Ryan's POV
Ignoring the emptiness I suddenly felt when her body was lowered feet down the ground, I glanced away to stop myself from breaking down but it was impossible because the action alone hit me hard.
She is gone. Never to be seen again.
I want to break down now but I can not. I am a man. I have a wife who is looking up to me. The way Valerie reacted to her death was shocking and I have to control myself so she doesn't end up crying again.
But I can't hold it back.
How can I when this woman meant so much to me? Is it the pain of losing her when I least expected it? Or the pain of thinking about the people who killed her?
Maybe if it had been a natural death, I wouldn't be in so much anguish. Maybe if it weren't planned by the people I know, I wouldn't be hurt this way.
Why her? Why Mother?
Everybody loved her. She was a great woman. She was wealthy but no one knew she was because her husband was handling everything except, of course, her supermarket which is now closed down.
Lorenzo thinks he can do this and get away with it. He wanted all of her property but I won't let that happen. He is going to rot in jail with the others. I don't care whether we lived together for years as a family. I don't even give a shit about Anita too or Celina.
They all deserve to rot in jail for taking away the only woman who understands me perfectly well.
Her love for me was unconditional. It was normal for a Mother and son to share such a bond but ours was different. She was my confidant. She was my everything.
Even when I wasn't finding myself loving a woman properly after what Celina did, she made me believe that true love still exists and that I was going to find that woman someday.
I didn't need to search further because she brought that woman to me.
She preached about true love when she was facing a lot without letting me know and it makes me wonder who my Father really was and how long they were together before his death.
Was he a good man? When she talked about true love, was she referring to him?
I clench my jaw and fists, and bite on my lower lips to refrain myself from letting out a sob but I fail because I drop to my knees the next few minutes and bury my face on the sandy floor.
A lot of dignitaries are here but I do not care anymore. The press can as well carry it. She is my mother and I love and miss her already.
All of a sudden, I whimper in pain as my heart becomes too heavy. With my balled fist, I hit my hand slowly on my chest to stop the pain but it won't stop as I continue to cry.
From nowhere, I feel a touch.
A touch that puts a stop to my wailings. I don't expect that anybody would want to interrupt me from this painful session. I guess this is why I am surprised.
But then, I do not need to turn back to know who it is.
There is only one person here who can do that. I barely know some of the guests around today but I know they are good friends of Mother.
"Ryan…", her calm voice breaks, making me sit upright on the floor, not bothering to stand up.
My gaze shifts to the area where Mother is buried. My tears are blinding me as I smile, praying deep within me for her to sleep peacefully and not worry about me wherever she is.
She would be worried.
I know this.
She would be worried that I am not doing well. She would be worried that I am hurting and she might linger around. I don't want that.
I want her to be rest assured that I am doing well.
She had always treated me like a little boy despite being an adult and I always let her do that. I miss that.
I miss her concern. I miss her carefree nature and I miss her laughter.
I loved seeing her happy. The way her eyes brighten up whenever she sees me after a long time. The way she hugs me tightly as if she never wants to let me go. The way she caresses my head and rubs her hand over my shoulder.
I whimper again and bury my face inside my palm.
I said I wasn't going to cry but here I am. It was so hard to believe that she was gone but here I am faced with the ugly reality of her death which I have to accept.
Valerie hugs me from behind, uttering soothing words to calm me down but it isn't stopping my tears. I appreciate her presence and how close she is to me but I can't seem to stop myself from doing this.
She must have figured out that I really need to do this to get back my sanity because the next thing she says surprises me.
"Let it out, Ryan. Let it all out. Cry it out and be free."
Every other thing she said before this didn't get to me.
Then, she begins to cry too. It almost makes me stop my tears but I realize I really need to do this. I can't hold it in for so long. The more I hold on to it, the more hatred I will feel for those who did this to me, and the more difficult it will be to accept the reality.
I need to let it out and let go.
I don't know how long we both sat there crying out our eyes but I know it was worth it. Eventually, the tears stop.
Even when I wanted them to come, they wouldn't come. My eyes become so dry and I have to become the one consoling Valerie who wouldn't stop crying.
"I miss her", I say when everything becomes silent. Everyone is gone and we are left alone in the graveyard. "I miss how she cares for me as though I am the only one she ever cared about, as though I am the only one that matters."
Now I see the reason behind everything. I see the reason why she showed me so much care unlike what she showed Anita when we were little.
It was so obvious that I was her favorite. I enjoyed the moment but sometimes I felt guilty for taking all of her affection. Then whenever I remember how cruel our Father was, my guilt will disappear and my baby's mind would assume it was meant to be that way.
I was Mother's favorite and Anita was Father's favorite.
I never knew Mother did all of that for a reason and I guess all of this is the reason why Anita decided to help Father get rid of her.
I wasn't old enough to know that she was trying to pass the information on to me. I would never have known that he wasn't my Father in a thousand years.
"I loved her", Valerie's words jerk me back to life in surprise. "She made me wish for the impossible. I always compare her with my Mother and I wish Mother would show me as much love as she does to you. She was so kind and compassionate. In fact, the first time we met, I wished she was my Mother."
A soft chuckle leaves her mouth as she wipes her tears with the back of her hand.
"She made me realize that the problem wasn't with my Mom but with me. I was too uptight for a carefree person like my mother. We were the opposite of each other and we would never get along well if I didn't try to understand the kind of person she is. All my life, I never thought Mother loved me deeply until I got to realize it when we fought. I can't remember it all but that night, I saw a different part of my Mother."
"I admire everything about your Mom, Ryan. The way she cares for you and the way she talks about your childhood."
"Now I understand my Mother better because of her. There is absolutely no one on earth who isn't prone to change. I miss her too and I wish…" she trails off, regrets flashing across her expression.
Valerie never ceases to amaze me. She is one of a kind and I never would have thought that she had such a relationship with my Mother.
Whenever she wanted to visit my Mom, I always thought it was the usual Mother-Daughter-in-Law kind of relationship. I never knew she cared and loved her this way and it makes me smile sadly, overpowering my curiosity to know what she wished for.
She lay her head on my shoulder and we remain in this position in silence.
I break the silence finally. "She always stood by me, no matter what I did. Even when everyone left me, she was there…"
"Everything will be fine, Ryan", she interrupts me from going further. She lifts her head and our eyes interlock. "I know the point you are driving at but I assure you that I will never leave you. I will always be here for you through the thick and the thin and I promise to be more understanding and patient and less headstrong."
Laughter leaves my mouth but it is mixed with a drop of a tear. She chuckles too and hugs me.
"I wonder why you fell in love with a woman like me. I know I am a handful and I can be so…"
"Shhh", I disengage from the hug and put a finger on her lips to cut her short. "I love you, nevertheless."
A small smile creeps to her face. "That doesn't change the fact that I have to nag you whenever you do something wrong or you act unreasonable or you…"
I roll my eyes. Here we go again.
She is not going to act as my wife only now but also nag me as usual like a Mother.
"Let's go home", I say to her all of a sudden, ignoring the rest of her comments. I feel lightheaded now and better than I have felt since I heard about Mother's death but I know I will feel much better when those idiots who did this get a sentence.
The hearing is in a week and Celina has been found too, trying to flee America.
Valerie seems reluctant and it is getting darker. I didn't bring a car because I wasn't myself and now we have to walk home.
The graveyard isn't too far from our home for a reason. I want her close by so I can always visit whenever I miss her.
I carry her up and drop her on her feet so we can go home. Her eyes linger on Mother's grave with fresh tears brimming her eyes.
I watch her from behind with folded arms until she spins around and staggers. Quickly, I hold her, stopping her from falling to the ground.
"Are you ok?" I peer down at her in concern. She opens her eyes slowly and shakes her head.
She opens her mouth to say something but closes it back. I let my hand off her and ask. "Shall we?"
She nods and I watch her take another step.
Suddenly, she halts and closes her eyes again before falling to the ground, losing consciousness immediately.
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Here we have a chapter. I'm so sorry for the late update, forgive me, will you?😍😘
I have my reasons.
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