The Meeting

It's My Turn

Leah spent the next few days looking after me. She didn't leave my side, was even more affectionate than usual and played music around the house from the minute we got up until the minute we went to bed. I knew she was trying to make me fall in love with music again but it just made me fall more in love with her. This was the side to Leah that no one got to see except me. Everyone else saw her game face, her Instagram post poses and her interview demeanour but I got to see Leah. My Leah.

After a few days of TLC from Leah, I knew I had to make an effort too. Leah had wanted me to meet up with her football teammates and I had denied her that opportunity, not purposely, but I had. I told Leah to organise another night for us all, she was apprehensive and explained that she didn't care about that anymore, she wanted me to be okay. It baffles me that Leah still doesn't realise that as long as she is there, everything is always okay.

We spent our night catching up with her teammates, Leah still looked like the proudest person in the room when she entered any kind of party with my hand linked to hers, just as I did. Anytime the conversation went back to my gigs, Leah would try to divert them. I knew she was on edge so I decided to just tell the room what was going on, leaving any issues between myself and Leah out of it. I had to be open about my thoughts, just as I had asked Leah to be. I had to be brave for her. I waited for the next opportunity, planning in my head what I was going to say.

"Don't you get bored travelling around on the bus all the time?" Ella asked.
"Hmm yeah. Not so much bored. I miss home a lot, I miss Leah. It's hard being away from her, especially as our schedules are overlapping a lot now. I guess when you're alone for extended periods of time, well by alone I mean without Leah, your mind plays tricks on you. You start to think maybe it isn't right. That's why I'm so lucky to have someone like Leah, she always knows what to say to keep reminding me how hard I've worked to get here." I said, smiling at Leah as I finished my truth.
"If you could see Leah's face when you perform, you'd know she won't ever let you give that up. I still remember the first time she brought us along to your gig. We all had to hug her because she kept crying about how amazing you are. It was tragic but I guess kind of cute too." Keira joked.

I felt better after the conversation. Knowing that Leah still had that proud look on her face as she watched me through online streams, even when we were apart, made me feel like I could do this again. I felt at ease knowing that the distance meant nothing when she was still cheering the loudest from miles across the world.

Once Leah and I had said our goodbyes, we headed home. Leah couldn't stop looking at me as I drove, playing with my hair and my fingers. She had appreciated me getting that off my chest as much as I had. We went home happier that night, happy that we had faced another milestone in our marriage together and had come out of it stronger. Just as we always did.

The night before I headed off for my final tour, Leah and I went out for dessert. We had recently found this little cafe that stayed open late on weekends to serve some of the best cake we had ever tasted. We walked back through the streetlights, hand in hand and everything felt right in the world. Leah stopped, just before we got to the front door.

"So." She started, slightly awkwardly.
"So?" I said, confused.
"I've kind of done something." Leah said, reminding me that she was still the person who did things and then believed she may have made a mistake.
"Which is?" I said, leading her into the house.
"If it's the wrong thing, you have to tell me okay?" She said, her hands shaking slightly. I hadn't seen Leah like this since we got engaged.
"Of course, what is it?" I said, eager to find out what had got her so nervous.
"I may have booked us into the clinic. I'm not pushing you or anything like that. It's just a consultation to see what the process is and things like that. I thought while you were away, it would give you something to look forward to. Something to know that your time away from home wasn't going to make me think that we couldn't do this." She said, patiently awaiting my response.
"Thee clinic?" I said, making a rocking baby motion with my arms.
"Yes. Was it a stupid idea?" She said, raising her eyebrows slightly.

I didn't say anything, I simply jumped into her arms and squeezed her. She laughed slightly before I leaned back to rest my forehead against hers.

"What date do we go?" I asked, gently pecking her lips through the smile that was plastered all over my face.
"8th May, it's 112 days." She laughed, that was the same day I returned.
"111 days in exactly 2 hours and 47 minutes." I said whilst kissing her.

She walked me to the sofa, my legs still wrapped around her waist. As she sat down, I kept my legs where they were so I could sit facing her on her lap. She ran her hands through my hair, smiling at me as I talked about the different things I had read on the internet and which type of birth I thought was best. She just kept smiling at me, looking at me with that same loving look she had in her eyes in the pool hours before she had proposed.

"You could've been a midwife if you hadn't become a singer, with all this information." Leah playfully spoke.
"Becoming a singer meant I met you though. It's what I'm good at. I don't ever want to not be a singer, Le. I just lost myself a little bit but you didn't let me." I said, wanting her to know that I had appreciated it.
"I won't ever let you lose yourself, Alex." Leah spoke as she leaned forward to place a soft kiss on my lips.

Leah and I struggled to fall asleep that night. Despite both being tired, neither of us wanted to waste a single second that we had left together before our months apart. We talked about the appointment, our plans for the future, we spoke about missing each other and we talked over memories that we had made in the past.

"Do you remember on the plane to London after that first day you said looked for me?" I asked her as she ran her fingers across my back.
"Yes. Always." Leah smiled.
"That's me every time I'm on stage. I always look for you in the crowd even though I know you aren't there. I pick a box with no one in it, pretend you're there and every now and again I sing in the direction of it when I get nervous or feel like I'm not performing well enough." I said.
"I do the exact same when you aren't in the crowd at my matches, Alex." Leah replied as the two of us laughed at our similarities.

Eventually, at some late hour of the morning, the two of us fell asleep. Leah had my body wrapped into her arms, her stomach pressed into my back and her lips brushing against my shoulder. I felt my eyes began to flutter to the feeling of Leah's breath on my skin and nothing in the world could diminish my happiness in that moment.

As I headed off to tour the next morning, Gavin had to physically peel me away from Leah. I was like a kid that didn't want to leave their parents but I didn't care. Leah wiped my tears, as I wiped hers, and gave me the most delicate kisses around my face and neck.

"I'll see you in 111 days." She smiled.
"110 days in 11 hours and 57 minutes." I smiled back, referencing my response to her clinic news the previous night.
"You are adorable. Make sure someone records them introducing you as Alex Ryan-Williamson for the first time, okay?" Leah said, her eyes lighting up as she talked of me having her surname.
"I promise. I love you." I said, placing one last peck on her lips.
"I love you more." Leah smiled.

As I boarded the bus with Lydia, I forced the busman to open the bus doors one last time so I could shout I love you again. Leah just laughed and shouted it back. I ran to the back of the bus to open the window and slip my hand out to wave as we drove off, knowing I had said bye in every way possible.

I decided to post on Instagram, much to Lydia's concern. She eventually approved of the decision. I picked out some of my favourite pictures of the Christmas break. A few family ones from Christmas, one of Milo running through the park, one of Leah and I in our Christmas pyjamas, one of Leah and I on New Year's Eve and one of us in the dessert cafe the night before.

AlexRWilliamsonMusic:

I keep thinking that life with you can't get any better but then you change my mind.