Homestar Saga

By DestroyatronMk8

1.6K 336 3

The pixens are a people without a planet. Forced to live as refugees, they eke out a living as adult entertai... More

Chapter 1: The Only Thing Worse Than a Human
Chapter 2: Madlad Mims
Chapter 3: Battle for the Big Mama
Chapter 4: Public Relations
Chapter 5: Tact and Diplomacy
Chapter 6: Crime, Commerce, and Cake
Chapter 7: Girl Talk
Chapter 8: Incursion
Chapter 9: Reinforcements
Chapter 10: Charge of the Gunzerker
Chapter 11: Suicide Run
Chapter 12: Kamikaze
Chapter 13: Everything New is Old Again
Chapter 14: Jumpdrive
Chapter 15: The Darkening
Chapter 16: Neutral Species
Chapter 17: Take Me To Your Leader
Chapter 18: Dubious Employer
Chapter 19: Analog
Chapter 20: Derelict
Chapter 21: Move Fast and Break Stuff
Chapter 22: Pressing Concerns
Chapter 23: Agent of the Xill
Chapter 24: Outcasts
Chapter 25: Hunters of the Void
Chapter 26: Bigger Guns
Chapter 27: Bigger Guns
Chapter 28: Boarding Party
Chapter 29: Scargiver
Chapter 30: Agent of Terra
Chapter 31: Secrets
Chapter 32: Code Galactica
Chapter 33: Galactica Protocol
Chapter 34: Debrief
Chapter 35: Aldara Remembers
Chapter 36: Space Captain
Chapter 37: Recompense
Chapter 38: Panic Attack
Chapter 39: There Are No More Akindi
Chapter 40: Mimsey Get Your Guns
Chapter 41: The Price of Fame
Chapter 42: Mommy Issues
Chapter 43: The Tallest
Chapter 44: The Art of Intimidation
Chapter 45: Mobs and Monsters
Chapter 46: Public Transport
Chapter 47: The Hall of Masters
Chapter 48: To Krog or Not to Krog
Chapter 49: Technically the Truth
Chapter 50: Almost Perfect
Interlude 1: Prey Animals
Chapter 51: Distress Call
Chapter 52: Literally Pirates
Chapter 53: Civilians
Chapter 54: Shoulda Woulda Coulda
Chapter 55: Conversations With Cat People
Chapter 57: A Force For Good
Chapter 58: The Big Dirty
Chapter 59: No Cake For You
Chapter 60: Don't Get Caught
Chapter 61: Tortuga
Chapter 62: Out of Beer
Chapter 63: War Games
Chapter 64: Hostage
Chapter 65: Starlost
Chapter 66: Dark Matter
Chapter 67: Boundaries
Chapter 68: Abomination
Chapter 69: Trial of the Pixens
Chapter 70: Accidents and Stupid Ideas
Chapter 71: Time to Rock and Roll
Chapter 72: Symphony of Destruction
Chapter 73: The Fall of the Random Encounter
Chapter 74: False Alarm
Chapter 75: Fight or Flight
Chapter 76: Deux Ex Machina
Chapter 77: The Long Con
Chapter 78: Born in Blood
Chapter 79: The Crystal City
Chapter 80: Only I Remain
Chapter 81: The Peacekeeper
Chapter 82: Collective Bargaining
Chapter 83: The Pixen Technocracy
Chapter 84: City 43
Chapter 85: The Longest Night
Chapter 86: Saving the City
Chapter 87: Non-Standard
Chapter 88: Robot Army
Chapter 89: Reba
Chapter 90: The Homestar
Chapter 91: Agents of Pixa
Chapter 92: Head Pixen In Charge
Chapter 93: Messenger Duty
Chapter 94: The Pixen Stellar Defense Force
Chapter 95: No Mercy For Slavers
Chapter 96: Wheel Theory
Chapter 97: Stingers
Chapter 98: Trust
Chapter 99: Side Trip
Chapter 100: Crystal Communion
Chapter 101: Out of Range
Chapter 102: Klaath Queens
Chapter 103: Infection
Chapter 104: Ace in the Hole
Chapter 105: Last Resort
Chapter 106: A Nice Surprise
Chapter 107: Playing Dress-up
Chapter 108: Trade Deal
Chapter 109: Shindig
Chapter 110: Tactical Necessity
Chapter 111: New Guy
Chapter 112: First Lesson
Chapter 113: Cunning and Brave
Chapter 114: Game Plan
Chapter 115: Infowars
Chapter 116: Counterintelligence
Chapter 117: Rescue
Chapter 118: Monster on Board
Chapter 119: Varma Award
Chapter 120: They Know
Chapter 121: Failure
Chapter 122: The Fall of Brilend Prime
Chapter 123: The Fifth Law of Power
Chapter 124: Running
Chapter 125: The Enterprise
Chapter 126: Invasion
Chapter 127: Fools Flailing in the Dark
Chapter 128: Annihilation Retrieval
Chapter 129: The Last Hope
Chapter 130: Still Standing
Chapter 131: Harbinger
Chapter 132: Costly Declaration
Chapter 133: Already Losing
Chapter 134: Pretending to be Professionals
Chapter 135: Operation BACKLINE
Chapter 136: Coffee
Chapter 137: Meeting of the Minds
Chapter 138: Wake Up Call
Chapter 139: The Silence of the Xill
Chapter 140: The Other Shoe
Chapter 141: Publicity Stunt
Chapter 142: More Expendable
Chapter 143: Soul Gaze
Chapter 144: Motivational Speaker Mims
Chapter 145: Doomsday Clock
Chapter 146: Insufficient
Chapter 147: One Shot
Chapter 148: Pursuit
Chapter 149: Eight on One
Chapter 150: Wrath of the Skygem
Chapter 151: Jewel of the Sky
Chapter 152: Learned Behaviors
Chapter 153: Learned Behaviors
Chapter 154: Rules of Engagement
Chapter 155: Assault on Aldara
Chapter 156: Smart Humans and Stupid AI
Chapter 157: Way of the Starfang
Chapter 158: Shell Game
Chapter 159: Tactically Unsound
Chapter 160: Monster In Paradise
Chapter 161: Gunboat Diplomacy
Chapter 162: The Privilege Of The Strong
Chapter 163: Motherless Sons
Chapter 164: Defector
Chapter 165: Spite and Spycraft
Chapter 166: Love and Loss
Chapter 167: The Return of the Klaath
Chapter 168: Connor Protocol
Chapter 169: Frame-Up

Chapter 56: Already Dead

9 2 0
By DestroyatronMk8

"Well that went better than expected." Lissa leaned back in her chair, hands behind her head. "I thought Scathach would try to eat us for sure."

"Don't worry," said Mims. "I'm sure he'll try to kill us eventually." He handed Lissa a bag full of credit chits. "Do me a favor, find out how much he gave us?"

Lissa took the bag as the Captain sat down. She frowned as she examined it. "Is this made of...?"

"Human skin," said the human. "Yes."

"Gross." She found a clear space near her console and dumped the bag. "Are we waiting here til they leave, or are we just going?"

"Going," said Mims. "The Warmaster said he wouldn't eat anyone, and he strikes me as a man of his word." He put on his helmet and activated flight control. "More to the point, the Tegarns can't wait. Whoever took them already has a four hour head start."

"Oh. Right." Lissa grimaced as she put on her helmet. "Can't believe I forgot that."

Yvian grimaced, herself. She hadn't forgotten about the crew of the Niroco, but she'd pushed the worry for them into the back of her mind while they dealt with the Vrrl. Now the fear came rushing back. Guilt came with it. Yvian knew perfectly well she'd done what she could, that the flerg family had made their own choices. She knew they'd had no choice but to deal with the Vrrl, for the sake of the people on Migo's Shipyard. But when she thought of that little girl, outfitted with slave implants...

"Don't stress it too much," said the Captain. "The threat of being eaten is very distracting." He checked to see if everyone was wearing their helmets. "Initiating jump."

The soothing voice of the ship's computer counted the charging cycle, then blue light flared through the viewports. The Jump Effect gave the impression of fast motion, though what exactly happens when you enter a Gate was a mystery that had yet to be solved. Thirty seconds later they were ejected from the East Gate in the Gilry Sector.

"Lissa, system check," ordered the Captain. "Yvian, run a scan. See if our missing ships are still in the sector."

"All systems green," Lissa reported.

"No sign of the Meat Missile," Yvian reported. She peered at the sensor screen. The Niroco was where they'd left it. Adrift, no power readings. She sorted through the streams of ships flowing through the sector. It still bothered her sometimes, how there could be so many hundreds or thousands of ships passing through, and almost no-one would answer a distress call.

"Acknowledged," said Mims. "Setting a course for the Niroco. Estimated time of arrival in..." he finished typing the sequence. "Eighty seven minutes."

Yvian saw no sign of any pirates, or Militia for that matter. She ran a vector sweep, checking to see if anyone had changed course to intercept the Encounter. The Freedom Republic Pirates had placed a massive bounty on the Captain's head, and twice now they'd had privateers try to collect. Satisfied no one was gunning for them, she ran a second sweep for the Niroco.

"Captain," Yvian got his attention. "We've got a small wing headed for the Niroco. Four fighters and a tug. Looks like a salvage crew."

"Scavengers," Mims nodded. "How soon will they get there?"

Yvian checked. "Forty three minutes."

"Ok. I'll talk to them." Mims opened a hailing frequency. "Attention vessels. This is Captain Mims of the Random Encounter. The Niroco is mine. Please change course."

"Piss off, grinder," one of the ships replied. "This is our salvage."

"The Niroco is not salvage," Mims said. "It's my ship. Change course now."

"Fuck you. We saw it first."

"I don't care when you saw it," a deadly chill entered the human's voice. "I own the ship. I am a licensed privateer, and you are about to engage in an act of piracy. Change course, or I will blow you out of the sky."

"Blow us out of the sky? There are four of us you plat!" The ship fired its weapons, a meaningless display since there wasn't anything close enough to hit. "We'll fuck you like I fucked your mother."

"Shut the fuck up Donii!" A new voice, coming from the ship in the lead. "Don't you know who that is?" The transmission wasn't directed at the Encounter, but Lissa was monitoring all their comms. The lead ship hailed and said, "Sorry about my brother, Mr. Madlad, sir. Captain, I mean. He's an idiot. We're uh, we're changing course now. Uh, have a, have a nice day, Captain." The ships changed course, heading back towards the South Gate.

The rest of the trip was tense, but uneventful. The Random Encounter came to a stop one hundred meters from the Niroco. The Captain insisted they run a deep scan of the ship, searching for life signs, explosives, and booby traps. They found nothing, but Mims decided they wouldn't risk docking.

"Feeling paranoid, are we?" Lissa quipped.

"There's a price on my head," Mims reminded her. "And nearly every human in the verse wants to kill me. Paranoid is just another word for smart."

Mims and Yvian made their way to an airlock and jumped out into the void. They jet packed over to the derelict freighter and landed on the hull just above the bridge. The Captain cut their way in, and they dropped down, weapons ready.

It was too dark to see. Yvian activated NIGHTEYE. She didn't know how it worked, but suddenly everything looked well lit and easy to see. The Captain threw a hull patch over the hole he'd made. He glanced her way, and she gave him a nod. Quickly, quietly, they made their way to the engine room.

The reactor was still damaged, but didn't seem any worse than when they'd left it. Mims turned it on. Lights flickered, then turned on. Gravity resumed. Yvian deactivated NIGHTEYE and her magnetic boots. The Captain observed the reactor for a few seconds more, and they returned to the bridge.

The computer had been wiped. Yvian let out a quiet curse. "They did a factory reset."

Mims cursed.

"I can retrieve the data, but it will take time."

"Oh that's right," Mims said, relieved. "You used to do computer stuff. How long will it take?"

"I dunno. A couple hours?" Yvian connected her wrist console to the ship's computer. "Retrieving the data will be simple enough, but it will take a while to sift through it and find the sensor readings."

"Alright. I'm going to have a look around the ship." Mims tucked his assault rifle into his shoulder. "Keep your guard up and your weapons close. I don't think there's anyone here," He stalked off the bridge. "But it doesn't hurt to be careful."

Yvian paid attention to her feet as she worked. They hadn't repressurized the ship, so she'd have to rely on vibrations to tell if someone approached. Lissa had joked about the Captain's paranoia, but Yvian knew they had enemies. Enemies with stealth tech that scanners couldn't pick up. Mims had survived for over thirty years in an empire that hated him, hunted by his own kind and nearly everyone else. If he said to be careful, then careful she would be.

Mims came back while she was still sorting through the data. She could hear him frowning. "The cargo's still here, but the crew quarters have been stripped. Hard to know exactly what's been taken."

"I've got the sensor logs," she told him. "I just have find the right file."

"Ok."

A few minutes later, she found it. Mims looked over her shoulder as the screen showed the Meat Missile pulling away from the Niroco. The sensors didn't show any new ships approaching. The Meat Missile flew over to one of the other captured pirate ships. It opened fire.

"Damn," the human muttered.

"Are they..." Yvian frowned. "Is that the Tegarns?"

"They're stripping the shields," Mims confirmed. "Looks like they're stealing our ships."

"That's..." Yvian leaned back, thinking. "Well. I guess it's good news."

"No Yvian," said the Captain. His voice carried resignation, and a sadness that set off alarm bells. "It's not good news at all."

"Sure it is," she pressed on. "They weren't taken. They're safe."

"No," said the human. "They died ten hours ago." He sighed. "And we're the ones who have to tell them."

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