Sam frowned as he came to consciousness, blinking his dark eyes open with a groan as he became face to face with Pietro whose wide eyes were too close to his liking. The man was grinning, looking slightly too cheerful to see Sam awake.
First thing Sam noticed was the windswept white hair, then he was reminded of his injuries as a wave of pain passed through his shoulder and he closed his eyes again, hoping once he opened them again there wouldn't be an annoying speedster staring down at him. It was too much to hope for because the Maximoff boy's pale face still snickered down at him.
"I think he's starting to wake up." He liked the twins but Pietro's energy was on another level crazy, especially when it was uncalled for.
"Was about damn time." Bucky grumbled from somewhere in the room. Sam tried to push Pietro back a little, he seemed to be oblivious to ones personal space, or maybe he just didn't care.
"Well, good morning sleeping beauty!" the young man beamed down at him as he leaned back a bit, giving Sam the breathing space he so craved.
"Ugh, what happened?" Sam croaked out, his throat as dry as Sahara desert. He wasn't sure he remembered correctly, had his previous mission been chatting in the living room with the super duo? Was Fury aware of it? Was Natasha? It had been her mission after all.
"You wrestled with a dog, you can guess who lost." Pietro said teasingly, sitting down on one of the chairs next to Sam's bed. He kicked the plastic chair back a little, trying to balance it as he leaned back too much but not enough to fall over.
Bucky grumbled unhappily as he leaned against the wall, the evening sun lighting up the cold room, the golden hue making it look just a little bit happier. Sam looked up through half-lidded eyes, the pain medication doing its work as he felt slightly woozy. Though his mind was just as sharp as ever as he recalled the events leading up to him being in med bay.
"Did someone just turn into Jacob Black in our living room?"
Pietro snorted, happy with his masterful balancing skills as he closed his eyes and basked in the warm sun, all injuries he or others had gotten were long healed by now.
"Try hairy Remus Lupin instead."
"Enough you two." Bucky snapped, pushing away from the wall as he went to stand next to Pietro who had kicked his legs up onto Sam's bed.
"You two obviously have some history. What did you do?" He asked Sam who was starting to look more awake with each passing second.
"Why do you think I did anything?" Sam rolled his eyes, pushing himself up with a quiet hiss.
"So you're saying he just decided to make minced meat out of you for no reason at all?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, looking bemused. Pietro had cracked one eye open, looking curiously at the two. He was mostly oblivious to the whole situation still, it wasn't like he saw much of Steve around and Bucky was definitely not someone to share anything. In fact, he had pretty much tried to toss Pietro out and tell him to bugger off, but if Pietro Maximoff set his mind on something, there was no stopping him. And in this current situation, he really wanted to know what the drama was about. Well, he knew it involved another – and apparently a pretty hairy – superhuman.
"He was our mission, Fury cancelled it not long ago. I can see now why."
Bucky grunted at the answer, he would rather not be there, but if Sam knew anything Steve didn't, they had to know.
Sam continued, "That was... Steve's brother?" he asked hesitantly, ignoring Pietro who seemed to choke on air at the question. Bucky's silence was an answer on it's own, making Sam sigh heavily as he realized how serious the whole situation really was.
"You got a file on him?"
"I got a lot more than just a file, Bucky. I got his journals. At least, I think they are his."
Pietro waved both of his hands, trying to catch their attention again. "Pardon me but Steve Rogers has a brother?! Why am I the last person to know? Wait, how old is the guy?"
Bucky merely glanced at him, ignoring the questions as he turned back to Sam.
"I need everything you got. We know things but there are big chunks missing that don't add up. Steve's too busy with him to really go through it all right now, I'll have a look." Pietro let out an unhappy sound from the back of his throat, slouching in the chair.
"How are you feeling Sam? do you need anything, Sam? How's your shoulder that nearly got bitten off, Sam?" Sam muttered bitterly, rolling his eyes at the glare that was sent his way. It was bone chilling but he would never admit that.
"Fine, fine. Last I heard Barton had them, he might have taken them to property room in SHIELD already. "
"And how did you meet Will again?" Bucky asked, circling back to the question he had already asked. Sam got slightly hesitant, it wasn't one of his proudest moments for sure. Pietro kept silent as his eyes danced between the two curiously, the air in the room had definitely gotten colder.
"Well, there was this one time in one of the HYDRA bases and after a funeral..."
"Whose funeral?"
"A vet by the name of Jonathan Lawford. Everything should be in the reports Barton was supposed to hand over."
There was a moment of tense silence between the two while Pietro was just trying to put the pieces together.
"You ambushed your target while they were attending a funeral?" Sam winced at the question, he knew it had been an awful plan but they had grown desperate.
The silence spoke volumes, Bucky turned to leave but stopped and stared down at Pietro who raised both of his hands.
"And you, you were never here, never heard anything. Keep your nose out of it."
And with that, the Winter Soldier left the room and Pietro felt as if he could breathe again, even Sam seemed to be a little more at ease now.
"Man, someone really needs a vacation. Do you think he would enjoy a trip to Hawaii? Or wouldn't it fit his chilly aesthetic?"
Will had finally figured out what Steve was to him - a familiar stranger. He wasn't sure if a term like that actually existed, but even if it didn't before, it does now.
Looking at him, he was all old in the colour of new, an old soul stuck in a body of a man who didn't mirror the age he was. A stranger on the outside, but it was the details that brought back the familiarity. For example, the sighing. Steve always sighed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders again and again, pushing him down but the enhanced strength forced him to endure it.
And the small splash of green in his eyes. Now, Will didn't think he'd ever really paid attention to anyone's eyes, but the contrast of green against blue just brought back the phantom smells of sugar cookies, moldy blankets and ash from old fireplace.
He was still a bit sore from the wounds but he barely acknowledge them, it seemed to bother others more than it did him.
"Sam's doing okay, woke up a few days ago."
William scowled, he had secretly hoped for the second outcome but he supposed he should feel relieved that Steve's friend wasn't dead. It had been a few days since, and he realized they didn't much want to talk about it before.
After all, Will wanted to break the cycle, wanted to do better. And if it meant he shouldn't kill Sam - although he definitely deserved his wrath - then so be it. But the man better sleep with one eye open.
"In fact, do you think you'd want to meet him?"
Will halted his petting, his fingers freezing in Dog's dark fur who was in a deep slumber next to him. They were lounging in the living room, the midday sun casting a warm halo over half of the room.
"He told you, didn't he."
Steve looked startled, raising his eyebrows slightly and clearing his throat as to compose himself. He stuffed his hands into the large grey hoodie he was wearing, trying to burrow himself deeper into the soft couch. He looked tired.
"Somewhat, I was hoping you'd tell me more."
Will wished Bucky was there with them, he wasn't sure where the man was, but he supposed he had a life to live. Steve on the other hand, did not give him much room to breathe. It was as if he was always hovering somewhere, keeping him company, sitting with him in the silence, offering to order food and lounge in the living room and watch TV. Watching TV was sort of bothering Will, he could never tell what was realistic and what wasn't, he couldn't really tell what things were possible in this day and age and what wasn't.
"It isn't your business." He didn't say it in anger or annoyance but as a fact. Whatever Sam and his peers had done wasn't Steve's problem, so why should he involve himself?
Steve sighed again, throwing his legs off the armrest and straightening his back slightly as he seated himself comfortably, angling his body away from the TV and towards Will.
"But it is my business Will. Now that you are here with me, I want you to make it my business, too. You're not alone in this anymore, and I know it's not easy to trust me Will, but know that whatever secrets you hide, I'll be right here, no matter what." His shoulders were slightly hunched, his eyes telling nothing but truth as they stared at William.
"We are only related by blood now, our history is exactly that, history. You and I, we are on two different sides. You have always been good, and we both know that whatever I did even back then, was far from that."
He left somethings unsaid, like the fact that he didn't feel like a brother to Steve, he thought that Bucky might be a better brother to him than Will.
He felt like he was dangling on an edge, one side of it was uncertain, a path that Steve followed. one that entailed him to be honest and just. But the more he thought about it, the more Will wanted to take a step back and fall into the old cycle where everything felt familiar. Sometimes thinking for himself made his head hurt, sure, the freedom was nice and refreshing. But relationships were complicated, in the past, they used to be black and white with no grey areas. But this felt still too complicated, there was too much freedom in the choices he was given.
"I don't believe that. We can make it better, I can make it better if you let me. This world has changed, and people with it. I sure as hell didn't understand it in the beginning and some things I still don't, but I can help. I'm sorry we've locked you in this pace, but doesn't it feel at least a little safer? You're not on your own, you've got food, a room that's only yours, you don't have to stand on guard anymore. And even if you feel like you have to be, let me take over every once in a while so you can rest. I don't think you were granted much of that before."
Will frowned, staring at the floor. He was right about that, it did feel a bit good to be in a place like this without worrying where the next hit came from. Granted he was still waiting for that hit.
"I am here only for you, to get to know you again. Whatever you did back then wasn't your choice, Will. I'm never going to judge you for that, in fact, no one has the right to judge you for things you didn't have control over, okay?"
His voice softened in the end, making William almost uncomfortable as his own eyes flickered between the floor and Steve's gentle gaze.
William had learned to let words wash over him easily, he had learned how to tune out the noise and make himself not feel. But Steve... his words felt so genuine that somehow they managed to slowly and gently get through the tough steel walls Will had built to protect himself.
"But Steve I-" his voice broke and he clamped his mouth shut, tensing all over to glare at the floor. Suddenly it took everything to push back the onslaught of emotions that threatened to drown him. Dog perked up, raising her head from his lap as she inched closer, almost half way laying on top of him.
Silence passed between them, Steve giving him a moment to gather himself as he seemed to struggle with his emotions.
"It's okay, Will."
"But it isn't!" he finally turned towards him, but gone was the guarded cold look in his eyes. There was so much anguish that swept through the cracks. Finally Steve could see the raw, honest emotions that pooled in the corner of those icy blue eyes, melting the glacier there just a little.
"It isn't, it isn't okay! I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be alive. I- I deserve it, don't you see?! You saw me, Steve. You saw the crazed beast, I'm dangerous! I've slaughtered, I've burned and tortured and- and just done horrible things. I- I should be dead. Just- just let me- Steve just let me-." he was mumbling, stumbling over his words as he tried to make sense of things he said but really, couldn't. It was as if he was running a marathon and couldn't catch up with his mind. The broken words turned into an incoherent mumble that made his eyes sting and chest heave. His hands got tangled in dark fur, eyes anxiously glancing left and right, unable to focus on anything but the sound of his own heart.
And then he broke.
Shameful tears stung his eyes, uncomfortable knot forming in his throat as he tried to push it back but knew it was already too late. A wave of emotions crashed though him, finally breaking free from the chains he had kept them in.
William Everett Rogers crumbled into a mess of emotions he couldn't decipher.
He hunched over Dog, using her as an escape from Steve. Sure he couldn't really escape, but he could pretend just for a moment. He hid his face, screwing his eyes shut and biting hard on his tongue to keep the embarrassing sobs at bay. And for once, he really pitied himself. What was he now but a sad man trying to keep up a façade that he could get through it. Whatever it was.
He's been hiding for a very long time. He was forced to build this imaginary wall and hide his darkest fears and insecurities behind it. There were holes in his mind, some that would never be filled with memories again, but realizing that everything he's gone through was finally boiling over just hurt.
No matter how hard he tried, he could not stop the tears again as they freely ran down his ghostly pale cheeks and sunk into the midnight fur.
The couch sunk as Steve sat on the other side, carefully sliding his hands around Will's shoulders. When he didn't get a hostile reaction back, he pulled the younger man away from the dog who scattered up immediately. Steve wrapped his large hands around Will and pulled his head into the crook of his neck, cradling the back of his head gently as he slid his calloused fingers through Williams outgrown blonde strands in a calming manner.
Dog refused to stay away as she almost tossed herself on Steve's lap as well, trying to nuzzle her upset owner.
"There, there. You're going to be just okay, Will."
He was an awful person, already as a young kid he was known to be mischievous. There was nothing good running through his veins, no sense of honour or justice. He had always been selfish, and where had it gotten him? Brainwashed and abused, that was the ugly truth. He didn't know himself, couldn't accept the fact that he was so broken he couldn't even function like a normal person anymore.
He really didn't feel like this age and century could offer him a fulfilling life, pain would always follow him. The ghosts of his past would surface once moon rose, the guilty consciousness would let itself be felt in the middle of a crowded park, the pain of remembering the death of old friends would be salt to wounds unable to heal. His restless mind was on overdrive, not knowing how to deal with the rush of emotions that are surfacing now after all these years.
The feeling of strong fingers skimming through his mess of a hair was what finally grounded the younger Rogers again. He heard the sniffing of Dog as she tried to wiggle herself closer, trying to drown out the sadness. Steve's hushed whispers prevented him from spiralling again. A lot of his words fell on deaf ears but the steady timber of his quiet voice rumbling through his chest felt like a wave of calm as it soothed William.
"Things will be okay, you'll see. I will be here now, right next to you. And your dog will be here, too. We'll figure it out together, I promise you Will, I promise."
In that moment, Will felt awfully small and pathetic as he revelled in the arms of his older brother and the warmth he emitted. He didn't open his eyes for a long time, pretending he was the small kid from Brooklyn and Steve was there, putting another band-aid on a scraped knee once again.
Hi guys, here I am, bringing you another chapter after being away for a while. Hope you enjoyed it! 💚
Missed you all lots!
Stay safe
- just another author