to her how Lisa nearly flooded her entire apartment yesterday night after spotting a spider in her bathroom.
Or how she called Y/n right after, crying about having murdered said spider.
“Y/n, am I going to hell?”
“Lisa, cut it out it’s two in the morning—”
“But it was self-defence! I didn’t mean to kill the poor spider. What about its children? They’ve lost their mom or dad because of me. Oh my god, I’m going to hell Y/n!”
“You’d be going to hell for a lot of other things before the murder of a spider, Lisa.”
She clears her throat, avoiding Chaeyoung’s eyes. “You sound better.” Her eyes flicker up and she catches her brother hiding her smile behind her bowl of rice. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling a lot better.” Her mom says, her voice a mixture of serenity and guilt. “I think we will go back home after Chaeyoung’s graduation.”
“That’s good…” Y/n trails off.
“You’ve been a huge help, Y/n. You know that, right? Your dad and I are so grateful for everything you’ve done.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Y/n laughs awkwardly.
“You did.” She sighs. “When I get back, there are some things I want to talk to you about. I think we’ve been avoiding certain subjects, and it’s caused you more pain than it caused me.”
Y/n’s face falls. She turns away from Chaeyoung. “I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Y/n, please don’t do this again. I talked to your grandparents. They’re old now, Y/n. They don’t have time to be spiteful and they want to mend their relationship with you—”
“I don’t want to.” Y/n interrupts her. She takes a calming breath, not wanting to lash out at her again like she did last time. “I honestly have zero interest in digging up things from the past.”
There’s a moment of silence and Y/n just listens to the soothing sound of her mom’s breathing. “I understand. But in order for us to move on, we need to talk about everything eventually. Please don’t shut us out.”
Y/n shakes her head. “I have to go.”
“Okay just— Don’t skip your meals. Chaeyoung tells me you don’t eat enough. You’re fragile as it is, Y/n. Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t make me worry too much.” She stops, as if she’s going to hang up but she makes an excited sound that startles Y/n. “Oh my gosh! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about your short story! I know you will write something brilliant so I’m not too worried. That’s all. I’m sorry for taking up your time. Have a nice birthday, love.”
She didn’t think her mom would remember. She didn’t even think she was listening to her when she mentioned it offhandedly a few months ago. The guilt is threatening to swallow her up whole.
Y/n misses her so much. She just wants to sit down and talk, or rather simply listen to her talk and go on and on about her customers and show Y/n new decorations she’s bought for work because that always used to calm her nerves.
“Thank you for remembering.” Y/n shakily says, gripping the phone tighter. “I will— I will make you proud.”
“You always make me proud.” Her mom is smiling again and Y/n feels the urge to tell her so many things. Tell her about her appointment with the therapist… about Sana. “It was nice to hear your voice. I miss you a lot, Y/n/n.”
Y/n hesitates, trying to answer her, but she hangs up before she can.
I miss you too, mom.
She puts the phone away and tries to shake off the heavy feeling in her chest.
Chaeyoung gives her a curious look when Y/n turns to face her again. “Everything okay?” Her voice is muffled, a few grains of rice flying from her mouth as she speaks.
“Yeah. She sounded happy.” Y/n clears her throat and goes to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
“I know. She’s getting better, right?” Chaeyoung’s voice is filled with a childlike hope. Y/n walks over to her sister and ruffles her hair.
“Of course she is. Now eat up or you’ll be late for school.”
Chaeyoung hums and reaches out to grip Y/n’s wrist when she’s about to walk away. “Here. Almost forgot.”
Y/n looks down at her hand where Chan pressed something into her palm. “What is this?”
“Your birthday present.” Chan looks a bit embarrassed and she runs her wrist over her mouth nervously. “I didn’t have any money and you didn’t like most presents I got you in the past anyway, so… I figured I’d give you something more boring. You know, like you.” Chaeyoung laughs at the glare she receives but starts nibbling on her lower lip nervously when Y/n looks down at the present.
Y/n lifts the item up to inspect it and is a little surprised when she realizes that it’s a polaroid picture of her and Chaeyoung. She can’t remember when or where this was taken but judging by both their haircuts it’s a recent picture.
Y/n is sitting on a couch, looking rather uncomfortable and like she was forced to stay still for the picture and Chaeyoung is standing behind her, her arms curled around Y/n’s neck from behind and their cheeks squished together. Chan is doing a peace sign, smiling brightly into the camera.
There are messy words scribbled down with a black marker right under the picture where the white frame is bigger than on the other sides.
Happy birthday Y/n :) Thank you for everything you always do for me. I know you don’t wanna hear this but I really love you! Best person in the world ❤
Y/n doesn’t really know how to react. Her chest feels all tight and weird and Chaeyoung is giving her this hopeful look. “When was this taken?”
Chaeyoung deflates a bit but she quickly masks her disappointment, putting on a wide smile. “Lisa’s girlfriend took it when we went to her apartment to play Battlefield. It was like… a month ago? Don’t you remember?”
“Oh.” Y/n does remember, but she was exhausted that night and nearly fell asleep with a controller in her hands. “Yeah, I do. I look half dead.”
Chaeyoung laughs. “You always do, though.”
Y/n softly smacks her upside the head before taking a look at the picture again. “Uhm. This is— this is really nice, Chaeyoung. Thank you.”
She wants to say more but it’s not working, so she gives Chaeyoung a genuine smile which seems to be enough; Chaeyoung lights up and she looks like she did something right, as if Y/n liking her present really did mean that much to her.
Y/n puts the picture away in her wallet, tucking it in securely to make sure it won’t fall out.
-
Lisa drags her out of her apartment that night, saying that she shouldn’t spend her birthday locked up at home on her own. Y/n’s never really been too keen on celebrating her birthday; the most she always did was buy a cake and blow out candles at home with her family and Lisa.
But Lisa says they’re going to have a few beers over at Suga’s house and that just a few of the girls will be there and it sounds nice enough, so after eating some cake with Chaeyoung, they walk to Suga’s place.
It’s not as warm tonight; not the way it was when Sana took her to the lookout two days ago. It’s humid and feels like it’s going to rain.
Y/n feels on edge for no reason. There’s this hollow feeling of anxiety in her gut.
But everything is okay so maybe the strawberry milk she had earlier was out of date.
Lisa is talking to her about something while Y/n has her gaze fixed on the pavement, hands buried in her pockets.
“Hello? Are you even listening to me?”
“Sorry, I kind of zoned out. What were you saying?”
Lisa blinks at her before shrugging. “Forget it, it’s not important.”
-
Turns out it’s not just a night in with the girls; there are more people present than she can count on both hands, and that’s only the ones that are within her line of sight.
When she walks into the place everyone in the room falls silent, turning around to give Y/n odd looks like they’re thinking what the hell is she doing here?
Y/n starts to feel uncomfortable after about three seconds of this, and she nearly turns around to hide herself behind her best friend but before she can do that, everyone breaks out into smiles, and suddenly there’s confetti and balloons everywhere and all of them are wishing her a happy birthday by screaming through the whole apartment.
Jihyo comes out of nowhere and pulls her into a tight embrace, laughing at the dumbfounded expression on Y/n’s face. “Happy birthday Y/n!”
Lisa is grinning at her from where she’s standing behind Jihyo. “Surprise?”
Y/n chuckles a little nervously, smiling awkwardly at all the people coming up to her to pat her back and ruffle her hair. They’re all there; Dahyun, Jeongyeon, Nayeon, Seokmin, Jisoo, Jihyo and a bunch of other people Y/n has never met before yet they still shower her with enthusiastic hugs and greetings.
The only missing person is—
“Hey, Y/l/n Y/n!”
She’s in the middle of being squished together by Jeongyeon and Dahyun and when she hears the voice, the strange feeling she had when she was walking here with Lisa momentarily vanishes into thin air.
Y/n doesn’t even try to stop the smile spreading on her face, pressed into Dahyun’s shoulder before the younger is pulled away from her.
Sana huffs at Dahyun’s protests and pushes her into Jeongyeon so she can deal with the already half-drunk girl.
Then she looks up and meets Y/n’s eyes.
Sana starts smiling from ear to ear and Y/n has about half a second to think how happy she is that Sana is here before said person pulls her into another hug.
This one is Y/n’s favourite.
“Why are you going around hugging other girls, hm?” Sana mumbles into her ear, still smiling as she holds Y/n close.
Y/n snorts at the not-so-serious question yet melts into Sana’s embrace embarrassingly fast, her eyes slipping closed. “Because you weren’t here.”
Sana hums and when no one’s looking, kisses a spot behind Y/n’s ear. “Happy birthday.”
When she opens her eyes, they land on a new yet already familiar face; Roseanne is standing behind Sana, clearly keeping her distance.
The smile on her beautiful face is kind yet there is something wary about it as she watches Y/n and Sana interact. She looks confused but she’s doing her best to hide it.
Y/n gently pushes Sana away and gives Roseanne what she hopes is a sincere smile. “Hi, Roseanne.”
Roseanne’s eyes flicker between Y/n and Sana for a moment before she catches herself and clears her throat, starting to beam at her. “Hey there! And happy birthday. I hope it’s okay for me to be here? Sana said it would be fine but I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“It’s okay.” Y/n assures her. They’re standing in a triangle, and all three of them keep giving each other these weird looks and it’s so awkward it makes Y/n want to run away. “I don’t know most of the people here anyway.” Y/n tries to be friendly and relaxed and when she looks at Sana she can tell she’s trying to do the same.
But Sana is watching Roseanne almost anxiously, and Y/n has no idea what to make of it.
“What are you guys doing standing around here?” Jihyo suddenly appears next to Y/n, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “There’s something waiting for you in the kitchen, Y/n/n. Come on.”
Y/n happily lets herself be lead away from the living room and from that uncomfortable situation with Sana and her childhood friend, who is so in love with Sana it hurts to watch.
In the kitchen Jeongyeon, Seokmin and Lisa are all gathered around the table, shouting unintelligible things at each other. Jisoo tries to peer over their shoulders before letting out a horrified shriek, slapping Lisa’s back who only chuckles nervously.
Jihyo immediately walks over to Nayeon and Y/n raises her eyebrows when she sees the weird look the both of them exchange. Jihyo smiles at her and Nayeon quickly looks away and… is she blushing?
“What are you guys doing?” Y/n asks, stepping up next to Jisoo. Jeongyeon immediately blocks her sight, shooting her a warning death glare over her shoulders.
Jisoo rolls her eyes. “They’re being stupid. They wanted to surprise you but they messed it up.”
“Jisoo!”
“Don’t Jisoo me! You wouldn’t let me do it and now it looks like shit.”
“Baby, don’t swear.” Lisa pouts but it only makes her girlfriend stick her tongue out at her.
“Move.” Sana pushes all of them out of the way, looks down at the table and bursts out laughing. “This is terrible!”
Y/n stands next to her and laughs quietly at what she sees.
It’s a round chocolate cake and on top of it – very messily – her name is written with some kind of red paste. It says “Happy birthday Y/n” in large letters and looks likes the space wasn’t enough.
“The cake is still delicious so get over it.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes and hands Seokmin a lighter after sticking one single candle on top.
People gather around the table and to Y/n’s absolute horror, they start singing.
Y/n weakly tries to get them to stop, but it only makes them sing louder. Everyone’s looking at her, and it’s too much unwanted attention.
Sana wraps an arm around her, pulling Y/n against her chest enough to draw attention more on the action and away from Y/n, like she could sense Y/n’s discomfort. She nuzzles her nose into the back of Y/n’s hair comfortingly. “Relax.”
Y/n tries to, but then she catches Roseanne’s frown from across the room and the unknown feeling from before comes back twice as hard.
----