Its been four days and I still feel like I can't breathe. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I can't return to our apartment. I can't function, I can't do anything. I've been living in a shell, half the time I don't know what's going on around me. I just know that I'm at mums house and Harley has been coming and going while also covering my shifts at Darby's.
Stevie had been blowing up my phone from the moment I hadn't shown up to work for my shift. I couldn't care less; I'm sure he knows what's going on, the whole town does. Hex's face and his arrest has been all over the news, multiple times a day.
The first time I had seen his mugshot on mums TV, I had my first complete meltdown to the point mum was about to call an ambulance. It wasn't only due to grief, they had made out that Hex was a terrible person, that he had done something so heinous because he's an evil person. I disagreed in the moment but after sitting on it for days, maybe they're right. Has Hex been a bad person our entire relationship and I've been too wrapped up in love to notice?
Mum had to go to my apartment and gather some of my belongings as well as Teddy. We just had to pray that Teddy and Eddie got along and so far they just avoid each other.
I can't even think of Hex without breaking down, it seems to be the only thing I can do. I haven't heard from him, I don't know anything that's going on with him. I think mum and Harley are keeping information from me but I'm too exhausted to even ask. Its probably for the best anyway, I'm not stable enough to hear the truth.
He's going back to Hellbound.
"Here, honey" I flinch as mum's voice breaks my blank stare out the window. She holds a plate with a piece of buttered toast but it still makes my stomach roll at just the sight. She places a cup of tea on the table in front of me and I notice how dry my throat is.
"Thanks mum" I mumble as I take the plate. I stare at it before setting it on my lap. "But I don't know if I can eat it" I whisper.
I look up in time to see her eyes roam my face, the concern is set deep in them and she makes no effort at hiding it.
I can only imagine what I look like after four days of living in a shell.
"Here, have a little" she tears a piece off and hands it to me. I hold my breath so that the smell doesn't put me off.
The taste is overwhelming on tastebuds that haven't been used in a while. But it tastes good and I chew it down before taking another bite.
The front door opens softly behind me but it still makes my blood pressure spike. Is it the police again? I don't want to give another statement. I don't want to relive it again.
"Good morning" I hear Harley's soft voice behind me and I relax again.
Wyonna's funeral has been postponed until further notice. I had only found out yesterday that the funeral hadn't gone ahead. To be honest, selfishly, it hadn't even crossed my mind in the last few days. I think Harley still holds hope that Hex will be able to attend his mothers funeral but I know in my heart he won't be. He killed someone, he won't see the outside world again.
"Morning Harley" mum greets her and I feel the pressure of lips press into my hair as Harley stands behind me.
"Morning Pops" she swipes my hair back from my face and I say good morning back to her.
She's meant to be working today but I don't question it, work is the last thing on my mind.
Its silent for a moment but I can see mum from the corner of my eye looking at Harley as they communicate silently and it causes anger to bubble up inside me.
Mums hand rubs my knee "honey, we'll be in the kitchen, let me know if your need any-."
"Is it about Hex?" I ask, my voice stern. Their silence gives me my answer and I place the empty plate on the table in front of me, the toast now settling in my stomach. "Then I want to hear it."
I turn to look at them and wrap the blanket tighter around my body, hoping it brings me the comfort I'm missing but its not warm and safe like Hex.
I see the apprehension clear on their faces and mum squeezes my knee.
"Maybe that's not the best idea, honey" she tries to comfort me but it's not working, I just want to know the truth.
"Please don't exclude me from this, I need to know" I whisper but its loud in the silent room.
Its so quiet that I hear mum swallow and I can't look at her, I know her eyes are glossy.
"O-okay honey" the overuse of the pet-name is annoying me. They're treating me like I'm made of glass and even though I definitely feel like I am, I'm not.
It's silent for a minute and I can tell that they're trying to articulate themselves in a way that won't completely break me.
"I got a call from the prison earlier" I can feel Harley's eyes on the back of my head and I swallow thickly with the threat of my toast coming back up. "He really wants to talk to you, Poppy." I close my eyes as the stab of pain hurts my heart.
The physical pain is almost as painful as the emotional pain. I can't sleep, my body constantly aches for Hex's touch and the random stabs of pain to my heart and the burning sensation on my brand reminds me of where he is and what he's done.
I shake my head, willing the tears to go back but they sit thick in my throat and I have trouble getting the words out.
"I-I I don't want to speak to him" I mumble. That's a lie, I do want to talk to him but I won't, I can't, not right now at least. But I still want to know what he has to say. "Did he say anything else?" I whisper.
I hear the deep breath from Harley and I brace myself for the news. "He's pleading not guilty."
I hold my breath, feeling like I got punched in the gut. Why would he plead not guilty? There's so much evidence and eye witness' that saw everything. The court will only come down harsher on him for wasting their time when he goes to trial and spends unnecessary taxpayer money.
"Why would he do that?" I question and don't expect an answer. Harley doesn't say anything but her hands start to braid my hair, it feels nice and calms my stomach.
"Honey, maybe his lawyer will be able to-" I cut mum off; her insistence that Hex has a chance at being found not guilty annoying me. They know nothing, they didn't see it, I did.
"He did it, mum" I state firmly and I curl in on myself further, tucking my feet under the blanket. "He did it, I saw it."
"Well m-maybe, he'll get a shorte-"she tries again but I cut her off and I don't even feel bad about it.
"No mum" I raise my voice slightly "he won't and even if he does, I'm done, I'm so done" my voice cracks in a dry sob but don't tears fall. I've spent so many years of my life waiting around for Hex and I'm done with it, I can't wait any longer.
I feel the air in the room change and mum hands pause on my knee before it starts to stroke again.
My stomach grumbles angrily and I rub it soothingly under the blanket.
I hear the familiar sound of Banks car out the front, he must have dropped Harley off and waited in the car.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Pops" she presses a kiss to the top of my head and says goodbye to mum too.
"Harley" I call as she's about to leave the room "when is his court hearing?" I ask.
I feel the hesitance in the air as she wonders if she should tell me but ultimately she decides to.
"In two days" the words are soft and I nod. She leaves before she can see me run to the bathroom where the toast buns my throat.