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J J W O O D F O R D
I greet Finn for breakfast the next morning. Yesterday felt like a fucking whirlwind. At least my shoulders now feel ten times lighter that I told Daisy I don't want to see her anymore, it wasn't ever going to go anywhere and I should have ended it sooner.
"You got work today?" I ask as I grab the milk from the fridge.
Finn shakes his head. "Na man, party tonight. I got someone to cover my shift."
I snort quietly and peer over my shoulder at him. "Already?"
He shrugs effortlessly. "They offered, why would I decline? It's my turn to get absolutely trollied."
"Great," I laugh to myself and pour some cereal into a bowl, followed by the milk. I perch beside Finn as he reads through something on his phone. "Can't wait for that."
I hear the floorboards upstairs creak and I remember my short conversation with Ivy yesterday. She said that we would talk today, about last weekend. It's been days now and I want nothing more than to clear up the air.
I've gone over in my head a thousand times what I want to say... if it goes that way, that'll be a different story. I already feel myself cracking under pressure and going off script, I don't even want a script in the first place but if I don't think about it, it's going to be an absolute shit show.
Footsteps patter the stairs as I glance up to find Ivy walking towards us. Her eyes are down on the floor and I wait for her to look at me or even FInn but she doesn't. Something has been bothering her since yesterday and I want to know what it is.
"Hey," Finn calls out. "You good?"
Ivy hums as she reaches the fridge and pours herself a glass of apple juice. "You okay?"
"Yeah, party tonight. You in?"
She shakes her head. "No, I'm going to stay in."
"Why?"
I watch as Ivy drags her tongue across her bottom lip and turns towards her brother, still barely acknowledging me. She seemed fine with me yesterday, what has changed all of a sudden?
"Not feeling it," she sighs.
"You might later," Finn says quickly. "Why don't you invite Daisy with you? Haven't seen her around for a few days."
I cringe at the sound of her name. Finn doesn't even know I pied her off. It's not been something I've wanted to talk about, not when all I can think of is Ivy.
"No thanks," she shakes her head and raises the glass to her lips. "I'll pass on inviting her."
Finn turns to her slowly. "Is that why she hasn't been around? Has something happened between you two?"
"Don't know, don't care," she mumbles into the glass before emptying it and placing it inside the dishwasher.
"Iv," he reaches out to grab her wrist and she stops walking, facing the wall. "What's going on?"
Ivy then glances to the floor and I can't take my eyes off her. "Nothing."
"Nothing. It's not nothing, what happened with Daisy?"
She raises her eyes to meet her brothers. "We fell out. It's not a big deal."
My eyes widen a little. They fell out? Shit. I wonder if it has anything to do with her drunken confessions of mine the other night. She was wasted and I could see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes, from the both of us.
FInn tugs her back gently and twists in the stool. "Come out with us tonight, I don't want you being alone if you're all sad. I'm sure Isaac will be there."
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. No doubt Isaac can save the day and whisk Ivy away from me, the ultimate cock-block. But Ivy said we'd talk and I will do everything in my power to get her alone so I can drop all my feelings on the table and not look back once.
"I'm not feeling it," she whispers.
"For a little bit? It might make you feel better. I promise I won't make a fool out of myself."
Ivy's lips curl at his comment. "You always make a fool out of yourself, what are you talking about?"
He gasps loudly and her smile brightens, sending my stomach into a clump of cement. I wish she'd smile at me like that. And yet, I might as well be dead to her right now because she hasn't even glanced my way.
"Well, I'll try extra hard today then," FInn puffs out his chest.
"I'll think about it," she pulls away from his grip. "I wanna go into town and do some things, see how I feel later."
Finn nods. "Alrighty."
Ivy turns back in my direction walking to the fridge, she catches my eyes for the first time and I offer her a smile. "How are you feeling today?" I ask.
I feel Finn's eyes staring into the side of my face but I couldn't care less what he thinks right now. I have to talk to her, even if it's for a second before I drive myself insane–or more like–she drives me insane.
"I'm okay," she nods.
"What was wrong?" Finn frowns in our direction.
Ivy sucks in a breath and grabs a yogurt from the fridge. "I had a headache yesterday, JJ left some painkillers at my bedroom door. Thank you for that."
Her eyes collide with mine when she speaks and I stare back into those light blue eyes. God, that cement is crumbling. "You're welcome," I nod. Her gaze flicks across my face for a second before she drags them away and scolds herself for staring.
I certainly don't mind.
Ivy soon leaves and Finn drags me out for the day, although all I can wish for is the fact she'll come to the party so I can talk to her. Even if I get a minute of her time, I'll be satisfied.
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I'm pleased when I spot Ivy as she joins the beach party.
I'm not pleased when the first person she goes to is Isaac.
Daisy is nowhere to be seen which is convenient, I certainly don't want to be in the position I was in last time. Now I'm curious about what happened between the pair of them.
My eyes keep track of Ivy as she sits with Isaac and a group of people I vaguely recognise. Finn has me, Joel and Cal in a game of beer pong. He said he wouldn't make a fool out of himself if Ivy came but he's already halfway to fucked. As usual.
I sip on my drink, not wanting to be intoxicated when I finally get to speak to Ivy tonight. Which will happen, even if it kills me. It's been too damn long and I can't stand another second of her thinking that I don't fancy her because I do. It's unhealthy how much the chemicals in my brain alter when I look at her.
At some point Ivy walks towards the drinks table alone and I excuse myself saying that I need the toilet. But I make a beeline straight towards her. She's covered up despite the warm weather and her long blonde hair cascades down her back.
I clear my throat as I approach her. "Are you avoiding me? You said we'd talk today."
Ivy glances up at me as she fixes herself a small drink. "No. I've been collecting my thoughts."
"What happened between you and Daisy?" I straighten out my spine, suddenly conscious of the height difference between us.
Her eyes close tightly. "You mean where she came crying to me because you said that you didn't want anything to do with her anymore?"
I feel my brows pinch together painfully. "How is that my fault?
"Because you decided to have a conversation about me with her." She turns to me with deep frustration burning in her eyes and I realise how hurt she truly is. "Because you told her that I wasn't your type even though we slept together, she brought it up to humiliate me in front of you. Because she can't stand having a guy reject her but she has no idea what it's like for people to make comments about you, comments that stay with you and make you so damn insecure."
Her words ripple something inside my chest and I've never heard her speak so freely about her struggles, about how I made her feel. Guilt clouds my body and I wish I could go back in time and change how everything played out, but I can't.
I can only try and fix the future.
Anyone can see that Ivy struggles with self-esteem but I didn't realise it ran this low.
"I'm sorry about what I said to her, I didn't mean it. I was–"
"Look JJ, I don't care." She folds her arms over her chest, shaking her head as if this situation could just go away. I wish it would. "I don't care about this anymore. It's such a mess and it's exhausting."
She takes a step away and alarm bells start ringing in my mind, I have to take control of this situation. I have to say it now, even if the words are barely forming on my tongue. I reach forward and take her wrist in mine, tugging her back gently.
Ivy glances up at me and as I look at that perfect face, the words fall a lot easier than I thought they would. "Don't you realise that every time you catch me looking at you, it's because you are so damn beautiful that I can't tear my eyes away."
She blinks once and her throat contracts, a small sound falling from those lips.
"The night we met, I told you you were gorgeous. And I said it because I meant it."
Never in my life has my chest felt so tight and so relieved at the same time. She stands there in shock or surprise but she doesn't move so I take a slow breath and run my finger along the inside of her wrist in soft motions.
Ivy's lips are now parted, inhaling as much air as she can. Goosebumps run along her arm as I continue to move my finger against her skin, the warmth stretching through mine and beaming into me like the sun.
I step closer to her, my body towering over hers. "From the second I saw you, Ivy. I–" I pause to admire her all over again. Those big eyes are staring at me with awe, they're crumbling and I hope she realises that everything I'm saying is true. "I just had to have you. Even if it was for one night."
My heart pounds my ribcage. I've opened my heart and laid it out for her flat.
"JJ–"
Listening to her whisper my name makes me shiver, my spine tightens and then relaxes because I want her to know the truth.
"Come back to the house with me. Away from the party. Let's just talk. No one to distract us."
"Finn will know we're gone," she glances over her shoulder but I couldn't give a shit who is looking at us right now.
All I see is her.
"Then we make something up."
Ivy's lip trembles for a second and she shakes her head but she doesn't remove her wrist from my grip. She lets me hold her. "I can't do this to him. Not again." She sounds so defeated and I wish she'd do things for herself, not for anyone else.
"Not again?" I repeat. "Ivy, I don't understand. What happened before?"
Her eyes falter for a second and I notice that her jaw tenses at my question.
"Is this about Ben?"
Ivy rips her hand from my grip, eyes glittering with sadness within a matter of seconds. My fingers turn ice cold without the comfort of her skin and I regret it. Instantly.
Shit. Shit. Why did I say that?
"Did Finn tell you?"
"No."
"Then who?"
"Joel and Cal. They didn't say much but they mentioned Ben."
Ivy lowers her head and she's back to hiding away in her shell. I had her for thirty seconds and I fucking ruined it. She bunches her hands into her cardigan and attempts to shield herself from me.
"Stop. Stop shutting me out." I plead with her.
"This can't happen." Her voice tears through my soul.
I step closer but I don't attempt to touch her. "I know you want me as much as I want you, Ivy. You're just too scared to admit it."
Ivy glances up at me after a few moments and we stare at each other, not once moving our gazes away. I flick my eyes between hers rapidly. Begging her in my head to admit that she wants me the same way, that I'm not going crazy thinking that we could be good together.
Because at the moment, it's all I can think about.
"And it's not about sex," I clarify. "It's not about bedding you. It's about wanting you, for you, Ivy."
Those eyes melt into something for a fraction of a second. She crumbles at my words but puts herself back together quicker than a flash of lightning.
"Sup guys," Finn's voice echos into our space. I groan internally as he pauses between us. "Everything all good?"
Ivy is still looking at me and I draw my eyes away from her to look at Finn. "Yeah," I nod, mentally murdering him for interrupting us. "Just talking about Daisy." I lie.
Her shoulders relax when I don't tell him the truth, not when she's so caught up on what happened in the past.
"Oh," Finn frowns. "Ahhh, well let's ignore her for tonight. Let's have fun."
He wraps his arm around Ivy's shoulders and she slumps at the weight of him. "Yeah," Ivy nods before pursing her lips. "Sure."
When he pulls her away from the table I grind my molars into one another. The conversation might not have been as in depth as I wanted, but at least now she knows where I stand.
Now it's up to her and how she wants to play it.
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Author's Note
Hello my loves, what did you guys think of this chapter?👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼
You know what, I'm so proud of JJ for telling Ivy that he thinks she's beautiful, that he wants her, that they can't deny these feelings. It takes a lot for JJ to open up like that!😢🥺
Ivy's light has been out for so long, I can't wait for you to see how JJ relights her and shows her that she doesn't need to stay in this shell forever.
Also, Finn out here ruining everything!!!🥲
But don't forget, we're only on chapter 24, we've still got a while to go!
Don't forget to vote if you enjoyed, it makes my day!🥰🥰🥰
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