Who is it you choose...your old universe or this one...you need to choose...
I close my eyes as the words repeat like a mixtape in my head. The words lay heavy on my heart as I try to focus on the importance on the question. The question that will affect more than I would be able to comprehend.
I'm so torn but I'm happy the guys are giving me some space to think...
It's been two days since we went to the researcher. Two days of my mind burning with questions which are left unanswered. I don't even think I know what to think of anything at this point. The guys haven't said much either but I could see in their faces they just didn't know how to approach it. Thankfully they all just acted like normally just a little more affectionate making me happy that nothing is forced after the meeting.
Then again from all the information I don't have alot of time to just stall anymore...
So this is also how I ended here sitting outside in a park near the dorm as I stare at the night sky trying to sort out my mind being alone but I can't help but wish for someone to hold my hand and guide me the right way but I need to decide this myself.
But it still doesn't just affect only my life but other people too plus to switch back I also need to die again?! Ah this is messed up...
"Aish why is this so hard" I groan as I throw my hands up looking into the night sky feeling my fill with unshed tears.
I just want someone to hold my hand even though I know it should be my decision.
I huff as I rub my eyes from the exhaustion of overthinking but sleep is the last thing I need from how long I am dragging my sulking in thoughts out.
We should never have gone to the researcher then I wouldn't have been made to choose....
I break out of my thoughts when my moment alone gets interrupted by another person sitting down on the bench next to me. I suck in a breath wondering if I'm recognizable but thankfully the hat and mask will work well with the large hoodie I'm wearing.
But what if they followed me and I didn't realise? It couldn't be a stalker or someone who knows who I am right? A fan wouldn't have been so silent, or maybe they would? A stranger?
Even if it's a stranger I decide to collect all my thoughts and retire back home since it's already late but before I could even move an inch from the bench a voice makes me sit back down again making me stare at them.
"Don't panic it's just me Mei-ah" I blink blankly for a second before realisation hits me and I wonder if the world heard my wishes.
"Wha- wait how did you-?" I try to make out wondering if all of this was purely out of coincidence or if he knew I came here to think.
"How did I recognize you? Easy, I can't miss that doe eyes anywhere and I definitely can recognize the girl I am dating. Plus I already thought you would probably come here since this is a great thinking spot if you need privacy since I do it sometimes"
He chuckled before shrugging as I felt myself relax more and lean against the bench. We both sat with comfortable silence between us which already made me feel instantly better.
"Is this about what Professor Hwang said about everything?" He breaks the silence as I glance into his direction before nodding with a sigh.
"Yes, I still can't stop thinking about it especially since I now know that I have this decicion to make which I mean can either mean I choose this life or that life" I drop my head into my hands as I groan.
Poor Namjoon is my venting guy right now
"Sorry I didn't want to bother you with all of this since it's supposed to be my decicion but I know-"
"Jungmei" I get cut off as warm hands take my hands away from my face. He takes my hands into his as he holds them while looking me straight into the eyes.
"Don't apologize for this please. I don't want you to take all of this pressure on yourself because I hate seeing you be in such a difficult position but I promise to stay by your side no matter what. Just take your time Mei-ah and don't feel guilty about any decicion you are going to make. I trust you"
A shaky breath leaves my lips as I smile under my mask. I blush under his caring gaze while I wonder what I have done good in life to deserve such an amazing man in my life.
What would I do without him...
"Thank you really, I think I just needed to let it out" I sigh as I turn to stare back at the sky. He let's go of both my hands as he only holds my one hand between us.
"No need to thank me Mei-ah. This may be your decicion but you vent if you need to and I promise I won't judge you just like I promised I won't leave you" I smile at his words as I take a deep breath trying to set my thoughts in order.
"I'm just scared. I want advice even if it won't pull me in a certain direction I just want to hear anyone's opinion on the matter. I feel like I already know what I want but I feel guilty about it. The future is unknown but I don't want to regret my decicion and the last while spending here is really an important part of my life so I don't...I just don't know" My words get softer at the end as I drop my gaze to my lap.
Silence follows longer than the previous silence until he speaks again.
"Jungmei, I'm going to be completely honest with you because you deserve to know. I'm so scared, I'm terrified of the future and at night I imagine what the outcomes would be of the future. I don't want you to leave because you are a part of us but that doesn't mean I would ever hold you back. People usually say if you love someone then you would be willing to let them go and I feel like we're all in that position. No matter what type of love it is, it can be all but I just want you to be happy. If you choose your life before us then I would support you with my whole heart but this is something that only you can do. I just want you to know that from the time you were here even before knowing who you are it was amazing like we were and are complete. Thank you for coming into our life"
I swallow down the heavy emotions as I don't even realise the tear that slips out while my heart beats louder hearing the deep honest words making me want to scream and cry with happiness and sadness at the same time.
"Seriously what have I done to derserve you? All of you" It's the only words I can mutter out as I laugh slightly before scooting closer to him and resting my head against his shoulder making my heart melt in content.
Love...any type of love?
It would be too soon to use the words love in a romantic way but I can honestly say I love these guys and maybe I am extremely close to loving them romatically, I mean who knows I might but haven't even thought of it. It is true that I feel love when I'm with all of them though, they have become my friends and my family who stayed and are staying by my side even through this. They have become more than friends and family but it doesn't change that they formed part of my life in many ways.
I know I can't base this decicion on my romantic life and that is why I am not doing it. I will however base it on who is my family and who I believe is my endgame in life. I know I have a bit of an unfair point of view since I am not connected to my life before alot anymore and even if that hurts I am surprisingly happy about it.
Which also proves my thoughts at the moment with what I am uncontiously leaning towards.
My life won't change much with the decicion in my lifestyle ways but it will decide on who is my family so who do I choose?
The answer is clear...I made my choice
"I...I think I made my decicion" I raise my head from his shoulder to be met with his face not far away from mine. I pull my mask down and smile at him trying to show that I am perfectly fine. He looks at me with full concentration before he takes of his mask aswell and my smile widens at the sight of his dimples while he smiles at me.
"I'm happy you did, remember we support you all the way."
"I know and that's why I am going to stand by my decicion. Thank you for being a great help at trying to set my thoughts in order."
The two of us just smile before he leans forward pressing his lips to mine in a gentle kiss before puling back just a bit.
"Always for you." He pulls back further and sits up straight while I recover from the moment and my cheeks cool down.
"Are you ready to go back then or do you want to stay longer for a bit?" He raises his eyebrows in question as I ponder on it before shaking my head.
"I think I'll stay a bit longer for some fresh air before coming back. I'll also reveal my decicion then but it will probably be in the morning since they will probably be asleep" He nodded before standing up with a yawn.
"See you at home then, stay safe" He says and I greet back before he starts walking away. I watch until he fully dissapears from my sight leaving me alone once again but this time I feel more settled in myself.
You can so this Jungmei...this is it finally after all the hard and good times and the times of panic and troubles.
I take a deep breath before slowly releasing as I look up to the sky pursing my lips.
"I'm sorry for leaving you and for everything but I hope you will be happier. I have no idea what will happen after I tell my decicion but I will say that I will forever love you and thank you for all the time we spent together. We were never related by blood but you all became my family. May our lives apart be happy lives. I love you all"
The cold breeze blows into my face as I close my eyes when the last words leave my lips. Memories of my time with the guys flood my mind filling my heart with warmth.
Yes...it's time to tell them
I give myself a final nod before standing up and getting ready to go home. Stuffing my hands in my pockets the journey walking back felt calming and went by surprisingly fast.
It didn't take long before I found myself in front of the door unlocking it. The second I opened the door I frowned at the amount of light the place was in.
Is Namjoon still awake and forgot to turn off the lights?
I shrug it off as I take off my shoes and put on slippers. Taking of my mask and hat I drag my feet to the living room wanting to see if anyone was awake with all the lights.
The second I entered the room my question was answered as I froze seeing 7 figures sitting on the couches with sleepy nervous faces.
They are all awake?
By the look of some of them it looked like they were woken up from sleep which makes me wonder if Namjoon woke them up or if they were just waiting for me to safely return.
Now I feel bad for keeping them awake...
"Hi guys what are you all doing up?" I ask stepping more into the room until all of them look up at me with sheepish expressions on their faces.
"We...um we overheard Namjoon-hyung saying you wanted to speak to us but after hearing that we all just decided to wake the sleeping ones up because sleeping after hearing that is impossible" Jungkook smiled as he gestured to the others and my eyes caught the sleepy face of Yoongi instantly knowing the poor man was woken up.
"Sorry about interrupting your sleep then. I guess since you all are awake it would make more sense to just tell you all know unless you want to sleep-"
"No! I-I mean no please, I seriously don't think I can sleep if we postpone this" Jin's cheeks turned a little red before he coughed and tried to sit up normally.
"What Jin-hyung means is that if you are ready then I think we all would prefer to hear now please" Hoseok smiled at me and I nodded.
"That is only if you are 100% sure no pressure" Yoongi added and I felt the corners of my lips tug up at their behaviour.
"Don't worry I am definitely sure" I smiled at them as they all waited for the silence after to be broken by me so I chose to stop the torture for them.
"So after thinking about it alot and trying to find out what my heart and mind wants I am ready. My final decicion is..." I take a deep breath trying to hide the smile threatening to break through as they all leaned closer.
"I'm staying here with you all"
"........"
"Oh my- are you serious? No jokes and no take backs right?" I turn my head to Taehyung as he gives me a pleading look while I smile feeling myself tear up.
"Yes I'm serious if that's what you all want-oof" My words get cut off as a body collides into mine pressing it close to theirs.
"I'm so happy! Thank you" I laugh as Jungkook almost breaks me in his hug before he loosens the hug only to pepper my face with small kisses making me laugh even louder.
"Okay back away Kook-ah and let us hug her too" I feel Jungkook getting taken away from me as a new pair of arms wrap around me.
"So this means you are now officially a part of us forever?" I smile at Hoseok's words as I nod knowing he can feel it even if he can't see it. He squeezes me in the hug before letting me go before placing a small kiss on my lips as he smiled his heart smile at me.
"Me next" I smiled shaking my head as Taehyung beamed at me with teary eyes before he wrapped me in a warm hug and nuzzled his head in my neck.
"You are my heart and I'm happy my heart stays near me now"
Sweet muffins...these guys are my weakness
He lets me go as he gives me a small kiss aswell before the next one comes to give me a hug.
"I think I will love our future the most right now" Namjoon laughed as he hugged me.
"Thank you Namjoon" He let go of the hug as he smiled shaking his head before giving me a small kiss like the others.
"No, thank you Jungmei"
"Move aside for the eldest and let me hug our dear Jungmei-ah please" I chuckle as Namjoon playfully rolls his eyes when Jin stepped forward and pulled me into a tight warm hug while he patted my head making me laugh lightly.
"No mistakes were made when you came to us because now we are complete, thank you for staying" I smiled at his sweet words as he let me go giving my forehead a kiss and a small kiss on my lips aswell.
"Now I don't know if I will have the best dreams while peacefully sleeping or if I won't be able to sleep from the happiness" Yoongi stepped closer as he faked a pout making me raise my eyebrows before we both broke into wide smiles. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug and sighed.
"Seriously though after everything I can say that any bad or good times in our future will be worth it with all of us together and not with a empty space" He leans back before kissing my nose and my lips.
"Thank you Mei-ah"
"Okay move along Hyung! I can't believe I'm the last one to hug her" Yoongi laughed as Jimin huffed but he didn't stop smiling as he pulled me closer and brought me into a hug.
"Lovely Mei-ah, thank you for not only being the girl who has my heart but also the girl who has become my family and a big part of my thoughts"
There it is...I seriously won't be able to sleep with all of these guys making my heart beat like this
"Same for all of you" I smile as he pulls back and kisses my cheeks before giving me a small kiss.
As soon as he steps back I get to see the happy faces of all 7 of them and I can't help but smile widely at them with only one thought in my mind.
Come what may, I won't ever regret this decicion. They are my new family and I love them all...
I am now a part of BTS, they are my heart and I will live with no regrets through our future