⚠️ Suggested Sexual Scenes/Discussion⚠️
Leah POV
Hearing Alex list off the things that made her love me was refreshing after such a long time of thinking that she didn't. I knew that she had love for me, but I didn't realise she was in love with me.
The rest of the day and night seemed to drag, when all I wanted was to climb into bed beside her and feel her wrap her arms around me. I watched as she chased the kids around the living room, then did the monster check for Finn, and helped Aoife clean her football boots. It was the little things.
As we headed to bed, Alex opened the door to the spare room, not wanting to overstep the boundaries. I tried to be okay with going to bed separately, but my heart was screaming at me to make the first move.
"I don't want you to sleep in there." I whispered.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Come to our bed, Al."
She followed me silently, and I couldn't help but be reminded of all those years ago when Aoife was just a baby. She clambered into the bed, looking back at me to check that it was still good with me, that I still wanted her here. I nodded, smiling down at her as I pulled the covers of my own side back and slipped in beside her.
"Night, Le." She whispered, turning to face me.
"Night, Al."
Our faces inched closer to one another, nothing rushed but both of us desperate for that feeling. The second I felt her lips against mine, my body relaxed, my heart beating faster than before. She let out the tiniest of moans, I knew it wasn't meant in a sexual way - more of an I've missed this way. We pulled away slowly, her hand finding mine as she placed a peck on the back of it and then brought it to her cheek.
"I love you, Le. Every part of you." She said softly.
"I love you."
It was hard to be here beside her and not want something more. If it wasn't for the fact I was recovering from surgery - and pregnant - I probably would've been on top of her right now, pulling at her clothes so I could feel the contact of our skin. I tried to distract myself, but the more I tried the more I realised she felt it too. She was restless, her fingers tracing along my thigh as the images of what could've been ran through our minds.
"Al?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really turned on." I chuckled through a whisper.
"Me too." She buried her head into my chest.
"I'm sorry that we can't - you know." I sighed.
"Stop that, I'm just happy I'm here with you, Le."
I wrapped my arms around her a little more, her knee falling into all the right places as my thighs clamped around it to make sure she couldn't move.
"Can we talk?"
"About what?"
I was hoping she would've realised.
"That." I breathed out.
"I'd like that."
She placed a delicate kiss onto my lips waiting for me to lead the way. We'd never had to do this before, well except on FaceTime but that was different. I guess we both assumed it would be different than it was. What was meant to be some kind of sexual conversation, was nothing but a conversation filled with love, history, and complete truthfulness. A different kind of intimacy.
"You haven't been with anyone else, have you?"
"No, Le. I only think about that with you."
"Think about it? Did you?" I smirked.
"Yes."
"Often?"
"More often than I'd like to admit." She chuckled, both of us still whispering.
"I did too. A lot."
I felt her breathing change, her hips moving slightly before she calmed herself.
"Did you - you know?" I asked, feeling like a horny teenager but not caring.
"Yes. Did you?"
"Yeah - yeah I did." I blushed.
"I wish I could've watched that."
"Yeah?" I asked, shifting against her leg slightly.
"Yeah, do you remember when that was all we could do for months on end? When I was on tour?"
"Yeah, Al. I loved that."
"Me too."
"Were you ever tempted? In those months we spent apart? All those dancers and backing singers around you. Was it hard?"
"Not once. I could never have done that. Were you - ever tempted?" She cleared her throat.
"No. Never. Well - Harriet obviously." I sighed.
"That was so long ago now. Back then, did you ever think we'd get to here?"
"I hoped we would, I thought it was too good to be true though. I always thought you would get too frustrated, cop off with someone. My heart knew you wouldn't, but my head said you would."
"Is that why you used to accidentally answer my FaceTimes in your underwear?" Alex smirked.
"Maybe... Do you remember the time you were super close and Ellie knocked your hotel door?"
"I hated her for like a week. Literally - she couldn't even look at me."
"I remember she text me - has something happened Alex is in really bad form."
"Yeah Ellie - you ruined my orgasm." She chuckled.
"I miss those times, you know. Obviously I'm glad you're here all the time now, but I miss how we used to be."
"We were still like that though, I don't know what happened. Just one night we were close for the last time." Alex sighed.
The last time?
"Yeah, I guess."
Alex moved her knee slightly, staring so intently into my eyes that I had to close them.
"For now." She chuckled.
"I really wish I could skip to then."
"What's gotten into you?"
"You!" I rolled my eyes, lifting the covers to expose her knee.
"My bad."
"You are a torture, you know that don't you?"
"That I do." She beamed.
There was something different about that night, that spark that had gone out between the two of us had returned, the laughter that we used to share was back, and it was a different kind of closeness, one that didn't need to result in anything more - even if we wanted it to.
"Le?" Alex whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
My heart.
"I love you."
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"So much, Al. So much it hurts."
Nothing else happened that night, just lazy kisses and soft I love yous. I couldn't feel anything but butterflies as I tried to drift off to sleep, Alex's breath causing goosebumps across my shoulder as she fell asleep wrapped around me, just like she used to.
I worried though.
I worried that it would be a one night thing, that tomorrow we would both pretend it hadn't happened. My worries were confirmed when I woke the following morning to a cold bed, and a lack of noise from downstairs letting me know that Alex and the kids had already left the house.
She's just doing the school run, Leah.
I couldn't even convince myself of that once I had checked the time. 10:42am. She would've been back by that time if she was coming home. I knew I had no tears left to cry, even if I wanted to. Instead I moved to the place I had taken comfort in during the months Alex was gone, her studio. Ignoring the toys dotted along the floor as I walked towards the desk, I smiled as I looked around the room and saw the awards, the handwritten lyrics of her first release, and that photo that took pride of place. That photo of us at the Brits when we had no idea I was pregnant. I took the vinyl record down from the wall, gently removing it from the sleeve and placing it onto the record player. Her voice filled the room as the music began, my lips moving to allow me to sing along almost at a whisper.
The road was miles ahead
It fell away, now I'm at the end
Just a sky, the fall, and you
Got holes in my parachute
So many questions in my head
Then you say
Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together
I don't care if we're gonna crash
It feels good when we go too fast
If we only have the night
Well it won't be a waste of time
I'm so brave, I come alive
When you say
Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Good things come to those who don't wait
For the right time, right place
Good things come to those who don't wait
For the right time, right time, right time
Right place
Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together
I had expected by the end of the song I would be crying, or at least tearful. I wasn't though. I was instead sat at the desk, chair turned to face the doorway, and Alex stood smiling back at me.
"I wrote that about you, you know." She whispered.
"I could never forget. Ever." I smiled.
"Hey, I got something for you."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Come see."
She held her hand out for me to take, waiting in anticipation as I walked towards her and interlocked our fingers. She placed a kiss on my cheek before walking me back downstairs and into the kitchen.
"It's on the island."
"A calendar?" I raised one eyebrow.
"No - well - yes. But not just a calendar!"
Her insecure and excited little smile was breaking my heart.
"It has dates inside - no - wait - that's wrong. It's a calendar, you know it has dates. It has plans inside."
"Plans?" I smiled, guessing where this was going.
"Yeah. For us - and the kids - but some just for us. We can't - eh - hang it up though." She chuckled.
"Why not?"
"It's not really - public viewing."
I chuckled as I began reading through the calendar. Alex had already input the next baby scan date, the due date, birthdays, anniversaries, even the dates of Aoife's matches. I studied it closely, noticing things like weekend away in a place of your choice, or night at the theatre dotted throughout.
And then I saw it, the heartiest laugh leaving my body as my eyes scanned her handwriting scribbled in a random Wednesday.
Alex is on tour, phone sex.
I looked up to find her half smirking, half laughing with her eyebrows raised slightly.
"Is this for me - or for you?" I chuckled.
"You - well I obviously benefit too - but - you said you missed it. So let's do it."
"But you won't be on tour, you'll be here." I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah - so - I haven't thought of the fine details yet - no - wait! I know. You can be upstairs, and I'll be downstairs. Okay - maybe it was a stupid idea." She said, deep in thought.
"I like it."
"You do?"
"Yeah. There would be something really hot about knowing you're just a few footsteps away but I can't have you. You know?"
"I know." She exaggerated.
"It's a date."
"That it is."
"It must've taken you ages filling this in, Al." I smiled.
"Yeah, I was sat in the car park in town trying to do it." She chuckled.
"I thought - maybe - last night. I thought maybe it had been too much, too soon for you."
She took a step towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist from behind and placing her hands on my baby bump, a kiss finding the tip of my shoulder.
"Last night was perfect, Le." She whispered.
"It was perfect for me too."
"I want that with you again, I just want it to be perfect. When you aren't still sore from surgery, or uncomfortable with the baby bump."
"I want it too, so much. I just don't want you to get bored waiting - I can -" I began before she cut me off with a kiss.
"I don't want it to be one sided. I can wait, I'll always wait for you."
"I'll always wait for you, Al." I whispered, kissing the tip of her nose.
We were back, Alex and Leah. But the best of times were yet to come.