albedo was right when he said her brother would be the one to initiate the talk.
the silence in the living room was definitely deafening, they were sitting one seat apart from each other and each time she heard the clock tick the more the awkwardness grew bigger around them.
she stole a glance at her brother, she saw how much he's fidgeting with nervousness but she remained silent.
"listen..." he started shakily. "i-i'm sorry..."
"i was an asshole and i won't make any excuses nor would force you to forgive me...just, just please listen to me..."
y/n crossed her arms across her chest, leaning her back against the wooden chair as she sat and listened to her brother. she might look unfazed outside but she was feeling hysterical inside.
"ella —" the mention of the girl's name both made them wince in pain. "she manipulated me and successfully had me following her. do you remember the day you passed out? she was crying in the bathroom, saying you misunderstood their conversation, and attacked her mercilessly."
"then, i wondered for a while, my sister is too smart to misunderstand something. however, ella continued to talk and talk — reasoning that you hated her ever since you knew about her existence, and the way you talk and act around her was making her scared and uncomfortable."
"the day i fought with you, ella tried to break up with me and sent me a drunken image of her with a guy — i was blinded, fooled, and furious and it was the exact time you arrived. her words and that image mixed up, pointing towards you, absolutely saying you're the problem. i fucked that up, i hurted you — i'm sorry for everything i've said, i know how much it did hurt you and there's no word to comfort you after hearing that..."
"i'm really sorry. you did all of that for me, you've been there for me since the start and yet ... yet i blamed you for everything." her brother took another breath. "i'm not asking you to forgive me after this ... i just want you to know that i regret everything i did and that i'm truly sorry."
then, silence enveloped them.
she bit the side of her cheek, touched by her brother's apology but not touched enough to finally forgive him. this... this is probably their closure. "i — it's fine, maybe someday time can mend this. i'm glad you finally decided to end your silence, and i understand your part."
y/n stood up, offering a small generous smile. "soon enough, i can forgive you — promise me not to make the same mistake again?"
her brother nodded, "i will not be blinded by love again."
"good." y/n smiled, walking upstairs.
she opened the window of her room, welcoming the misty breeze of the rainy weather. the cloud looked gray and heavy, a warning of the upcoming downpour that will affect the whole city. she sat next to her window, resting her chin against her palm.
droplets of rain started falling down, hitting the neighborhood's roofs continuously. stray cats desperate to find their temporary shelter, and just like that the street became empty.
oh. she wanted to forgive her brother earlier but her words were stuck in her throat and she swallowed each word of forgiveness and comfort bitterly. she was happy when he finally acknowledged his mistake and put down his pride to ask for forgiveness.
a bare minimum and yet a lot of men still struggle to do that.
it's somewhat funny how one person can dangerously ruin other people's lives and it's scary how they can easily manipulate someone — does she feel guilty? happy? scared? unsure? fulfilled? only ella can tell.
growing up, y/n's father often tells her to be easily forgiving to someone because it would make you at peace. well, in other perspective, like forgiving her brother for eating the pizza she put in the refrigerator or forgiving hu tao for stealing her pen would be easy — but forgiving other people when they literally and absolutely caused destruction and chaos to her life, it would take time.
no, not even time can mend her hatred.
the time heals the pain phrase isn't for her because she's sure as hell that even after two, five, and ten years has already passed — she would still feel the pain ella inflicted towards her. how it almost ruined her relationship with her brother and how ella almost had control over her brother.
as childish as it may sound, she will never forgive ella.
***
"albedo and y/n."
"uh oh..."
"here comes trouble!"
"bad decision, mr. zhongli!"
zhongli wore his glasses, his arms resting calmly on the table. "i finally learned about their rivalry and that's precisely the reason why i made them sit next to each other."
"yeah, world war three is about to begin."
the class roared with laughter. "making them sit next to each other is a reminder of their existence – they have no choice but to accept and slowly put down the walls they built."
zhongli continued on, "most of the activities of all the subjects this quarter would be done by pair. your seatmate is your partner — even if you hate their guts or love their presence – you are, under our decision, to work together."
"now, go to your assigned seats."
y/n maintained her unfazed composure despite her heart beating desperately against her chest as she took the seat beside albedo. just her luck, they were sitting at the back of the room, near the window and far from the watchful eyes of their classmates.
their shoulders slightly touched.
ah. if only they knew how hard we're trying to hide our smiles.
the lesson started. zhongli is a good teacher, people often talk about how great he is when it comes to teaching. he's very passionate and focused... he sometimes talks too much but it's fine. he's great anyway.
as he continued to talk in front, y/n felt bored out of nowhere. pulling a piece of paper from her notebook, she doodled something. her hair was blocking the view so albedo couldn't properly see it.
he looked surprised when y/n secretly pushed the paper to his side.
i'm bored :((
albedo chuckled, bright teal eyes unknowingly glanced at y/n who was busy staring at the window. she sighed with boredom.
albedo wrote:
wanna ditch the class together?
when y/n received the letter, he swore she heard her cute little laugh.
no, i want to tell you something.
her statement made his brow rise with curiosity.
what is it?
if he's right, it took y/n five absolute minutes to push the paper back to him. there was mischief in her eyes when she finally finished the letter and it only made his curiosity grow bigger — his breath almost hitched upon seeing the letter.
i like you ... and i wanna kiss you :))
the tip of his ears turned red, his grip on the pen tightened as he silently cursed whilst running a hand through his hair. this girl will be the death of him.
i can kiss you right here, right now :)
y/n choked with surprise. she didn't expect him to write something like that! her cheeks turned bright red, with the ray of the sun slightly hitting her cheeks, her classmates didn't suspect anything but albedo knew... he knew that she's flustered and she could hear him chuckling.
shocked and afraid that they might be caught, she crumpled the paper in her hand, putting it inside her bag. it's so hard to maintain her composure after reading something like that but it was her fault anyway! she started it and he ended it!
y/n froze when she felt his hand holding her hand under the table. her eyes went straight to albedo, her head tilting with questionable expression. it's not that she hated it but she's scared that they'll be caught!
albedo started writing, she let out a small huff, thinking that he's jotting down what zhongli had been talking in front of.
much to her surprise, albedo gently pushed his notebook to her side.
i swear no one saw us. i just want to hold your hand, it fits mine perfectly.
she bit her lips, an attempt to hide her smile. and as she was about to give in, zhongli turned his head to them — she silently thanked the god for that because she might smile like an idiot if she was not stopped.
in the middle of their discussion, zhongli called her for recitation.
albedo squeezed her hand gently before letting it go as he watched her girl speak eloquently in front of everyone, like she knew everything — proving everyone once again how smart and untouchable she was.
this.. this y/n was the first version of her he fell in love with.
his weakness is a smart woman and y/n is a smart woman.
albedo had to look away because staring at her too deeply would mean him smiling with admiration and damn ... she looked hot speaking smartly like that.
***
"tell me, tell me, tell me!" hu tao chanted as they sat under the tree to eat their lunch.
lumine laughed. "is there something going on with you and albedo?"
y/n palms started sweating, she's feeling guilty for not being able to tell her friends but she made a promise to albedo — for the time being, they're keeping it a secret. she wanted to meet him peacefully, god, she wanted to feel peace with him; away from the murmurs of the people she didn't even know.
she's a good liar but could she lie to her friends?
"no." she shook her head. "there's nothing going on between us."
obviously it was not enough to convince the two.
"hm yeah? why were you so silent when you came back with him?"
"we..." fucking kissed. "we had an argument. usual stuff you know?" y/n shrugged, "he was being annoying and got on my nerves."
"even though you like him?"
"what of it? i was tired yesterday." y/n lied casually, resting her back against the tree. she closed her eyes as she did not wish to meet her friends' curious orbs. "not because i l-like him means i will let him act like that around me."
"aw, i was expecting nothing." lumine murmured like a disappointed child, "i thought you guys finally confessed. guess there's the right time for that."
"how about you lumi?" y/n asked, carefully converting the conversation from her to lumine.
lumine chuckled, "wanna hear my story? let's hang out after class, it's my treat!"
when the break finally ended and physics began, the classroom was silent and sometimes filled with stressed sighs from students who couldn't understand much. y/n was struggling too... for starters, if she's struggling with something she would just study her ass but it's different now.
she's not alone anymore.
when the class ended, she tore a piece of paper and wrote down her number. while her friends were dragging her outside, her eyes found albedo. he looked at the paper, then, her.
she smiled, "call me." y/n mumbled with no voice at all, signalling a 'call me sign' as she vanished from albedo's sight — the mischievous girl didn't even forget to give him a wink after that!
albedo chuckled to himself, for how long would they be meeting in secrecy? because if y/n kept pulling a stunt like that, he might not be able to stop himself from announcing to everyone that she's his.