The color drained from my face and my hand instantly shot up to cover my neck. "I just scratched it, that's all."
"Is that a rash or something?" Chris' brows furrowed.
I hesitated. "Or something."
"Like an allergy?"
I squirmed. "Yeah."
"You should check in with a doctor. You wouldn't want it spreading to your face, right?" My heart stopped but he just kept going. "So, how about tonight? I'm getting the booze. From the looks of it, you could use some. You should loosen up a bit, you know?"
The car keys dug into my palm. "I told you I don't have time. Actually, I really need to go," I added with a quick look at my phone. I ducked under his arm and opened the driver's door. Before I could get in he shut it.
A chill ran down my spine. "Chris?"
"I wasn't done talking."
An itching sensation crawled over my neck and the back of my hands. I squeezed the soft skin on my forearm between my thumb and index finger until the pain drowned out the rest.
His breathing had turned heavy and upon closer inspection, I noticed dark circles under his eyes.
"I have to go now, Angie is already waiting," I said carefully.
He was about to say something else when a cheerful voice called our names. Our heads snapped up at the same time, and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
My relief was short-lived when I noticed Killian's tall frame right behind a waving Cody.
Chris stepped back. " 'Sup, Cody." His tone was back to normal. There was even a smile on his lips as if his behavior just seconds before had been an illusion.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I nearly jumped as I saw the time on my display. Shit. I wasn't just late anymore. I was very late.
"Sorry, guys, I really have to go." I pictured Angie in my head waiting for me and bit my lip. I had even sent Sofia a message this morning that I would take care of it. Without a second look at the guys I started the car, put the gear in reverse, and pulled out of the parking spot.
I shifted back in first when my eyes met Killian's over the dashboard. His brows raised as he mouthed, "That's your boyfriend?"
My blood ran cold. So, he did know that I'd lied yesterday...
I gritted my teeth. I had to get a grip. This wasn't the time to be concerned about what the new guy was thinking about me. Angie was waiting.
When I finally got to the school, the skin on the back of my hands felt raw from scratching. I tapped the steering wheel as I parked the car, my eyes flying over the school grounds. A lonely figure sat on a bench next to the entrance. Her head was downcast, the dark strands hiding her face from view and her arms hugged the oversized backpack resting on her legs.
I scrambled out of the car and ran up to her. "Angie!" Her head shot up. The tension left my body in a flush when she instantly brightened. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I got held up at university."
I took her backpack from her arms and gave her a tight hug which she returned just as forcefully. She was just like her mom in that regard. Out of all the people I knew, they gave the best hugs.
"It's alright, I was counting. We practiced today and our homework is to..." Her happy chatter once more filled the car, easing away the rock that had been weighing on my chest. I sent Sofia a quick text message to let her know that everything was fine and we drove home.
I couldn't help but think back to what happened in the parking lot. My face grew hot again when I thought of the way Killian had looked at us.
That's your boyfriend?
Even if I hadn't been sitting in the car at that moment I wouldn't have known how to reply. Chris had been weird lately but our relationship had been good before that.
Breaking up. The thought alone was enough to make my palms break out in a sweat. I wasn't just bad at breaking up, I royally sucked at it. Even arguments were hard for me which was why Chris and I worked so well. We rarely, if ever, fought.
Because you're a coward, the little voice inside my head pointed out.
Maybe I was a coward. My whole life, the thoughts and emotions of others had always seemed more important than my own. Habits were a scary thing.
"Tay."
My head snapped up. We had just entered the apartment and Angie's small hand clutched my wrist as she looked at me with concern. With a start, I noticed that the skin on the back of my hand was now angry red.
"Yes?"
"Are you hurting yourself?"
I nearly stumbled. "No, no! It happens occasionally when I'm stressed." My eyes flickered to the bathroom door where I stored the medication. Should I increase the dose?
"Ah, okay. Does it hurt?"
"It doesn't." I shot her a reassuring smile, but it felt stiff. The back of my hand throbbed but otherwise it wasn't too bad. There was no blood at least.
She clapped her hands. "Can I brush your hair? And braid it? I want to practice."
"Sure." I laughed at her excitement. I walked into my bedroom to grab a brush and some hair ties. "Are you sure you don't want me to do your hair?"
"No, no," she replied, her tone all business-like as she arranged the ties next to her. She grabbed the brush from my hand and pointed to a cushion she'd placed on the floor.
I sat down and crossed my legs. Her strokes were a bit clumsy at first, but she quickly got the hang of it. I switched the TV on and the tension slowly started draining from my shoulders as we watched the newest episode of Kim Possible.
"Do you like it?" she piped up.
"Of course, you're a professional!"
"Good," she said. I could feel the tip of the brush gently stroke over my scalp again. I flinched when she hit the back of my head though. "Oh, was that too much pressure?"
"No... It's just, there's a spot at the back of my neck so the skin is really sensitive."
"Oh, like on your hand?"
"Yeah..." Kids really were scarily perceptive.
"Okay, I will be careful." The brush slid through my hair again but this time she made sure to move it away from my neck. "Mom says brushing hair is relaxing. Does it work?"
My heart nearly stopped. She really was an angel. On impulse, I turned around and drowned her in cuddles, and for the next minute, her happy giggles filled the apartment. "So, that's why I feel much better, now I get it."
She beamed at me but then her tiny hands ushered me back onto my seat. "Good. I really like your hair."
"I really like your hair. Your hair is the best." It really was. Whereas mine was plain straight, her hair was naturally thick and wavy. Something that was impossible for me to achieve unless I used a ton of products filled with chemicals that would irritate my scalp.
My phone beeped with a message from Chris.
Sorry about earlier. I just miss you and we never see each other. Should I come over tomorrow?
I stared at the text, my fingers hovering over the screen. Yesterday I would've jumped at the chance to get some alone time with him. As of now... I carefully studied my hands. Dry lines spread over the back of my hands like spider webs. My neck felt as if it was on fire every time I brushed against the scuff. I should probably avoid any physical activities because sweat would only make it worse.
I sighed. Explaining all this would take energy. Something I didn't have enough to spare lately.
I know. I can't though. I need to finish my reports. It'll be better when I'm done with the laboratory.
His reply came a few minutes later.
Fine.
I knew it wasn't completely my fault but I still carried a huge chunk of it. Whenever my skin's condition became bad I would try to avoid everyone as much as possible. I stared at the bathroom door. It was so easy... I squeezed my eyes shut. I would decide by tomorrow.
I contemplated preparing some food when the doorbell rang. Angie jumped to her feet and bolted to the door, her squeals announcing the visitor without me having to check.
"Hey, Tay," Sofia said, her eyes traveling from the three half braids on my head to Angie's hair which was neatly tugged in a French braid. She dropped two grocery bags onto the kitchen counter. "I see you have been busy."
"Yep."
"I thought about making curry tonight or are you in the mood for something else?"
"No, that sounds great!" My mouth already started watering just thinking about it. Sofia could cook just about everything. Spanish, Vietnamese, Chinese, Indian—no matter the cuisine she always managed to whip up some amazing that was also dairy and gluten-free.
"Come on, Angie, it's time for homework."
At around ten p.m., I stood and cleaned up our plates and Sofia entered the kitchen.
"Tay, let me see your hands," she said.
I sighed and held them out.
Inspecting the marks, she asked, "Has it been getting worse lately?"
"Just the last few weeks."
She was one of the few people who knew about my condition. Chris only knew that I avoided eating specific kinds of food. After today, I wouldn't bother trying to explain anything else to him.
"I haven't had the time to do my usual routine," I added. Which meant eating a healthy smoothie every morning and adding at least one type of juice, usually cucumber. Cucumber worked wonders for dry skin but it didn't really help if I went out drinking.
"Are you under a lot of stress at the moment?"
I pushed my hair away just to realize that it was bound in a braid. "I don't know. There's a lot to do for university and Chris... Well, he's not making it better."
"You know, you don't have to watch over Angie if you're busy—" I shot her a glare, instantly silencing her. "Okay, okay, I'm just saying."
"It's not that. I don't know what to do about him. He's been acting strange lately and I..." I sighed again. "I don't know. Or maybe I do but I don't want to know. It's not like our relationship is that bad."
Her eyes dimmed at my rambling. Yeah. Even I knew I was just making excuses. But I just wasn't ready yet. Maybe it would get better with some time...
"Take your time. It's important to take care of yourself though."
For some reason, my thoughts trailed back to a certain someone again. That's your boyfriend?
He probably thought that I was weak... But, no. It was stupid to wonder about Killian's opinion.
Sofia patted my shoulder. "Don't worry. God has a path for all of us. You will get there eventually."
I really hoped she was right. But my faith in God had left me a long time ago.