The drive to Connor's place was quiet. Connor and I stayed in the back of the car, occasionally exchanging awkward glances with each other. To say that we weren't slightly embarrassed about the cheek-kissing situation would be a lie. I tried my best not to get too worked up about it, but I probably failed to do so. It wasn't as if I could just forget it, and I was making it very obvious. I could tell that that was making Connor uncomfortable, too.
As soon as the car pulled over on the side of the street next to Connor's house, where I decided on staying the night, Connor opened his door as quickly as possible. I stepped out the same door after him, and looked down at the curb. I was reminded of the event over a month and a half ago, where I picked up a crying Connor. I immediately shake my head of such a thought, because it is overwhelming to think of that very sad night.
Connor immediately pulled me over to the stairs that lead down to his room once we got into his house. I didn't think to question his urgency; instead, I just went with it. It seemed that Connor was a person that you really shouldn't question because he knows what is up.
We got to his room after a shit ton of running and stumbling down the stairs. At one point, I was certain that I was going to be falling down them. I sat down on his bed, and he joined me. I was out of breath because of the previous activity, and Connor sat in front of me, smirking. "You okay, there?" That was the first thing he said in a while.
I tried to regain my breath, and swallowed before saying, "Yep." It was an awful squeaking sound that did not help my embarrassment.
Fortunately, Connor just laughed. Unfortunately, Connor kept laughing. It wasn't that funny, but I guess after a long, active day, things seem much funnier. I only know that because of the nights that I stay up until four, I can be very much the same way.
I watched in amusement as Connor fell back so that his back was on the bed. He kept laughing until tears came to his eyes. It seemed like the laughter was rubbing off, because shortly after, I was joining him. I didn't even know why I was laughing, and I bet that Connor didn't either. Sometimes, I think you need to just let it happen.
Once we got control over ourselves again, I sighed and said, "You were really good, Connor." I was actually sort of nervous about coming across as too strong for him, but then I remembered it was Connor that I was speaking to. That kid never had a filter when he spoke, so why did I have to live in fear of saying the wrong thing?
He grabbed the medal that he got (it was still hanging around his neck) and looked down at it. After staring at it for a long time, he responded with, "Yeah, I did." I think it was the way he said it-soft and in thought-that caused me to start laughing again. He immediately joined, and for the second time in those ten minutes, we laughed until our chests hurt.
Eventually, Nicola came running in the room. I saw her first reaction at us was worry, but once seeing that we were perfectly safe, she put on the most amused face I have ever seen. I found her expressions towards the wreck that we were even funnier than the entire situation. This caused even more laughter.
"You two need sleep!" She said with a happy tone of voice.
After calming down, I realized just how exhausted I was. I could hardly imagine what it would be like for Connor, whom just had a big competition. He must've been a zombie!
"Dad wanted me to tell you that supper is ready if you guys want. He wasn't so sure," Nicola said, still standing in the door way awkwardly.
I watched Connor shrug before saying, "I was just going to order pizza or something. You can tell him, though, that I appreciate the thought." It confused me how he said that statement. The words were very polite and collected, but he said them through spite and hatred, almost like he couldn't care about his dad's feelings; almost as if his hopes were to hurt him.
Nicola nodded, and left the room, leaving just me and Connor's crazy and unstable souls by themselves. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not after the laughing fits we just had.
"Is pizza okay?" He asked me, dead serious. I looked like him like he was fucking with me. Why the hell would pizza not be okay? Under what occasion would someone in their right mind refuse pizza?
Connor didn't stop looking at me with seriousness. Finally, I just resorted to giving him a straight-forward response. "Of course," I said, making sure that he got the memo correctly.
Connor looked at me with lost eyes. He looked almost unresponsive; it was like he was zoned-out. I was confused by this, but after a couple of seconds and a shake of his head, he went back to his regular self. He smiled and yawned before saying, "Sorry, I am just so tired." He fell over, placing his head on my lap. I had no idea how to react in that situation, but I let it happen.
After a couple of minutes, I could tell that he was starting to fall asleep. Before he could, however, I whispered, "What about the pizza?"
Without moving his head, and with a giggle, he grabbed his phone from his back pocket and said, "They're on speed-dial."
As I was ordering, I asked Connor what he wanted. He told me that he liked pepperoni and green peppers, which I found odd. I told him that I wanted pineapple, my favorite topping, and we decided to compromise by getting an extra-large pepperoni and pineapple pizza with green peppers. I could hear the doubt in the pizza-man's voice as he said, "Are you sure about that?" That was one thing I hated about calling the pizza place; it meant I had to deal with people. Usually, I would just order online, but Connor insisted that I called in.
After what felt like forever, I finally finished the phone call. I sighed and laid my back on the bed. At this point, I was almost certain that Connor was asleep, still on my lap. It was so silent in his tiny room. The only prominent noise I could hear was his little breathes in and out. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of his chest rising and falling next to me. It was then that I thought, Man, this is a silly life.
It really was a silly life. Every little thing that went wrong proved that it was worth it in the end. If Connor hadn't gone through that 'rough-patch' with his parents, than I wouldn't have been at his place, ordering us an extra-large pizza.
Life was and still is just really pointless. The worst things happen to the best people, because the plot of their lives depends on the stupidity of it all. That might not make much sense, but it did to me. If I always saw Connor like he was obnoxious, rude, and over-confident like I did before I truly met him, I would've never had the ability to compare myself to him. In my mind, he was too good for me. I thought that there was no way in hell that I could talk to him. It wasn't after he got hurt that I realized that he is just like me; he has emotions, and sees the world just as I do. It kind of sounds malicious to say this, but his hurting, helped me realize that it is okay to want more for me. It is okay to compare myself to overly-confident people because if I see myself that way, others will, too.
That rant is what I like to call the 'thoughts of a tired person'.
In a short time later, Nicola came down yelling, "Connor! The pizza is here!" I felt Connor jolt awake as Nicola came barging into the room. After waking, he fell back onto my lap and rubbed his eyes with his fists like a little kid. He yawned and repositioned himself. I sat up, and looked at Nicola. "As cute as this scene is, you shouldn't keep him waiting."
Connor groaned and said, "Ugh, fine." Sleepily, he got up and found his wallet, bringing it to me. I could tell that he was implying that he wanted me to go get the pizza for him. I laughed, but took the wallet anyways. I realized that it was clear that our friendship was becoming something stronger, because he literally gave me his wallet. Who knew what I could with something like that?
I hurriedly ran up the stairs. Opening his front door, the first thing I could acknowledge was the smell of our pizza. I sighed, and looked up at the faceless person. Without hesitation, I gave him a twenty from Connor's wallet. He gave me my change, and I thanked him. I took the pizza out of his hands about as fast as I could without looking impolite. I closed the door and ran down the stairs. I had no clue how hungry I was until I heard my stomach growling at the smell that was being blown into my face.
I stepped into Connor's room. He looked super tired, but when he caught sight of the pizza, his eyes widened in alertness. His head was still on the bed, and I could tell it wasn't moving anywhere. I placed the box on the middle of the bed, and for the entire couple minutes, we sat in silence and just ate. There wasn't even a tiny bit of conversation, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
-
At about eleven, Connor and I decided to surf Netflix for a while. We were just lying on his bed, with his laptop in between us. I paused the show and looked at him. "Hey, do you want some water or anything? I am going to get some pop and I know you don't like pop very much."
He nodded, too tired to say anything more. With that, I got up and walked out the room. I pulled my phone out, and turned the light on. It illuminated everything so I could see everything without running into something. I slowly and quietly climbed up the stairs, trying my best not to wake anyone up.
I got to the kitchen and easily found the kind of stuff I was looking for. I grabbed a Cola and a bottle of water from the fridge, once again careful not to make too much noise. Despite it only being eleven, it seemed that the entire house was sleeping.
As I was walking back to Connor's room, I walked right by his parent's room. I saw that the door was open just an inch, letting all of the light out. I heard some mumbling that I normally would've dismissed, but I knew they were talking about something worth importance.
"You should've seen Connor today," I heard his mom say. I hated the idea of eavesdropping, but I could tell that this was a conversation worth listening to.
Connor's dad just huffed as if he didn't even want to hear it. I heard some shuffling and could tell that she was getting progressively closer and closer to him. "And his friend, Troye, is actually super nice." I guess that I could've taken that as a compliment, but I was too invested in the conversation to fawn over her words. "I think you should give it a chance."
That statement got me confused. At first, it seemed like Connor's mom did not like the idea of having a gay son, but this person was completely the opposite. I had always made her out to be someone that wasn't assertive and didn't care enough, but she was proving me the opposite. For the past couple of weeks, I had been pissing myself in fear that something bad happened, but hearing her start to open up to the idea caused me to realize that Connor was in the right place; this could become his home again.
"No." That was literally all his dad could say. My heart sank with disappointment, and also guilt. I could tell that this conversation was heading into something private, and it would be invasive for me to stay. Yet I ignored that feeling, deciding to stay a little longer.
"You should've seen him," She said patiently and softly. "Remember when you first tried to get him to wrestle? He was so determined, and even though he didn't like it, he tried. He wanted to make you proud... What I am trying to say is that he has always been this way, whether we knew it or not. Even in those moments of wanting to make you proud, he was gay, and that doesn't make him any less than us. Today was the exact same thing; he was so happy and proud. There is nothing different about him, Peter. I want you to learn to how to love him again, because neglecting is no better than homosexuality."
I left after she finished. I didn't want to hear his pessimistic words after such a speech.
I came back to the room, only greeted by a snoring Connor. I spent a couple more minutes on Netflix, but it didn't take long for me to fall asleep, too. All of the seconds before leading up to slumber, I kept thinking about how this entire mess was all going to be okay.
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Dedicated to @olddirtymuser! Jennifer is like my favorite person ever <3 Thanks for sticking around, loving, and commenting on this story! (Literally, your comments are life!)