The Meeting

Lydia

The next two days were extremely busy, I hadn't thought this quick turnaround through when I had agreed the dates with Gavin. I also didn't know that I would be battling between two hearts when I agreed. My time was spent in rehearsals, trying to put a show together in the little time we had. Grace was coming to my show tonight, I couldn't pick her up but I had organised a car for her and despite the usual routine for first gig of the tour drinks, I had informed everyone that I wouldn't be attending as I knew I needed to speak with Grace.

Leah knew I had received the letter, she had sent the package recorded delivery. I appreciated that despite knowing I had received it, she hadn't contacted me, giving me the time and speech I needed to reply but I couldn't help thinking about her patiently waiting for me to make a decision or at least say thank you.

I always had pre show nerves but today was something else. I had forgotten the lyrics to three of my songs during rehearsals, I couldn't eat and I was getting irritated at the band for absolutely no reason. Well, to them it was for no reason.

Lydia took me to the artist room, locking the door behind her and gesturing me to sit on the sofa.

"What's going on, Alex? Don't tell me it's pre show nerves. You're acting really weird and when have you ever forgotten the words to the songs you have written?" Lydia asked, she sounded concerned and I knew I needed to tell someone.

Growing up, Lydia had been the one to tell me everything straight. She was the person I would go to when I needed the truth, no matter how hard it was to stomach.

I first met Lydia when I started getting the bus to school. Our houses were on the same street so we would walk to the bus stop together in the mornings. Lydia was one of the smartest people I had ever met, she always finished with the highest grades in every class we had. The teachers loved her and by the time we started sixth form, the school encouraged her to apply for Oxford/Cambridge.

The one problem with this was that to get in, Lydia had to sit an interview at the university and despite being the brains of our group, Lydia struggled massively with her confidence. She was rejected from both universities after the interview stage. I often wondered if the universities knew the impact of their selection process, the impact it had on 17 year olds who were just starting out in adulthood.

Lydia's parents were like my own, they were happy for her to do whatever made her happy so when she decided to take a gap year they were fine with it. We travelled a lot during her gap year, putting together the money I made from gigs and the money she made from her tutoring to save up for plane tickets and cheap hostels.

Our time travelling gave Lydia the confidence she needed to decide that attending university wasn't something she wished to do, instead she studied a part time online degree.

Lydia would be the brains behind my earliest gigs, she would spend time researching the audiences of each venue that were willing to let me play and managed all of my social media. I don't think Lydia thought she was doing much at the time, but on reflection she was the reason that we were at the gig where we first met Gavin. Maybe that was life shifting in their direction to bring them together and I just got lucky that Gavin happened to be who he was.

As I sat in this overly decorated room with Lydia, my thoughts were more cluttered than the walls. I knew what I wanted to say but how do I tell her that I'm stuck between two people? How do I say that my heart doesn't know what it wants?

"I'm not even sure where to start Lyds."
"Okay, I'll ask you questions and if you don't want to answer them you can have a free pass for one." She said.
"One? That's a bit miserable but I'll go with it. I don't fancy arguing with you." I joked.
"Is it Grace?" She asked.
"Yeah. Kind of." Which was true.
"Have you two had a falling out?" She spoke softly, treading carefully.
"No, we are fine. Well we aren't fine but we are okay." I said, which made no sense at all but made sense at the same time.
"You are confusing. Has this got anything to do with Leah?" Typical Lydia, always knowing what is going on.
"Yes. I asked her for closure and I kind of got more than I bargained for. I don't know what to do Lyds, I am so confused." With this, I began to cry.

Lydia immediately threw her arms around me, letting me cry into her chest for as long as it took for me to settle. Every time someone knocked the door she would shout an aggressive go away, followed by a friendly please. I explained to Lydia that Leah had been going through a rough time and she thought she would be burdening me if she told me. I explained that she still held such a huge part of my heart and that I was worried if I didn't follow it I would regret it in the future. I also explained that Grace was the perfect girlfriend. She was everything that someone could dream of having, the sort of partner that never left you second guessing.

"Do you ever think maybe you and Grace just haven't been tested yet?" Lydia asked.
"What do you mean?" I knew what she meant but I didn't know what she was referring to.
"Well, you and Leah met when you were just known just around here. Overnight, you became someone that a lot of people knew. You started touring the world and had a rapidly growing fan base. Overnight you went from just being Leah's to being the world's. That was a massive test so early on in your relationship. But you and Grace, you met whilst you have been on a break. You had all the time in the world to spend with her. When she met you, she knew you were constantly getting the attention of others, she didn't have to adapt to that. It's an easier story, if you get me." Lydia was completely right, as usual.
"Thank you Lyds, you don't know it but you have really helped. I better go and apologise to the band and maybe read over my lyrics before Gavin literally kills me." I said, giving her a smile to let her know I was feeling better.
"Wait! One last question. Who are you going to choose?" She asked, patiently waiting for my reply.
"One pass you said... Pass!" I said, running out of the room before she had a chance to shout at me.