I was on my way up to Chris's house, my thoughts jumping around but mostly going back to the reasons why I had to do this. I couldn't keep avoiding this decision forever. Even if it was uncomfortable. The memory of what had happened when I dragged things out was still fresh in my mind.
After that disastrous semester at my last university, I'd dropped out of school and started seeing an alternative practitioner who was also a psychologist. She'd helped me sort out my diet. Above all, she'd taught me other things: That the skin is a mirror of your soul. That there was something going wrong in my life and my body was saying it for me.
Then she'd asked me if I had problems setting boundaries. If I was scared to say what was on my mind. If I was afraid to lose people if I would voice my opinion. I'd felt like she was reading my life.
Trying to break set behavior patterns had been tedious and slow. Most nights I'd felt as if my life was over. But I'd gotten back on my feet. I'd stood up against my parents and applied for PSU. I'd made a conscious effort to change my eating habits, cutting out gluten, dairy, and processed foods. It wasn't easy, but I knew it was a necessary step in taking control of my life.
My palms were slick with sweat and I repeatedly dragged them over my jeans but it didn't help much. My heartbeat rang so loud it drowned out anything else. I parked the car and stared up at my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend's place. This was it.
Soft rain dribbled around me, dotting my clothes with tiny droplets. Several minutes passed after I rang the doorbell. A breath escaped me when the door finally opened and I was greeted by Chris, his face looking tired and his hair messy as if he'd just woken up, despite the early evening hour.
"Hey, Chris," I said hesitantly.
"Taylor? What are you doing here?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I would invite you in but it's not a good time right now..." I briefly wondered what could possibly be up that he wouldn't even invite his girlfriend inside the house but then again it wasn't important anymore. Maybe it was for the better.
"I told you I wanted to talk."
"But couldn't this have waited until tomorrow? I barely got any sleep man. We hung out till noon today. I think the others are still out." His face took on a lazy grin as he looked me up and down. "I wouldn't mind joining you for a quick ride thought, if that's what you were going—"
"Let's break up."
At first, he seemed taken aback, but then he laughed as if I just told him a joke. "What? Is this a new method for attention or?"
I inhaled deeply, trying to stead my fluttering nerves. "No."
He crossed his arms a crease forming between his brows. "Is it still because of what happened last time? I thought we'd talked about this—"
"No. I just don't think that this relationship is going anywhere." I offered him a tight smile. "So, let's not dwell on it too much and move on. I'll see you on campus, Chris."
I was about to walk away when he snatched my arm, his scowl deepening. "Tay, what the hell? I told you I was sorry. You could be a bit more understanding about this."
"It's not about that. This whole thing." I motioned between us. "Was never going well or anywhere in the first place. I think breaking things off shouldn't be that surprising, to be honest."
His grip on my arm tightened. It was almost painful now. "I don't like playing games, alright? If you want something specific just tell me."
I squinted at him. "I already told you what I want. To break up. Now let go of me."
He didn't though. His expression twisted as if my words were a foreign language he couldn't quite comprehend. "I don't understand," he said through gritted teeth, his fingers digging into my flesh like claws.
"I know about you and Jessica. Do I have to say anything else? Do you think I'm stupid?"
"What?" He stuttered. "I told you that was nothing. You believe Jared over me?"
My voice rose. "Funny how you mention Jared. I remember you accused me of cheating after seeing us together. Well, I saw you. With Jessica."
The color drained from his face, leaving him pale and wide-eyed. "Wait, she doesn't mean anything to me-"
"Well, apparently neither do I. Now. Let. Go. You're hurting me."
He frowned but still didn't loosen his grip. "So that's it? You're just going to blow it off because of a little mistake?"
Little mistake?
I gaped at him. "Yes. Because of a little mistake, Chris." I wrenched my arm out of his grip and shot him one last look not bothering to hide my disgust. Then I turned around and headed back to my car.
"You're going to regret this Tay," he yelled after me.
I snorted. Was that the go-to line for boys to yell after they got dumped?
"Fuck!" Alarm streaked through me at the sound of something smashing behind me.
As I looked back, I saw him kicking an empty flowerpot beside the entrance. With a sharp crack, it tumbled down the stairs and shattered into pieces, joining another broken pot in a heap of shards.
I didn't stick around to see if the third one would survive. I peeled out of his driveway, my fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly but it didn't stop my body from shaking.
Still, I did it. I really did it.
My mind was blank as I drove back. I felt like a thorn that had been bugging me was gone but at the same time there was a lump inside my throat. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.
The light drizzle turned into a thick haze, and my windshield wipers struggled to keep up with the deluge. I squinted through the blur, trying to make out the road ahead. Then it happened—a deafening bang shattered the din of the rain, and my vehicle careened to the right. My heart leaped into my mouth as I hit the brakes and the seat belt saved me from slamming forward. The drumming in my chest seemed to drown out everything else. What the hell was that?
I tried the engine. It came alive but as soon as I moved forward, the car lurched to the side again. Carefully, I steered it off the road and pulled the keys. Okay, deep breath. I... I had to check what happened. With another breath, I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight, and stepped out of the car.
It was just as I'd feared. One of my tires was flat. I ran to the trunk, but the few minutes it took for me to search for the tools and the replacement tire were more than enough to leave me completely drenched.
Great. Just great.
My luck these days was horrible. My muscles groaned in protest when I lifted the tire but I got it out. I didn't need help to change a stupid tire. Who would I even call? My ex-boyfriend? As if I would give him the satisfaction.
The wind picked up and my whole body erupted in shivers. My hair was dripping, the wet strands plastered to my face and my shoes squeaked whenever I took a step. I stared at the tire as if I could move with pure willpower alone. Slowly, I rolled the tire forward but it constantly slipped from my slick hands, water, and mud flying everywhere.
I bit on my quivering lip, but a few tears escaped, blending with the raindrops sliding down my face.
I bent down and lifted it back up. Maybe this was my punishment. For being weak. And also for not working out lately.
I managed to set up the hydraulic to lift up the car and started working on the screws. Or tried to. My slick fingers kept slipping on the handle.
This stupid car. Stupid rain. Stupid Chris. Stupid Killian. Stupid me.
Cursing spurred me on until there was only one screw left. I swiped at my cheeks but froze when a pair of headlights flashed over me. The other car parked next to mine and a sleazy, middle-aged man rolled down the window. "That looks bad. Do you need a lift? I can drop you in the city."
"Th-thank you but I got this." I clenched my jaw to stop my chattering teeth and clutched the screwdriver a bit more tightly.
"Are you sure? The weather is really bad. I heard this is gonna continue all night. You're going to catch a cold like that. Don't worry, I have family and kids I would never do anything weird."
Sure. That was what all the weirdos say though.
"I'm sure, thank you though."
"Hey, I wouldn't normally offer this but you really seem to be in a bind." He sounded a bit angry now. "You can trust me. Do I look like a bad person?"
Yes. "Er... No—"
"See," he interrupted me. "Just hop in. You never know what kind of people are out there."
Did he even listen to himself? Cautiously, I grabbed the handle of my car, ready to jump in. "I don't need help."
He stared at me for a few more seconds before he scoffed. The tires reeled as he hit the gas, not bothering to dodge the puddle on the side of the road. My legs got dosed by muddy, ice-cold water before he zoomed away. My arms shook and for a moment I just stood frozen in place. My teeth started chattering again.
As I'd said. This day just kept getting better and better.
A barrage of swear words left my mouth as I heaved my weight against the stubborn screw but it remained immobile, unmoved by my efforts.
You had got to be kidding me.
My chest heaved as I took short, quick breaths, feeling like I was choking up with emotion.
I glowered at the tire but it didn't seem to care.
"Fuck you!" I yelled and kicked it with all my might. A sharp pain ran up my toe and I screamed even more loudly. "Goddammit! You fucking stupid car. Stupid tire, stupid Chris, stupid Killian—"
"What was that?" An annoyingly familiar voice disrupted my outburst.
The screwdriver slipped from my clammy hands. This had to be some sick joke the universe was playing on me.