Collin
~
Romantic gestures aren't my thing, but I've been kept away from the one person I love the most for days, and I just knew I had to see her when the clock hit midnight.
So that's why I'm standing here with a fucking pathetic looking cupcake, praying that Margo heard me.
Seeing her standing on the rooftop like that horrified me. I was so scared she was going to jump, and I knew it was all my fault.
I couldn't get her attention until she was sitting down or at the very least not swaying back and forth on the damn ledge.
I saw her look down at me, but I don't know if she knew it was me, and I can only pray that she opens the door soon because it's cold as fuck out here and I don't know how much time I have.
Sure enough, I hear someone picking with the locks on the door before it swings open, revealing the most beautiful sight.
My Margo, disheveled and confused, yet so endlessly beautiful. God, I missed her.
Neither of us speak, just staring at each other. I smile as I take in the shocked expression on her face. She looks so pretty I'm not even sure she's real. Sometimes I worry I've imagined her entirely.
"Happy Birthday, Margo." I hand her the cupcake, but she merely stares at it in awe.
Her eyes flicker between me and the cupcake. "Am I hallucinating?" She whispers. And then she pokes my cheek.
I break out into a laugh and shake my head. "No, baby. It's me. I'm here, and I'm so sorry it took me so long."
My words hardly enter the universe before she's taking the cupcake, gently placing it on the ground before pulling me into a bone crushing hug.
I immediately wrap my arms around her waist as she rests her head into the crook of my neck.
We stay like this for a while, and I hold her tight for as long as she needs me to. I can't imagine the mental agony I put her through when I didn't show up. I knew when Marley knocked on my window that I was right.
When Margo finally pulls away, she looks deep into my eyes before punching me in the shoulder. Hard.
"Ow! What the fuck, Margo?" I hold my arm where she hit me.
"That's for leaving me in here alone for six whole days and ignoring every single one of my calls!" She clearly felt bad though because she kissed my arm where she had punched me.
I sigh, grabbing her hands and holding them tightly as I try to explain. "I didn't have a choice. X broke into my house and really fucked things up for us."
Margo's eyes go wide. "What?"
I quickly explain to her everything that went down and why my parents are so adamant that we stay away from each other. I tell her how my psychotic mother took my phone and my computer, and basically anything she thought I could use to get in touch with Margo.
Margo listens intently and I can see her anger toward me dissolving. "Sorry I hit you," she mumbles.
I chuckle. "I deserved it." I pick up her cupcake from the ground and hand it to her. "Now eat, birthday girl. We don't have much time and I need to celebrate with my girl."
She shakes her head with a scoff, taking the cupcake. "I can't believe you remembered this stupid day. How did you even get in here?"
"It's not a stupid day. Don't say that," I scold. "And you happen to have a very intelligent little sister."
Margo licks the frosting off her lips as the shocked expression returns to her face. "Marley helped you? Is she here?"
I nod. "She's doing something with the cameras to occupy everyone inside, I guess."
"God I love that kid," she says. I admire the love she has for her sister. "so you can't stay?" She almost looks embarrassed to ask the question, her eyes low and timid.
I can feel my heart ache as I take in the hurt expression. "I'm sorry, baby. I wish I could."
She shakes her head, finishing the last of the cupcake. She gives me half because she refuses to eat the whole thing herself.
We're staring at each other as we finish the dessert. Her eyes are sad, as usual, but there's something more lingering there— something I can't decipher fully.
I can't handle it anymore. I grab her chin and pull her to me, kissing her like a man starved. Her cold hands find their way to my cheeks, holding me as if I'll disappear. I taste the cigarette she was smoking and realize I started to miss it.
Her sweet vanilla scent reminds me of home and that's a feeling I've never felt before. We pull apart and I'm instantly colder.
"I don't want to be alone again," she whispers. My favorite shade of green stares back at me and I feel like she's reaching into my chest and ripping my heart right out. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you sad."
I hold her head in my hands, my thumbs gently running over her cheek bones. "Don't apologize. I'm trying to get to you, Margo. I promise."
Her brows furrow. "Are you okay? Have your parents been... assholes?" She hesitates and I laugh.
I kiss her forehead. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
The light above us starts to flicker. On and off three times. "That's Marley. My sign to get out."
Margo sighs, looking down to stop me from noticing the tears welling in her eyes. I notice anyway. I notice everything she does. She's engraved in my mind and I need to get the fuck back here before I lose my mind without her.
"I'll be back," I assure her. She nods once and releases her tight grip on my hands.
"Tell Marley I love her, please." My heart softens at her love for her sister and I nod. We stare at each other a bit longer and I can't help myself.
"I love you. I'll see you soon." I kiss her forehead, something I've become obsessed with, and head back to the fence that Marley was able to unlock for me to get out.
Walking away from her was the hardest thing I've had to do this far into my life. The thought of her being alone on her birthday makes me sick inside, but there's not much I can do about it.
I walk around the large building and back to the parking lot when a smug Marley waits for me. Her smirk tells me that she knows I was successful in finding her sister.
"She says she loves you," I tell her quickly before I forget. Marley's eyes soften and she smiles. She looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath.
"Is she okay?"
"I think so. As okay as she can be in there. I've got to convince my parents to get me in there as soon as possible. She looked so sad," I rant. I swear I can feel a slight ache in my chest at the thought of Margo sleeping alone, as she always does, nothing but uncomfortable sheets and barred windows surrounding her.
Marley sighs. "Well I'm glad I found you. She sounded desperate on the phone."
I smile as we walk to the subway station. "I'm glad you found me, too."
~
Margo
~
Having a birthday in a psych ward isn't the typical experience of every seventeen year old, but here I am, growing older yet staying exactly the same. I feel like I am stuck in time. I have been since X entered my life.
Penny woke me around nine in the morning to take my morning meds and gave me a "special birthday breakfast" which was two pancakes, fruit, eggs, and orange juice. A few hours later she came back informing me I had visitors.
I pulled a gray hoodie over my old band tee and sluggishly walked over to the visitor's room. I sat at one of the round tables and waited for whoever was visiting me to walk in. I knew it was my family. If it was Collin, he would've told me he was coming.
Sure enough, my father and Marley waltz into the room. Marley has a wrapped present that looks like a stack of books and my father holds a bouquet of white roses. My mother is nowhere to be found. I force myself to crack a smile at them and hug them robotically as they tell me how much they've missed me.
I accept my father's roses and the kiss he plants on my cheek, though I hold so much resentment toward him, his affection still heals an unknown part of me.
"Where's dear mother?" I ask sarcastically, rolling my eyes. They chose to ignore my statement and dive into gift-giving. My sister hands me her present and I carefully unwrap it to find three new books stacked on top of each other. She bought me The Secret History by Donna Tartt, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and a book I'd never heard of titled The Bridge. I give her a big hug and thanked her.
My father tried to ignore the absence of my mother, but he could see it in my eyes that I needed to know.
"She's... not doing well. I think she's got the flu or something," he finally says to me. I roll my eyes. The flu. That's code for she's having a depressive episode. He'll never admit or acknowledge the truth behind my mother's behaviors. We've all just learned to tiptoe around it. Tiptoe around her. "She says happy birthday and that she loves you."
I try to smile, but it comes off more as a grimace. We have relatively awkward small talk before they tell me about X.
"They want you to testify that he's been stalking you," Marley says. "whatever Collin told the cops got them to believe
you."
Collin. My knight in shining grippy socks.
"Of course it takes a man telling them about X's harassment to believe me." I roll my eyes and focus on the trees blowing in the wind outside the window. This room has the only windows with a view that isn't obstructed by thick steel bars.
The trees are slowly dying and the sky is grey and cloudy, reflecting what I imagine my thoughts would look like if they could manifest into nature. These next few months are dark, dreary, and miserably cold, but something about it brings me comfort— like the rest of the world might feel my pain, too.
My father's deep voice breaks me from my daydreaming. "Your mother doesn't think it's wise to testify."
I scoff. "And what do you think, father?"
He sighs, looking down. "I think you will do what you want. You're eighteen now."
I'm shocked by his words, but not entirely. A part of me feels like now that I'm technically an adult, he will stop caring about me altogether.
"But what do you want me to do?" I ask, leaning forward. I want him to look at me.
He doesn't. "I want this families name to not be sprawled all over the papers for everyone to gossip about. I want you to get into a good college and get out of this city and leave X here with it. In your past." His honesty is exactly what I'd expected.
He wants me to put this behind me like it doesn't affect every inch of me. My past, my present, and my future are impacted by the decisions I made with X. I just want him to get what he deserves. Is that so selfish?
Marley stays quiet, her eyes soft with sympathy as she looks between us. "For what it's worth, I think you should testify. I don't care what the news says. You're the victim here. He's the one that should be embarrassed." Marley's words seem to arise something in my father as he looks at her, a thoughtful expression on her face.
He sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. "Whatever you choose, I'll be here for you, Margret." With that he stands, excusing himself to the bathroom.
Marley and I catch up on things like boys and drama at school. she doesn't have much to tell but insists on telling me how much she's likes Collin and how she thinks he's "the perfect man for me." I blushed but didn't offer her any indication that we were more than friends.
I still didn't really know what we were. I didn't want to make it seem like labels mattered to me, because they don't, but part of me felt pride in being called his girlfriend. It was something I never experienced with X.
Everything with Collin was something I never experienced. It's perfect and new and paralyzingly beautiful.
My father comes back and we say our goodbyes, awkward hugs and "i love you's" given.
Once I'm finally alone, I pick up one of the new books Marley got me and dive into a world that is much better than mine.
I don't want to think about my family or my birthday or X and his bullshit. I don't want to think of Collin because it will make me miss him. I don't want to think about anything real, so I read.
I read and read until my eyes are so hazy I simply can't hold them open any longer.